Non-Fiction: Two boys + Sleepover - Page 3

Traitor · 12-31-2010, 04:03 PM

nice keep it going

kinky · 12-31-2010, 07:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cbtslave4u2

stop explaining stupid differences in words. i call it a freakin sofa you bloody wanka. a wanka means jackass in america...

good story though, grammar is not that good though, i almost stopped reading because of it.

Shut the fuck up. Firstly I am just helping people with definitions as not everyone knows. Secondly, how is my grammar bad? If you don't want to read it, go 'snob' somewhere else.
Noob.

P.S to everyone, happy new year.

nuditydudity · 12-31-2010, 08:37 PM

Don't let it get to you. I got told that I was going to rot in hell for writing my story, so there you go.
I personally really like your story, and the grammar is great, I don't really get what they're saying about that.
If a story bothers you that much, there is a simple solution: DON'T READ IT!
@kinky: I love the story, and keep writing!!!

Jellybones · 12-31-2010, 11:34 PM

Hey! Great story so far. I appreciate the definitions though sometimes I think they impede the flow of the story a little bit. To be totally honest it is not perfect grammatically. The errors were generally comma issues. They don't significantly hurt the story though so it's not a big deal. Any way I truly hope you continue the story and I look forward to reading more!

Dylan xX · 01-01-2011, 12:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cbtslave4u2

stop explaining stupid differences in words. i call it a freakin sofa you bloody wanka. a wanka means jackass in america...

good story though, grammar is not that good though, i almost stopped reading because of it.

I don't blame you for being pissed but just ignore it. He's flaming over a damn couch, OH SORRY, SOFA!

Just forget it, your grammar ain't that bad. THATS RIGHT, IM TEXAN!

cbtslave4u2 · 01-01-2011, 01:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dylan xX

I don't blame you for being pissed but just ignore it. He's flaming over a damn couch, OH SORRY, SOFA!

Just forget it, your grammar ain't that bad. THATS RIGHT, IM TEXAN!

well in spots it is hard to read, it doesnt flow smoothly. and seriously he doesnt need to tell us he is speaking in third person, we know. im just saying though, no need to get mad. im from texas too, i dont know what that has to do with anything though...

cbtslave4u2 · 01-01-2011, 02:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dylan xX

I don't blame you for being pissed but just ignore it. He's flaming over a damn couch, OH SORRY, SOFA!

Just forget it, your grammar ain't that bad. THATS RIGHT, IM TEXAN!

and i wasnt flaming over a sofa, i was flaming over the disruptions of the story for definitions. but it doesnt really matter

carefree · 01-01-2011, 05:07 AM

Very hott - and to that guy that was flaming over nothing - go fuck yourself

immaeatu · 01-02-2011, 03:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by carefree

Very hott - and to that guy that was flaming over nothing - go fuck yourself

lool!!!!!! short sweet and to thee poiint kind of comment ehh? lool nice one XD
Kinky dont let the fool get in your way!!!
to the fool: stop posting your diggin your own grave XP

kinky · 01-04-2011, 06:50 AM

Ok sorry guys, I've been kind of busy or I've not had the chance to write it, being Christmas and New Years and all. I hope everyone enjoyed their holidays.

I cannot write currently as I'm on my mobile but I'll write as soon as possible.

I agree, my grammar isn't the best but no need to flame, I was just giving definitions because others don't actually know what they mean. Just because you know it, doesn't mean that others do. Also everyone mentions the prospective, does that matter to you also? gtfo.

cbtslave4u2 · 01-04-2011, 08:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kinky

Ok sorry guys, I've been kind of busy or I've not had the chance to write it, being Christmas and New Years and all. I hope everyone enjoyed their holidays.

I cannot write currently as I'm on my mobile but I'll write as soon as possible.

I agree, my grammar isn't the best but no need to flame, I was just giving definitions because others don't actually know what they mean. Just because you know it, doesn't mean that others do. Also everyone mentions the prospective, does that matter to you also? gtfo.

i wasnt flaming you. my best friend is British and we call each other wankas and jackasses all the time because we think it is funny. if it is a serious insult over there then I am sorry.

i was just trying to say is that putting definitions directly in the story takes away from what you are trying to portray because i have to stop reading the story and read a definition.

i had only intended to critisize you once by repeating the same thing others had said before me, please notitce I'm not the only one who complained about definitions and none of them were told to fuck off, but i got ganged up on and felt i needed to explain myself.

i was trying to be helpful... dont listen to me but it would be better to place an asteric (*) next to a word you want to explain and place the definition at the bottom of your chapter.

im sorry i came off as an asshole...

nuditydudity · 01-04-2011, 08:29 PM

I'm glad that you apologized, and maybe everyone (myself included) did overreact.
But you might consider taking some of what you give as well, and check your own grammar before railing on someone else's. Just a thought.
Keep up the good work kinky!

kinky · 01-05-2011, 04:17 PM

I was going to write up the last chapter before I left but my parents came in just as I was writing it. I've also removed the definitions.

Previous:

Kieran wanted to speed the game up so decided that Nick should give him a blowjob, Nick wasn't actually pleased yet he was exited to give out his first blowjob. Kieran went and sat down on the chair, relaxed himself then pulled down his trousers, while Nick pulled up his trousers, bent down and shuffled next to Kieran's penis. He took a big deep breath then put Kieran's whole penis into his mouth, and started bobbing, Kieran couldn't even believe the feeling he was getting off of Nick and just moaned slightly under his breathe. Nick didn't like the taste at all but still carried on. Once the minute was up, Kieran was humping Nickk's face but he had to stop, as they always stop dares after one minute. They both enjoyed it and Nick didn't actually get up to 'wash his mouth out'..

*I probably won't be able to write much but I am just trying to keep you guys attracted. Spelling or grammar may be bad in this paragraph as I'm sneaking online to write this for you*

Now - Third person

It's Nicks turn and as Nick was planning a great dare, Kieran decided to ruin it by picking truth. Nick was slightly annoyed but still showed a smiley face. "arrgh. Ok well.. Urrm.. - Do you enjoy these days?", without hesitation Kieran replied "Yeah!, they're fun

". Perfect.

Nick was in for a suprise as Kieran had planned this dare but was holding it for a good time to use. Kieran had instructed Nick and himself to go to his parents bathroom suite and to sit down on the toilet, Kieran then opened the shower door and searched through some bottles. After about a minute of waiting and Nick getting a good view of Kieran's ass, Kieran finally turned around and waved a shower gel bottle in the air. "I'm going to smeare this shower gel all over your ass" Kieran sniggered. As Nick grabbed the bottle, thinking that this would be easy, he read the title that labelled, "XXX Mint" - Oh shit!

Nick then bent down, ass in the air with his trousers down, then used both of his hands to spreade his cheeks open as the clicking sound of the XXX Mint bottle cap opened for the first time to be used. Kieran then squirted the dark green liquid over his hands and rubbed them together. Kieran then got closer and start to massuage Nick's ass all around, making sure that his ass was covered in this mint, he then edged around the crack and rubbed some extra around the thighs, upon standing back up again and telling Nick to get back up.

Nick actually enjoyed it the sensations Kieran was giving him until 3 minutes after he finished, felt his ass and thighs feel really cold. Now who was laughing..

Ok guys, that's all I can write right now, I hope you liked it :P

immaeatu · 01-08-2011, 08:08 AM

Kinky, im goin to be honest with you,
this story is amazing and its so adorable!!!!

this was fiction right :s because i hope it can become reality <3

kinky · 01-08-2011, 07:04 PM

Haha thanks.. And yeah, unfortunately it's fiction.
I was with him today, he just seems too anti-gay so I doubt I'd ever be able to get to play TorD with him. Oh well.

I'll write more once I get some attention. I don't want to be writing if no one is interested!

12-31-2010, 04:03 PM	#31
Traitor Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2010 Location: Canada, Eh? Posts: 174 Blog Entries: 3	nice keep it going __________________ 18/Male/Bi Currently looking for Mistress/Master PM me. <(^^,)>Loves: Chastity, Tease n Denial, Anal, Cum Eating, Pictures, Driving, Rules, Light/hidden Public Likes: Orgasm Control, Edging, Nudity, Bondage, Diapers, Spanking, Exercise, Cum, PetPlay, CBT, Wax Play, Masturbation, everything else, Limits: Public, messy, Toothpaste. Toys: ButtPlugs, Dildo, manual Prostate Massager, Chastity devices, Household items My PM Dares

12-31-2010, 08:37 PM	#33
nuditydudity Distinguished Member Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: USA Posts: 573	Don't let it get to you. I got told that I was going to rot in hell for writing my story, so there you go. I personally really like your story, and the grammar is great, I don't really get what they're saying about that. If a story bothers you that much, there is a simple solution: DON'T READ IT! @kinky: I love the story, and keep writing!!! __________________ 9 Years on getDare!! Sing like you know the lyrics Dance like no one is watching Live like you were dying Love like you've never been hurt before

12-31-2010, 11:34 PM	#34
Jellybones Member Join Date: Dec 2009 Posts: 61	Hey! Great story so far. I appreciate the definitions though sometimes I think they impede the flow of the story a little bit. To be totally honest it is not perfect grammatically. The errors were generally comma issues. They don't significantly hurt the story though so it's not a big deal. Any way I truly hope you continue the story and I look forward to reading more! __________________ 22/m/US

01-04-2011, 06:50 AM	#40
kinky getDare Sweetheart Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: England! Posts: 300	Ok sorry guys, I've been kind of busy or I've not had the chance to write it, being Christmas and New Years and all. I hope everyone enjoyed their holidays. I cannot write currently as I'm on my mobile but I'll write as soon as possible. I agree, my grammar isn't the best but no need to flame, I was just giving definitions because others don't actually know what they mean. Just because you know it, doesn't mean that others do. Also everyone mentions the prospective, does that matter to you also? gtfo. __________________ 16 / Male / UK PM me as many truths as you like, I'll answer them no matter what Edit: (22/05/2016) - Last activity was in 2013. I've grown up now :O Edit edit: 23/01/2018 - Wow, happy to see the forum still alive. Amazing nostalgia and how young I was.

01-04-2011, 08:29 PM	#42
nuditydudity Distinguished Member Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: USA Posts: 573	I'm glad that you apologized, and maybe everyone (myself included) did overreact. But you might consider taking some of what you give as well, and check your own grammar before railing on someone else's. Just a thought. Keep up the good work kinky! __________________ 9 Years on getDare!! Sing like you know the lyrics Dance like no one is watching Live like you were dying Love like you've never been hurt before

01-01-2011, 05:07 AM	#38
carefree Baby Member Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: Brisbane Posts: 1	Very hott - and to that guy that was flaming over nothing - go fuck yourself

01-05-2011, 04:17 PM	#43
kinky getDare Sweetheart Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: England! Posts: 300	I was going to write up the last chapter before I left but my parents came in just as I was writing it. I've also removed the definitions. Previous: Kieran wanted to speed the game up so decided that Nick should give him a blowjob, Nick wasn't actually pleased yet he was exited to give out his first blowjob. Kieran went and sat down on the chair, relaxed himself then pulled down his trousers, while Nick pulled up his trousers, bent down and shuffled next to Kieran's penis. He took a big deep breath then put Kieran's whole penis into his mouth, and started bobbing, Kieran couldn't even believe the feeling he was getting off of Nick and just moaned slightly under his breathe. Nick didn't like the taste at all but still carried on. Once the minute was up, Kieran was humping Nickk's face but he had to stop, as they always stop dares after one minute. They both enjoyed it and Nick didn't actually get up to 'wash his mouth out'.. I probably won't be able to write much but I am just trying to keep you guys attracted. Spelling or grammar may be bad in this paragraph as I'm sneaking online to write this for you Now - Third person It's Nicks turn and as Nick was planning a great dare, Kieran decided to ruin it by picking truth. Nick was slightly annoyed but still showed a smiley face. "arrgh. Ok well.. Urrm.. - Do you enjoy these days?", without hesitation Kieran replied "Yeah!, they're fun ". Perfect. Nick was in for a suprise as Kieran had planned this dare but was holding it for a good time to use. Kieran had instructed Nick and himself to go to his parents bathroom suite and to sit down on the toilet, Kieran then opened the shower door and searched through some bottles. After about a minute of waiting and Nick getting a good view of Kieran's ass, Kieran finally turned around and waved a shower gel bottle in the air. "I'm going to smeare this shower gel all over your ass" Kieran sniggered. As Nick grabbed the bottle, thinking that this would be easy, he read the title that labelled, "XXX Mint" - Oh shit! Nick then bent down, ass in the air with his trousers down, then used both of his hands to spreade his cheeks open as the clicking sound of the XXX Mint bottle cap opened for the first time to be used. Kieran then squirted the dark green liquid over his hands and rubbed them together. Kieran then got closer and start to massuage Nick's ass all around, making sure that his ass was covered in this mint, he then edged around the crack and rubbed some extra around the thighs, upon standing back up again and telling Nick to get back up. Nick actually enjoyed it the sensations Kieran was giving him until 3 minutes after he finished, felt his ass and thighs feel really cold. Now who was laughing.. Ok guys, that's all I can write right now, I hope you liked it :P __________________ 16 / Male / UK PM me as many truths as you like, I'll answer them no matter what Edit: (22/05/2016) - Last activity was in 2013. I've grown up now :O Edit edit: 23/01/2018 - Wow, happy to see the forum still alive. Amazing nostalgia and how young I was.

01-08-2011, 08:08 AM	#44
immaeatu Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: Unicorn Village <3 Posts: 147	Kinky, im goin to be honest with you, this story is amazing and its so adorable!!!! this was fiction right :s because i hope it can become reality <3 __________________ i wish i had a tentacle beard... props to you Davy Jones ;o Newly in a relationship with my David <3

01-08-2011, 07:04 PM	#45
kinky getDare Sweetheart Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: England! Posts: 300	Haha thanks.. And yeah, unfortunately it's fiction. I was with him today, he just seems too anti-gay so I doubt I'd ever be able to get to play TorD with him. Oh well. I'll write more once I get some attention. I don't want to be writing if no one is interested! __________________ 16 / Male / UK PM me as many truths as you like, I'll answer them no matter what Edit: (22/05/2016) - Last activity was in 2013. I've grown up now :O Edit edit: 23/01/2018 - Wow, happy to see the forum still alive. Amazing nostalgia and how young I was.