Online play vs. Lifestyle commitment

[Dawotch]

I have been around for a month now, and was probably more active as I had more time to be so than I do now. And in this short amount of time I there is something that I noticed about the ads. That there are a lot of Dom/mes and subs/slaves posting ads. Now I'm not going to gripe about slaves/subs here there are probably plenty of threads for that. I however don't know if any exists for the topic of this thread, there are users in the M/s section that are just here for play, not really serious or committed just either really curious or looking for a way to get off and be "dirty". But there are those of us that come here with the very real idea of gaining a sub/slave or Master/Mistress.

It's disheartening to see a very well thought out ad by either position go unanswered, or only answered by those looking for casual non committed play. Especially when the poster is committed to the lifestyle and looking for a way to exercise their lifestyle offline because of either personal conflicts like living situations or marital status, or due to the rather exclusive and secretive nature of those that practice.

Now I have had an up for as long as I've been here, and have only gotten maybe 2 responses. I'm not going to talk about content or outcome, then again if it wasn't positive I wouldn't be posting in the first place so you can extrapolate the needed information from that. I do want to say that for my self, and possibly many others, if I was looking for a casual non committed slave my ad would be a lot shorter, and not very wordy. Because it would seem that casual and committed are blurred and the very real possibility arises that a person will become very frustrated very fast with simple, short replies like "I like you" or something to that effect as a means to initiate a conversation.

And then the person replying simply ceases contact when approached with a question such as "Tell me about yourself, I want to know more about you". Even though the ad will have something that says that anyway to that effect. Which means that a person isn't even reading the title or ad fully anyway.

While I do acknowledge that there are many dating websites out there geared towards the lifestyle and helping subs/slaves find Masters/Mistresses, they are rather lackluster or not really doing anything to help the right person find who they are looking for. They either have with in their pages cliquish groups stuck in a rather childlike, pathetically infantile mindset, or the site it self has a limited number of actual members and no users in the location you may be found in.

It is refreshing to see individuals interested and even practice BDSM, and I'm not berating them for their curiosity in the least, I just feel that for those subs/slaves and Masters/Mistresses out there who are committed to the lifestyle should get more recognition than just simply becoming buried in the many waves of the casual practitioners.

I'm sure I've probably rambled in many directions as I'm merely ranting and rambling anyway but I hope that some people can understand what it is I'm attempting to convey.

[sweetsong]

I understand. A lot of us "been here a while" regulars understand.

The problem is that relationships are always hard. Usually, you have quite a few really bad dates before you find a keeper. And sometimes you think the other person is a keeper but they don't feel the same way about you.

All these same dynamics are involved in a D/s relationship too. These things take time.

It's not always fun to wait, but usually worth it. (:

[Dawotch]

Yes, waiting is usually always worth it. I feel that the dynamics are multiplied in a D/s relationship because of the nature of the relationship it self and the rather drastic extremes that's taken in the comfort and privacy of one's home. I however would like to see an increase in the number of committed practitioners, not for my own search mind you, but for the sharing of knowledge, ideas, and wisdom.

The number of beginners seeking advice on this site is really a good thing, and sharing knowledge with the new is a great way to make sure the community grows. But there isn't much of a stable community here as most of the time we rant about the lack of one. The elite section is rather neglected and I believe Kink Talk isn't utilized enough. At the very least we should try to organize something for the community, as disjointed as it is, to bring us together.

[lilysmaster]

I agree completely with Leopard taking over the Elites s/M hopefully more will be done. Also, according to his blog he has general s/M ideas that may be getting implemented soon, so maybe some of these will help make the community stronger. I see a lot of people only wanting a couple play sessions, which I mean i can see, they just want it to get off. At the very least give respect and state that you only want a session or two not lead us on.

[Dawotch]

Originally Posted by lilysmaster

...I see a lot of people only wanting a couple play sessions, which I mean i can see, they just want it to get off. At the very least give respect and state that you only want a session or two not lead us on.

That is a very true statement, I wish they would state as such in their profiles. Or at the very least a button or something they can click to state that much, because the deity only knows not many of them have the integrity to state that in their ad or response.