A random assortment of reports, thoughts, ramblings and information. Pretty much a view inside my wonderfully complicated, sometimes broken, and entertaining mind.
The unknown ...
I like to be in control of my life, unless I exclusively give that control to another person. I am a planner. I make a meal plan each week, and a list of groceries I will need. I make hotel reservations week or months ahead of time. I like to have a basic schedule or itinerary when going on trips. I like knowing what to expect tomorrow, next week, or 5 years from now.
So for me, when giving up control to another person, one thing that has always been a struggle for me, is the unknown. Not knowing what a task or punishment will be. Not knowing what he has planned for next week. Not knowing what our future holds.
It isn't uncommon for me to get so worked up about the unknown that I would start panicking and begging my past doms to tell me what they had planned.
The anxiety over not knowing is still something that I am really struggling with in my day to day life. Now knowing what my career will hold. Or if I will be happy in my personal relationships. Whether my best friend will move away, and how we will both adjust to not having each other ...
But I am really surprised to find that for the most part, with my Sir, I am (getting better at being) ok with not knowing. And dare I say I am actually starting to enjoy it.
It is almost freeing to not have to worry about what the task will be, or what he may have in store for me, and instead focus on the anticipation and feelings building up to getting to that moment in time where I get to know and experience it.
Some of my favorite moments together have been when he sprung a last minute plan or task on me.
Just one of many things that is notably different from all my past d/s experiences.
So for me, when giving up control to another person, one thing that has always been a struggle for me, is the unknown. Not knowing what a task or punishment will be. Not knowing what he has planned for next week. Not knowing what our future holds.
It isn't uncommon for me to get so worked up about the unknown that I would start panicking and begging my past doms to tell me what they had planned.
The anxiety over not knowing is still something that I am really struggling with in my day to day life. Now knowing what my career will hold. Or if I will be happy in my personal relationships. Whether my best friend will move away, and how we will both adjust to not having each other ...
But I am really surprised to find that for the most part, with my Sir, I am (getting better at being) ok with not knowing. And dare I say I am actually starting to enjoy it.
It is almost freeing to not have to worry about what the task will be, or what he may have in store for me, and instead focus on the anticipation and feelings building up to getting to that moment in time where I get to know and experience it.
Some of my favorite moments together have been when he sprung a last minute plan or task on me.
Just one of many things that is notably different from all my past d/s experiences.
Total Comments 3
Comments
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I have experienced something similar with my Dom - I love the utter freedom and peace of being able to give him control, and he has earned my trust so thoroughly that it's almost effortless. He is the only one I trust to the extent where I can completely let go and just be his. So glad you've found that with asslvr
Posted 07-17-2014 at 11:14 PM by naughtylittlegirl 
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Me too. It really is freeing to just give up that control. I still get butterflies when he tells me he has something planned, but they are more excited "what am I in for" butterflies, rather than anxious butterflies.Quote:Originally Posted by naughtylittlegirl
I have experienced something similar with my Dom - I love the utter freedom and peace of being able to give him control, and he has earned my trust so thoroughly that it's almost effortless. He is the only one I trust to the extent where I can completely let go and just be his. So glad you've found that with asslvrPosted 08-17-2014 at 06:42 AM by Butterfly
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I know exactly the feeling you are talking about ... It drives me looney! ... Hmm, perhaps I should not have said that ...Posted 01-05-2015 at 05:53 PM by pet monkey
