I am very glad to hear that you are doing better, and a good luck to all your future endeavors of the SM variety.

I agree with a lot of this.

My Master and I share, what I call, a lot of life photos. Photos of meals we eat, photos of the views we see outside, things we see we think the other would like. It makes me feel a part of his life to see these things. I feel included and I know he cares about me as much as I care about him. I can't imagine being in a relationship and not doing that. Anyone can tell you how to touch and when to cum but getting to know each other as people is so vital.

I am still new to the d/s world. Its only been about 2 months now but I completely agree with you. I see the people who just want to control and put no emotion into it, and the people who don't see the relationship side.

I sort of hit the "jackpot" when I was looking through ads I received a lovely pm with a link to an extremely well written ad that instantly made me want to do what it would take to make that man my Master...and it worked! But I don't see how a strong d/s relationship can come out of a short and meaningless ad. If the person doesn't put in the time into finding the right person then there is a good chance they wont put in the time to make the relationship good for both people.

You be my slave okay? Must be serious or I will drop you.

I completely agree with all of this, I hate ads where girls just do a line. I dont go onto the next though I look at the pathetic guys so desperate for anything that moves that reply to them telling how interested they are. Its not like I am looking for a sub I only want one its just good entertainment!

It is good to not pressure people into sub/slave roles. They should want to serve you not feel like they have no other choice. It will always make things more fun that way, when you resent the person you are with you aren't your usual playful self.

I dont know you. What I write here is not meant to be personal, but merely my general opinion, that I would give to someone I didn`t know very well.

Going back to being a sub while you are in mourning.

Generally I frown on that.

Mainly because for some this can be a very dangerous road.

As a sub in mourning one might find oneself crossing borders one would not normally have crossed because one drowns the sorrow in pain. Pain becomes an escape tool.

This is where serious mistakes may happen. Choosing to engage with the wrong master or going too far.

I`m not a switch but if I were I`d most likely not drop the dominant side - I`d take a complete holiday from both sides because either side craves someone who is in tune with him-/herself. Anything else is just too dangerous in my opinion. It`s like being drunk while on a high wire.

But that is just my general idea. Like I said, I dont know you.

Although this is not what you want to hear, your post is very encouraging to me. It is nice to hear that two people can have a strong relationship and when the time comes that they need to go their own way, even for a time, that it can still be done with grace.

Now, regarding your question.... I personally don't think anyone should give up being dominant or submissive completely. You never know who will come into your life or what side they will bring out in you. No one will ever be able to replace your little girl but there may be a girl who you will grow to love in a different way, whether that be in a sub or dom way only the future knows.

I wish you the best of luck in this new chapter of your life.

I am sorry to hear that I know how it feels to lose a sub you really enjoyed being with. I have had it happen to me once before, when she left the chance of her coming back was pretty non existent and it sucked. I did give up my dominant side for the most part I just became a vanilla browsing the forums for the most part reading stories/blogs and talking to my friends.

Eventually a few friends pmed me asking for dares, and while I wasn't feeling dominant to the point I could do it all the time like I used to the spark was still there for short periods. I would give them a fun dare and they would send me a report back and each time my desire to find a sub would grow just a little bit. I read the looking for master section most every day(don't ask me why the quality of ads was so bad) every now and then a good one would pop up that would peek my interest but I would let it slip through because I wasn't ready.

Eventually your dominant side will get bored watching everyone have fun and you will want to have a girl of your own again. So don't give up hope I got faith in ya that things will work out for the best.

Sending good vibes to you both.

I hate giving advice, but if I were in your postion I'd go through the grief before making such decisions that may not be reasonably formed and could lead to more difficulty later on. It will take as long as it takes, and your process is hindered somewhat by having to mask your emotions from those around you.

Thinking of you both.

The only real advice I can give is that you don't make any decision.

There is a grieving process when a relationship ends, for whatever reason. Allow this time to reflect, to come to terms with it. After that, don't look to be one thing or another. Simply do as you feel, act on instinct.

As Saddi says, labels are dangerous conveniences. They can quickly give someone a rough idea of the type of person we are. They cannot tell ALL of what we are, and they should never tell US what we are.

Come to terms with where you are now, and where you have been. Where you go next is unexplored territory, enter it with an open mind and a healed heart, when you are ready for it.

I don't know you at all, so anything I say is very much on the surface and therefore could easily be wrong. I apologise if it is.

As I don't know you I had a read through some other things you have written before responding and I came across this sentence in an earlier blog post:

"But despite me being a dominant right now though, I am actually more of a submissive at heart, as that’s what I was before I became a switch in 2009."

While I am not going to advise you on whether or not you should give up your Dominant side, I believe you can use this sad situation to explore and develop all sides of your BDSM persona.
I agree with the above poster, I don't believe you need to retire. More put that side of you on a shelf and, should the opportunity present itself with her again or another, you can dust it off and see if it still fits. During that time you can grow and learn as a switch and as a sub to see which side you feel most naturally comfortable with.

Use this time to evaluate what you want.
Don't label yourself just because that's how you feel at a certain time or that is how others see you.

Sending up prayers for you both, you will be in my thoughts.

It's never easy letting a sub go; especially when the circumstances are outside of your control. You don't have to definitively say one way or the other that you're giving up being a dom entirely. You can play it by ear, see how it goes. You never know when another may cross your path that could pique your interest. But it doesn't mean that you don't have to "retire" per say. Just throw it in the closet for a while, you may find one day that you want it again.

That's awesome, and I never noticed its little nostrils, either; I always thought it was just a heavy underbite, or like a cow's mouth. Huh...

Good luck!

Whoot! Whoot!
Btw. I did ask for a punishment once. I seriously knew I needed one to pull me back to a good submissive happy place, and I had done things wrong to deserve it.
I enjoyed reading this!
The disclaimers in the beginning made me giggle too.

Yes; this is me, too! I quite like the 'W' in my initials though.

While there are certain elements of your blog I agree with, there are other things I take into account when posting.

Firstly, saying things like 'No one will read/comment on this' and 'I don't see the point/think this will do any good, but...' are real turn offs for me. I lose interest with that attitude, and when I see it, or people bumping a thread and complaining about others not posting, or guys posting, I tend not to stick around. Language and how you use it is important, even more so in a virtual community where text is relied on. If you feel so negatively about what you post, or the reasons for it, why do it, and why should I stand behind you? If you want change, be the type of poster you find interesting, post the things that you'd want to see. Noticing the problem is easy.

Regarding your difficulty giving dares; subs tend to give great dares and tasks, because they've actually had some experience and know how things feel. Have a little more confidence in yourself; I'd find reading dares, tasks and challenges you spent time and thought creating much more pleasurable, interesting and informative than you writing things you 'don't feel will do a lot of good.' Fuck that! Also, you’ve SEEN some of the awful things that are put up and lied about. Are you telling me that you can’t do better? I bet you can. Ultimately, what do you have to lose other than some time? Having a rant is fine and healthy, at times, but you'll need a better strategy if you really want things to be different.

As for other community members posting in threads to support; yes, absolutely. I actually prefer to post non-sexual questions, for men and women, because I like to build a sense of who I'm talking to. Also, I'm always looking for new books! A task I have given my subs is to ask questions in truth threads as a public service, and have seen others mention the same...

I will take the time to read through an entire AMA thread. You talk about guys not getting many responses. Okay, break that down some more; look at the how the responses are given. I am curious in the extreme, and will happily question people on anything, regardless of gender. However, I’d like them to be answered with a display of thought, which gives me something to ask further questions with. Women tend to answer more fully. Oh no, I might be straight! No, I just like to see well rounded answers.

Also, I am not here to entertain you. I owe you nothing more than the merest human respect. Even that is debateable, and hard to manage for many. I don’t even know you, will almost certainly never meet you. Yet I still care. I care for every single member of this community, want to see you do well, be happy and make some kind of connection in this world. To read posts of you enriching your life and experimenting would be a joy for me. Having said that, you need to show me that there is something there, a reason for me to get involved when the majority of indicators point in another direction.

Talking down the community, making extrapolations simply to fit your pet peeve, pet theory pouting (say that three times fast?) does not make me feel responsive. Quite the opposite.

Ohh pick me pick me!! I'm happy to see you around

Well, I don't 'know' you since I'm new, but with 1000+ posts and over 50 blog posts, I'm sure we are happy that you are coming back

I do wish that more people actually took the time to read. Sadly, this post will only be read by the people who actually read though. Bummer

I have yet to see this on GD and it saddens me to think that in today's world especially on a site like GD there are people out there that are intolerant of trivial things like race and sexual orientation. (P.S. I'm sure that friend from Canada would love to come visit you too!

not gunna lie, i've been thinking about how girls always get more replies because they're girls, i have just been to scared to say something, that annoys me also, how can a girl make a thread, then a male make the same sort of thread, the girl get 40000000000 replies and the guy get didly squat! its ridiculous, just because you post on a female thread doesn't mean they're going to fall in love with you and want to be your slave!
i too have nothing against females but still...come on!

Bravo! I congratulate you on an elegant and vicious written post. I would like to read more.

I like it! I'm very interested in reading weekly.
I admit I want to do the same thing your doing.

You should of let out the laugh, she was trying to be funny