A random assortment of reports, thoughts, ramblings and information. Pretty much a view inside my wonderfully complicated, sometimes broken, and entertaining mind.
My thoughts on being a sub ...
Tags butterfly, submission
Over the past 7 years I have had 3 official Doms, and a few trial Doms.
The first one actually happened by chance. I wasn't looking. There was a local classifieds website, and I was actually looking for somebody to date, since my college program was predominantly females, and I wasn't into the club and bar scene. There was an ad posted in search of a live in slave/sub. I was intrigued.
As I was only 18 and very inexperienced, I wasn't able to commit to an in person situation. However, I emailed him under a pseudonym email address and he started to give me online tasks.
He called me precious. I think it is the first time I felt adored by somebody other than my mother. His tasks were challenging, and his punishments were fair and mild compared to some I have seen on this site. He encouraged me, and I learned how much I loved to please somebody.
When I began a relationship, I ended our contact and we went separate ways. Unfortunately, I do not still have his contact information. I would have loved to explain to him the impact he has had on my life.
As time went on, I realized that I missed those things that I felt when I was a sub, pleasing and serving my Dom.
I began the search again and I stumbled across this site by accident one night. It was scary and overwhelming, but I read a post that really stood out to me and I responded.
He was an amazing dom. He truly cared about me. He was strict, but he was fair. He also gave me incredibly detailed and creative tasks. I think I could have really began to trust and open up to him, however, he had the opportunity to pursue a real life relationship, and one day disappeared from my life with only a short email.
I felt like there was a void in my life, so after a few weeks of mourning, I posted my own ad.
Wow!!!
This is when I realized that up to this point I had been lucky.
I received an overwhelming number of responses. Some of those that responded were very nice, gave me some details about them, or linked to their ad, and were very pleasant.
Those are the ones who I replied to.
But others ...
I received so many responses from people who assumed they were automatically my "Master" and started to demand photos, and tasks. Or who were downright rude.
This for me raises point 1: As a sub, I am in control of my submission.
I choose who I am going to submit to. Me being a sub, doesn't mean that you are able to walk over, and demand that I get on my knees and suck on. It doesn't mean you can log on and degrade and humiliate me either. I will choose if I am going to submit to you, and I will not submit to you without first talking about a few things, so that we are both on the same page.
Point 2: As a sub, I have likes, dislikes and limits.
One of my limits is name calling. This is due to a past of being verbally abused. It is a limit for a reason. There are certain words that I know are triggers for me. I have learned to control some of these triggers, and my reactions to certain words and reactions. But, when you start your conversation with "Hello Slut", especially when you haven't asked my limits, this not only sends me into a panic, it also angers me because it is completely avoidable if you only talked to me.
Point 3: As a sub, I have a life like a normal person.
I have a job, friends, hobbies, and family. I have commitments. I get sick.
It is unreasonable for you to demand that I am available 24/7.
Even if I were to give up complete control of my social and family life to you (which would never happen), you need to respect me enough to know that I am not just a toy for your pleasure. I need things outside of our relationship as well.
Point 4: As a sub, I am human.
I have days where I am sad, happy, or grumpy. I have things that worry me or scare me. I have a personality. I like to laugh.
I am not a robot. I can't just say "Yes sir" and "No Sir" to everything. I have opinions and concerns and want to be able to negotiate and share my thoughts on your rules and tasks.
Furthermore, my life and my mood affect how I submit on a certain day. If I had a bad day at work, it is going to effect how I respond to being teased that night.
Point 5: Being a sub is not all about sex.
I enjoy cumming. Who doesn't. But being a sub isn't always about sexual gratification for both parties. Being a sub is about the control, and the connection that two people have. In order to be a great D/s pair, you need to connect on other levels. Communication and honesty, as well as trust are key components.
Now that I put that out there ... I did respond to those few people who were courteous enough to me, and who respected me. But I got overwhelmed and after a few trials, I gave up.
A few weeks ago, I tried again ...
This time I had success. I don't normally believe in fate, or destiny, but I might be changing my mind ...
Being a sub for me is second nature. I have a very non-confrontational personality. I am a people pleaser. For me, it makes sense to submit to somebody, but it has to be the right somebody.
Thinking about the perfect D/s relationship ... I want to be with somebody who controls me and keeps me in line without stripping me of my identity. Who is strict, but patient and understanding. Who cares about me, and worries about me driving while tired, or falling and hurting myself. Who takes time out of their day to send me a txt to ask about a sick family member or pet. Who calls just to say "Hi", because they want to hear my voice. But who also likes to tease and torment me at any opportunity.
I want to feel like I am making him proud. I want to feel cherished and loved. I want to feel safe in his hands. I want to share my hopes, dreams, fears, and insecurities with him.
Now, I know this is a tall order, and its hard to find. I also know that not everybody on here is looking for the same thing, and you may disagree with a lot of what I said.
But this, this is what I want and need.
And this is what I found.
Thank you so much asslvr. Our short time together has been incredible, and I know it is only the beginning. To feel like this, after such a short time .... wow!
The first one actually happened by chance. I wasn't looking. There was a local classifieds website, and I was actually looking for somebody to date, since my college program was predominantly females, and I wasn't into the club and bar scene. There was an ad posted in search of a live in slave/sub. I was intrigued.
As I was only 18 and very inexperienced, I wasn't able to commit to an in person situation. However, I emailed him under a pseudonym email address and he started to give me online tasks.
He called me precious. I think it is the first time I felt adored by somebody other than my mother. His tasks were challenging, and his punishments were fair and mild compared to some I have seen on this site. He encouraged me, and I learned how much I loved to please somebody.
When I began a relationship, I ended our contact and we went separate ways. Unfortunately, I do not still have his contact information. I would have loved to explain to him the impact he has had on my life.
As time went on, I realized that I missed those things that I felt when I was a sub, pleasing and serving my Dom.
I began the search again and I stumbled across this site by accident one night. It was scary and overwhelming, but I read a post that really stood out to me and I responded.
He was an amazing dom. He truly cared about me. He was strict, but he was fair. He also gave me incredibly detailed and creative tasks. I think I could have really began to trust and open up to him, however, he had the opportunity to pursue a real life relationship, and one day disappeared from my life with only a short email.
I felt like there was a void in my life, so after a few weeks of mourning, I posted my own ad.
Wow!!!
This is when I realized that up to this point I had been lucky.
I received an overwhelming number of responses. Some of those that responded were very nice, gave me some details about them, or linked to their ad, and were very pleasant.
Those are the ones who I replied to.
But others ...
I received so many responses from people who assumed they were automatically my "Master" and started to demand photos, and tasks. Or who were downright rude.
This for me raises point 1: As a sub, I am in control of my submission.
I choose who I am going to submit to. Me being a sub, doesn't mean that you are able to walk over, and demand that I get on my knees and suck on. It doesn't mean you can log on and degrade and humiliate me either. I will choose if I am going to submit to you, and I will not submit to you without first talking about a few things, so that we are both on the same page.
Point 2: As a sub, I have likes, dislikes and limits.
One of my limits is name calling. This is due to a past of being verbally abused. It is a limit for a reason. There are certain words that I know are triggers for me. I have learned to control some of these triggers, and my reactions to certain words and reactions. But, when you start your conversation with "Hello Slut", especially when you haven't asked my limits, this not only sends me into a panic, it also angers me because it is completely avoidable if you only talked to me.
Point 3: As a sub, I have a life like a normal person.
I have a job, friends, hobbies, and family. I have commitments. I get sick.
It is unreasonable for you to demand that I am available 24/7.
Even if I were to give up complete control of my social and family life to you (which would never happen), you need to respect me enough to know that I am not just a toy for your pleasure. I need things outside of our relationship as well.
Point 4: As a sub, I am human.
I have days where I am sad, happy, or grumpy. I have things that worry me or scare me. I have a personality. I like to laugh.
I am not a robot. I can't just say "Yes sir" and "No Sir" to everything. I have opinions and concerns and want to be able to negotiate and share my thoughts on your rules and tasks.
Furthermore, my life and my mood affect how I submit on a certain day. If I had a bad day at work, it is going to effect how I respond to being teased that night.
Point 5: Being a sub is not all about sex.
I enjoy cumming. Who doesn't. But being a sub isn't always about sexual gratification for both parties. Being a sub is about the control, and the connection that two people have. In order to be a great D/s pair, you need to connect on other levels. Communication and honesty, as well as trust are key components.
Now that I put that out there ... I did respond to those few people who were courteous enough to me, and who respected me. But I got overwhelmed and after a few trials, I gave up.
A few weeks ago, I tried again ...
This time I had success. I don't normally believe in fate, or destiny, but I might be changing my mind ...
Being a sub for me is second nature. I have a very non-confrontational personality. I am a people pleaser. For me, it makes sense to submit to somebody, but it has to be the right somebody.
Thinking about the perfect D/s relationship ... I want to be with somebody who controls me and keeps me in line without stripping me of my identity. Who is strict, but patient and understanding. Who cares about me, and worries about me driving while tired, or falling and hurting myself. Who takes time out of their day to send me a txt to ask about a sick family member or pet. Who calls just to say "Hi", because they want to hear my voice. But who also likes to tease and torment me at any opportunity.
I want to feel like I am making him proud. I want to feel cherished and loved. I want to feel safe in his hands. I want to share my hopes, dreams, fears, and insecurities with him.
Now, I know this is a tall order, and its hard to find. I also know that not everybody on here is looking for the same thing, and you may disagree with a lot of what I said.
But this, this is what I want and need.
And this is what I found.
Thank you so much asslvr. Our short time together has been incredible, and I know it is only the beginning. To feel like this, after such a short time .... wow!
Total Comments 7
Comments
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Awesome post! I'm glad you found each other and hope you have lots of fun together!Posted 07-10-2014 at 01:48 PM by pet monkey 
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Congratulations on finding one of the rare Doms who are able to fit everything you want and need. They are hard to find but we both got lucky!
Posted 07-10-2014 at 02:20 PM by Subbiebrookie
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Great post! I couldn't agree more, and congratulations on finding exactly what you want and need.Posted 07-10-2014 at 04:06 PM by justJane
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I agree with absolutely everything you've written - this sounds so much like what runs through my head it's almost scary, but so very well said. I am so very glad you found a partner who really is just right for you, and you for him. One of the absolute best experiences in the world is knowing you please someone so incredibly much simply by being yourself, and the freedom and intimacy that is fostered by that is unparalleled. Wish you all the best!Posted 07-10-2014 at 04:38 PM by naughtylittlegirl
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I agree with all 5 points you made! When I posted my ad I didn't even get a lot of responses. I don't know if I was just really to specific, or there are just so many ads that girls cant possibly read them all (which is the way I am leaning). Luckily for me the right girl took the time to read my ad and reply. I am glad you found someone who met all of your criteria and makes you happy! I am such a hopeless romantic and I love to see happy endings without being dragged to the chick flicks.Posted 07-10-2014 at 08:20 PM by Shadowice
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Wow my butterfly, this is such an amazing post! You shared sooo much, more than I already knew. Your thoughts and opinions on this subject are so appreciated, not only by me, but it looks like many others as well
I just want you to know, reading this has made me decide to write my own blog. I feel some things about myself, my ideas and opinions should be shared as well.
Thanks again
Posted 07-11-2014 at 12:38 PM by Mr. Devious
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Thank you everybody.
@Naughtylittlegirl - I find that I have the same thought when I read your blog posts, the things that you write are almost as if they are taken write out of my head (although, I must say, you write them much more eloquently than I ever could).
@Subbiebrookie - I feel lucky everyday.
@Shadow - I know that for me, looking at the huge amount ads is very intimidating. There are so many of them, and a lot of them do end up blending together. I am glad that yours was able to stick out to Brookie because the two of you are perfect for each other.
@Asslvr - Thank you so much Sir. I am so happy I was able to inspire you to write your own blog. I love reading it, and I can't wait for your next post (hint hint).Posted 08-17-2014 at 06:39 AM by Butterfly
