Giving Up Dominance?
Posted 05-07-2014 at 11:11 PM by Komodo Jones
I know this would be more appropriate in an advice section but I am hoping I can get a little more feedback through this medium. It's been about a week since this happened and some of you know about some of you don't, but it would be out eventually. Last Friday night, my slave for almost a year and I had to split ways. There were no arguments, there was no fighting, neither one of us did anything wrong, at least not to my knowledge. However, certain situations arose which caused her not to be able to continue her role as my slave. As I said it's been about a week and there hasn't been a day that has passed where I haven't been totally depressed. The first day I didn't cry was Monday, but of course as I'm writing this entry tears are welling up as this is a hard subject for me to talk about.
So where does the advice I'm requesting come into all of this? Well, my little girl as I've come to call her by...well she's awesome; there are so many qualities about her that are admirable that I could write a novelish blog entry about them. I love her so much which is why this breakup has been really hard for me. And just so that no one takes sides I will let you know that this breakup has been really hard on her too. When I truly analyzed the situation I came to the conclusion that the only person I would ever want to dominate is her. Now this may come across as a lost cause, and in some cases you're right. But there is a slim chance that we may get back together in the future, and if that opportunity is open, I will take it. But of course since she's the only one I want to dominate, I came to the conclusion that I would give up the dominate side of myself and give over to my submissive side, as I am a switch.
I know at the end of the day, I'm going to have to come up with this answer on my own, but I am asking your opinions on the following question: Is this a good/smart decision to give up dominance completely, in this particular situation? There's no right or wrong answer, I'm just looking for honest opinions and/or maybe some advice on how to deal with this situation.
And also for all my Christian brothers and sisters, as well as those who believe in the power of prayer, yes I know you people exist, I know that the both of us could really use some prayer for emotional healing. Like I said, this has been really hard on the both of us. For those of you who decide to pray for us I would like to thank you, and even though my little girl is not a Christian I'm sure she would thank you too. And also for those who take the time to read this and respond to it, I thank you also.
So where does the advice I'm requesting come into all of this? Well, my little girl as I've come to call her by...well she's awesome; there are so many qualities about her that are admirable that I could write a novelish blog entry about them. I love her so much which is why this breakup has been really hard for me. And just so that no one takes sides I will let you know that this breakup has been really hard on her too. When I truly analyzed the situation I came to the conclusion that the only person I would ever want to dominate is her. Now this may come across as a lost cause, and in some cases you're right. But there is a slim chance that we may get back together in the future, and if that opportunity is open, I will take it. But of course since she's the only one I want to dominate, I came to the conclusion that I would give up the dominate side of myself and give over to my submissive side, as I am a switch.
I know at the end of the day, I'm going to have to come up with this answer on my own, but I am asking your opinions on the following question: Is this a good/smart decision to give up dominance completely, in this particular situation? There's no right or wrong answer, I'm just looking for honest opinions and/or maybe some advice on how to deal with this situation.
And also for all my Christian brothers and sisters, as well as those who believe in the power of prayer, yes I know you people exist, I know that the both of us could really use some prayer for emotional healing. Like I said, this has been really hard on the both of us. For those of you who decide to pray for us I would like to thank you, and even though my little girl is not a Christian I'm sure she would thank you too. And also for those who take the time to read this and respond to it, I thank you also.
Total Comments 8
Comments
-
It's never easy letting a sub go; especially when the circumstances are outside of your control. You don't have to definitively say one way or the other that you're giving up being a dom entirely. You can play it by ear, see how it goes. You never know when another may cross your path that could pique your interest. But it doesn't mean that you don't have to "retire" per say. Just throw it in the closet for a while, you may find one day that you want it again.Posted 05-08-2014 at 12:27 AM by BrianJ 
-
I don't know you at all, so anything I say is very much on the surface and therefore could easily be wrong. I apologise if it is.
As I don't know you I had a read through some other things you have written before responding and I came across this sentence in an earlier blog post:
"But despite me being a dominant right now though, I am actually more of a submissive at heart, as that’s what I was before I became a switch in 2009."
While I am not going to advise you on whether or not you should give up your Dominant side, I believe you can use this sad situation to explore and develop all sides of your BDSM persona.
I agree with the above poster, I don't believe you need to retire. More put that side of you on a shelf and, should the opportunity present itself with her again or another, you can dust it off and see if it still fits. During that time you can grow and learn as a switch and as a sub to see which side you feel most naturally comfortable with.
Use this time to evaluate what you want.
Don't label yourself just because that's how you feel at a certain time or that is how others see you.
Sending up prayers for you both, you will be in my thoughts.
Posted 05-08-2014 at 01:33 AM by Saddi
-
The only real advice I can give is that you don't make any decision.
There is a grieving process when a relationship ends, for whatever reason. Allow this time to reflect, to come to terms with it. After that, don't look to be one thing or another. Simply do as you feel, act on instinct.
As Saddi says, labels are dangerous conveniences. They can quickly give someone a rough idea of the type of person we are. They cannot tell ALL of what we are, and they should never tell US what we are.
Come to terms with where you are now, and where you have been. Where you go next is unexplored territory, enter it with an open mind and a healed heart, when you are ready for it.Posted 05-08-2014 at 01:52 AM by AbusiveMaster
-
Sending good vibes to you both.
I hate giving advice, but if I were in your postion I'd go through the grief before making such decisions that may not be reasonably formed and could lead to more difficulty later on. It will take as long as it takes, and your process is hindered somewhat by having to mask your emotions from those around you.
Thinking of you both.Posted 05-08-2014 at 09:08 AM by StrawDog
-
I am sorry to hear that I know how it feels to lose a sub you really enjoyed being with. I have had it happen to me once before, when she left the chance of her coming back was pretty non existent and it sucked. I did give up my dominant side for the most part I just became a vanilla browsing the forums for the most part reading stories/blogs and talking to my friends.
Eventually a few friends pmed me asking for dares, and while I wasn't feeling dominant to the point I could do it all the time like I used to the spark was still there for short periods. I would give them a fun dare and they would send me a report back and each time my desire to find a sub would grow just a little bit. I read the looking for master section most every day(don't ask me why the quality of ads was so bad) every now and then a good one would pop up that would peek my interest but I would let it slip through because I wasn't ready.
Eventually your dominant side will get bored watching everyone have fun and you will want to have a girl of your own again. So don't give up hope I got faith in ya that things will work out for the best.Posted 05-08-2014 at 07:18 PM by Shadowice
-
Although this is not what you want to hear, your post is very encouraging to me. It is nice to hear that two people can have a strong relationship and when the time comes that they need to go their own way, even for a time, that it can still be done with grace.
Now, regarding your question.... I personally don't think anyone should give up being dominant or submissive completely. You never know who will come into your life or what side they will bring out in you. No one will ever be able to replace your little girl but there may be a girl who you will grow to love in a different way, whether that be in a sub or dom way only the future knows.
I wish you the best of luck in this new chapter of your life.Posted 05-08-2014 at 09:39 PM by Subbiebrookie
-
I dont know you. What I write here is not meant to be personal, but merely my general opinion, that I would give to someone I didn`t know very well.
Going back to being a sub while you are in mourning.
Generally I frown on that.
Mainly because for some this can be a very dangerous road.
As a sub in mourning one might find oneself crossing borders one would not normally have crossed because one drowns the sorrow in pain. Pain becomes an escape tool.
This is where serious mistakes may happen. Choosing to engage with the wrong master or going too far.
I`m not a switch but if I were I`d most likely not drop the dominant side - I`d take a complete holiday from both sides because either side craves someone who is in tune with him-/herself. Anything else is just too dangerous in my opinion. It`s like being drunk while on a high wire.
But that is just my general idea. Like I said, I dont know you.Posted 05-09-2014 at 02:06 AM by nalk
-
I realize that you don't know me, but this would not be my first experience in submission. I've been in enough good and bad relationships, where I was the submissive, to know what warning signs to look for and how to get out of a bad situation. Just because I am in mourning, does not mean I'm going to lack the ability to produce rational thought and not be able to differentiate good from bad or pushing my limits to staying within them.Quote:Originally Posted by nalk
Going back to being a sub while you are in mourning.
Generally I frown on that.
Mainly because for some this can be a very dangerous road.
As a sub in mourning one might find oneself crossing borders one would not normally have crossed because one drowns the sorrow in pain.
This is where serious mistakes may happen. Choosing to engage with the wrong master or going too far.Posted 05-09-2014 at 06:19 AM by Komodo Jones
