Pluky wonders

[Andrew 25:17]

Originally Posted by pluky

Do you ever accidentally break a Sub's limit ?
/
Have you ever had your limit unintentionally broken ?

How do you handle it ? How do you react ? How do you forgive ?

I'm usually very careful, especially as long as I don't know a sub well enough so is very unlikely to can break a limit, at worst I ask to do something and the sub tells me, "no that's actually something I don't do", I've been close to reach the limit point of some sub in pain, pain not being a limit itself obviously but pushing almost to the limit of pain tollerance for her, I think I still never went over, but anyway I always ask to decide a safeword so if I'm going too further is always possible to immediatly stop it. I think the way to cope with a broken limit depends a lot on the circumstances how it happens though, with a good communication I think is pretty easy to avoid it, but we're all humans and if by mistake it happens (and is really a mistake) with communication you can as well get over it.

[Merlin]

Originally Posted by pluky

Do you ever accidentally break a Sub's limit ?
/
Have you ever had your limit unintentionally broken ?

How do you handle it ? How do you react ? How do you forgive ?

Broken in the meaning of forcing it knowing it is a limit. I don't think so. I did have a case where it was a limit that was not known to both of us and only came up during play. So you could call it accidentally broken
I was feeling really bad, stopped everything at once and looked after her the moment i saw her reaction to it (knew her for years so her reaction was clearly "something is wrong"). Did stay with her and made sure she is doing ok for quiet some time after, as she had a hard time talking and was crying. And we had a lot of conversations over the next week or two and added it as a new limit

[pluky]

I experience this too, almost systematically (see attachment). Is it common or strange ?

[pluky]

Do you enjoy punishing a Sub or is it more something that has to be done but both of you don't enjoy ?

[zephyrnem]

Originally Posted by pluky

Do you enjoy punishing a Sub or is it more something that has to be done but both of you don't enjoy ?

I always enjoyed punishing my sub. Those who at least enjoy it on some level. It is something that requires a lot of trust and understanding. I have been punished as a sub, but usually in ways I like. If it veers too far away from that it can easily wreck the relationship. Sexuality can be such a feeling of dancing on the head of a pin. Especially bdsm. I want a bit of fear. I don’t just want to do a small menu. The wrong move, though, and I lose all interest. This is punish,ent for me. The best punishment scenario can really make the fun. To be scared, stomach falling, nervous, horny, trapped and not know what might come is an amazing feeling. Tough to achieve the right balance. To me, punishment is a big, fun part of that play.

[lilith_]

Originally Posted by pluky

I experience this too, almost systematically (see attachment). Is it common or strange ?

Almost every time my Dom fucks me I cry! I am not sure exactly why, but it is so hard to control my tears. It turns me on so much so that makes things embarrassing haha... but it feels like an amazing release, I feel like I am floating and I am super light. Also if he spanks me or slaps me while I am feeling like this the pain isn't as intense and I don't react to it. I think it might be sub space for me!

[Little-blue]

Originally Posted by pluky

I experience this too, almost systematically (see attachment). Is it common or strange ?

This can happen to me sometimes. The more direct and rough the stimulation is, the higher likelihood that I will be a dumb sobbing mess.

[zeph]

Have you ever had your limit unintentionally broken ?

How do you handle it ? How do you react ? How do you forgive ?

I definitely have had my limits broken. Most of the time it's stuff that I didn't think needed to be an explicit limit. Usually this happens with more inexperienced Doms. I am now a lot pickier with who I play with but when I was just starting out, I would play with just about anyone. When it would happen, it didn't happen right out of the gate, we usually built up to it. When something I was not comfortable came up, I naturally pushed back against it. I am a bratty sub so it is expected that there is some resistance on my side but I felt like they weren't listening to me almost even when I started using the Yellow safeword. Eventually I used the Red safeword and that was the end of the play session. When someone breaks my limits, that kind of kills it for me, I am no longer in the mood to play. In the specific situation I am thinking about, I ended up giving the Dom another chance but the same thing ended up happening so I straight up told him that he wasn't respecting my limits and that I wasn't going to play with him. I am generally very forgiving and willing to give a Dom another chance but I'm not a doormat, you can't walk all over me. If a Dominant isn't going to respect me enough to observe my limits then I don't think they deserve my respect as a submissive.

Q : is ONLINE BDSM ultimately self-harm ?

As someone who actively struggles with self-harm (obsessive scratching to the point of drawing blood, skipping meals to the point I become sick, staying awake when my body is exhausted, etc.) I don't think online BDSM is self-harm. Most of the self-harm I do is unintentional like I don't mean to do it but I have to make a conscious effort to stop. I feel like having someone, a Dominant in my case to hold me accountable is helpful, at least for me. BDSM for me is ultimately about pleasure and personally I am not that much into pain and self-destructive behaviors so it pretty much is pleasure based. I feel like a healthy BDSM relationship should not be harmful to either participant and I feel like if it begins to feel that way, then perhaps it is time to consider parting ways.

[pluky]

What do you feel (for Subs)/expect a Sub to feel (for Doms) from talking about oneself as third person, using terms such as Sir's toy, this fucktoy, etc istead of I ?

[Ace_E360]

Originally Posted by pluky

What do you feel (for Subs)/expect a Sub to feel (for Doms) from talking about oneself as third person, using terms such as Sir's toy, this fucktoy, etc istead of I ?

There's a few parts for me (from a dom's perspective). The first and largest is simply that it's an expansion of control and establishes an element of a power dynamic that can be fun (hopefully for both parties). It forces the sub to be careful even in their thoughts to avoid slipping up, since "I" is so engrained in how we use language (or English, anyways). It also (hopefully) diminishes the sub's sense of agency and identity by reducing them to a possession no more or less important than a couch, or maybe a particularly fancy vibrator. Sometimes it's also fun to introduce a hidden public dynamic as well if the rules apply with other people around, forcing a sub to replace "I want ___" with "It would be nice if __." Which goes back to a reduction in agency and reinforces that I (or other people in general) are decision makers and the sub should receive those decisions with equanimity. And finally, if I'm being honest, I don't expect a sub to succeed entirely, and I expect that we'll both enjoy the "funishment" that results from their slip-up.

[pluky]

Sir's toy isn't sure what sense of agency could mean, she wouldn't be against some elaboration.

[csuju]

Originally Posted by pluky

Sir's toy isn't sure what sense of agency could mean, she wouldn't be against some elaboration.

It's the feeling of being able to make your own choices, and have those affect the world around you, e.g. deciding what to eat, when to go out.

[Ace_E360]

Originally Posted by pluky

Sir's toy isn't sure what sense of agency could mean, she wouldn't be against some elaboration.

Originally Posted by csuju

It's the feeling of being able to make your own choices, and have those affect the world around you, e.g. deciding what to eat, when to go out.

What csuju said!

In more detail, you may have encountered the idea of a "grammatical agent" which is the entity in a sentence that performs an action, usually on a patient/target/undergoer. (What can I say, technical terminology is awkward.) For example, Master (the agent) spanked the sub (the patient). In the same sense, reducing a sub's sense of agency could be understood to mean forcing or encouraging a mentality where they don't do things, things are done to them. This goes hand in hand with how strict the rules on language use might be. Your dom appears to allow you third person gendered pronouns while avoiding the first person (i.e., sir's toy thinks that *she*...) whereas I typically require the use of 'it' when I impose a similar rule. (To be clear, not a critique, just a different approach.) If everything goes according to plan, the result is that the sub is encouraged to view themselves and their worth in relation to me and the use I choose to make of them.