Limits- a guide

[Star Shadows]

LIMITS!

As some of you may no i am rather vocal when it comes to people posting “I have no limits”
saying such things as:

“Kill someone... then rob a bank... naked...
No really... go for it... you said no limits.
Actually No, don’t. Everyone has limits.”
and
“Ok ima test something...
I dare you to go kill some body?
See you will have limits.”

The importance of limits.
There is a reason for this, that is because limits are very important. They are the starting point of projecting your wants and needs to a playmate, master/submissive, or simply someone you are engaging in a game of truth or dare. Its a method of setting up the first wall of protecting yourself from activities you are vastly adverse to or deem potentially harmful to you physically, emotionally or psychologically, hence why I say that they are important. Limits may not even be anything explicit to your personality- like certain forms of pain is to me. It can be as simple as you will not do anything illegal or involving family or friends.
Many people are beginning to claim that they have no limits, this seems to be for a few reasons I have worked out, either a person is inexperienced and does not know their own limits, or because they are seeking attention, the latter on getDare is most probably just as common as the first.

No Limits – the dominant may do anything he or she cares to with the submissive. This is usually a sign of an inexperienced player who does not yet know what their limits are. In reality, even the most hardened and experienced players have limits. “No limits” play is more the stuff of porn and thriller movies than in actual, real-life BDSM.

The simple fact of the matter is that anyone and everyone will have limits, whether they vocalise them or not, and just because you CLAIM that you do not have any limits does not mean that you are free from harm should somebody accidentally push past them.

Hard and soft limits - the difference.
Many people are either unaware of soft limits, or do not know the difference between soft limits and hard limits.
A hard limit is a a point which cannot under any circumstances be exceeded or broken. They might be real physical limits or psychological/emotional limits, but in either case transgressing them will cause you harm. Although they cannot be broken this does not mean that they are set in stone, limits can be added or taken away as their perspective changes- however they should not be confused with dislikes.
Soft limits are limits, to do with your BDSM activities, which are possibly variable. They might be variable according to your mood, the partner you’re with, and so on. They might also be limits that you’d simply like “pushed” a little. Many people have varying comfort level with different people, some thinks i would submit to under one dom, just wouldn’t fly with another as the trust levels vary for example- something like that would be seen as a soft limit, along with ‘limits’ that you’d like to push slightly.

Breaking limits.
The only limits that SHOULD be in any way broken are soft limits, and this should happen over time. It is also important to remember that it is the submissive, not the dominant’s choice in this situation when the submissive is ready to try and start pushing through a limit. The process takes time and patience and should not be rushed as it can lead to the limit being reinforced even stronger. Hard limits should NEVER be broken, this can be incredibly damaging and can take a lot of time to right.

Examples of limits.
Here are 4 examples of peoples limits, see how some have very similar elements like family/involving others and illegal, but then in cased branch off to more specific things.
-Limits: Bodily functions, public, things involving other people, nipple pain.
-:Public, friends, illegal, extreme pain, permanent, loud, cross dressing, cock torture, pictures and cam, anything against common sense.
-Limits: Illegal, friends/family, permanent damage, messy, certain types of pain- disclosed as i see fit.
-Limits: messy, poo, family, illegal, pee, permanent

[princess.oxox]

Excluding crazies and abusive tops, who in their right mind would tell someone to go kill someone? In my opinion, a person who would order that wouldn't be the type of person who would respect people's limits.

No limits =/= crazy.

In reality, when people say they have no limits, it means that the dom's and sub's limits are the same. for example, if the dom is a sane person, who is not willing to make their sub break the law, permanently or extremely harm or make their sub sick, and they can't stand tattoo's, and the sub's only limits are illegal, permanent/extreme harm, and tattoo's, then, in my mind the sub has no limits,because the sub is willing to anything the dom would want them to do.
but of course, this is all theoretical, and relies upon the fact neither person changes.

hard limits shouldn't be broken, but hard limits can become soft limits and then broken.

[softeyes]

Neat post as always, Star. (:
'Fraid it's not gonna stop the supposed no-limeters though. ):

@Princess, I agrees on the most part with you, I personally think that I have way too many limits, but with the right person I knew was sane and wouldn't do anything to hurt me, I'd probably be willing to do a lot lot more.

[Dawotch]

When ever I'm talking to someone and they say they have no limits, I take that as a way to prove them wrong. Mind you I don't just to extremes like illegal stuff and family. But I do just ask them questions about things they will or have done, and generally they answer in a way that shows they have limits. Whether they are hard limits or soft limits I don't know because I generally don't talk to the person long enough to find that out. Guess talk is boring, and the only reason to chat is to get right into the action.

[Star Shadows]

Originally Posted by princess.oxox

Excluding crazies and abusive tops, who in their right mind would tell someone to go kill someone? In my opinion, a person who would order that wouldn't be the type of person who would respect people's limits.

This was more me exaggerating the point I acknowledge that very few doms if any would ask someone to kill someone, however there are other things like bestiality and such that come up a lot- but yes you're right in someone asking you to kill someone is better avoided as they are unlikely to meet your limits at all. Also important to remember that abusive tops are around- care is needed.

Originally Posted by princess.oxox

No limits =/= crazy.

In reality, when people say they have no limits, it means that the dom's and sub's limits are the same. for example, if the dom is a sane person, who is not willing to make their sub break the law, permanently or extremely harm or make their sub sick, and they can't stand tattoo's, and the sub's only limits are illegal, permanent/extreme harm, and tattoo's, then, in my mind the sub has no limits,because the sub is willing to anything the dom would want them to do.
but of course, this is all theoretical, and relies upon the fact neither person changes. hard limits shouldn't be broken, but hard limits can become soft limits and then broken.

Yes, I recently encountered a dom like this via chat- I had not realised that people approached the situation like this, as much as I make these threads I too am still learning, but this is also in regards largely to no limits in tord online where this is far more common which may not have this same situation I just felt it was useful to S/M too. Your last statement here is important too as limits are not set in stone, a dislike can become a limit, a soft limit a dislike or a hard limit to a soft limit as your experience grows. Don't let anybody tell you you cannot change.

[owlart]

Thanks for this, it needed to be said!

I've told a friend "I'll do anything you say" before, because I trusted her completely, and knew she wouldn't make me do anything I couldn't do, but this isn't the same as saying "No limits" in a public forum where others don't know you and you don't know them!

[Spanked]

This is a nice summation of what limits are, but I think your making a specific point about an issue that's actually a lot wider. This issue:

"looking for master no limits pm me"

i.e People making ads totally devoid of content or thought.

[princess.oxox]

To be honest, my situation is idealistic, and really, it's all about semantics. basically, a relationship can be no limits, not people.


This is a very good thread, and should be stickied. (though, i doubt it'd change anything, because people still post bad ads, even when there are guides on how to post a good ad.