Thanks, but No Thanks

Posted 10-23-2014 at 01:15 AM by kittenlyss
Updated 01-17-2015 at 06:14 PM by kittenlyss

Written for my friend, Rex (she has trouble reaching the keyboard)

"Hello Very Special Person,
You have reached Your Personal Vend-A-Kink Machine.

For a serious response, please press #1
For a super serious, no like for real, I'm being totally serious, please you need to press #2
For a soft and gentle response, please press #3
For a listing of our available services, please press #4

1While I'm flattered that you've displayed interest in my person... To avoid any further communication on the subject (which is bound to be horribly uncomfortable for you) I have compiled a short list as to why I will not partake:
1) I don't want to.
Have a great day!*

2valley girl voice OMG! I opened my account today, like, as soon as I got off work. Like, literally, the minute I got off work and I saw your friend request, like, right away, and I was like, oH mY gaWWD! I just couldn't believe that you, like, picked me! I feel like we're, like, already best friends. I mean, this is probably like, the coolest thing to happen to me this whole year. Like, literally. /end valley girl voice

3Thank you for the friend request. I am genuinely interested in making friends here. It's just that I'm a rather private person and I prefer to reserve clicking that little friend box until I'm actually friends with someone. Word of advice, next time send someone a message, introduce yourself, tell them what drew you to contact them (but don't be crude), maybe just have a normal conversation.

4
If you are looking for someone to cross your bridge, please press #1
If you are looking for a dare, please press #2
If you are looking for a slave, please press #3
If you are looking for a dominant (or just someone to watch you), please press #4
If you are looking for pictures of boobs, please press #5
If you are looking for penises, please press #6
If you are looking for love, please press #7
If you are looking for advice on anything at all, please press #8
If you are looking for jerk-off instructions, please press #9

We hope you have enjoyed your visit today. Thank you for coming, please feel free to stay away.

*This response has been modified to suit our purposes. Credit goes to SleepingBruisey for original wording.

Posted in Randomness from my brain

Views 3138 Comments 10

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Total Comments 10

Comments

Haha, thank you, you made me laugh alot

Posted 10-23-2014 at 02:25 AM by Jah Brother
Very good well done I am sure every get dare lady will be getting one installed

Posted 10-23-2014 at 03:17 AM by LondonDom
*giggles*
This is hilarious!
Also, sign me up.

Posted 10-23-2014 at 05:12 AM by eivins

	I love this kitten that is almost exactly how I pictured the TRex with boobs when it was initially mentioned if only she was pink... and where are the glitter nipple tassels?
	Posted 10-23-2014 at 05:42 AM by Shadowice

Quote:

Originally Posted by shadowice0823

I love this kitten that is almost exactly how I pictured the TRex with boobs when it was initially mentioned if only she was pink... and where are the glitter nipple tassels?

I just want to add to this (having no idea who Rex was previously) that I would have expected her to have more.... glitter

Also who isn't looking for boobies!?! I just choose to get mine from this "internet" place. Its great there are all sorts of things not just boobies. There are a few locations you may get stuck looking at pretty things and need help to escape but I assure you there are boobies on there.

Posted 10-23-2014 at 07:31 AM by Ly Ph Ly Ph is offline

I gotta say Ly Ph, boobs pics made specially for you are way better for one reason or another.

Posted 10-23-2014 at 08:21 AM by Jah Brother
*presses 4*

*presses 5*

*Waits...*

Posted 10-23-2014 at 08:22 AM by Alexis Rune

	Kittenlyss: you are the queen. And I will be snagging portions of this when I get a chance to sit down and draft my replies to random friend requests. And random messages too I think. The really articulate ones, that consist of 'wil u dom mee hav cam pls' (have mercy, that was painful to type).
	Posted 10-23-2014 at 10:34 PM by naughtylittlegirl

*presses 5 again, just to be sure*

Posted 10-24-2014 at 06:18 AM by Alexis Rune

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jah Brother

I gotta say Ly Ph, boobs pics made specially for you are way better for one reason or another.

That really makes them better? Interesting.

Quote:

Originally Posted by naughtylittlegirl

Kittenlyss: you are the queen.

And I will be snagging portions of this when I get a chance to sit down and draft my replies to random friend requests. And random messages too I think. The really articulate ones, that consist of 'wil u dom mee hav cam pls' (have mercy, that was painful to type).

No, you are.

And feel free to take whatever you like.

Or to ask for an assist! I would totally write your letters for you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by shilohs_candy

*presses 4*

*presses 5*

*Waits...*

*presses 5 again, just to be sure*

We apologize for the delayed response time. If you found our previous offer unsatisfactory, please consider a second choice.

Posted 10-24-2014 at 08:51 PM by kittenlyss kittenlyss is offline

	Haha, thank you, you made me laugh alot
	Posted 10-23-2014 at 02:25 AM by Jah Brother

	Very good well done I am sure every get dare lady will be getting one installed
	Posted 10-23-2014 at 03:17 AM by LondonDom

	giggles This is hilarious! Also, sign me up.
	Posted 10-23-2014 at 05:12 AM by eivins

	I gotta say Ly Ph, boobs pics made specially for you are way better for one reason or another.
	Posted 10-23-2014 at 08:21 AM by Jah Brother

	presses 4 presses 5 Waits...
	Posted 10-23-2014 at 08:22 AM by Alexis Rune

	presses 5 again, just to be sure
	Posted 10-24-2014 at 06:18 AM by Alexis Rune

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