Intelligence equals creepy?

Maxximov · 08-31-2010, 03:54 AM

I have discovered something odd. My intelligence has destroyed many of my relationships or made others complete non-starters. I discovered this by accident. I got fed up with being jerked around and confronted a girl I was trying to date. The filter between her brain and mouth short-circuited and she blurted out 'you're so smart you're creepy'. I decided to speak to girls I knew and to girls that I had been involved with briefly to see what they thought. They each, without prompting from me, dubbed me creepy or unnerving or unsettling. That faded after they realized that I wasn't going to kill them in their sleep and was simply polite. Most pointed to the way I spoke and how I was able to answer questions in detail without having to look anything up as contributing to the creepiness. After I had received that nugget of information, I simply asked why they left. The most common reason has been that my partner was afraid that I would think that they were too stupid to be with and dump them for someone more intelligent. The other reasons vary but still tie into my intelligence in most cases. For the ones that never were, they were intimidated by what I knew and immediately discounted me as a possibility. Others decided I would be too much trouble to deal with since I was perceptive as well as intelligent.

I am not saying that I am not responsible for being a man and doing stupid things to drive others away. My intelligence is not to blame for everything, but it is responsible for a surprisingly large number of my relationships going south.

Frankly, that is disheartening. Now that I have said that, has anyone else encountered this problem?

Turtleman · 08-31-2010, 04:47 AM

It wasn't your intelligence that destroyed the relationship, its your attitude and a lack of social understanding. There Both non-existent.

sweetsong · 08-31-2010, 06:31 AM

I've been told I was intimidating.. multiple times.

I'm also rather serious and academic and would totally bring up evolution on the first date... >.>

I think you just have to date people who are your "type" intellectually but sometimes you don't live in the right area or hang out in the right places to find them.

spiritualxtc · 08-31-2010, 07:47 AM

Turtle, 444, and sweetsong all have a point.

More often than not, intelligence is found to be an attractive attribute, much like someone that's physically fit, for very obvious reasons. Being smart is a good thing, and it attracts more people than it repels. But that's just intelligence. If you don't have the virtue of empathy, articulation, and tact to help navigate around a sense of being pretentious or condescending (the tone of voice plays a huge part in this and you have to be conscious of it), then you're picked up as being arrogant or full of hubris rather than just smart.

That's what I have to say in regards to agree with the first two posters. And in regards to the last, you do have to be choosy of the kind of people that you associate with and take on in relationships. I've been called intelligent, daunting, and arrogant (sometimes all at once!), but I've never met someone who thought that intelligence was creepy.

Are you sure you're blinking enough?

Maxximov · 09-01-2010, 02:38 AM

Thank you both to the two posters who actually said something constructive. I wonder what 444 actually said since it seems to have disappeared...

To Turtleman: I find it very amusing you would accuse me of not having any 'attitude' or 'social understanding.' You've certainly displayed your grasp of those concepts with your post. When you have something to add to the conversation, feel free to post again. Until that time, you need to work on learning the proper use of 'there' and 'they're'. They're definitely not interchangeable.

MercilessDomme · 09-01-2010, 03:03 AM

I do not agree with your critics. Your post was reasonable and understandable - I empathise, from the woman's point of view.
Are smart women creepy? Do smart women even exist? (Just threw that in to upset the feminists). People expect me to have read the latest Women's Weekly, and get disturbed when I would rather discuss the Economist. This is probably not found creepy, although they might find it so if I followed my inclinations and ripped out their trachea.

Woof · 09-01-2010, 04:55 AM

....Intelligence is HOT >:
That is all.

Turtleman · 09-02-2010, 05:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Maxximov

Thank you both to the two posters who actually said something constructive. I wonder what 444 actually said since it seems to have disappeared...

To Turtleman: I find it very amusing you would accuse me of not having any 'attitude' or 'social understanding.' You've certainly displayed your grasp of those concepts with your post. When you have something to add to the conversation, feel free to post again. Until that time, you need to work on learning the proper use of 'there' and 'they're'. They're definitely not interchangeable.

It was actually a test, I needed to see how you would react. A persons reaction to negative thoughts often provides more telling then positive reinforcement. You went into overdrive defense, nitpicking spelling, typing it in a condensing way and being passively hostile rejecting my comment without thought.

You have a big confirmation bias that you don't know you have, a confirmation bias is where you interpret information in a way that confirms beliefs. In your case, that being intelligence is creepy.

There has been a ton of work done about the science of attraction, as it turns out, the better looking you are, the more intelligent people see you as, this is because of women over the years favoring men that are both smart and intelligent men. Women are obviously attracted to you but why are they attracted to you, have you ever asked?

Now how does this relate to a confirmation bias? simple! Your confirmation bias is that intelligent behavior is the reason why women are leaving and finding you creepy but in actual fact its not the case. It doesn't make it any less ture that I'm telling you think now, because you will jump back into your head and confirm your own theory once more. Its a fault in human logic and everyone does it. Its why the earth was thought to be flat for so long even if its pretty clear its not.

spiritualxtc is right on the money, its not your IQ thats driving them away, its how you interact with them. Look for solutions not the problems.

The fact that you made the thread in the first place shows that you are looking for support in a theory where there is a mountain of evidence to the opposite. Being Intelligent is attractive don't let yourself tell you different. Don't let it get to you like it is now, its unhealthy to worry and ask yourself what if I wasn't so smart. Find someone who likes you for you.

(p.s yeah I know this is badly written, my computer is freezing like a motherfucker.)

Sharp Nacelle · 09-02-2010, 06:12 AM

^^

My monitor is now covered in cum.

spiritualxtc · 09-02-2010, 07:24 AM

"There has been a ton of work done about the science of attraction, as it turns out, the better looking you are, the more intelligent people see you as..."

Just to clarify on this, this is called the halo effect. A cognitive bias where the perception of one trait influences the perception of another or other traits. The most common example is a good-looking person being viewed as more intelligent, or more considerate without sufficient evidence to either.

Sharp Nacelle · 09-02-2010, 07:26 AM

What's the opposite of a halo? A crown of thorns?

spiritualxtc · 09-02-2010, 07:30 AM

Usually it's just referred to as the reverse halo effect, though some call it the horn effect.

Anjelen · 09-02-2010, 07:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Turtleman

It was actually a test, I needed to see how you would react. A persons reaction to negative thoughts often provides more telling then positive reinforcement. You went into overdrive defense, nitpicking spelling, typing it in a condensing way and being passively hostile rejecting my comment without thought.

You have a big confirmation bias that you don't know you have, a confirmation bias is where you interpret information in a way that confirms beliefs. In your case, that being intelligence is creepy.

There has been a ton of work done about the science of attraction, as it turns out, the better looking you are, the more intelligent people see you as, this is because of women over the years favoring men that are both smart and intelligent men. Women are obviously attracted to you but why are they attracted to you, have you ever asked?

Now how does this relate to a confirmation bias? simple! Your confirmation bias is that intelligent behavior is the reason why women are leaving and finding you creepy but in actual fact its not the case. It doesn't make it any less ture that I'm telling you think now, because you will jump back into your head and confirm your own theory once more. Its a fault in human logic and everyone does it. Its why the earth was thought to be flat for so long even if its pretty clear its not.

spiritualxtc is right on the money, its not your IQ thats driving them away, its how you interact with them. Look for solutions not the problems.

The fact that you made the thread in the first place shows that you are looking for support in a theory where there is a mountain of evidence to the opposite. Being Intelligent is attractive don't let yourself tell you different. Don't let it get to you like it is now, its unhealthy to worry and ask yourself what if I wasn't so smart. Find someone who likes you for you.

(p.s yeah I know this is badly written, my computer is freezing like a motherfucker.)

Poor save. If you were truly testing the OP you're as subtle as a sledgehammer to the nutsack.

While it is my opinion that the OP's first post was, to say the least, somewhat narcissistic - your reaction to it was uncalled for. Now that you've been called on it, it's rather amusing to see you backpedal at the speed of light.

In responce to the original post, however - Intelligence is generally considered an aphrodisiac. However - People skills are as, if not more, important than intellect.

I have no idea of the situations other than the images you've painted for us, maxximov - but it seems to me that you could do some work here.

I've referred to you as (somewhat of) a narcissist, i'll fully admit that - and again i may have been somewhat harsh to make that judgement call. However, from the few examples you've given us it looks like you've gone out of your way to prove how smart you are, when you posted as much as when you dated.

Would you believe a girl is more likely to enjoy being with a guy she understands - and whom she feels understands her - than to be with a shining beacon of knowledge and trivia?

It matters not one iota wether or not you can off-handedly recall Pi to the umpty-seventh decimal, or wether you know that some species of octopi have a birdlike beak wich moves in the horizontal plane rather than, as on birds, in the vertical; from my experience, wich i can be so blunt to say is rather extensive, it matters more wether you can show a gal a good time.

And as such, a tip - get a gal to laugh enough that she starts smiling when she sees you coming her way, and your ginormous brainmeats and the knowledge contained therein will suddenly seem adorably dorky, rather than intimidatingly omniscient.

I know wich one of the two i'd prefer to be seen as

sweetsong · 09-02-2010, 07:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sharp Nacelle

^^

My monitor is now covered in cum.

What the hell? o.O

Turtleman · 09-03-2010, 05:38 AM

ok what the hell @ sharp

I waited to post these before, but my computer was being a sadist.

http://www.spring.org.uk/2007/10/hal...wn-mind-is.php
http://www.psychwiki.com/wiki/Propinquity_Effect
http://www.3smartcubes.com/pages/tes...structions.asp

Google is your friend.

08-31-2010, 03:54 AM	#1
Maxximov Member Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Currently: The United States. Posts: 47 Blog Entries: 1	Intelligence equals creepy? I have discovered something odd. My intelligence has destroyed many of my relationships or made others complete non-starters. I discovered this by accident. I got fed up with being jerked around and confronted a girl I was trying to date. The filter between her brain and mouth short-circuited and she blurted out 'you're so smart you're creepy'. I decided to speak to girls I knew and to girls that I had been involved with briefly to see what they thought. They each, without prompting from me, dubbed me creepy or unnerving or unsettling. That faded after they realized that I wasn't going to kill them in their sleep and was simply polite. Most pointed to the way I spoke and how I was able to answer questions in detail without having to look anything up as contributing to the creepiness. After I had received that nugget of information, I simply asked why they left. The most common reason has been that my partner was afraid that I would think that they were too stupid to be with and dump them for someone more intelligent. The other reasons vary but still tie into my intelligence in most cases. For the ones that never were, they were intimidated by what I knew and immediately discounted me as a possibility. Others decided I would be too much trouble to deal with since I was perceptive as well as intelligent. I am not saying that I am not responsible for being a man and doing stupid things to drive others away. My intelligence is not to blame for everything, but it is responsible for a surprisingly large number of my relationships going south. Frankly, that is disheartening. Now that I have said that, has anyone else encountered this problem?

08-31-2010, 06:31 AM	#3
sweetsong getDare Succubus Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: ♥ In your dreams ♥ Posts: 1,733 Blog Entries: 98	I've been told I was intimidating.. multiple times. I'm also rather serious and academic and would totally bring up evolution on the first date... >.> I think you just have to date people who are your "type" intellectually but sometimes you don't live in the right area or hang out in the right places to find them. __________________ . siggy made by stellz [03:54:06 PM] jamness: ‹@G.J.› She... kisses and stuff... shes weird. [03:54:39 PM] G.J.: ‹@jamness› That seems like normal Sweets to me XD

09-01-2010, 03:03 AM	#6
MercilessDomme Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Australia Posts: 111 Blog Entries: 1	I do not agree with your critics. Your post was reasonable and understandable - I empathise, from the woman's point of view. Are smart women creepy? Do smart women even exist? (Just threw that in to upset the feminists). People expect me to have read the latest Women's Weekly, and get disturbed when I would rather discuss the Economist. This is probably not found creepy, although they might find it so if I followed my inclinations and ripped out their trachea. __________________ I'm not really merciless!. It's just a playname. If I do not reply to your message, it is because I do not consider it to be worthy of a response.

09-01-2010, 04:55 AM	#7
Woof getDare Sweetheart Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Singapore and Liverpool. Posts: 408 Blog Entries: 38	....Intelligence is HOT >: That is all. __________________ Female/20/SG&UK I enjoy interesting conversations.

09-02-2010, 06:12 AM	#9
Sharp Nacelle Distinguished Member Join Date: Aug 2010 Location: UK Posts: 742	^^ My monitor is now covered in cum. __________________ 46/m/uk Don't take me too seriously Ask me anything... get an evasive answer Anonymous secrets My advert

08-31-2010, 04:47 AM	#2
Turtleman Junior Member Join Date: Aug 2010 Location: Auckland Posts: 7	It wasn't your intelligence that destroyed the relationship, its your attitude and a lack of social understanding. There Both non-existent.

08-31-2010, 07:47 AM	#4
spiritualxtc Account Banned Join Date: Mar 2010 Posts: 218	Turtle, 444, and sweetsong all have a point. More often than not, intelligence is found to be an attractive attribute, much like someone that's physically fit, for very obvious reasons. Being smart is a good thing, and it attracts more people than it repels. But that's just intelligence. If you don't have the virtue of empathy, articulation, and tact to help navigate around a sense of being pretentious or condescending (the tone of voice plays a huge part in this and you have to be conscious of it), then you're picked up as being arrogant or full of hubris rather than just smart. That's what I have to say in regards to agree with the first two posters. And in regards to the last, you do have to be choosy of the kind of people that you associate with and take on in relationships. I've been called intelligent, daunting, and arrogant (sometimes all at once!), but I've never met someone who thought that intelligence was creepy. Are you sure you're blinking enough?

09-01-2010, 02:38 AM	#5
Maxximov Member Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Currently: The United States. Posts: 47 Blog Entries: 1	Thank you both to the two posters who actually said something constructive. I wonder what 444 actually said since it seems to have disappeared... To Turtleman: I find it very amusing you would accuse me of not having any 'attitude' or 'social understanding.' You've certainly displayed your grasp of those concepts with your post. When you have something to add to the conversation, feel free to post again. Until that time, you need to work on learning the proper use of 'there' and 'they're'. They're definitely not interchangeable.

09-02-2010, 07:24 AM	#10
spiritualxtc Account Banned Join Date: Mar 2010 Posts: 218	"There has been a ton of work done about the science of attraction, as it turns out, the better looking you are, the more intelligent people see you as..." Just to clarify on this, this is called the halo effect. A cognitive bias where the perception of one trait influences the perception of another or other traits. The most common example is a good-looking person being viewed as more intelligent, or more considerate without sufficient evidence to either.

09-02-2010, 07:26 AM	#11
Sharp Nacelle Distinguished Member Join Date: Aug 2010 Location: UK Posts: 742	What's the opposite of a halo? A crown of thorns? __________________ 46/m/uk Don't take me too seriously Ask me anything... get an evasive answer Anonymous secrets My advert

09-02-2010, 07:30 AM	#12
spiritualxtc Account Banned Join Date: Mar 2010 Posts: 218	Usually it's just referred to as the reverse halo effect, though some call it the horn effect.

09-03-2010, 05:38 AM	#15
Turtleman Junior Member Join Date: Aug 2010 Location: Auckland Posts: 7	ok what the hell @ sharp I waited to post these before, but my computer was being a sadist. http://www.spring.org.uk/2007/10/hal...wn-mind-is.php http://www.psychwiki.com/wiki/Propinquity_Effect http://www.3smartcubes.com/pages/tes...structions.asp Google is your friend.