Relationship/sex question

yermawsface · 01-03-2011, 06:51 PM

Me and my fiancee have been going for a year, but our sex lives arent great. Last time we had sex, was about.. umm.. 2 months ago?
We do sexual activities, I go down on her, she jerks me off...
But that aint normal for a couple is it... ? I have no idea how it always hits this brick wall...

Well, last time i went down on her before sex, she was too sore for sex aftarwards, but thats the first time thats happened.

We have spoke about it, but when push comes to shove i think we are both lazy?

Another thing was:
She talked to me the other night, about her feeling like she doesnt do enough for me... I didnt used to like going down on her, but i kept at it, and learned to like it, but theres something i want her to do, and she cant; to blindfold me, or to tie me up... Be a little more dom...
I dont want to force her to do something she doesnt want, but she said it herself, she doesnt feel like she tries hard enough for me when I idolize her... My main focus during these sexy times is her enjoyment... But it feels like she has the same objective... Her enjoyment

sweetsong · 01-03-2011, 08:41 PM

You don't have to put the penis in the vagina for it to be sex. At least as far as I'm concerned. But if you miss fucking then you should just tell her that. (: At a time when you aren't in the sexing mood, ask her why she doesn't want it. She could be afraid of getting pregnant, had a bad experience, isn't getting lubricated enough and is afraid to say she needs lube, or a lot of other stuff.

You just gotta talk about it and keep talking about it.

If you guys love each other, you'll work something out eventually. Sometimes people need some time to open up about stuff. (:

lilysmaster · 01-03-2011, 08:45 PM

I agree with sweetsong, it maybe be fear of something, embarrassment, or the like. Talk it out, make exceptions, but definitely don't base a relationship on sex.

Autumn · 01-03-2011, 10:46 PM

Sweetsong and lilysmaster have both made valid points. Communication is the main thing in any relationship. Why not both sit down and write a list of desires, wants and needs you both want from your relationship ie: from you helping around the house more to more or different sex play. If you are both comfy and happy with doing that and it works well and you are able to sit down and discuss it without judgment or taking offence and listen to the other persons wants etc then maybe you can move onto another list of sexual needs, desires, fantasies.

We are also missing the fact that sometimes some people have completely different sexual appetites. Some people have very low sexual desires and wants while others have high ones. Unfortunately it makes a relationship very hard in the long run but if your willing to listen, HEAR and communicate with one another it can be worked through.

And I will give you one more piece of advice. Never ,take your partner for granted and expect them to just be there, or keep doing what they do now to make you happy and just you or the other person just take, take and take from the relationship and never give in return. Or one day that person just wont be there anymore, be it emotionally, or physically!!!!

I am sure it will all work out!!

Best of luck xx

yermawsface · 01-04-2011, 05:20 AM

Thanks all; we have spoke before about this, its not really any one of us that doesnt want to do it, it just never happens as sex. Things start off, one thing leads to another, and its never sex lol.

Quote:

Originally Posted by sweetsong

She could be afraid of getting pregnant, had a bad experience, isn't getting lubricated enough and is afraid to say she needs lube, or a lot of other stuff.

I maybe should tell you a little more about us;
she had cancer a while ago, and chemo has affected her tostostorone levels. She will find it hard to get pregnant when we want to try, and does find it hard to get lubricated. I suppose that could be somthing that get to her when it comes to sexy time...

Quote:

Originally Posted by lilysmaster

I agree with sweetsong, it maybe be fear of something, embarrassment, or the like. Talk it out, make exceptions, but definitely don't base a relationship on sex.

Nah i know what you mean, we never base our relationship on sex; but its starting to look not great when an engaged couple havent had sex for 2 months.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Autumn

And I will give you one more piece of advice. Never ,take your partner for granted and expect them to just be there, or keep doing what they do now to make you happy and just you or the other person just take, take and take from the relationship and never give in return. Or one day that person just wont be there anymore, be it emotionally, or physically!!!!

I am sure it will all work out!!

Best of luck xx

Oh dont worry, we love each other to pieces. The thing that I mentioned; that she believes she is being one sided, we have [just] talked about and believe it comes down to confidence. She has a fantasy to be a naughty school girl and me to be a teacher; but we haven't done it because she is nervous... So if she hasnt got the confidence to do her sexual fantasy, then its understandable why she doesnt want to do mine lol.

Thanks all for the advice

lilysmaster · 01-04-2011, 11:53 AM

I know many friends who started out their relationships with a lot of sex and ended up breaking up due to the lack of sex, just trying to watch out for you ^^.

So what I gather is foreplay begins, moves forward and she is satisfied before you two get to the sex stage. Maybe try to instead of completly please her with going down on her and such, tease her, make her want sex. Give enough but not too much. Once you are satisfied you become lazy and don't really want more. Ex. She blows you, you get off, you really don't want to put out the effort of sex do you? You already got what you wanted.

On another note it does not always have to be sex sex (lack of a better way of phrasing it) to be just as intimate and special.

yermawsface · 01-04-2011, 01:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lilysmaster

I know many friends who started out their relationships with a lot of sex and ended up breaking up due to the lack of sex, just trying to watch out for you ^^.

So what I gather is foreplay begins, moves forward and she is satisfied before you two get to the sex stage. Maybe try to instead of completly please her with going down on her and such, tease her, make her want sex. Give enough but not too much. Once you are satisfied you become lazy and don't really want more. Ex. She blows you, you get off, you really don't want to put out the effort of sex do you? You already got what you wanted.

On another note it does not always have to be sex sex (lack of a better way of phrasing it) to be just as intimate and special.

Thanks

Sounds good

lilysmaster · 01-04-2011, 01:49 PM

No problem just doing my best to help the best I can

01-03-2011, 06:51 PM	#1
yermawsface Member Join Date: Dec 2010 Location: Scotland Posts: 86	Relationship/sex question Me and my fiancee have been going for a year, but our sex lives arent great. Last time we had sex, was about.. umm.. 2 months ago? We do sexual activities, I go down on her, she jerks me off... But that aint normal for a couple is it... ? I have no idea how it always hits this brick wall... Well, last time i went down on her before sex, she was too sore for sex aftarwards, but thats the first time thats happened. We have spoke about it, but when push comes to shove i think we are both lazy? Another thing was: She talked to me the other night, about her feeling like she doesnt do enough for me... I didnt used to like going down on her, but i kept at it, and learned to like it, but theres something i want her to do, and she cant; to blindfold me, or to tie me up... Be a little more dom... I dont want to force her to do something she doesnt want, but she said it herself, she doesnt feel like she tries hard enough for me when I idolize her... My main focus during these sexy times is her enjoyment... But it feels like she has the same objective... Her enjoyment __________________ Keep Your Underwear Dare Keep Your Underwear AGAIN Dare ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Limits: No Messy, No Public Likes: Anal, bondage, tease and denial Owns: Butt plug, cock ring, ball gag

01-03-2011, 08:41 PM	#2
sweetsong getDare Succubus Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: ♥ In your dreams ♥ Posts: 1,733 Blog Entries: 98	You don't have to put the penis in the vagina for it to be sex. At least as far as I'm concerned. But if you miss fucking then you should just tell her that. (: At a time when you aren't in the sexing mood, ask her why she doesn't want it. She could be afraid of getting pregnant, had a bad experience, isn't getting lubricated enough and is afraid to say she needs lube, or a lot of other stuff. You just gotta talk about it and keep talking about it. If you guys love each other, you'll work something out eventually. Sometimes people need some time to open up about stuff. (: __________________ . siggy made by stellz [03:54:06 PM] jamness: ‹@G.J.› She... kisses and stuff... shes weird. [03:54:39 PM] G.J.: ‹@jamness› That seems like normal Sweets to me XD

01-03-2011, 08:45 PM	#3
lilysmaster getDare Sweetheart Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: In that there hole in the ground Posts: 439 Blog Entries: 8	I agree with sweetsong, it maybe be fear of something, embarrassment, or the like. Talk it out, make exceptions, but definitely don't base a relationship on sex. __________________ *Tumblr - Ad - Fetlife* getDare Radio Thread Are you a story writer? Do you need someone to edit your stories? gD Editing Services Thread or PM me.

01-03-2011, 10:46 PM	#4
Autumn Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: Australia Posts: 136 Blog Entries: 1	Sweetsong and lilysmaster have both made valid points. Communication is the main thing in any relationship. Why not both sit down and write a list of desires, wants and needs you both want from your relationship ie: from you helping around the house more to more or different sex play. If you are both comfy and happy with doing that and it works well and you are able to sit down and discuss it without judgment or taking offence and listen to the other persons wants etc then maybe you can move onto another list of sexual needs, desires, fantasies. We are also missing the fact that sometimes some people have completely different sexual appetites. Some people have very low sexual desires and wants while others have high ones. Unfortunately it makes a relationship very hard in the long run but if your willing to listen, HEAR and communicate with one another it can be worked through. And I will give you one more piece of advice. Never ,take your partner for granted and expect them to just be there, or keep doing what they do now to make you happy and just you or the other person just take, take and take from the relationship and never give in return. Or one day that person just wont be there anymore, be it emotionally, or physically!!!! I am sure it will all work out!! Best of luck xx __________________ ***OWNED by my Master*** Bloom Where You Are Planted Finding Ones True Self is a journey all its own...

01-04-2011, 11:53 AM	#6
lilysmaster getDare Sweetheart Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: In that there hole in the ground Posts: 439 Blog Entries: 8	I know many friends who started out their relationships with a lot of sex and ended up breaking up due to the lack of sex, just trying to watch out for you ^^. So what I gather is foreplay begins, moves forward and she is satisfied before you two get to the sex stage. Maybe try to instead of completly please her with going down on her and such, tease her, make her want sex. Give enough but not too much. Once you are satisfied you become lazy and don't really want more. Ex. She blows you, you get off, you really don't want to put out the effort of sex do you? You already got what you wanted. On another note it does not always have to be sex sex (lack of a better way of phrasing it) to be just as intimate and special. __________________ *Tumblr - Ad - Fetlife* getDare Radio Thread Are you a story writer? Do you need someone to edit your stories? gD Editing Services Thread or PM me.

01-04-2011, 01:49 PM	#8
lilysmaster getDare Sweetheart Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: In that there hole in the ground Posts: 439 Blog Entries: 8	No problem just doing my best to help the best I can __________________ *Tumblr - Ad - Fetlife* getDare Radio Thread Are you a story writer? Do you need someone to edit your stories? gD Editing Services Thread or PM me.