The act of sexing and such things.

[BettyBoop]

Just wondering because my friends and I were having a conversation about it and it wasn't even close to us all being in agreement.

So in the opinion of getDare's population how long do you think into a relationship would you say is acceptable for a girl to sleep with her boyfriend

1) If she's a virgin?
and
2) If she isn't?

Curious to know if the duration is different for either scenario or not and how long people think is "okay" or "the norm" or "what they'd do" etc etc.

We're not looking too deep into this by going into the age of the girl or what her personal beliefs are or anything like that. It's just a very general straight answer kind of thing she's completely hypothetical and non existent I just want some other opinions. She's definitely of legal age though, in case that's necessary .

Sorry if this is weird but I'm curious.

[GoogleMaster]

The most important thing is that no one should sleep with someone because they feel like they HAVE to (unless that is the sM relationship). Sleeping with someone should be something both people WANT to do. It is a beautiful and fun thing, but loses its magic immediately if the person is not ready. Being ready can be very different for different people and at different times. Just because you have been dating for 6 months or a year or since you were 8 years old and the christmas prom is coming up does not mean that you should now sleep with them. Especially if you are a virgin, but also if not!

Love yourself. Love your friends and your boyfriend before you think about sleeping with them. Only when you are ready.

[Lizard]

Originally Posted by GoogleMaster

The most important thing is that no one should sleep with someone because they feel like they HAVE to (unless that is the sM relationship). Sleeping with someone should be something both people WANT to do. It is a beautiful and fun thing, but loses its magic immediately if the person is not ready. Being ready can be very different for different people and at different times. Just because you have been dating for 6 months or a year or since you were 8 years old and the christmas prom is coming up does not mean that you should now sleep with them. Especially if you are a virgin, but also if not!

Love yourself. Love your friends and your boyfriend before you think about sleeping with them. Only when you are ready.

Couldn't have said it better, so I'll just say "ditto."

[sweetsong]

I don't think it much depends on the virgin status but it usually makes me raise an eyebrow if a friend tells me that she's been seeing a guy for (insert number) "weeks" and they're already sleeping together. It always turns into issues. o.o If you're still measuring the time by "weeks", it's too soon for Sweetsy. :P

[Slightly Pathetic]

It depends on the maturity of the people in the couple. It also depends on the sex act in question. More mature people can handle more intimate acts early in the relationship without stunting the relationship.

On the other side, people who are too immature can't really maintain a relationship at all. Does that mean then can throw the whole equation out and just have sex the first night? Does that mean it's wrong for them to be at all sexual with anyone?

Okay, "Wait until you're ready" is obviously the best model in this situation. It also doesn't answer the question posed in the OP. If I had to post an average timeline I thought would be good for a successful relationship, it would go something like this:

Have 4+ meaningful dates every week for a month. By the end of that month, it's reasonable for you to have worked your way up to intercourse. That doesn't mean intercourse should be frequent after that, or that anything other than "vanilla" sex would be likely. Use protection, kids. And adults.

[garfish]

As a mature male, I think the issue has changed over the years, whilst in my teens, 1970s, most of my sexual encounters happened within the first few days if not hours of meeting a girl at a disco/club/pub, however, I did not have a sexual relationship with my now wife until we had been going out for 6 months. Many of my encounters as a teenager/young 20s didnt last that long so maybe rushing into bed as soon as possible with a girl before getting to know them, was probably the wrong thing to do. I hope you are happy with this reply from someone you would regard as an old git, I have, since being marred still had the odd fling, possibly due to the type of fling one was looking for also fell into bed within hours of meeting. It all depends on what you are lookig for. Mature women know what it is all about and know what they want and how they want it, younger girls in my opinion are more careful about getting into bed too soon.

[littleraisin]

Originally Posted by garfish

As a mature male, I think the issue has changed over the years, whilst in my teens, 1970s, most of my sexual encounters happened within the first few days if not hours of meeting a girl at a disco/club/pub, however, I did not have a sexual relationship with my now wife until we had been going out for 6 months. Many of my encounters as a teenager/young 20s didnt last that long so maybe rushing into bed as soon as possible with a girl before getting to know them, was probably the wrong thing to do. I hope you are happy with this reply from someone you would regard as an old git, I have, since being marred still had the odd fling, possibly due to the type of fling one was looking for also fell into bed within hours of meeting. It all depends on what you are lookig for. Mature women know what it is all about and know what they want and how they want it, younger girls in my opinion are more careful about getting into bed too soon.

You're right about its changed. I know some people who'll take months or years or it never happens. Others do it in less than an hour. Sexual acts(e.g blowjobs) I've heard of happening within minutes.

It all depends on the people involved and if they can't agree on when or what should happen, its breakup time.

[ciromas]

Well the whole virginity thing is very overblown when your young - its really not a big deal. Sex and sexuality is a free moving thing, doesn't have to be constrained by "virginity"!

The only reason virginity is a big deal to us is because we live in a patriarchal society - virginity is "sacred" for girls because if they lose it, they lose all their value because the man who marries her can't be absolutely sure that the kids will be his.

Strains of that idea leak through to today so that girls think its a big deal to save themselves for someone special, rather than exploring their sexuality. I'm not saying you don't need to be selective or safe, but I am saying that saving yourself for "virginity's" sake is silly and conforms to older views on women and sexuality. Obviously you want to be careful, but sex is made a bigger deal than it has to be by all these views.

I was in relationships without sex when I was very young... but I was very young - I wouldn't really understand a relationship with someone if we weren't having sex... if you aren't fucking then you are just friends, aren't you?

So, if your a virgin then I don't know, do it when you want but don't worry about it!

And if your not a virgin and your in a sexless relationship... then get out, it probably isn't right between you!

[Feudal]

Originally Posted by BettyBoop

We're not looking too deep into this ... just a very general straight answer kind of thing....

It would be OK/appropriate to sleep with her boyfriend if:

...she's not a virgin: 2nd date - 4 weeks

...she IS a virgin: 2 weeks - a year.

I'm sure there are PLENTY of reasons why these times could be inappropriate and I'm not factoring those in - these are just my gut-feeling for time frames that would fall within what I think of as perfectly normal. :-)

[GayCollegeBoy2300]

I don't feel like you can put any constant rule to this. Different people feel differently at different times. If it's a one night stand type deal, and both people are fully aware of that and feel comfortable, then I don't see any problem with that. If it's more of a legitimate relationship, it depends on how the people feel. If they're both comfortable after a week, have sex then. IF they're not comfortable for several years, then wait several years. If both people don't want it, it's really not enjoyable for either of them. So it just depends on how long it takes the desires of the partners to turn to wanting sex.

[BlueCookies]

I've been wondering the same thing myself, and reading through the posts has given me a lot to think about.

I was "raised" to believe that sex should only come after marriage, so had I been asked this a year or two ago, my first response would be, obviously, that a girl should wait to sleep with a man until after they are married. But, now that I am older, and able to explore what is out there... I see nothing wrong with sleeping with someone AFTER you get to know them. I'd say a couple months is a good time to start thinking about it, two and a half to do it.

The only reason I'm still a virgin is because I'm in a long-distance relationship (two years and counting!), but after my boyfriend moves here I imagine we'll be sleeping together a lot.

[Link1]

I had sex with my first and only girlfriend after about 10 days. We were both virgins. I had never done ANYthing with a girl, and she had done pretty much everything except intercourse. At the time we weren't boyfriend and girlfriend though, we were just.. having fun?

So she wasn't looking for a committed relationship.. but I was. It took about 3 months to get her to become my actual girlfriend. And we've been together since then. (over 2 years at this point) No major problems yet.

The thing is, we were both 19. We both knew what we wanted and knew what we were doing. There was no forcing on either side. So in this case I think it was ok, since everything turned out ok. Normally though.. maybe it'd be different? I think it really just depends on each case and each persons opinion and thoughts. If you think it's ok to have sex within a week of seeing someone and so does your partner, then by all means. If one of you doesn't think that way.. then wait until the other is comfortable. I don't think there should be any other rules or norms besides that.

[Star Shadows]

Its not so much an age thing I think, its more when they feel ready. Its the kind of thing we always used to emphasise when we used to lead the y9 (13/14) sex ed classes (they thought hearing it from sixth form may be less traumatic) It shouldn't be a case of "x weeks is bad but y weeks is ok" It should feel right inside when the time is right.


On another note teaching sex ed to a class with my younger brothers annoying mates in may have been one of the traumatic/ amusing things of my life.

[bestintheworld]

don't do what a former friend of mine does first date she's having sex with them

[Pet Phoenix]

I'll be honest, at the time of reading this I'm too sleepy to go getting bogged down it it all X3 and there are already loads of people in this thread that i trust to say the right things ^^ the only thing I will add to the discussion so far is that I think it's a completley personal thing that changes with every relationship. Regardless of whether one partner (if you don't mind me generic-ing.. O.o (if that's even a word X3) this to include gay relationships etc.) is a virgin, if both partners want it, feel it etc. then I don't have a problem with them doing it 5 minutes into the relationship! (that said I WOULD adivse anyone that they shouldn't do that, and should get to know the person first, i just don't think it's neccessarily a bad thing or wrong to do it 'too soon' not if they both feel right)

Hmm.. look, I'm gonna start rambling now, that's the problem with forums, you go to say one simple thing and then as you write about it your thoughts grow and evolve ><

So I'll just add also that I think there IS a difference when it is at least one partner's first time to when both have already done it; it's still fine to have sex really early, but the first time is special if your giving it to someone special, I might not bat an eyelid at meeting some fellow in the club, who clearly knows what he is doing, we both have done it before, so lets go find a dark corner somewhere and get down to enjoying it. I suppose that isn't a relationship though is it? Same guy, same club except this time he hasn't done it before though? Oh no, I'm gonna take him home, few more quiet drinks, get him all snuggled up and the whole thing is more caring..

Maybe I got off topic there, I dunno >< sorry if I did but it was lovley to voice my thoughts ^^ thanks, to conclude: I think whenever two people want to have sex in their relationship is fine it's only 'too soon' if one of them is forcing it and the other doesn't want to be forced. I do think that special care and due time and attention should be dedicated to people's first times though. :3 I'm off to sleep <3