[FICTION] The Trials of Sara and Jim - Part 3

[interesting]

Click here for Part 1 - This is Part 3!

Click here to comment on the original thread!



CHAPTER 3: TRIALS OF FRIENDS


Here begins the next installement for the stories of Jim, Sarah and their friends. A word about the upcoming narrative :

There will be several storylines at play here, all interconnected of course, and because of the necessity of the parts themselves sometimes the narrator will change. I will always include the chapter number, the title of the storyline, the episode of that storyline as well as the narrator's name in the introduction, as a guideline to assist you all.

Hope you enjoy it as much as the previous ones.

Also, a great thanks to applebooty for doing the proofreading before I post.

[interesting]

No one ever assumes, going into a new relationship, that things are going to be easy all the time. If they do, then they're fooling themselves. Of course, no one expects the relationship to be impossible to bridge. There is always a way to make things better, to make things right.

That being said, I'm not one to preach by example for either scenario. I realize, now after the fact, that most of my relationships have ended badly, but without violence. I know it is not recommended to generalize but it is a fact that I have come to accept.

When I was seven, my best friend was a boy whose name need not be mentioned here. One day, he stole my bike - that is, he borrowed it for weeks at a time, never giving it back. Our friendship did not survive the third grade, and I never did get my bike back. Of course, if I'd involved my parents in the ordeal, they might have helped me reclaim it. That would have been the smart thing to do.

When I moved away towards the end of my elementary school, I left behind a girl friend who was one year my senior. We played together, and sometimes she'd actually let me win. We promised we would never lose touch. We would be best friends forever. I wrote to her twice, and she never wrote back.

The relationship with my first girlfriend lasted about a week. We kissed at a dance organized by our local church, then spent the week going out to play. For an obscure unfathomable reason, we pretended not to be together, and eventually, it so happened that we weren't anymore. I kept seeing her at mass until the end of my high school, when I stopped going because my parents stopped forcing me. Maybe we could have tried again, but I never made the effort to go see her.

First semester of college was intense. New place, new girl, and new situations. Rituals galore. I was fresh out of my catholic upbringing, fresh into a new way of thinking and trying to cope with a girl more spiritual than I had ever been in my life. I didn't fit in her surreal world of magic and incantations. I could have tried to adapt, I could have tried to bring her back to a form of sanity.

She was just too strange for me.

While I was in college, I lived with two to three other guys and we were the best of friends, inseparable. We did everything together, from studying to partying, and all the nooks and crannies in between. Liberated from parental constraints, able to move about at any time of the day and night and go practically anywhere, having just turned eighteen, sky was the limit. I stayed with these guys until they either graduated or dropped out. Again, the bonds that united us would keep us close forever. Yet, I have not seen one of them in six years. They all went their separate ways.

In my next to last semester, I met Kim. We had the same classes, hung out in the same places, did our homework together. After a party, she came back to my place, as restless as I am. My roommates were out. We started talking literature, citing poetry and love stories, until we started kissing, made out, stripped, had sex and then went to bed. She stayed with me for six months and we started talking plans for the future. Hers took her to Seattle; mine kept me in California. At the end of the final semester, right before graduation, we parted ways amicably. We wrote to each other for about one year, then she met someone else and I have never heard from her since.

The last straw was four years ago. I had just started working as a T.A. I had been living with my roommate at the time for two years before I started to realize some of my things were disappearing. I can be pretty oblivious at times. First, it was food. Next, my towels. Then some of my clothes. Finally, I lost my wallet for about a week, only to find it in his dirty laundry. He tried to explain he had picked it up for me and forgotten to give it back, but by that time, I had become aware of his misdeeds. I tried to get him to confess but he refused to acknowledge his guilt. I felt violated. I took him to court. Small claims. To this day, I still don't know what I did wrong. Was I not convincing enough? I probably should have pressed criminal charges. I moved my stuff out of the apartment and into storage, and I lived out of that storage for two weeks before finding my current place. I have not seen him since the trial, and good riddance.

I am telling you all this so you'll better understand the dilemma I am now facing with Sarah, my new girlfriend. We have been going out since three weeks now, and at any moment, I'm expecting the other shoe to drop. She has been great all this time, and all our activities are amazing. I had several days off before returning to work which we spent at my place, cuddling, talking, eating and making love. We barely got out to get groceries. As the new semester rolled around, she returned to her own place and we started seeing each other only at nights and weekends (and the occasional afternoon). We alternate sleeping between her place and mine, though I prefer to be at my place because we have to share the room with her roommate Jennifer at her place. Not that I don't like Jennifer, it's just that it helps to encourage intimacy when we're only the two of us.

Everyday I wake up, with or without her at my side, I ask myself: is this the last time you get to spend with Sarah? Why should this relationship be any different than your previous others? I have way too much time to think.

I started feeling things were getting complicated, and at first I did not know why. Then, a few days ago, something happened that suddenly put our situation in perspective.

It was the middle of Saturday afternoon. Sarah and I were in her room, engaged in erotic activities. We had spent the night apart because I had work to do and so did she, so that day, I had gotten up around ten and called her. We had met for brunch, then taken a walk in the park. Eventually ending up at her place. Her roommates are almost always gone on the weekends, and Jennifer was out, so we decided to take advantage of it.

She put on some lascive music while I sat on her bed. She started dancing to it, slowly stripping her white blouse, black skirt, white bra and panties, knee high black socks. After a while, she danced naked for me, bringing my arousal to its peak. She started to do undress me, socks first, then my t-shirt, pants. She played around with my underwear before removing it. I started kissing her nipples and she did the same. We lay down on her bed and started making out. We began to tease each other with our hands, knowing full well where this one was going.

And that's when she entered.

At first, we didn't actually stop, simply slowed down and looked at her. She remained in the door and stared. This caused two very disparate reactions in me. Sarah kept fondling me, and I felt excitement at the notion of being caught; yet, at the same time, we had been intruded upon and I sensed anxiety, which was a definite turn off.

Silence crept in the room, as Jennifer slowly walked towards her bed, suddenly looking away from us. Sarah stopped what she was doing, to both my dismay and my well-being. Jennifer dropped her handbag besides her bed. It was Sarah who broke the silence.

"Jenn... huh... sorry.
"No, it's okay, I mean, I should have knocked.
"No, this is your room too, we should have put a sock on the door, something.
"Hey... no problem. You guys are together. I get that."

Jennifer hurried out of the room. Whatever mood had been there previously had now eroded completely. I was going limp and Sarah was definitely disturbed. We looked at each other.

"What do we do? I asked.
"Well... she's my best friend; I should go talk to her.
"Do I stay here?
"No... you should come along. This concerns you too."

I agreed. She picked up her blouse and put it on without buttoning it; I borrowed her bathrobe and covered myself. We moved out of the room and found Jennifer in the living room, staring at the television set.

"Jenn?"

She turns to face us.

"Listen, Jenn, I'm sorry. I am.
"Don't be. I'm back early; the shoot took less time than expected.
"How did it go?
"Okay, I guess."

Jennifer was coming back from a nude photoshoot. She knew this photographer who took pictures of girls for a website and Jennifer was one of his models, although she used an alias for the website. I knew, both because I had been told but also because I had seen her naked previously on the internet, as model 'Sasha' from Europe. She had also given me a nice picture of herself (with the face blurred out)

some weeks ago, while I was being tested by Sarah and her friends.

"Tell me about it."

The girls needed to bond. I went to get myself something to drink, while listening in on the conversation.

"He had me do this shoot with two other girls. We were at a private pool, playing and prancing about in the water.
"New girls?
"No. I did a shoot with one of them last October; he just added another of his models. We posed as if we were... you know.
"I've seen some of your pics, I know."

They laughed. Good. The tension was melting away.

"Did you get samples?
"I did. Wanna see?
"Of course."

She opened an envelope lying on the living room table. I decided I wanted to see too.

"These are just snapshots, not the real deal."

She had five pictures to show. Three are of the girls standing around the pool, each one in a different naked pose. The fourth one showed them hugging. The fifth one had them faking oral stimulation on each other. Very stimulating.

"What do you think, Jim? asks Sarah.
"Very hot."

Jennifer almost blushed.

"Sorry I... broke your play, there.
"Don't worry about it; we can pick it up later. Right Jim?
"Yeah... no sweat."

For a moment, everything seemed fine. Then Jennifer picked up the conversation.

"You know, you could still do it."

Sarah looked at her, than at me.

"I mean, I know I broke the mood and all, but there's a way we could get it back, if you want to, of course."

I must have looked puzzled because Sarah spoke directly to me.

"Maybe she can ask for forgiveness by putting on a show for us?"

The idea intrigued me. I remembered the games from a few weeks past, the daring and the visual stimulation, the nudity and the eroticism of it all. Sarah and I had not indulged in anything like that since the party. Jennifer continued.

"Actually, I was thinking the show could be threefold."

Her comment hung in mid air, as I considered the implications. They were difficult to grasp. Sarah brought me back to the moment.

"What do you think, Jim? You wanna try it?"

[interesting]

Sometimes, it's hard to remember that it was only four weeks ago that I started to see Sarah. It took us a week of games and encounters to end up together. So far, we've had three weeks to get to know one another, very intimately, I might add.

In all that time, our personal lives had never been intruded upon by anything. We had managed to hold our almost daily liaisons away from prying eyes. It's entirely possible we lacked foresight. We should have anticipated that, at some point, Sarah's roommate, Jennifer, might fall upon us during our private times. Carelessness breeds incidents, and one had occurred.

This situation made Jennifer's proposal all the more intriguing. But my instincts were held back by my usual reserve of what I considered to be common sense.

"It depends. You'll have to be more specific here."

We had been looking at samples from an erotic photo shoot which Jennifer had just come back from. There she was, in the pictures, posing near a pool in all her naked glory, simulating erotic acts with two other lovely women. It was enough to stimulate my senses again. Now, if I understood correctly, Jennifer was offering to pose for me and Sarah, in order to get us back in the mood.

Actually, she seemed to be proposing more than that.

"We can make a game of it."

Whenever Sarah or Jennifer, or most of her friends, wanted to do something challenging or possibly out of traditional standards, they made a game out of
it. As if that made everything all right. In all fairness, it did help to take away the edge from whatever was proposed. It had helped me get to know Sarah better and end up with her.

"Okay, but I need to know the rules, before I agree."

My sensible suggestion was supported by Sarah, and I was glad she agreed with me. Or did she simply agree because she was looking forward to the game, and wanted to make sure I was included? Jennifer took advantage of my silence.

"Well, I was thinking we could do a strip game first. Since you're both naked, I'd be doing the stripping. Here's what I propose : I ask both of you for a truth or dare; whichever one takes it has to answer or perform, and in return I strip. Once I'm naked, it will be your turn to ask as me as many truths or dares as I have asked you.
"Sounds good, said Sarah. What do you think?
"Same limits as last time, I'm fine with that.
"Great.
"And part two? Sarah inquired.
"Well, we alternate taking pictures of each other, first as solo, then two by two. What we do with the pictures is up to us."

Sarah sensed I was tense at the idea of having naked pictures of me taken.

"You can show as little or as much as you want."

Her comment cooled my fears. The rules seemed reasonable, and I was getting excited again, thanks to the pictures and the talk about stripping.

"Do we roll random truths or dares? asked Sarah.
"Why not? It's more fun... if that's okay with you, Jim?
"Okay... why not?"

I finished my drink, then we all moved back towards the bed room. As soon as we entered, Sarah removed her blouse and I dropped the bathrobe. Nudity with Jennifer did not make me uncomfortable anymore, not after all the nudity from the previous party. Besides, there was something liberating about discarding all apparel and walking around naked. Jennifer went to the bathroom, so I took a few moments to talk to Sarah.

"How far do we take this?
"I don't know. How far do you want to take it?
"I don't know."

There was a long pause, then I spoke again.

"I like Jenn, she's cool. I don't know how much I can let her invade our privacy.
"Remember the party?
"Of course I do.
"Remember when you were tied up and blindfolded, and I was riding you...
"How could I forget?
"You remember all the other girls that were around?
"Faintly. It was... confusing at some point.
"Were you uncomfortable back then? Did you want to stop because there were other people there?
"No.
"Then let it play out here. We'll see what happens."

I nodded and decided to go along with her recommendation. If playing was a way of challenging myself, then why not let the challenge guide me?

Jennifer came back into the room and sat on her bed. We sat in front of her. I noticed Sarah was absent-mindedly playing with her breasts, possibly anticipating the game. Despite the interruption and the down that had followed, she seemed to be getting back into the mood as well.

"This is for my socks."

We nodded. Jennifer went to the computer and loaded the randomizer program.

"This one will be a truth...
"Wait, shouldn't we get to pick? I asked.
"That's not what we agreed upon, but if you want to...
"No. It's all right. I don't mind."

I decided now was not the time to be picky about rules. I had probably misunderstood that aspect. The computer generated a truth for us.

If a close friend asked you to video tape them having sex with their partner, would you?

There was a pause, as Sarah and I looked at each other to decide who would answer. She insisted that I get that one, possibly because she too wanted to know the answer.

"So all I would need to do is videotape them? I have to say it depends. If I was really comfortable with them, I'd say yes, no hesitation. Otherwise, I'd have to think about it."

I had never considered the possibility of videotaping myself - or anyone else for that matter - in the midst of intercourse. The idea had simply never popped into my head.

Jennifer pulled on her socks and tossed them in the corner of the room. She wiggled her toes for us while lifting her legs from the bed, then popped up.

"Now a dare... for...
"Your pants? asked Sarah.
"Sure. My pants."

Jennifer was wearing low-cut jeans, which snug tightly around her legs and behind. She knelt over the computer, lifting her ass to place an emphasis on it as she clicked for the next dare.

Take a nice, cold shower with your clothes on (shoes and socks off). You MUST STAND UNDER the water.

Sarah picked up the dare. She retrieved her blouse and her skirt, and put them back on. As she was dressing, she asked Jennifer:

"How long do I have to be in there?
"As long as you can bear it."

And with that, we were off to the bathroom. Sarah turned on the cold water and waited for it to cool down to extremes. She kissed me fleetingly, then stepped into the shower. Her reaction was instantaneous. The cold water caused her to cringe back, mouth open, holding back a scream. As the water dripped over her white blouse and the cloth clung to her form, I could make out her now erect nipples through the fabric, not to mention the skin. Jennifer was also staring at her in the same fashion. Sarah held on for about forty seconds, before quickly stepping out. She was shivering and I handed her a towel. She almost tore her clothes off removing them, then picked the towel and wrapped it around herself before hugging herself on me. Jennifer hugged her from the other side and we warmed her up a bit.

"That... was... cold."

We laughed, though Sarah's laugh was somewhat strained. We headed back to the bedroom, and Sarah brought along the towel to keep warming herself.

As we were sitting back down, Jennifer unzipped her pants while facing away from us, then she pulled them down. She was not wearing any underwear. All that remained on her was her green t-shirt, and I suspected she was not wearing any underwear. Sarah was feeling a tad better, and she applauded. Jennifer sat back down, facing us, and crossed her legs, but even from the distance, I could tell she was stimulated.

"Okay. One more time, for my top?"

She opted for another dare. As a courtesy, I'd have to do this one, unless it was specifically intended for a girl.

Masturbate someone else in the group. If they do not orgasm after four minutes, you must masturbate another person for the same amount of time, or until they orgasm.

I was taken aback by the dare. I had anticipated some level of stimulation in the game, comparable to what we had previously done in the other party. I distinctly remembered riding Bonnie's cleavage, and then rubbing myself against her stomach and releasing onto her breasts. It was hard to forget. This new dare had the same feeling to it, something which I wanted to do, but made me afraid of the consequences.

Sarah looked at me, asking silently if I wanted to it. She would have done it without hesitation, I was pretty certain of that. I did not know if I actually wanted her to perform the dare. There was some clear hesitation on my part. Jennifer intervened.

"You can always do a forfeit, instead.
"No."

The word leapt out of my mouth without my consent. I took back control, but decided that if my initial feeling was to accept, then I should at least try it out. I could always back out in the middle of it and do a forfeit instead. I also remembered that I had been given the privilege of being stimulated in front of the girls in the party - but was it really a privilege? In any case, masturbating Sarah in front of Jennifer was not something I was really uncomfortable with, as long as Jennifer simply watched.

"No, I'll do it. I'll start with Sarah."

I was confident that, within four minutes, I could give Sarah an orgasm. I looked at her and she understood. She knelt down on the bed, her legs apart, slightly tilted towards Jennifer so Jennifer could see what was going on. As I knelt into position, I noticed Jennifer was taking off her shirt, exposing her breasts. Jennifer went to the computer and started the timer, at which point I began caressing Sarah's private area with my fingers.

At first, it felt strange to be touching Sarah with Jennifer looking on. Somehow, she was invading our privacy, and yet, it was definitely turning me and Sarah on. As seconds passed and Sarah began to moan lightly, for my benefit mostly, it got more natural, and I somehow forgot about Jennifer's presence and stare, focusing solely on the task at hand. My instinct was to keep an eye on the clock, but eventually, I stopped caring. Sarah's pleasure became my sole focus. Having lost track of time and location, I went about my business.

Eventually, I sensed Sarah tensing up. That's when I first became aware that she was resisting my stimulation. I looked up and noticed it had almost been three minutes. She was resisting the orgasm, at least, that's what it seemed like. She was daring me further. In a strange fit of panic, I started working her harder. I had been relatively gentle, pushing myself in and out with care, caressing the sensitive regions as best as I could so as not to hurt her. An unbefore felt instinct drove me to hasten the pace, work with less diligence and more power. Yet, despite my best efforts, despite my renewed vigor, when the chime from the countdown clock on the computer rang, Sarah had not had an orgasm.

I pulled away, like a boxer retreating to his corner after the round is over. Sarah was panting heavily, trying to recuperate from my manipulations of her. Why had she resisted? Did she actually want me to masturbate her best friend and former girlfriend? My mind was blank. It was hard for me to fathom wanting her to see me take care of someone else. Or was it simply because since this was a dare, she had acted as she always did, with disregard to the consequences? Unfortunately, now was not time nor the place to discuss these things.

Jennifer had laid down on her own bed, her legs spread apart, awaiting my caress. Could they have planned this beforehand, like the rest of the activities they had done previously? Somehow, I doubted this was a concerted effort. Sarah had finally gotten up. Her eyes asked me if I wanted to do it and I did not have an answer for her. Again, some automatic response triggered into me and I left Sarah's bed and moved to Jennifer's. If my girlfriend did not mind, why should I?

As Sarah straightened herself to get a better view of the situation, I bent near Jennifer's sex and neared my hand. Her warmth was impressive, and I could tell she was as stimulated as one can be. I had not even bothered to wipe my fingers. I started caressing her gently, and she immediately moaned with pleasure. Somehow, this stimulated my response and I slid fingers into her and started playing. We did not even bother to start the timer on this one. I felt Sarah's stare focused on my work, and somehow, I did not want to disappoint, so I gave it my best shot. Jennifer was not resisting anything, and before long, was having an orgasm in front of me. Her entire body arched from the pleasure, almost twisting my wrist as I was forced to move it accordingly. I left my fingers in her for a few moments longer as she cooled down.

Reason overcame the suddenness of the act and I quickly backed away to Sarah's bed. She handed me tissues so I could wipe my fingers. I felt light-headed. Jennifer simply laid on her back, still exhausted and trembling from my stimulation. Sarah gave me a glass of water and I drank it down in one gulp. She kissed me gently on the lips, and thanked me for what I had done. At the moment, I had nothing to answer, but I tried to take a mental note to bring the subject up at a later time.

Eventually, Jennifer recovered and sat on her bed. Despite being flushed, she did not even hint at what had happened, which left me wondering.

"Okay... that was number three, I am now naked... which means, it's your turn to ask me anything."

I then remembered the second part of our little game. We had to challenge her now. Given what had just transpired, I wondered how much further this could go. I was certain there were things that were beyond the realm of possibilities - I also knew lines were blurring and conventions were eroding. There was a battle going on, inside me, between reason and passion. And apparently, I was letting passion win.

[interesting]

Sarah, Jennifer and I were all naked in their room now. Sarah was sitting beside me on her bed, while Jennifer looked upon us from the other side of the room, on her own bed. I was still somewhat shaken by what had just transpired. After having been interrupted in our activities by Jenn's arrival, we had agreed to allow Jenn to get us back in the mood by playing with us.

Things had gone further than I had initially expected. I had just masturbated both of the girls, first Sarah, then Jennifer, as part of a dare. I still had the echo of Jenn's moans in my head, and despite drying my fingers, I still felt the wetness of her sex, as if my fingers were still in her. Sarah had offered me some water that I drank in one gulp. I was now contemplating my situation. The tables had turned, and it was now our turn to present Jennifer with truths or dares, determined randomly by the computer.

I was beginning to resent the randomness of the activity, partially because there was no one to blame if anything went wrong. No one but ourselves. Still, because I felt Sarah wanted to go on, I said nothing and simply stared at the computer screen.

"So... what do you want from me?"

Jennifer's tone was playful, almost innocent. Despite the fact that I had just given her an orgasm, and by the sound of it, an extremely pleasant one, she was acting all aloof, as if nothing had happened. I did not know exactly how to feel about it. Part of me was flattered from her reaction, another part was flustered by the lack of acknowledgement, yet another part was glad that there seemed to be no consequences to my actions. Even Sarah seemed okay with it.

"Why don't we start with a truth?"

Sarah took the initiative and it suited me fine. I still needed some time to process the events. The computer came up with a new question once Sarah clicked on the choice.

When was the first time you had sex with someone you really cared about?

Jennifer barely took time to think.

"My first time was always the most memorable or meaningful to me. And it was with you, Sarah. We'd been playing around for some weeks, then Claire and Cassie started having sex in front of us. Needless to say, I was turned on. We watched them go at it, understanding what they were doing, and clumsily emulated them. That was my first time, and the one I remember most."

I saw Sarah blushing and wondered how much of her reaction could be her own nostalgia and how much could be simple current stimulation. Sarah remained silent, so I had to take control of the initiative.

"Let's have you do a dare."

Sarah, who was still beside the computer, clicked on the button for me.

Put TARGET player's sex (in underwear or not) in your face.

Jennifer hesitated for a moment, then looked at Sarah.

"You do it."

I stared at Sarah, wondering how far she was willing to go. She barely even looked at me as she moved towards Jennifer, who was lying down on her back. Sarah climbed on top of Jennifer's face, smothering it completely. I saw Sarah's eyes close, and although I could not exactly see what was happening from my vantage point, I could imagine very well. Sarah remained there for several seconds and what seemed to be an eternity; my gaze went to both their forms. There was no denying my external stimulation, but internally was another race going on, still uncertain.

Sarah finally rose and returned to the bed. She was blushing, almost panting. My gaze went to her crotch : I had never seen it so wet and swollen, even when I performed my own ministrations. She sat back down, placing a hand on my hip, keeping me hard with that slight gesture.

Stand naked in the shower. One player covers you with toppings. Another comes and licks them off during intercourse. Group may watch at your discretion.

"Now hold on, I said. That one actually suggests intercourse? That's too far."

I looked at Sarah for support, and although I saw her nod in my favor, I could tell she was in a highly susceptible state. I wondered if Jennifer was aware of this, and if so, would she take advantage of it.

"Look, Jenn, I agreed to the same limits as last time, and I've been pretty lenient right now. I mean... we've done masturbation... and you just... ate Sarah up, sort of. I have to draw a line somewhere.
"Maybe we can amend it.
"How do you propose?"

I was hoping Sarah would join in and assist me in defusing the situation, but Sarah was in no condition to take decisions that could leave an impact.

"Let's break it down. We can do the shower, and the toppings. One of you licks the toppings off me, while being taken.
"I'm sorry to say that's not good enough, Jenn. It sounds too much like a... threesome.
"Okay... what do you propose then?"

I could hear the exasperation in her voice.

"We'll do the toppings... on your bed, and we'll both eat them up. Sounds fair?"

She must have known that I was at my wits ends, because she immediately agreed. She said she'd get the toppings and hurried out of the room. I managed that time to bring Sarah back to me.

"I'm so wanting you right now...
"I know. Do you want us to stop the game?
"No... let's finish this dare... then we'll..."

Jennifer came back up, with chocolate syrup, caramel and honey. She laid them beside the ground, then started opening the containers. I moved to one side of her bed while Sarah moved to the other. We started pouring some toppings on her chest and started licking it off. Sarah poured honey in her mouth and started kissing her passionately. Chocolate syrup went into her navel and I licked it all off. I could smell Jennifer's sex near my face and feel its intoxicating effect. Sarah could not stop kissing Jennifer : she looked drunk to me, but of course, I knew she had not taken anything. The image of their mouths locking together, their lips moving about and their tongues was too intense, and for the third time in the day, the instincts took over. I walked around the bed, and moved Sarah on all fours on top of Jennifer. From my angle, I could now see both of their sexes exposed. I aimed for Sarah's and climbed onto the bed myself, entering my girlfriend from behind as she kept kissing her best friend. Sarah's moan was muffled by the ongoing kiss.

I worked on Sarah for only a few seconds before moving away, somewhat more aware of what I was doing. When I pulled out, still unfinished, Sarah stopped kissing Jennifer and seemed to get a grip on her situation, because she moved off Jennifer and returned to her own bed, laying down on all fours, facing towards Jennifer. I walked around the bed and entered her again. I saw Jennifer move about and reach for her drawer. She pulled out a large sex toy and went to work on herself with it. I got distracted by the sight but only for a few moments. Sarah was working me hard and I started to accompany the motion.

I had a full view of Jennifer and her play, and so did Sarah. The fact that there was distance separating us somehow dropped all my inhibitions, as I started pounding hard on Sarah, at times visualizing I was doing it to Jennifer. When Jennifer's orgasm broke out, it triggered my own, as I released into Sarah, my girlfriend also felt the experience and held nothing back. We kept playing at it for a few more moments, letting the tension die down.

I pulled myself out of Sarah at the same time Jennifer pulled out her toy. We all laid down on our beds, spent and satisfied from the day's activities. I could not know at the time what was going on through Sarah's mind, I only knew that something had snapped in me, something I thought rigid and static. Had I been a more adventurous man, I would have taken Jennifer as well. Questions were popping into my brain, questions that, if left unanswered, could find a way to haunt me later on.

My gaze wandered across to Jennifer's bed. I saw her full figure resting against her covers. She was staring at the ceiling. I noticed Sarah was doing the same. She then turned to kiss me, before getting up slowly, as if every movement was difficult.

"I'm going to wash myself. Coming, Jim?
"Okay."

I got up, and realized I too was having problems moving. Jennifer did not move as we made our way out of the bedroom and into the bathroom.

"That was fun, commented Sarah.
"Fun... yeah.
"What's wrong?"

I shut the door and locked it.

"Do you realize what just happened?
"You mean what didn't happen.
"Exactly. I mean... would you have been okay with it, if it had come to this?
"Jim, I don't know."

She started the water to fill the bath.

"Did you want to do her?
"Yes... well, at some point yes. And don't tell me it's normal, I know it is."

Sarah sat down on the toilet bowl, seat cover down.

"I like Jennifer too, I continued, but really, this game we just played... it was all too much somewhat.
"So you didn't enjoy it?
"That's the problem. I did. And it scares me. I mean, what if something had happened? Where does that take you and me? Have you ever had this situation before, with any of your other boyfriends?
"Only with Brad... and never quite like this. I think... it's easier when there are more people around."

Sarah looked away for a moment.

"Jennifer is really down, right now, and this was a good way of cheering her up.
"Is she jealous? Of us?
"Maybe. I'm not sure. I still love her, you know that.
"I know. She was your lover, she's your best friend.
"But it's you I want to be with, all the time. Since we've started going out, we haven't done a drill session?
"Drill session?"

I look at Sarah, puzzled. She laughs.

"We... take care of ourselves while watching the other do it.
"Oh!"

Now I must have blushed. Sarah laughs.

"We used to do it once a week. Sometimes twice.
"You stayed on your beds and watched the other masturbate?
"Yes."

There was a moment of hesitation on my part, then I spoke.

"Well, I don't see the harm in that, if you want to continue."

My words surprised myself. Sarah smiled.

"That's just it. I'm not sure I want to continue. When I come... I want it to be with you!"

Her answer both pleased and intrigued me. Our relationship had definitely altered the nature of Jennifer and Sarah's own relationship. We were going to have to find a way to help them cope with these changes. And I knew how much Jennifer meant to Sarah.

"Well, we'll have to think about it, then.
"I guess we will."

I kissed Sarah. We were facing a new dilemma, something not entirely unexpected but definitely game changing. There were ways to deal with it, of course. It was all a matter of finding a balance. Hopefully, we would be able to straighten things out before everything got out of hand.

[interesting]

Sometimes I hate myself.

It doesn't usually last long though. I'm a pretty laid back person and my self-destruction rarely leads to more than just a kindly reminder that I should be more careful with what I do. Not a few days ago, I had an intimate encounter with Sarah and Jim, when I caught them about to have sex on Sarah's bed in the middle of the afternoon. The day turned out all right, and I ended up getting a lot more than I had initially hoped for. I don't think Sarah's too mad at me - I don't think she could stay mad very long at any rate. And Jim certainly seemed to enjoy the show I was giving them. He was staring at my crotch the whole time he was mounting Sarah from behind. I came twice that day, one under his rough touch, and the other while they were having sex, as I played with myself using my favorite toy.

In this instance, I do feel a part of responsibility. Sarah and Jim have been going out for four weeks now. Their relationship is as steady as any I have ever seen Sarah get into. They have a lot of sex, oh, they try to keep it discreet but I can hear them. Sometimes, I listen to them from the other room; once, I even gently opened the door and watched them do it, while playing with myself a little, not enough to draw attention. I love Jim's dick. It's not too long, just large enough for my tastes. I wonder sometimes how it would feel to have inside me. That's not something I think either of them would agree anytime soon, but I always keep all my options open.

Jim has not slept once at our place since we played the game. I think it intimidated him. Maybe it went too fast for his tastes. Maybe he just needs time to digest it. Sarah says he's got a lot of work at school too.

We never got around to the last part of the dare. After he and Sarah had sex, they went into the bathroom while I rested on my bed. When they came back, they got dressed and headed out. With all the excitement, we had all forgotten about the picture taking. It will come another time, hopefully.

I myself have been extremely busy this week. I've had two other contracts, one with my regular photographer, the other with an out-of-towner friend of his. Whenever I don't have contracts, I work at the homeless shelter. When I do, well, money has to take priority. The first shoot went well. I posed naked on a lounge chair in the middle of an antiquated living room. Sometimes, I can't believe people pay to see me naked. I'd do it for free - but don't tell anyone that. I just love showing myself off. I mean, I'm beautiful by many standards, and all my friends say I'm highly erotic. Before she started her fascination with Jim, Sarah could not keep her hands off me, even if we were no longer an item. I'm glad she's happy with Jim, but sometimes I feel a greater distance between me and her. We used to massage each other on an almost daily basis. I'd lie naked on the bed, she'd sit on top of me and massage my front and back and I'd return the favor. Sometimes, it led to something more; most often, it was just a nice attention. She hasn't given me any massage in over a month. I think I miss her skin the most.

I knew this would happen. I warned myself as we were doing our hunt. Now, my fears have come to pass.

I get to my second photoshoot of the week with these thoughts rattling about my head. Peter is there to greet me. We hug and kiss on the cheeks, then he presents me to Olaf, his friend from Europe. I feel Olaf's stare undressing me and I'm somewhat taken aback. He'll get his chance eventually, since I'm posing nude for him, so what's his rush?

"Truly exquisite, he says.
"Thank you."

We enter the house. I take Peter aside.

"He's... special, isn't he?
"Oh yes! Very demanding. He'll pay you three times the normal amount if you impress him."

More money is always good, but I'm curious as to what Peter means by 'impressing' him. Guess I'll find out.

We move about Peter's house and head into the den. When I get there, I notice that Olaf has already set up his equipment and scenery. The stairs leading to the upper story are covered with a furry rug, the sofas have been moved around so they're nearer to the fire place and the blinds have been closed in certain areas and opened in another to use the ambient lighting to its best effect. I notice that Olaf has set up a video camera. I look at Peter but he says nothing. Instead, Olaf takes my hand and drags me to the sofa, where he sits behind.

"Ah... Sasha... dear Sasha."

His accent is funny and almost makes me giggle.

"You are truly a flower in the desert... the brightest petal..."

Is he trying to charm me?

"So, I ask, what's going on? How do we proceed?
"Very good, very good, professional, I like. Good, yes. Now, important thing is, sultry, sexy, erotic."

The emphasis on the 'r' in erotic makes me smile.

"You are lovely young lady, very erotic, very sexy, and I want to feel the sexy."

He feels like a character out of Saturday Night Live. I look to Peter. I don't want him to go. This Olaf person is actually sort of creeping me out.

"What about the camera?
"Ah, yes, camera. That is good. That is for the extra money, if you want. We do both photo and video. I do the video, Peter do the photo. If you want? Pays more.
"Sure, why not? Cash up front?
"Of course, lovely Sasha.
"By the way, my real name is...
"No... no... your name is Sasha and that is all for the now."

I don't insist.

"What do I do now?
"Go change. There's a robe, bathroom. Peter show you. And touch yourself.
"Excuse me?
"Touch yourself. Make your body horny, make your skin glisten."

As I get up to go change, Peter follows me. We get a chance to talk.

"Ah! He's that type.
"Yeah... but he does good work, and pays very well."

I've known Peter for about a year now. I answered an ad he had put in the paper. He was seeking models. I was seventeen when I met him. I waited until I was eighteen before posing nude; before that, I did lingerie and swimsuits. I wouldn't have minded but Peter, the consumate professional, was adamant that everything be legal. He'd heard too many stories of underage girls suing their photographers. I respect his integrity. He's a decent man who happens to like shooting pictures of naked girls. I can understand that!

"We're talking triple if I do the video?
"Yeah... maybe more if you agree to do more.
"Peter?
"Don't worry. Nothing involving anyone else."

I get to the bathroom and Peter returns to Olaf.

The bathroom is actually a changing room. Peter finds it more convenient that way. I strip down and sit on the bowl. I don't usually wear underwear or a bra when I have shoots, since I have to take them off anyway. Peter provides all the clothing I need. I go about my business, then look about at the equipment Olaf has provided me. A necklace that falls directly between my breasts. Bracelets of metal for wrists and ankles. I put everything on. A chain belt.

I stare at myself in the mirror and start applying some makeup. It takes me several minutes to get the sultry look I usually seek. I know they'll be photoshopping my pictures to remove any blemishes and imperfections. That makes me sad, somewhat. I like my imperfections. I think they are unique. Apparently, the pictures will sell better if I look like I come from a paradise world.

Once I'm fully in costume, I spread my legs, lifting one on the counter, and I start rubbing my clit and pussy lips. It's not for actual stimulation, even though it's enjoyable. It's for visual effect. When you rub it, it stands out more. Olaf is probably going to be doing a lot of close-ups. I even lube it up a bit, so it glistens.

Once I'm satisfied with the redness, I retrieve the bathrobe, put it on and return to the living room.

When I get there, I'm a little taken aback by the fact that Olaf has taken off his shirt and is therefore topless. He's not that good-looking, in his forties, with random hair protruding from his skin. I'm supposed to get turned on by that? If he thinks he's getting anywhere near me without a camera in-between he's sorely mistaken. That's one problem you can face when you do this kind of work. Just because you get naked, some photographers assume you're easy. I personally have never had this problem with Peter, and am not hoping to have it with this new guy.

"Okay, Sasha. Great body. Can I see pussy?"

I open the bathrobe, spread a little so he gets to see the result. He seems satisfied and returns to his camera. I see a bulge in his pants. This is not going to be my finest hour. I'm doing this for the extra money.

"Okay Sasha, sit on sofa, legs crossed now."

I sit down. At first, camera in hand, Olaf directs my every move. Lift head, tilt shoulders back, raise arm, raise leg, on all fours, kiss the camera, hand on breast, expose left breast, flick nipple, expose right breast, look at pussy, touch pussy, shy away, back to me, lift robe, close up, open and reveal it. We stop after roughly ten minutes. He must have taken fifty close-ups of my pussy. At least I know what type of crowd he plays to.

"Perfect girl, perfect. Okay, lose bathrobe now, go to stairs."

I strip and follow his instructions. He hands the camera to Peter and goes to the video camera.

"Okay, Sasha, make love to camera..."

This time, he's going to let me move. I think I prefer it this way. It feels more intuitive. I start prancing about the stairs, using my legs to their best advantage. Every time my movements cover my pussy, he asks me to move my legs so it's revealed again. I let the cameras get in close. I'm mindful for his dirty hands, but for now at least, he's the consumate professional. We shoot for another ten minutes, then he applauds.

"Wonderful Sasha, so erotic and sexy, makes me want to touch myself."

That'S not an image I wanted to hear. Peter is usually silent during the shoots. He knows comments like that can break the mood. Olaf does not have his sensibilities.

The guest photographer pulls out a crystal dildo from his bag. I take a deep breath. I've never actually done porn. I've done a lot of faking stimulation on camera, with girls. I've never actually played with myself in front of the camera. But the pay is very good. I feel slutty, even by my standards. If we only did photos, I could slide it in, they take the picture and I pull it out. If we do video, it's harder to fake.

I hesitate for a moment when he hands me the instrument but then I take it. I wipe it off with the bathrobe. Peter has the decency to bring some lubricant, and I thank him for it. Olaf motions me to the side of the open window. I'm going to be looking outside as I do this, I think. Olaf picks up the video camera as Peter retrieves the other one. I take another deep breath.

I start teasing myself in front of the camera, sliding the lubricated crystal surface against my lips, taking my time to make myself wet again. I slowly glide it into my pussy, and start moving it up and down. The sensation is not without its benefits, provided I keep my mind off the photographer. My mind wanders as the toy stimulates my senses. I imagine things... I imagine Peter's dick, even if our professional relationship would never allow it... I imagine Thomas' hard shaft, I've sucked it so many times I deserve to have it fill me... I imagine Barry's member, entering me as Bonnie masturbates from a distance... I imagine Jim, riding me, while Sarah looks on, distraught, trapped in a cage, unable to escape and prevent it from happening... I'm cupping my breasts and losing myself in the moment. Only Olaf's voice prevents me from cumming.

"Great girl, great wonderful."

His shrill voice cuts off my stimulation and I shudder at the thoughts I was just having. For a moment, I leave the device in me, waiting for Olaf's next move.

"Continue on stairs."

I move to the stairs, without pulling it out. I get on all fours, exposing my ass and pussy to them, and I start pounding again. The image of Jim taking me from behind is overwhelming and I'm swamped with desire for his dick... I imagine Sarah's pussy, just in reach of my tongue, and I start eating out of thin air.

"Put in the ass."

This is going way too far too fast, but I don't care. The lubricant and my own personal wetness allow me to slide the crystal dildo into my ass, gently at first. I'm not entirely comfortable with the feeling, though it's not without its niceties. With the other hand, I play with my pussy. My orgasm explodes and I squirt into the camera.

I collapse on the stairs, bewildered at what I have just done. I pull the dildo out.

"Put in mouth, now."

No. Given that it's just been in my ass, no. I just lie there. I have to draw a line somewhere, or else he'll have me fucking him too.

Peter notices my reaction and takes Olaf aside. They talk for a few minutes, then Olaf leaves the room, visibly frustrated. I have managed to regain my composure.

"He's upset?
"Yeah... he's gone in the other room to wank off.
"Is he for real?
"Yes he is."

I stare at Peter. I want to kiss him. I want to suck him off. I want to feel his dick inside me.

"Jennifer..."

His scolding tone cools down my fever. Our arrangement is very clear. No sex. Otherwise, there might be some legal confusion.

"Who's Jim?
"Did I say his name out loud?
"Yes..."

I'm appalled. I actually said Jim's name during my fantasy? The trauma hits me like a brick.

"Who's Jim?
"He's... some guy I know.
"Well, you know what it means when you say someone's name during an orgasm."

I do know what it means. What it's supposed to mean. But it can't mean what I think it means. I am in so much trouble now if it means what it's supposed to mean.

[interesting]

Sometimes, I wish I weren't a homosexual.

Don't get me wrong. I'm very happy being the way I am. It took me some time to accept my way of life, all my teenage years in fact. I was always closeted back then about my sexuality. Now, I'm out, as far as the people who are important to me are concerned.

It's just difficult trying to hide your hard-on when you're taking a shower with a bunch of other guys.

I first felt my homosexuality when I was ten. I was changing in the boys' locker room and was staring at the other guys' butts. Someone made a comment about me staring and I sneered back at him. But that night, I dreamt of the locker room full of boys.

It took me three additional years to truly understand what it meant. There was this boy at summer camp, his name was Wilton, he was kind of shy, my age. We spent the summer together as bunk mates. We went kayaking, did fly fishing and nature hikes. One night, he said he felt sad, so I cuddled up in his bed. I got a hard-on, and he felt it, and he asked me if I was turned on. I tried to lie, but he exposed my swollen burgeoning manhood. I let him play with it for a while, then suddenly he went to kiss it. I tried to pull back, but he put it in his mouth and made me come. He said he was into boys and he could tell I was too. We spent the final week each night cuddled in the same bed, sucking each other off in turn.

When I came back to school that year, I tried going out with a few girls. I was still at odds with what had happened. I had sex for the first time with a girl in her room that year. It was all girly, and I remember thinking how it felt comfortable. The room, not the girl. We didn't last. My next girlfriend was a tomboy, and she did not like penetration. Instead, she liked to suck me off all the time. I was pretty lucky then. Eventually, she told me she was more into girls than boys, and that was it.

After that, I steered clear of girls and relationships. I knew of no other boys in my class or even my school who felt like I did. I'd hide my hard-on in the locker room by remaining seated most of the time.

I had my second homosexual experience in my final year at the school. By then, I'd been playing truth or dare with my friends for some time, and had been lucky enough to get sucked by most of my male friends, though nothing clicked in terms of relationships. His name was Jayce, and we met at the park. He was much older than me, twenty-two at that time. We started hanging out at the arcade, then went dancing at bars (I was sixteen but I didn't care about the age limit). One night, he walked me home and kissed me. We kept moving and went to his place. He talked to me about homosexuality, about how he'd known I was mostly into boys. We talked a lot that night, about how he felt about me, how I felt about him. He explained most of the mechanics to me in a funny way. Then, we tried them out. One at a time. I was finally at ease. We spent the next several weeknights at his place, experimenting with each other. I've never had as much sex as I did with him. He took his time, and for that, I'll be forever grateful.

I still don't know why we never got together formally. After several weeks, he said he liked me, but not enough to enter into a relationship. I was crushed, of course, but he encouraged me to be open about my sexuality. That's when I officially told my friends. They were as supportive as I thought they'd be. It took me a while to tell my parents, and when my father learned about it, he expelled me from the house. It took three months for us to make peace and he allowed me to move back in. He's still not content with my choice, but he's learned he can't change it. He's placed all his hopes for the future in my twin sister, Mary.

A word on her. She's living in Denver now, married, has a kid. Frankly, I don't understand her anymore. She's the first person who ever knew of my orientation, before I was sure myself. She was so open when she was younger. The games we played were, well, explicit, if not downright disturbing, looking back on them. She was into partying and a lot of uninhibited over the top sex. Right after she finished high school, she met some guy out at a party, they moved to Denver and had a kid. I still don't understand how it happened. I see her twice a year: Christmas and my parent's wedding anniversary.

I've always been into sports, but I've been more into boxing. I love the feeling of power it grants me, the relationship I entertain with my fellow fighter, the grudging respect, the bravado. I train at a private gym, and have done so since I quit high school. I'm a regular, everyone knows me, except they don't know my secret. Most fighters would not accept to fight me if they knew me I was a homosexual. It's the sad truth that my secret has to remain hidden.

But when I hit the showers, with a bunch of athletic men around me, their muscles bulging, flexing as they caress their bodies with the soap, I can't help but be turned on. Usually, I focus on myself. One thing we've done once in a while is wank off together while showering. That I enjoy. To them, it's a silly game without consequence. To me, it's as close as I'm ever going to get to having sex with any of them.

And then, there's Jimmy. He's the only who knows, and he doesn't care. He thinks most of the others wouldn't mind either, but it's my decision so he stays mute.

Jimmy is here in the shower. He's much smaller than me, but his fists are some of the deadliest weapons I've seen in a long time. His punches just keep coming, fast and unblockable. He's welterweight; I'm light heavyweight. We don't usually brawl together except for practice.

I'm leaning in against the wall so that my hard-on is less obvious. If anyone notices, they say nothing. Eventually, the shower empties. It's very late in fact, the gym is closed, but regulars sometimes stay afterwards. Eventually, there's only Jimmy and me left in the shower. Jimmy chipped a tooth during his last match, and he's caring for it right now.

"Damn right hook."

I move over to him. He opens his mouth. I check the chip. It's not that big a chunk missing.

"You'll be fine, you sissy.
"You're the sissy, Tommy."

I try to laugh. It still hurts sometimes when I get called names. Jimmy notices.

"Sorry... don't mean to offend ya.
"S'all right.
"Hey man, cheer up."

I try to smile, but I still feel like an outsider with these people. Jimmy stares at me funny.

"Ya know what ya need?
"What?
"A good jack-off."

He laughs. He's actually right. I haven't been with anyone in several months; well, if you don't count that encounter with Sarah at the end of December.

"M'gonna make your day, Tommy.
"How's that?"

He spins me around. I'm too surprised to resist. He reaches around and grabs my dick. I freeze.

"Jimmy.
"What? Don't want me to wank ya off?
"I do... it's just... I still owe you for the park thing.
"Nah... water under th'bridge. Too tense, man. Enjoy it."

In all the years I've known Jimmy, he has never done anything like this. I go with it, of course. He leans in against me and I feel his own dick press against my lower buttocks. He starts wanking me and I feel myself tremble. He's rubbing himself against me. I'm half expecting to wake from this daydream but it doesn't end.

He's actually doing a great job of stimulation and I'm wondering if he's had experience. Then again, he's probably had experience on himself. Just as I'm about to come, he stops.

"Why'd you do that?"

For a moment, I feel like he's playing a trick on me. He keeps my shaft in his hand, then starts pumping again.

"Heard a guy say, if ya stop before ya come, ts'even better!"

And he starts pulling again. I close my eyes and let Jimmy pump me good. I hold back any moans, in case someone is still left in the locker room, even though chances of that are slim. Just as I'm about to come again, he stops. How does he know?

I pull away from him.

"Dammit Jimmy, stop playin' with me like that.
"Ya don't like it.
"I do. That's the thing. Either do it or don't."

I stare at him and his crotch. He's a hard as me. Is this turning him on too? As far as I know, Jimmy's not into boys at all. So what's the deal?

"Tell ya what, Tommy. Suck me off and I'll finish jackin' ya.
"No."

It takes all my willpower to resist. I want to suck him so hard, I want to taste him in my mouth. But I can't let this go on, not without an explanation.

"Jimmy, tell it to me straight.
"Straight... funny.
"Jimmy!"

My expression breaks his laughing mood.

"Look, ya don't want it, fine."

He goes to leave.

"Wait. Jimmy, just tell me why you're doin' this?"

He pauses.

"'Cause man, ya're my best, and I see ya, pinin' away, starin' at them dicks, and I say, man, he needs some bad. Now, me, I'm cool with lotsa stuff. I'm not sayin' I want a steady thing, here. I'm just sayin', wanna have fun, I can give ya some fun. I might enjoy it too."

I look at Jimmy and smile. He cares for me so deeply. He hasn't had the same education as I have. He's grown up on the streets, absent father, drunk mother, no family to speak of. All he has is attitude, and he has a lot of it. I'm probably the closest thing he has to a family.

"But if ya don't want ta..."

I jump on him, put his dick into my mouth and start sucking. His mouth opens wide.

"Oh yeah... Tommy... wooh!"

I hold back my laugh so as not to gag on his member. It was going limp but my stimulation is bringing it back to full bloom. Jimmy's long but not too large. I'd like to feel it inside my ass, but I'm not going to push my luck here. I've wanted to do this to him for so long, I'm going to enjoy teasing him and denying him, same as he did me.

"Tommy... you good at this..."

He leans a hand against the wall.

"Now don't go touchin' yours... that's mine to do."

His words are turning me on more and more. I lick, I suck, I swallow, I play with his sack, I make it worth my while, and his.

"Damn man, that's some serious suckage."

He has no idea what he's talking about, and this just makes the encounter more pleasurable to me. I sense him ready to come, so I hold back. He places one hand behind my head and pushes me back onto him.

"Oh no you don't... suck my dick, man."

I go at it full force. He's going to shoot into my mouth. I let him. It's not that I like the taste, it's that I want to feel him come inside me. As he empties his load, I keep sucking, making sure to make him as dry as possible. He's jerking about, having a hard time not to lose his footing. When I finally pull away, I've swallowed most of it but spit out the rest.

"Damn... that was hot! Ya been keepin' secrets from me, man. Ain't no girl ever sucked me that good.
"Well, takes a guy to know a guy."

He smiles and laughs. I was so afraid he might cringe back, deny the event, as many often do. But he just smiles, content and very pleased.

"My turn," I say.

I stand up and start to turn around.

"Nah man."

He kneels before me and places his face at my crotch level. His hand is on my sack.

"Now, I don't mind suckin' on it some, but I want ya ta hold it in 'til I pull out. Got it?
"Got it."

At first, he plays with it with his hand, pulling on the skin, staring at it.

"Is this the first time you've ever done it.
"Yeap. But I seen people do it. Seen a few girls, in fact."

I smile. He's gently caressing me. He wraps his lips around it. It takes a while for him to get accustomed to the sensation. Eventually, he's doing it, clumsily at first, but still doing it. With the level of stimulation I've been under so far, it does not take long for me to reach my peak.

"Jimmy... pull out, now."

He does. My timing is a little off in his favor. A few seconds have time to elapse before I shoot my own load at the wall behind him.

"Damn... tastes kinda funny... not real good."

I have to agree with him. It's not the taste I like. It's the sensation.

"Jimmy, you're the best.
"Nah man, ya are. But don't go all wimpy on me, now.
"Promise."

He stands up and rinses his mouth. I do the same. For a while, I keep staring at Jimmy, at his form. For him to be willing to do this for me, he must care about me a lot. A lot more maybe than he lets on.

God! I hope I'm not building myself up just to fall back down again.

[interesting]

Several days ago, something happened that changed everything in my life. A small, relatively insignificant word has transformed my perceptions of my world and warped my sense of identity.

One word, one name, changed me from a sexually secure woman to an unstable and nervous wreck.

At first, I tried to avoid thinking about it. It had to have been a fluke. In the heat of passion, you sometimes say or do things that you don't necessarily mean. It was easy to dismiss this as nothing more than a passing fancy.

As time wore on and the days slipped by, I noticed some discreet changes in my attitude. The first one was when I came back from my photo shoot and Sarah asked me how it had gone.

"Fine!"

My answer was too quick for Sarah not to notice its tone of panic.

"Something happened?" she asked.

I stared at her from across the room.

"I... did my first porn shoot.
"What?"

Sarah was stunned, and I had at least for the moment, taken my stress into a different direction, and Sarah's attention had been diverted.

"You got paid to have sex on camera?
"Well... I got paid to masturbate on camera.
"Oh! Wow!"

Sarah is actually shocked at this. I'm somewhat surprised, because I've posed with a dildo in my pussy before. She's seen the pictures. Then again, she knows I'm not really masturbating when I'm doing stills.

"Four times the average."

I try to make this about money, when it really isn't, and I'm pretty sure Sarah does not buy into it.

"How... was it?
"Okay... Sarah, it's not like I've never been on camera fucking... I mean, there was that time with...
"I know, but that was different. That was just us, I mean our friends. There was no money involved.
"And that makes it wrong?
"I... don't know. I don't think so."

Somehow, Sarah's reaction is unnerving.

"Look, I did it, I did it, no biggie."

I storm out of the room and head for the bathroom. I don't get to talk to Sarah until later that day, where she apologizes for her lack of support. I try to be a sport about it.

"It's all right; I know where you're coming from.
"It was just you and toys?
"Yeah. It was... interesting. Not sure I'd do it again soon, though."

The conversation remains like that for a few days. The weekend rolls around and Sarah is gone for most of it, spending time with her new lover. Meanwhile, I'm in bed, trying to get some sleep, and all I can imagine is Jim, creeping up onto my bed, underneath the sheets. His lips and tongue play with my pussy, then he climbs back up on top of me and penetrates me.

I play with myself while fantasizing, and the illusion becomes surreal. We're flying through the air, while he's fucking me from every imaginable angle. Then, I'm on a sinking ship, and he dives into the water, saves me, then takes me to a desolate island where we fuck all the time. I'm kidnapped by villains, who hold me at ransom; he comes in and rescues me, and we fuck like crazy on the way home; or he's the kidnapper, and he ties me up and takes me by force, and I enjoy it. The dreams intermingle and dilute into one orgasmic orgy of sex in my mind. Sometimes Sarah is there, sometimes, I'm alone with Jim.

That Monday, Sarah enters the room late in the morning. I'm still in bed, though not sleeping, naked under the covers. I imagine Sarah is coming back from his home, where they probably have just had sex. I could probably still smell him on her.

I get up and stretch. Sarah is stripping down to nothing.

"Hi!"

I call out. She turns to me and smiles.

"Hi pretty!"

She smiles back. She tosses her clothes into the corner, near the clothes pan.

"I'm going to take a shower, she says.
"Mind if I join you?"

She looks at me funny. We used to take a lot of showers together before she started seeing Jim. We haven't done it in several weeks. I wonder if she is hesitant but she finally speaks.

"Not at all."

She absentmindedly forgets to put her robe on and heads out to the bathroom. I feel dirty from the images in my mind and the pleasure I gave myself last night. I do need a shower. I join her in the bathroom. The water is already running and she's ready to step inside.

"How was your weekend?
"It was nice.
"What did you do?
"Well, Jim took me dancing Saturday Night, and we got pretty drunk. We made out in the bar. We were too wasted to do anything about it until the next morning, though.
"That gone?
"Yeah."

I remember once, a year and a half ago, Sarah and I had gotten so drunk we'd had sex five times during that same night. My most memorable night ever, possibly.

We step under the water. It's lukewarm, just the right temperature, just how we both like it. Sarah keeps talking, but all I can do is stare at her crotch and imagine Jim's taste still permeating it.

"And then, Sunday, we went for a walk, got some ice cream and he paid for dinner. We rented a movie for the night... well two, but we only watched one.
"Come on, Sarah, I'm living by proxy now. Details?"

Sarah, who was starting to lather herself, stops and looks at me.

"Well, if you must know... during the movie, I started rubbing him with my hand.
"Go on?
"So naturally, it came to attention. Jim looked at me, asking what I was doing. I unzipped his pants and popped it out through the opening.
"He doesn't wear underwear?
"He didn't that day. I started playing with it, rubbing it up and down. I asked if he wanted to do something to me.
"And?
"He said yes. I pulled off my panties; I was wearing a short black skirt...
"I know the one...
"And he reached in, played with me for a while. We decided to pause the movie.
"What happened next?"

As Sarah keeps talking, my hand slides towards my crotch. It's a half conscious gesture. I just decide not to stop it.

"Well, he removed my top, and started kneading and kissing my breasts, while still playing with me. I got him to sit high on the sofa and started sucking him off for a while. Then we swapped positions and he began eating me... Jenn, are you masturbating?"

I realize I've been teasing myself ever since she started her description. I stop what I'm doing for a moment.

"I guess I am. Does it bother you?
"No... not really."

We've been so intimate with each other this almost feels natural now. Her mind is elsewhere, in her stories, she's barely paying attention to me. Does she realize how much she is turning me on?

"So he's eating me out, and I ask him to fuck me. Now, he steadies himself, I turn around and raise my ass, and he slides it into my pussy, nice and slow, and starts pumping. We're trying to remain standing, held up on his sofa, and he's really doing a good job of it..."

Sarah stops her story for a moment.

"Now I'm getting turned on again..."

Her words take me over, as if she is inviting me into her intimacy. I try to simply smile at her, and then a sudden impulse overtakes me. I lean in and kiss her passionately. At first, she is stunned and resists, but she quickly lets her guard down and returns my kisses. As our lips remain locked, I glide one hand down her to her stomach. She pulls away, fully aware of the progress my hand is making.

"Jenn, what are we doing?"

I kiss her back, not letting her utter another word. She is not really fighting it. My hand reaches her sex, already wet from her stimulation as much as the water. I start playing with it.

She pulls away again, and I'm frustrated. I want to force myself onto her, but I care for her too much to hurt her in any way. I pull my hands away from her and simply go back to kissing. She wraps her arms around me and I wrap my arms around her. We kiss for a long moment before she finally pulls away.

"Dammit Sarah... I..."

I'm trying to find words to express how I feel, and since I don't really know myself, the words can't come out. I just stare into her eyes. Her lips lock with mine again for a brief moment.

"Jenn, I understand."

Her words soothe my aching heart, if not my body.

"I've been distant lately, been spending a lot of time with Jim and neglecting our friendship. I'd like to let you do it... I really would."

I kiss her back, kneading her breasts as she speaks. I sense she is resisting me and it infuriates me to no extent. There was a time when she would have been the first one to propose. Again, she pulls me away.

"I want to taste you..."

My words slip by without my consent. Sarah smiles at me.

"Okay... okay... you can taste me here and now. But Jenn..."

I start kneeling in front of her but she holds me back for a moment.

"Jenn, listen to me. This is here, and now, this is you and me, and no one else. Things like this... shouldn't happen... even if we want them to."

I nod in agreement. I don't know how far she'll let me go. I know I'll have to stop when she tells me to. I'll do my best. I'll keep some control over myself. I can do this.

I kneel before her and kiss her pussy lips. She softly moans. I know the only reason she is holding back is because of Jim. I want to curse him, but at the same time, I want to taste him on her. I gently use my tongue to part her lips. She is looking up, away from me. Is she imagining Jim down there? Is that how she justifies letting me do this?

I play with her with my tongue and she is letting me have my way with her. I try to plunge my tongue into her cavity. For a moment, I think she is going to resist, but then she lets me slide it into her. The moan gets louder. I hear panting on her end. She's not telling me to stop. I don't think she's focused on the here and now anymore. Sarah often does that. She lets her mind wander and then she loses perspective of what's actually going on.

I start to knead her breasts as I eat her out. I know her sex intimately. I can tell how far she is along and I want to take her all the way. She shivers from my touch and the water.

Eventually, before she reaches her climax, she regains enough of her senses to pull herself away from me. It takes me a great effort not to pursue, to let her go, to release her. This has probably already gone farther than she had imagined.

I sit down at the edge of the bath, afraid of her reaction. She smiles, so I know I'm all right with her.

"Maybe I should get out of the shower now.
"Maybe you should."

I know she does not really want me to get out, but I think it's safer this way for the moment. I know Sarah. Everything here, everything between us will remain between us. I trust her and she trusts me.

Maybe we shouldn't take showers together anymore.

[interesting]

Everybody makes mistakes. It's normal. I, on the other hand, am perfecting the art. I'm compounding mistakes, stacking them on top of each other, seeing how far up the pile will stack before it collapses under its own weight.

I know I should stop. I know I should get a grip on myself, but I simply can't. It's like my body and mind are not on speaking terms anymore, and so the heart does whatever it wants without foresight.

To be honest, I'm not the only one at fault here. There's plenty of blame to go around, I think. Sarah, Jim, they have their faults too. I don't exactly know how to deal with them, and apparently, they don't know how to deal with me either. It's bad enough to have fantasies over my ex-girlfriend or her new boyfriend without acting upon them. But every time I try to hold back, something pushes me to new lengths and I put my entire life in question.

The worst part is, I think I can go on like this. Does that make me a bad person? I am trying to live with Sarah's new relationship but there is just so much a girl can endure.

It's the morning, and I am just getting up. I'm sitting naked at the computer, checking my email. My photographer, Peter, has just sent the stills from my photo shoot and video the other day. I must admit I'm not as fancy into pussy shots as some people, but I do get some satisfaction in seeing my sexual organs displayed on the screen. In walk Jim and Sarah. Jim is in a bathrobe while Sarah is already dressed.

"So you can let yourself out, then?
"Sure, no problem."

They kiss swiftly. Sarah waves bye to me and hurries away, late for class. This happens almost every Thursday morning since the start of the semester. Jim comes over the previous evening, I get somewhat ejected out of the room, and the next morning I wake up with the both of them, naked in Sarah's bed. It's a tad infuriating.

Jim walks over to me and looks at the screen.

"Is that you?"

A reasonable reaction would be to simply say yes and move on to other things, possibly close the pictures. Nowadays, I'm anything but reasonable.

"Yes, it is, Jim. Do you like?
"I do."

I click on the mouse pad, cycling through the pictures. He's staring at the screen, but my eyes are rolling to the bulge forming in his bathrobe. I want to suck it so bad it hurts inside. I try to calm myself and look away.

"Are you actually...?
"Yeah. I was. It was intense."

I hear his name echoing in my head. My instincts are conflicted. On the one hand, I want him to keep asking questions. On the other, I'm afraid of what might happen. With my current morality, I'm liable to simply jump him. But that would be wrong, that would not be something I could live with. But I need something to tide me over.

"Reminds you of something?"

I try to sound innocent but I sound slutty to my ear. Jim does not seem to notice or care.

"Yeah... when I played with you.
"Did you enjoy that?
"I did, actually. Was very nervous at first. I was surprised Sarah let me do it, to be honest.
"Why?
"Well... because... I was just surprised."

Poor Jim. He barely knows Sarah yet. I know she's holding herself back for his sake. I feel it's somehow my responsibility to help educate Jim into matters of the flesh. Or is that just my libido talking?

"When I was going out with Sarah, we'd play sex with others all the time.
"All the time?
"Okay, not all the time, but every so often. Claire and Cassie, for example. Sometimes, we'd swap partners.
"Really?"

Does he know I'm making some of this up? Or is he simply turned on by the notion of girls going at it? Is he a typical male or is he something different?

"Well, not as often as I make it sound. But it did happen. It's normal to want to open up to other ideas.
"It's not something I'm used to.
"Jim, do you trust me?"

There is a long pause. I'm expecting the other shoe to drop and him to simply walk away. It would be the sensible thing to do. He makes my job too easy. I want to curse at him but I can't.

"It depends, but generally, yeah."

Why must he be so innocent, so nice? Why must I be the corrupting influence?

"I want to try something out, Jim. If you don't mind. A game of sorts. If you want.
"What do you have in mind?
"I wanted to thank you for what you did to me the other day.
"I'm not sure that's a good idea.
"Come on Jim. I'm sure Sarah won't mind."

I don't know that for sure, but I make it sound convincing. Jim looks at me.

"Look, Jenn, you'll have to be a little more specific.
"I just want to give you back some of what you gave me.
"We should probably wait for Sarah to be here for this."

I sense his hesitation and I can't blame him for being cautious. I want him to trust me. I want him to stay here. I have to make my case. Jim is logical, analytical. How can I make him trust me?

"Tell you what, Jim, we'll use a safe word.
"What?
"I'm going to play around you, and if you feel uncomfortable, you say stop and I will. If you say it again, we'll end the game then and there. How does that sound?"

He pauses. I'm giving him control over the game. He'll respond well to that - I hope.

"You'll stop if I say stop?"

I nod, only half sincere, but he does not seem to notice. This rule satisfies his need for control. Right now, I care very little for the consequences. I'm not even sure what game I'm going to play. I just want to have some fun with him. Keep him to myself, even if we don't have sex which we won't, I repeat to myself. That would be too much, even for me. But I do want to see him exposed, I want to feel him vulnerable, at my mercy. And I have ways of ensuring it.

"Take off the bathrobe and lie on my bed."

He hesitates.

"I've seen your hard-on before, don't worry."

He pulls the robe off. I hold back my emotions at seeing his erect member. I'll have to be patient. He lies back on my bed. I pull out a rope. He's hesitant to let me near him.

"Now, I'm not going to rape you, Jim. Trust me."

Am I really being honest here? Can I be trusted with him in such a predicament. My heart and my brain are arguing the matter even as I start tying his hands to the posts of my bed. I work slow to give him time to get acquainted with the feeling.

Jim looks sacred now. I must admit, the idea of jumping on top of him and riding him is very tempting. I'm sure he wouldn't even mind - no, he would mind, eventually.

"Relax now."

I pull away and start dancing around the bed.

"What are you doing?
"Just watch and admire the view. That way, you're not tempted to do anything you might regret later."

Might as well tie me up, with the thoughts racing about in my head. I'm the one liable to regret this course of action. I waltz around the bed, hips swaying, hands across my body. Jim is frantic, his eyes can't keep away. His swollen member pulses to my beat. I pause.

"Are you all right?
"Yeah... just... wondering about all this.
"Jim, last time you touched me, you made me come like no other. I just want to return the favor.
"Yeah, but... Sarah.
"Don't worry... I'm not going to do anything Sarah would object to. You don't need to worry her about this."

Immediately after the words jump out, I regret saying them, because my heart is racing, my mind is playing tricks and I know I can't trust myself. But there is no way to take these words back. I truly have no idea how Sarah will react if she learns of what I'm doing right now. I decide to forego the dance. I climb on top of the bed, with my back towards his face, so I get a good look at his manhood. It's so inviting.

I start rubbing my pussy against his chest. He's barely moving. I wonder if my weight is suffocating him, but I hear no choking. I grab his manhood with one hand and suddenly I hear his voice, faint but powerful.

"Stop!"

No! Not when I'm so close. Not when I have his member in my hand, ready to pump it, ready to make him come, to lock my lips around it. He's not playing fair!

"What's wrong?
"I... think you should stop now, Jenn."

I keep my hand on his member, immobile. I don't turn to face him, leaving him my exposed backside to contemplate.

"Are you sure?"
"No... but I'm feeling insecure here."

Why must you be so faithful, so nice? I remember former boyfriends. They weren't as reserved as him. Were they? Am I being unreasonable?

"Jenn, stop it!"

I realize I'm subconsciously moving my hand up and down on his dick.

"Jim... I want to put you in my mouth. I want to taste you. I'll do it... and if you truly want me to stop, then I'll stop. Okay?"

There is silence. I wonder why he hesitates. I know so many people who would jump at the chance for a blowjob, no consequences, no questions asked. Jim isn't like these other men: perhaps that could be the reason he turns me on?

"Okay... okay, do it."

I lean in slowly.

"But you stop everything and untie me when I say stop, okay?"

He's insistent. I decide I'm not going to push my luck any further. I slide his member into my mouth and close my lips on it. It feels so good inside me; there's another place where I want it but I hold back. I start playing with his tip with my tongue, and then he speaks.

"Stop!"

It's not a safe word. It's an order. Jim is ordering me to stop what I'm doing, to stop playing with him. It hurts deeply, possibly moreso than Sarah's rejection in the shower. It takes me a moment to gather myself, so Jim has time to repeat.

"I said stop... now untie me, please."

I comply. It takes me a while to undo all the bindings. I feel clumsy.

Once his hands are free, I imagine he's going to pop out of my bed and reach for his clothes. But he lies there, pensive, engrossed in his thoughts. He's thinking. That can't be a good sign.

"Jenn... I have to tell Sarah.
"No!"

I immediately place my hands before my mouth. I almost screamed. I gather myself.

"You can't tell her... it could ruin your relationship...
"Or yours?
"Please, Jim... nothing happened.
"I'm as guilty as you are, Jenn, but you're partly right. Nothing much happened, but something did happen, and it could have been more. I have to be honest with Sarah."

He finally gets up.

"It's just a game.
"Is it, Jenn? Is it still just a game?"

His question lingers in the air, for us both to ponder. I don't want him to tell Sarah, but can I really prevent him from doing so? Would Sarah even understand my situation, why I almost jumped her boyfriend? Would she forgive me?

[interesting]

I had been living with a guilty conscience for the last few days, and frankly, I was tired of it. The more I waited, the harder it got to tell Sarah what happened between me and Jennifer. I kept hearing her telling me that nothing happened, that it had been innocent and just a game, and while I wanted to believe it, I could not get it out of my mind.

The same night as that incident, when Sarah came to my home, I tried to hide my discomfort but Sarah immediately sensed something was up. I told her I was feeling queasy and she left it at that, but I'm not entirely sure how convinced she was. The fact that she did not insist actually made it harder for me to spill the beans and be truthful. I had not seen Jennifer since then, and I was clearly and consciously avoiding her. Fortunately, the event did not affect my sex life with Sarah and I could cast it aside during intercourse. But afterwards, when we rested against each other, I was left with an uneasy feeling.

It was now Saturday and we were out partying. I had stopped going out to bars when I started working at the college. There had been many reasons, but the main was I no longer had any incentive to go there. All of my former friends were gone, the bar scene had never offered me any form of prospect for relationship and I did not like to drink enough. Going out with Sarah was taking me back ten years, as if I was eighteen again and experiencing the joys of freedom.

For some reason, that night, I was drinking quite a lot more than I used to. It was only me and Sarah, none of her friends were around for that evening. After dancing for a while, we returned to our corner of the room, dimly lit for the purpose of improving intimacy and we drank our liquor. I was still aware of my advanced state of drunkenness, still able to maintain a conversation but too gone to care about the consequences.

The conversation switched from topic to topic, as it usually does, weaving its way into familiar patterns. Eventually, as we were talking about pornography, the conversation turned to Jennifer's recent stint at her photoshoot. I was too drunk to adequately consider where the conversation might lead. As for Sarah's state, I was not entirely sure how far she was gone.

"I like Jennifer, said Sarah.
"I like her too. She's great.
"You know, sometimes I think she pushes the envelope even more than I do.
"You're right about that.
"I'd never agree to have my sex acts publicly displayed on the internet... certainly not if my face was showing!
"From the pictures, the camera was filming something other than her face!"

That comment earned me a light punch on the shoulder before Sarah continued.

"I'm just saying these images... they might come back to haunt her later.
"We all do things we regret..."

My tone must have changed at that point because Sarah picked up on something. She grabbed my hand in hers.

"Jim... what's wrong?
"What do you mean?
"There's something you're not telling me."

I tried to pull away, but my coordination was lousy so my hand went nowhere.

"Nah! I'm fine.
"Jim, you're not fine. You're drinking like you want to forget something. You've been avoiding my home for the week, insisting I go to your place.
"I don't want to talk about it now.
"When then?
"What?
"When can we talk about it? When you sober up tomorrow?"

I looked away, up, down, anywhere but her face. She leaned in and drew my gaze into hers.

"Jim... is this about what happened between you and Jenn?"

I froze and stared blankly. The alcohol prevented me from uttering a single word, which was probably the best thing I could have done.

"What do you mean?
"Jim, don't take me for granted. You've been deliberately avoiding Jenn since last Tuesday, since I left you two alone. Something happened, right?"

There were no ways out of this. My stupor prevented me from gathering my thoughts and coming up with an elaborate diversion to change the subject. I had been wanting to tell her for days, and now that the opportunity was presenting itself, I was almost ready to deny everything.

"uh...
"And Jenn's been acting strange lately. She won't talk about you either. I know her even more than I know you."

Sarah must have seen the fear in my eyes.

"Just tell me. I promise I won't get mad and we'll talk about it."

She crossed her heart as she said so, to emphasize her point. At that point, I realized I did not actually want to resist. It was better to spill the beans and get it over with.

"When you left... we were looking at those pictures of her from her shoot... and she got me undressed and danced around me... then she gave me a... blowjob."

That last word had difficulty finding its way out of my mouth, for two reasons. One, it was difficult to admit it to my girlfriend. Two, it wasn't entirely accurate, but at the moment, it was all I could muster.

"And?
"And... that's it. She put my dick... in her mouth."

Sarah face's was expressionless. She looked away for a moment, then came back to me.

"So that's it...
"Yeah... pretty much... oh and she tied me up.
"Uh-huh.
"Are you okay, Sarah?"

She took her time to ponder my question, leaving me suspended in mid air, wondering if she was going to catch me or if I was going to collapse on the ground.

"That depends. Are you okay, Jim?
"What do you mean?
"Are you... okay, with what she did? Can you live with it?"

I did not understand why Sarah made this about me. I wanted another kind of reaction from her. Compassion or anger, but not redirection. Still, I was in no mood to argue, so I attempted to answer to the best of my inebriated abilities.

"I guess so maybe... I mean, it was wrong but, if you're all right with it, I can live with it, I guess?"

Sarah seemed to ponder my answer even more.

"We can't talk about this here and now. I'm going to take you home and we'll talk about this when you're sober in the morning.
"Are you mad?
"Not really, no. Disappointed, but not mad."

She kissed me on the forehead. We headed out, our party having just been crashed by the truth.

Sarah woke me up early the next morning. She served me water and toast in bed. I was feeling nauseated so I went to the bathroom and emptied the contents of my stomach. I would not have been sick except for the rush of emotions from the night before. When I came back into my bedroom, Sarah was still waiting for me patiently. I recalled most of what had happened the night before and sat on the edge of the bed, away from her. She moved in close.

"Do you remember what happened last night?
"Yes... I'm sorry.
"I know you are. But are you okay with it?
"I honestly don't know."

This time, I gave her more detail, only to be as thorough as possible. She let me finish my story without interrupting.

"Are you still disappointed?
"Yes... but not at you. Not really. I'm disappointed at Jenn. I didn't think she'd go this far.
"You expected something like this?
"Not expected. But she came onto me about two weeks ago... in the shower.
"What?"

She then told me about her own incident, how she'd let Jennifer get close and eat her out some before pushing her away.

"So I'm not mad at you... because I fell for it too. I mean, I let it happen. Look, Jim, a lot has changed in my life since we started being together."

She seemed reluctant to elaborate further, but I felt full disclosure was necessary here.

"Why would she do that? Why would she... work us both?
"So many reasons."

She pulled away from me and got up, pacing around the bed as she spoke.

"We used to be together, a little under two years ago. She dumped me, you know that. But we still hung out, and once in a while, well, since neither of us was in a steady relationship, we'd have sex. We'd take showers together, play games in the nude, massage each other. Since I've been with you, I haven't done these things as much with her.
"You believe she's jealous, then?
"I know she is. She's told me openly. I know she made a pass at you at the New Year's party. When she got you out of the bathroom.
"You know that?
"she told me."

I'm always amazed at the candor of Sarah's answers. I wanted full disclosure, I have it. Sarah took her time before continuing.

"Let's not dwell on what got us here. Do you love me?
"Yes. And I know you love me too...
"I do."

She smiles, before returning to a more serious expression.

"But we have to do something about Jennifer. We have to nip this in the bud, before it gets out of hand. We need to take control.
"I'm all for that, but frankly, I don't know what to do.
"I do have a few ideas... they may or may not be good ideas. We won't know until we test them.
"The first thing we should do is talk to Jennifer. I know she was feeling as badly as I did for what happened, even if she may not admit it.
"I know she's hurting. I would be in her place. But this is about more than her. This is about us. All three of us. Whatever we decide will have to include all of us. I love you, Jim, but I value Jennifer's friendship as much. I don't want to have to choose."

I had been recollecting my thoughts all the while, so I spoke in a decisive but reasoned tone.

"We won't let that happen, Sarah. We'll do what we can to make it right."

It was my turn to smile. Sarah came back to me with a huge hug and I hugged her back. In the back of my mind, random thoughts strayed in, eager to assist me in this new trial. They tried to coalesce into something coherent, but that would take time. It would be difficult to salvage the situation, but there had to be a way. We had to find it. I cared too much for Sarah to let her down.

[interesting]

There we were, sitting at my kitchen table, Sarah and me one side, Jennifer on the other, coffee and tea on the table, trying to resolve our common problems.

At first, Jennifer listened to what Sarah and I had to say. We started out with facts. We told her that we had discussed everyone's encounters and had made sure that all details were known. This had caused quite a reaction in her face, but she had kept quiet all the same. Once the events that had led to this conversation had been spelled out, namely Sarah's encounter in the shower and mine in the bedroom, we had asked Jennifer why she had come on to both of us. Her answer was a question, which sparked quite a conversation.

"Why did you let me?"

It was a way for her to protect herself from our judgement, but Sarah and I had already agreed that we would not judge Jennifer for her actions too harshly, mainly because we had already answered the question she had just come up with.

Sarah was the first to speak.

"Well, for my part... I'm going to have to be honest with you Jennifer. There was... some pity.
"Pity."

The word sounded like a swear word when uttered by Jennifer. Sarah tried to elaborate.

"I've been riding high for months now, and I know you've been alongside me all this time, experiencing my ups and downs. Suddenly, Jim enters my life, and while you're still there... well, you fall back a spot. When you stepped into the shower with me, I realized we hadn't done it for months. When you kissed me, for a moment, I did forget about Jim. I wanted to please you... but I couldn't.
"You led me on...
"Please, Jenn, be reasonable. You wanted this as much as me."

Jennifer silently apologizes.

"I'm not blaming you for what happened; I love you too much for that. I'm trying to understand what happened, why it happened.
"I'm sorry... go ahead.
"I did lead you on, for a moment. I wanted to please you, I wanted to give you what you sought... but I thought of Jim, and suddenly, it didn't feel right. I stopped you before it got too far.
"So it was pity sex...
"No, more than that. I love you, Jenn, you're my best friend, you were my lover when I had no one else. But now I have Jim.
"And he's good enough for you.
"He is where I am right now. Not to be mean to Jim (she looked at me while talking) but I don't know where I'll be a year from now. Jenn, you've been too good to me for me to forsake you. What I want is to make this, our friendship, work."

Sarah turned to me. It was my turn to explain my situation. Before I could speak, Jennifer intervened.

"It's hard, you know. I know, I'm the one who broke up with you, but still, I had... privileges. It's tough letting go.
"I know, Sarah said. Why don't we hear from Jim?"

I cleared my throat. I had thought a lot about what I wanted to say, how I had felt and how the incident had impacted my relationship with Sarah. I needed to be candid with Jennifer, and even though Sarah already knew what I was going to say, it still felt awkward to spell it out loud.

"I've never been in this situation, Jenn. You have to understand, everything about this is new to me. I've never had any female friends... let alone people with whom I was comfortable getting naked around that weren't my partner. When we... got together, I got overstimulated at first, then scared. A lot. Sarah knows I like to be in control, and I lost it.
"Is it because I tied you up?
"No. Maybe. It probably didn't help. It's not like I haven't fantasized about it. I haven't forgotten what you told me in the bathroom at the party.
"About?
"About wanting to... fuck me."

Jennifer smiles.

"It's flattering. Unsettling a little, but you're gorgeous, sexy. You flaunt your sexuality like a second skin. You do turn me on. But I'm with Sarah, and that's a choice, for now at least."

Sarah looks at me and provides support. She knows what I'm talking about and lets me continue.

"The games we played were... some of the most erotic experiences I've ever had. They may seem bland to you...
"They don't...
"...well, to me, they're intense and intoxicating. I'm not at your comfort level, so my emotions play tricks on me. I wanted you to suck me... but then the image of Sarah popped in and... well, you know the rest."

I had said my piece. I had been honest. Jennifer was a hot girl and of course, I wanted to have sex with her, but not at the expense of my relationship with Sarah. I think Sarah felt exactly the same way, but about both of us, which made her situation slightly more intimate than mine. We looked at Jennifer, waiting for her reactions. She took her time gathering her thoughts, as we had. I refilled her coffee cup.

"Here's the thing Sarah... Jim has changed things.
"How so?
"Well... let me give you an example. Remember when we were together, those six months?
"Sure, very well.
"Do you recall, over the summer, that party we had at Claire's place?
"I do.
"We were together, right?
"Yeah, you and me, an item.
"Do you remember swapping partners?
"I do. I went with Cassie, you went with Claire.
"And how did it feel?
"It was great watching you get it on with Claire... and being with Cassie was awesome for me too.
"So what changed?
"I don't get your question.
"Why do you cling to Jim? Why won't you do the same with Jim as you did with me?
"If I remember correctly, you were the one who proposed the swap.
"Actually, it was Claire, and we both agreed. But since Jim's been here, it's only been you two."

I felt I had to intervene, but Sarah made a discreet move to keep me quiet so I let them speak.

"Have you told him about what we did the week before you started going out with him?
"What exactly did we do?
"The thing with me and Tom?
"Oh... not really.
"What about at the mid-semester party, when you were chasing him... with you, Bonnie and Barry in the shower?"

I was intrigued of course, because Sarah had not shared those events with me. I wondered why Jennifer was bringing them up. Even if Sarah had experienced a few sexual encounters, they had happened before we had gotten together.

"I didn't.
"Why? Did you want to protect him from the real you?
"The real me?"

Jennifer seemed agitated. She wanted Sarah to say something and I was not sure what she was hinting at, though I was suspecting.

"Even when you were going out with Brad, you still had sex with other people, and Brad knew about it. He didn't mind. He was there most of the time, watching and appreciating!
"That was high school.
"And now, two years later, Jim comes along, and you shield him from all that. Sarah, I hate to break it to you, but you're not a one-person woman, and if you think you are, you're fooling yourself."

Jennifer's comment took Sarah aback. I placed my hand on her shoulder.

"Are you all right? I inquired.
"Yes... I'm fine."

Jennifer decided not to say anything more for the moment. Sarah was obviously unnerved by Jennifer's comment.

"Have I changed that much?
"You have. I'm not saying it's a bad thing, I'm just saying... I don't know what I'm saying."

Jennifer looked away this time. She was sorry for raising her tone and angry at herself for feeling the way she did. Sarah stared at me, inquisitive.

"Do you think it's true? That I... can't be with just one person?
"I don't know. I think... as long as you're happy with someone. But that's me.
"Jennifer is right, to some extent. I am holding back... for your sake.
"Does it hurt to hold back? Does it make you uneasy?"

Sarah took some time to ponder the question. As she did, Jennifer called me out.

"Jim, I like you a lot. I may even love you, whatever that means to me. Sarah loves you, and I would never do anything to hurt her. But... you are, to some extent, in the way. Since you've been in Sarah's life, fully, I have barely seen her. She spends all her time with you... I am jealous. I'm jealous because what we had is now unattainable. I can't speak for Sarah, but I know it hurts me.
"What did you have then, that my presence takes away?
"Shower time... massages, hanging out... having sex once in a while... masturbating in front of each other. We did it at least once a week before. We haven't done it since you've been together. I know this must sound shallow...
"I think I understand the logic.
"And it's not you personally. It might be the same with someone else. I just have to learn to cope with it.
"Well, we are taking chances... I mean, being naked in front of each other all the time can't help, for instance."

Both Sarah and Jennifer agreed. There was such openness to their relationship that I had intruded upon it. They had both managed to integrate me in their routine, but everything was now out of sync. Sarah finally broke her silence.

"I do miss some of the things we used to do, and I have gotten carried away with Jim. But I love him, and I want to spend time with him too."

I wanted to help so I intervened.

"Look, you can still hang out and do stuff together, all three of us.
"But Jim, asked Jennifer, how far are you willing to commit?
"Commit?
"Say... and this is extreme, but just listen... say Sarah and me want to masturbate in front of each other, like we used to. Would you allow it? Would you participate? Three is a crowd.
"I do have limits, Jenn, but okay, I'll humor you. Say you two want to take a shower together, I don't mind. But you have to be able to hold back.
"But what if we can't? Would you forgive Sarah or me?
"You're speculating here, I don't know how I would react. If I sincerely believed it just happened, maybe. It's hard to know without having experienced it. I'm just guessing here."

It was Sarah who spoke. Her words, decisive, settled the argument.

"All right. Let's find out.
"Find out what?"

I was curious.

"Let's find out how far we can go.
"You'll have to be more specific."

Sarah took my hand.

"Jim, you trust me, right?
"You always ask that question when you're going to ask something of me.
"I do, don't I? Okay. Jennifer has a point. I can't simply transform myself overnight. I have been aching for... well... my old routine. My new routine is wonderful too, but I need both, I think.
"What do you propose then?
"I want us to find a way to make this work. You, Jennifer, me.
"A threesome?"

My question must have sounded a little excited and a little worried.

"Well, not really. But I do want to share everything with you. Even Jennifer. She means more to me than I can even let on."

Sarah stared at Jennifer.

"Do you want to give this a try?
"Sure. Anything to spend some time with my favorite girl.
"Jim?
"I'm not saying no, but I need to know more.
"Here's what I propose. We set up a date, where all three of us meet to experiment a little. We set ground rules according to the chosen activity; I even suggest we put one of us in charge of that date, to see what each person comes up with. It will be less pressure on one individual.
"Go on.
"Whoever is in charge gets to plan the event; but of course, anyone can back out at any time if they feel uncomfortable with anything. That way, nothing happens that we don't want to happen."

Jennifer seemed to agree with the idea. There were aspects of Sarah's suggestion which disturbed me, but the notion of being able to back out reassured me. And truth be told, there was a part of me that wanted to experiment. It was more than the notion of a threesome, although I'm sure that idea played itself right into my fantasies. There was a need to make everything all right again, to make Sarah happy, to restore her friendship with Jennifer.

That alone would have been sufficient to convince me. But there was no way for me to predict how things would turn out in the end. Perhaps that was the most thrilling part of it all.

[interesting]

Picture me, on all fours, wearing a tight corset, tight latex pants and a leash tied to my neck. Picture Sarah, kneeling in front of me, wearing a tight maid's uniform, a skirt too short, her cleavage showing heavily, in stilettos, a leash around her neck.

In my craziest dreams, I would have never imagined I would find myself in such a predicament. Yet there I was, in Jennifer and Sarah's room, being led around by a very domineering Jennifer, who was wearing a dark gown open on both sides of the legs, with low cleavage and a nice collar. She held onto our leashes tightly, to prevent us from getting away - as if I was going anywhere looking like this.

The idea of trying to test our limits with Jennifer had first intrigued and inspired me when Sarah had mentioned it. I knew Jennifer was into Sarah and also into me, and it was flattering to get the attention. We had decided that we would try stuff out, see what worked, what didn't, in order to get a better understanding of how we could live together as friends. After some debate, we had decided to take turns planning the activities. We would each have a weekend to plan something and the other two would follow that person's lead for the weekend. Jennifer had been selected to go first.

When I got to their room, Jennifer had planned everything. She explained that Sarah and I were going to be her slaves for the weekend, to do as she saw fit. We immediately set ground rules before getting into the actual play. I would be allowed to get short pauses if I requested them politely, by asking Jennifer, who was to be my mistress. But no more than once per hour. I would be allowed to be liberated as a slave at night, for bed. I would not be asked to do anything in public or illicit, or against my morals. But I would have to obey her commands to the letter. If I failed to comply, there would be punishments : spankings and being tied up mostly.

It was now late Saturday night and I was about to be liberated for the night. I was ecstatic about it. Jennifer had me jumping through hoops all day. At first, she got me to undress, which I did not mind. Then, she asked me to take a shower while she watched, and forced me to wash with an abrasive soap. It was Sarah's turn to do the same. Once we were clean, she had us get on all fours and strut around naked in the apartment. She had us behave like dogs, sniffing our butts (not the most pleasant experience even if I enjoyed Sarah's behind most of the time), and then had us eating out of bowls from the ground with only our mouths. It was hard not to break character. I felt so awkward. Sarah seemed more at ease and I wondered how often she had been the slave in their former relationship. I had always fancied Sarah more as the dominatrix but, looking back, it made more sense to have her as the victim.

I had earned my first pause after lunch, getting some relief from being on all fours. Fifteen minutes went by too fast.

Jennifer then got us dressed in the attire we were currently wearing. She had used us both in turn as stools while watching some television; Sarah had been chosen to feed her grapes with her mouth. I might have been turned on by the sight of them almost kissing as Sarah dropped the grapes in Jennifer's mouth, had I been able to see what was happening. I had been blindfolded.

It had been my turn then to feed Jennifer; I was to chew her food and kiss it into her mouth. The kisses were nice but the exchange of food made me somewhat ill and I had to take another timeout. I forgot to ask politely, so even if she agreed to give me fifteen minutes, I received fifteen floggings before resuming.

I had never been flogged before. Jennifer was gentle with the first few slaps, but then got more into it with the last ones. My behind was still aching, hours after, from the intensity.

Jennifer then got Sarah and me to make out in front of her, which was probably the most satisfying part of the day. She got Sarah to grab my sack (first times were becoming common by then) and slap it a few times. Sarah was gentle with it, and I survived. I had agreed to limited amounts of pain.

Jennifer had then asked me to masturbate into Sarah's mouth. Being given a blowjob was one thing, but to actually intentionally aim for her mouth and shoot into it while she waited was something else entirely. At first, I politely asked for a timeout, and inquired if Sarah was okay with this. She said she did not mind, that it was not really different from a standard blowjob. I decided to go along with it, but my wits were slowly being taken to their limits. I jerked off for a while, under the watchful gaze of Jennifer, who instructed me on how to do it as I was doing it. It took me a long time to build up anticipation and energy. Jennifer's voice felt shrill to my ears, and it felt like a turn off. Eventually, though, Sarah's waiting stare got me into the mood, I forgot about Jennifer staring and I managed to shoot most of it into her mouth. Jennifer told Sarah not to spit or swallow.

I was aware that although Sarah did not mind giving blowjobs, she preferred to quickly move it out of her mouth because of the taste. I was impressed by how much control Jennifer was exerting on Sarah. It was then that Jennifer pushed the envelope farther than I anticipated.

"All right, slave Jim, I want you to kiss slave Sarah and swap your semen into your mouth."

I stared blankly at Jennifer, bewildered. How could she ask that of me? She must have been joking. But like everything else that had happened that day, it was part of the game and it was serious. I was tempted to call it quits completely. Sarah's gaze told me she was willing to continue, and for some obscure reason, that was sufficient for me. I leaned in, apprehensively.

At first, Sarah closed her mouth. Our lips met. I could already taste the salty and sugary texture on her lips. It did not help me with the deed. I closed my eyes, as if that could help. We opened our mouths, and she shoved her tongue and my semen into my mouth. I pulled back, spitting everything out on the ground.

"No... Can't do it. Flog me, I don't care."

So she flogged me. Twenty five times. It was still better than tasting my own semen. Jennifer would have flogged me more, but Sarah said she would take any additional floggings for me, and she did.

After that, Jennifer resumed just having me and Sarah walk around the apartment on all fours until supper.

Right after supper, which we almost ate in bowls using only our mouths, Jennifer gave Sarah and me some time alone. We retreated into her bedroom.

"So... did you used to do this often?
"Frankly, Jim, no. And I don't really know why Jennifer chose this. I don't think this is going like she expected.
"What makes you say that? She's been cold all day.
"Well, she's supposed to be, it's part of her dominatrix personality. Little gratification, a cold shoulder, she portrays someone unattached. The idea is that when she does offer validation, it has more impact."

Sarah's comment hit a nerve on my end.

"I can't imagine she likes doing that?
"How about you? Do you like this?
"Honestly? Not really. You can't have enjoyed it, right?
"Well, some of it yeah.
"You like being dragged on all fours, like a dog?
"Not specifically. But I like... being told what to do, being led around. Think of it like this... let's say we're having sex... which we might get to do later anyway... imagine you're telling me exactly what to do, how to position myself, how you like it... I'm a puppet in your hands.
"I see.
"Well, it's roughly the same thing here. It's liberating to be told what to do.
"I couldn't stand it. Not all the time.
"That's because it's not in your character. It's in mine. Once we're alone, if you want to try it out with me...
"Maybe some other time. You said Jennifer was probably not happy with what was happening. What makes you say that, specifically?"

Sarah took her time to gather her thoughts.

"It has to do with how she's going about it. She's not as into it as she could be, not as imaginative. She's holding back... because of you, I think.
"Yeah, I have that effect on you too.
"You sound bitter.
"I don't want my presence to affect how you are.
"It does. But that's okay. You're slowly getting there.
"What if I don't want to, or can't get there?"

Sarah took my hand.

"Jim, you don't have to. I know I'm eccentric... but I don't have to be. That's not what makes me happy.
"And what does?
"Being with you. The games are nice, but they're not everything. Not even close."

We kissed shyly. Jennifer beckoned to us from the other room.

"Shall we?"

We returned to the living room, where Jennifer was eagerly waiting. We bowed before her. I felt I needed to say something, and since I was still on my pause, I felt comfortable talking openly.

"Jennifer, before we get back into it, I need to ask you something.
"Go ahead, Jim... you can ask in character too.
"It's better like this.
"Okay. What's on your mind?"

It took me a moment to formulate my question.

"What are you trying to accomplish here?
"I'm not sure I follow?
"What's your goal? Is it just to have some fun at our expense? Or does the power give you a rush?
"It's hard to define. It's about control, I think, having it, exerting it, suffering it on your end. Are you enjoying it?
"Truthfully?
"Yes, please.
"I'm not. It feels unnatural."

Sarah felt the need to intervene.

"What Jim is saying, I think, is that you're not really into it either. I mean, you're obviously holding back for his sake.
"Or for yours... answered Jennifer.
"What I'm saying, continued Sarah, is that you need to define what you are looking for. Domination for domination is fine and all, but what does it provide us with, really? What do we all get out of it?"

The question hung in mid air. I realized Jennifer had probably not reflected on this before coming up with her idea. I had done some research on bondage since I had started going out with Sarah. Right now, we were merely playing at being slaves and master; we were not fully into it. Maybe that was why it wasn't doing anything for anyone.

"So... should we step it up a notch?"

My query left Sarah and Jennifer puzzled.

"I'm just asking. My limits are the same as before, but, given the possibilities, I mean, I'm sure there are other things we can do that are reasonable."

Jennifer said she would reflect on the possibilities and get back to us. We spent the rest of the evening playing dogs again, but this time, Jennifer dragged us around the apartment with more force. I had to admit the situation felt more enticing than when she gave us more freedom. I could tell Sarah was enjoying it thoroughly. She had us wash her feet and thighs, and then lick them up with our tongues. She had shaved her legs, for which I was grateful.

She eventually decided to move up a notch. She told us that as dogs, we needed to breed. Sarah had anticipated this and had forewarned me. I wasn't really intimidated at the notion of having sex with Sarah in front of Jennifer - I had already done it several weeks. My concern was over Jennifer's own reaction to the event. I had voiced my concern to Sarah, but she had reassured me that she and Jennifer had a long talk about it prior to this activity.

Jennifer got us to lie still on our backs first. She removed my tight latex pants and the thong I was wearing underneath. It was an uncomfortable feeling being bottomless but still bound in a corset. She moved to Sarah, who was on her back beside me, and removed her panties. From Jennifer's stare, I realized that Sarah must have been stimulated. She has us lie there for a moment, and she went to get gags. She placed one on each of our mouths, then moved back to our bottoms. She placed a hand firmly on my hardening shaft, and slid one hand against Sarah's wet hole. She played with us for a while, then she slapped our genitalia. I didn't particularly like it, but I saw Sarah quiver almost in ecstasy. That did the trick better and I felt myself anticipate the next thing.

Jennifer placed a kiss on Sarah's sex, then one on mine, then she slapped us again, this time with more force.

Jennifer looked at us.

"Do you want to fuck each other?"

We both mumbled positively through our gags.

"What are you willing to do for it?"

I realized that, at my level of stimulation, I was ready to do about anything. Sarah was quick to try to speak through the gag. Jennifer moved to her mouth and ungagged her.

"Anything, mistress... anything."

I realized Sarah actually meant it. This made Jennifer smile.

"All right, I have an idea."

Jennifer returned the gag to Sarah's mouth. She got up and told us to remain immobile. I tried to get Sarah to look at me but she was lost in the moment. Jennifer came back, stark naked, holding a large dildo in her hands.

"Slave Sarah, get on all fours."

Sarah jumped up and set herself up. I was thinking that Jennifer was going to insert it into Sarah, but instead she handed it to her and laid down in front of her, legs apart.

"Slave Jim, kneel behind Sarah and enter here, but remain motionless once inside."

I did as I was ordered to. I had specifically said that I did not want to have sex with Jennifer, and that was being respected. My shaft entered Sarah's pussy. The gags on our mouths prevented us from moaning. Jennifer told me to keep my hands behind my back at all times.

"Sarah, you will now pleasure me with the device. Jim, you cannot release until I have had my orgasm. If you do, there will be punishments."

I could see how wet Jennifer was as the dildo entered her. It took all my will not to pump into Sarah, but I knew my best chance of not coming was to remain as motionless as possible. I was already on edge. My stare kept going back to Jennifer's naked form, and the device manipulated by Sarah, entering her. Sarah was beginning to sway back and forth on me. I had to keep my hands behind my back, so I could not grab hold of her to prevent her from swaying. I saw Jennifer's pussy disappear behind Sarah's face. Was she also licking her? I could hardly contain my excitement as I began to subconsciously join the movement. I closed my eyes, but I could still see the picture very clearly.

I heard Jennifer moan and opened my eyes. She had grabbed hold of Sarah's head and pulled her in. This was all too much for me. The only thing preventing from releasing instantly was the luck of vocal stimulation from Sarah. The gag had been removed; I saw it beside Jennifer's legs. She was definitely eating her out. I was surprised that this did not shock me at all, that I was actually enjoying seeing my girlfriend give oral sex to another girl while I was taking her. Jennifer's moans almost turned to screams; this was too much for me and I emptied into Sarah, pumping as hard as I could. Jennifer fell limp at the same time I did.

It took us a moment to gather ourselves. Sarah pulled up to Jennifer and laid her head on her breasts. I laid on top of Sarah, and my hands grabbed Jennifer's thighs in the process, kneading them without realizing it.

"Sarah... wow."

That was all Jennifer could muster at the moment. I was thinking how the reality of the situation would suddenly set in, how my morals and principles would creep up on me out of nowhere. I was surprised when I felt very little except satisfaction.

"You're crushing me, Jim.

I mumbled sorry through my gag. I moved back out and Sarah straightened herself. Jennifer was still lying on her back, still spent from her own orgasm. Sarah removed my gag and kissed me passionately.

"How are you?
"Better than I expected."

I could feel some resentment and uncertainty as to what had just transpired, but I did not have any retrospect at the moment to make a conscious decision about the event.

"I think we should call it a night. Jenn?
"Sure... I'm... good."

Sarah took me by the hand and led me back to their bedroom, where we removed all of our costumes and laid on her bed.

"Did you mind... what I did?
"Don't think so... It was all I could do not to, well, hold it in. It was intoxicating... I need to sleep on it.
"I'm sure you do."

We laid in her bed, under the covers. She huddled against me, kissed me again.

"I love you Jim."

I nodded, but no words came out. This was a unique experience, something I had never envisioned as really happening. I needed time to assess the event... but that would come in the morning.

That night, erotic dreams of threesomes filled my head.

[interesting]

As Sherlock Holmes himself would say, the game is afoot.

It is noon, on the Monday of Spring Break, and I'm the first one on the scene. Mind you, I've been here since ten in the morning, getting ready for the day's activities.

Things are a little bit better now than they were a few days back. I've had sex with Jim - many times over the weekend in fact. It was great. It was also necessary. Last Friday, after my breakdown at Tom's house and my discussion with Brad and Tom, I decided to take matters into my own hands. I went to Jim's, we had sex, talked, had more sex, slept, woke up, had sex in the shower, ate some breakfast, got back to bed and had more sex. We spent Saturday afternoon shopping for swimwear for spring break; I had Jim eat me up in the changing room; I did the same for him a few stores later. It was nice to just let go. After that, we didn't have sex until the next morning; Jim was completely drained, in more ways than one.

Jim is supposed to meet me soon for lunch and he's running late. I know Tom is training with Jimmy this morning, trying to convince him to come to the beach. Jennifer won't make it until tomorrow, but at least she'll be there. She told Thomas that much. She's aware both Jim and I will be there so it's not an ambush either.

The first ones to arrive are Brad and Brigitte. She's a blonde. Why isn't that a surprise? She looks a little bit like me, if I wore more makeup and kept in touch with my fashion side. She's in high heels, wearing a blue mini-skirt, almost obscene, and a buttoned camisole that is almost see-through, so I see her bikini top. She is gorgeous in her own way, but definitely not my style. Brad is following along. He looks like a puppy, which is probably what he is to some extent. He's clean shaven, still no hair on his face anywhere; he wears a fashion collar, but I know what it's really supposed to represent.

We say hi and then Brigitte steps back and examines me. I feel her gaze undressing me - I may let her do it fully at another time, if she'll let me. Her perky breasts are inviting, I'd like to lick them. I hope she later invites me to do so. It would be a nice treat for her doggy - I mean Brad.

"Well... now I get it."

She smiles at Brad.

"She's definitely a looker. Will you look at the size of those?"

She's pointing at my breasts and I'm slightly embarrassed.

"You like big breasts, Brad?
"I like yours..."

He's so well-trained. She's keeping him on an invisible leash.

"So this is the girl who stole you from me last time?
"I'm very pleased to meet you, Brigitte. Brad has told me about you.
"Really... what did he say?
"That he's desperate to get you back.
"Desperate... hey, Brad?"

Brad looks away, almost shy. I've never seen him under this light. It's mildly stimulating. I spot Jim from the corner of my eye. I move to intercept him and kiss him passionately.

"I've missed you."

He smiles back. He's feeling a lot better too. The sex must have helped. That and the fact that he's finished his corrections and will be able to profit from the week. We move back to Brigitte and Brad.

"This is Jim. My boyfriend.
"Very nice to meet you... Brad, say hi to the man who's fucking your ex."

Her bluntness takes both me and Jim aback, but it does not seem to faze Brad, who extends a hand.

"It's nice to meet you.
"Same here, I suppose.
"We should let the boys get acquainted. Sarah, I'd like to speak to you in private.
"Sure. Jim, can you get us a table... for six?
"Of course. Coming, Brad?
"Whatever."

Brad and Jim go to the Sea-Side, while Brigitte grabs my arm and pulls me away. She is very strong for her frame.

"Sarah, I'll be blunt here.
"You seem to be direct.
"I have nothing against you, I know the real problem is Brad.
"Problem?
"He means well, but he's never had any... supervision.
"Don't I know it?
"I want to break him... break him out of his habits. And he wants to be molded, to be made better. I'm going to need your help.
"I'll be glad to help, but...
"I know. You have a boyfriend and...
"It's more complex than that, but I don't want to go into detail.
"Fine. I'm not going to ask you to fuck Brad anyway. His orders for the week... you are aware he is my slave?
"I am.
"Okay, his orders are to worship you as much as me. So if you ask him to do something, he'll do it, regardless of what it is.
"What are his limits?
"He's not to have any orgasm if I, or you for the week, don't allow it. He's not allowed to remove his collar. He's allowed to only kiss my feet; you can allow him to kiss you anywhere you like.
"Okay... what about the beach?
"As long as he behaves, we let him be. I keep tabs and warn him if he misbehaves. I punish him at night.
"What do you call misbehaving?
"Looking at other girls... touching people inappropriately, being unkind or insensitive, making bad jokes...
"He must get punished often!
"Not as often as in the beginning. He's learning.
"Anything else I should know?
"Would you, or your boyfriend, be comfortable if he gave you massages?
"Not massages no... But I don't think Jim would like it if it became too sexual.
"All right, we'll keep that in check."

Brigitte smiles at me.

"God you're pretty. I'd love to make out with you."

I'm a bit taken aback but I smile. She continues.

"I love your breasts too. Mine are too small.
"They look fine to me.
"Maybe we can compare later?
"I'd like that... a lot."

She bites her upper lip. I'm getting all excited. I have to remember that I'm with Jim, and that I need to hold back a little. Not holding back is what got me into trouble in the first place. But Brigitte is biting her upper lip. This is going to be an interesting week.

When we return to the Sea-Side, Thomas and Jimmy have made it. I've met Jimmy before, and even saw him fight once. He recognizes me in an instant.

"Hey, gorgeous... ya lookin' fine.
"Thanks, Jimmy. You met my boyfriend?
"Yup... a have!"

He laughs. Jim recalls the incident in the park.

"Figures.
"What?" Jimmy asks.
"Nothing. It's nice to meet you when you're not trying to pick a fight with me.
"Who says a'm not?"

Thomas calls Jimmy to order. Everyone sits beside their partner (or potential, in the case of Tom). Presentations are made for those who don't know each other. Jimmy takes up the conversation.

"So... wacha all wanna do lata'?"

I answer.

"Hit the beach. Maybe play some volleyball.
"I likes when girls run around playin' volley...
"We all do, says Jim."

Jimmy cracks up a few other comments of an almost sexual nature before the waiter comes over. We order from the Seafood buffet. The boys get up and go get some food; Jim is getting some for me and Brad is getting some for Brigitte. She leans towards me.

"Your Jim has a nice ass. Damn!
"You noticed.
"What's not to notice? Are you two into swapping?
"No. We're not."

I'd like to say yes, but I decide to be honest and defuse any proposals from Brigitte. Given what's going on with Jennifer, why tempt fate?

"A shame.
"You'd be willing to let Brad go with someone else?
"Only if I was involved somewhat, honey. You wouldn't let Jim do it?
"It's... complex, as I said.
"Ah... he wouldn't let himself."

Brigitte seems very observant. I'm glad Jim is not there for this bit of conversation, but of course, it's intentional on Brigitte's part.

"He's fine with games in general... but there are things he won't do.
"I understand completely. I used to hold back a lot, until I met this girl who took me under her wing and opened me up... in more ways than one.
"Are you into girls too?
"No. I'm into bondage..."

By that time, the boys are returning so we interrupt our 'girly' chat. If only the boys knew what we talked about. The food is delicious and everyone is hungry so there's very little chat. Jimmy drops a quip every now and then, then gets up to fetch himself another plate.

I look at Tom. He knows we have to tread lightly. So far, Jimmy has dropped very few hints as to a possible attraction to Tom, or to men in general. I've talked about it to Jim and he's supposed to investigate, for Tom's sake. I think Jim enjoys getting back at Jimmy for that incident in the park. When I get up to go to the bathroom, Brigitte follows me. We go about our respective businesses, then meet up when we wash our hands. She's staring intently at me.

"What?"

She bites her lower lip.

"I'd like to sex you up right now.
"Brigitte, please..."

I'm as turned on as she probably is, but I don't want anything to happen. Not yet, maybe not ever.

"Don't tell me you're not turned on. I can smell it on you.
"Can you smell my boyfriend, too?"

She moves towards me, almost threatening, very erotic.

"Why don't you let me?"

I let her get close. She sniffs my neck, licking it in one swoop. I shiver. Her hand reaches towards my crotch, but I pull away, leaning against the counter.

"What is this about, Brigitte?"

I try to remain stoic as she cups one of my breasts. Her other hand touches my hips.

"No..."

She leans in and kisses me gently. I push her away, more for the sake of my relationship with Jim than for any other reason.

"Brigitte... talk to me or I won't let you do anything."

She pulls away.

"This is... my way. This is how I do things. Brad has had you. I want you too. I'll have you.
"Maybe. But not now, not here, not yet."

Brigitte appears frustrated. I don't want her to get angry but I do have defuse the situation. I need to take control. I grab her by the collar, pull her in and kiss her passionately, exerting my own control over what is happening. She submits to me: she is a switch, as I suspected. We lock tongues together for a moment, then I push her away.

"Here's how it's going to work, Brigitte. I'll talk to Jim. If he lets me do it, we'll find a way. If not, this kiss will have to do. Understood?
"Yes."

She seems so different now. I could ask her to do anything and she would probably comply. Ideas are racing into my mind but I set them aside.

"Let's go back. No mention of this to anyone. We'll talk tomorrow, once I've had my time with Jim."

She nods. We exit the bathroom after washing our hands. Once we return to the main room, her initial personality returns. I get to wonder as to which one is the real Brigitte, and I realize both are probably personas she wears.

The rest of lunch goes by smoothly and we hit the beach. Clothes go flying; young men in speedos and tight suits are running about the beach; young women clad in bikinis also draw my attention. I love the beach! So much skin. Jim comes and lies beside me.

"What's going on? he asks
"Brigitte came onto me in the bathroom.
"Really? What happened?
"Nothing so far. It's her way of trying to reclaim me for her, since I was with Brad before. She's trying to humiliate Brad.
"Why would she do that? She hates him?
"No. She likes him.
"I don't get it.
"There's nothing to get. It's... the way it is. The way they are. I need to ask you, but I don't need an immediate answer, how far I can go as far as playing with Brigitte is concerned."

Jim pauses to reflect on it for a moment. We've had more time to talk about Jennifer, about the fact that he didn't mind that me and Jennifer had sex as characters during the filming but that the notion of him having sex with Jennifer was too much. Jim is much more lucid about it now than he was before we made up.

"I really don't know.
"Take your time. I won't do anything until I have your approval... you working on Jimmy?
"Barely. He's really... something!
"Yeah.
"He's not very profound.
"I think he hides it well.
"Probably. I sincerely don't know how I'm going to ask him about his relationship with Tom.
"Just ask. Be curious. You're a writer; say you're interested in learning about boxing, about how boxers relate to each other...
"I'm not that good with people."

I lean in and kiss him passionately. I smile.

"You're good with me."

He smiles back.

"I'll do what I can.
"I know you will. I love you."

The rest of the afternoon goes by very smoothly. We get invited to play volleyball by other people on the beach; I team with Brigitte, because the guys love seeing girls in bikinis racing around the sand trying to hit the ball. We lose, but it's still a great game.

All the while, I'm trying to focus some of my attention on Thomas and Jimmy. They talk a lot but I don't get anything from their conversation. Hopefully, Jim, who is spending time with them, may be able to gather more.

[interesting]

Dinner rolls around. The sun is starting to wane. Jim invites everyone over to his place. He's already prepared a fondue for us - which is why he was a bit late this morning. We get to his apartment. The table is already set; he takes out the plates of meat and vegetables, sets them on the table and starts the whole thing up. We're all famished from the days' exercise. My mind has been working the entire day on how to initiate a coming together for everyone. I have an idea that I want to try out, something tame for our first game. I'm still not very familiar with Jimmy and Brigitte.

When everyone has finished eating, I hand you pieces of paper and pen.

"Okay... if we're all going to be spending the week together, there are a few things we might want to know about each other. I promise, it's fairly uncomplicated. I'll ask questions... just write the number of the questions and your answer down.
"Fine. But what do we do with the answers after?" inquires Brigitte.
"We'll play with them a little."

No one argues. I look at Jimmy, knowing him less than the others, but he seems to be waiting on me. I start my list. As I go through it, people start writing. I do my own list, of course.

"Question one : do you have any nicknames?"

The list goes on, from questions about their family lives to jobs. As the list progresses, the questions get racier, involving more personal inquiries. I insist that everyone write something every question, even if it is 'I don't know' or 'I don't want to tell'. When I get to questions about sexual preferences and things they've done, I notice some hesitation on Jimmy's part. I wonder if that is a good or bad thing. It takes us about half an hour to complete it.

"All right, everyone keep your paper with you."

Jim provides drinks for everyone as we move to the living room.

"Here's how we're going to work. We have twenty questions, and there's six of us. Jim?"

Jim provides us with dice; a traditional one with six sides and another with twenty sides. It's obvious Jimmy and Brigitte have never seen one.

"Ya can roll, like twenty?
"Yeah."

I retrieve the dice. I set up a chart, with our six names, in alphabetical order: Brad is 1, Brigitte is 2, James is 3, Jimmy is 4, I (Sarah) am 5 and Thomas is 6. When I write down Jim's full name, Jimmy looks at him funny.

"Yer name's James?
"Yes."

For some reason, this makes Jimmy laugh.

"What?
"Nuthin'..."

We let it slide for the moment. I roll the dice.

"Whoever's number comes up must answer the corresponding question. Then they get to roll. If someone gets the same question as before, say they already answered, they can just skip it. Got it?"

The dice have landed on 2 and 16. Brigitte has to tell us if she shaves. She does: her legs and her pussy. We start going around, getting everyone's answers.

Brad gets to tell us he'd like to have sex with me one more time. Thomas, getting to answer the same question, is hesitant when he talks about having sex with Jimmy - they both laugh about it to ease the tension. It's Brad's turn again: he confesses that a girl named Polly was his first crush, though he never acted on it. I pretend to be shocked. Jim tells us he has never done anything illegal.

"Except if you talk about downloading music."

Tom gets to confirm his sexual orientation as gay; Brigitte is somehow surprised. She turns to Jimmy.

"You know this?
"Sure.
"And you're okay with it? You're not...
"Lady, don't go there!"

He laughs it off, but I can see Thomas' uncertainty creeping up.

"Tom's cool. That's all a know."

Jim gets to answer next. He doesn't shave anywhere but his face, he says - and I know it to be true. Brad is asked to tell us about illegal stuff he's done. He seems contrite and apologetic when he talks about his multiple car accidents, since most were his fault.

"I'm just glad I never killed anyone.
"Amen to that! I answer."

I finally get a question. I have to tell them about the first time I had sex. I go all in, leaving no details out about my time with Rick, Mick and Jody. Brigitte is amazed.

"Your first time was an orgy?
"If you can call it that...
"You ate out a girl while a boy was fucking you, and his brother was wanking... that's an orgy in my book.
"Ever been in an orgy?" Thomas asks her.
"I wish!"

She laughs, but I think she is sincere. I'm incredibly turned on - I remember how she came on to me earlier in the day.

Jim then gets to answer the same question as me. He talks about his former girlfriend, Kim, how they fucked after discussing poetry and literature. I visualize them together. Why does it turn me on to see Jim with someone else?

Brigitte is asked about her sexual orientation.

"I am most assuredly bi!
"Which d'ya prefer?
"Boys. I like dicks inside me. But a girl's lick... hmmm..."

I picture myself for a moment licking her shaven pussy. I'm almost experiencing an orgasm from the thought. Jim's going to have some fun later on!

We finally get to a tamer question about where Thomas works. He's of course a personal trainer at the same college as Jim. I'm thinking the game might tone down, but the target is Jimmy and the question is one we've heard before.

"Who in the room would you like to have sex with?"

I feel the suspense building. Thomas is on edge; Jimmy is thinking.

"Only one person? Cause a'd fuck y'all..."

It relieves tension but he's not getting out of that one.

"In what order then? Who'd go first?
"Ya, baby doll... a'd ram you up good.
"Then?
"Then Brigitte... she's got one fine one...
"And between the boys...?
"Tha's easy... my man Tom here..."

Jimmy pauses, looks at Tom, who looks back at him puzzled.

"I'ready sucked his cock."

Tom is stunned that Jimmy has the audacity to say it in public. I try to pretend like I don't know.

"Really?
"Yuh... and he sucked mine too... thing is, I figure... he likes guys, so he know what ta do. How ta please a guy."

Jimmy is smiling at Tom. I can understand where Tom's confusion can come from. Jimmy's answer is far from satisfactory, but I let it drop.

We get to ask Brad about his nicknames. He's had a few. We used to call him Bradley (his full name but he hates it), Bradling, Braid. He says Brigitte calls him Puppy. Next, I go through the list of the jobs I've had. Brigitte tells us her favorite type of car is the Spyder. I have to agree it's a great car, but Jimmy doesn't like it, though he doesn't say why. I get asked about my first kiss with Claire at the schoolyard. Thomas says his favorite car is the Porsche Boxter; both he and Jimmy start talking about it, saying they met a fighter who owns one and they got to ride in it. They have so much in common; I can only pray Jimmy is at least bi, or able to see the light. James gets asked about his previous jobs: surprisingly, he says he's only had the one he currently holds.

"How did you pay for studies? Brad asks.
"Tuition. I got lucky. Well... I did work for my professor, but it was for bursaries.
"Well, work is work.
"I suppose."

We ask Brigitte how many boyfriends and girlfriends she's had. She looks up on her paper.

"In total, 17."

Even Brad is surprised. Brigitte explains.

"I've been with ten boys and seven girls. First one was a girl, though. I went to a catholic school; we... sort of experimented together. We both got kicked out because of it. I came back next year, she didn't...
"And the rest?"

Jimmy is obviously excited.

"When I finished high school, I was into partying a lot. Over the summer, I had a different partner almost every week. Girl... boy... didn't matter. Good times."

She laughs and we go along.

Jimmy gets the next question, a simple one, his favorite color. He says it's red; he can't really say why. He redirects to Brigitte and we get to know about her piercings. We've already seen the one in her belly button. She has several holes in her ears, and one on the side of the nose. She pulls out her tongue and we notice something there as well. She grins.

We get to hear Jimmy's nicknames.

"Back in th'day, called me Speedy. Coz a'm fast. Nowadays, call me Spick. 'Cept for Tommy here...
"Do you have a nickname for Jimmy, Tom?
"Not really."

I see Thomas staring into Jimmy's eyes. I know what he wants to call him.

Brigitte gets one question I've been aching to hear asked.

"What is your preferred sexual position?"
"That's a tricky one. I have two.
"That's cheating, says Jim.
"Let her finish, I say.
"Well... when I'm on top, I like standing up, braced against the wall... doesn't matter how it's being done by the guy or girl... and when I'm bottom, I'm on all fours, doggy style...
Right, puppy?"

Brad barks.

Jim's turn comes up; he gets asked about who in the room he would have sex with. We ask him to mention someone other than me. He surprises me with his answer, and I have to wonder how sincere he is about it, or if he's just entertaining us.

"Tom."

Thomas is pretty surprised too.

"Well, I figure may not sex... but at least a blowjob. I mean, from what Jimmy told us earlier..."

Now I understand what Jim is doing. I smile. His first answer would of course have been Brigitte, but he's doing what I asked him to do. I love him so!

Jimmy gets a personal question about his parents. He gets sullen and serious about it.

"Yeap... still t'gether... can't see why tho... dad's drunk all the time and mom's a... well... she ain't no good."

We sympathize with him and share some of our own bitter stories about our parents. Tom's resentment from his father comes up, and Jimmy seems to relate to it better than our other examples.

"M'dad thinks 'm a loser for boxin'... says ain't no future."

To keep from getting too depressed, we roll another question. I get to call out my favorite sexual position, and I find I can't decide. I enjoy them all. The others insist, so I think about the last weekends and all I've done with Jim. I look at Brigitte.

"I'd say doggy too... makes me feel... vulnerable a little."

By that time, it's already past 10pm. I realize Brigitte is looking at her watch. I decide to call it a night. Brigitte and Brad are the first to leave; apparently, she's got some work to do on him. I try not to imagine their games. Jimmy and Jim shake hands; Tom leaves with Jimmy because he has the car. We close the door and lock it.

"I'm so horny right now!"

I jump on Jim and drag him to the bedroom; we strip our clothes on the way there. I fall on the bed and he jumps on me, and we start having wild torrid sex right there. It doesn't last very long but it's very fulfilling. I feel Jim releasing into me and it feels so good. I've been aching for this for hours, since I kissed Brigitte in the bathroom stall. Jim collapes into my arms. We lie there for a moment.

"Sorry... that was a bit fast.
"Nah... It was perfect. Oh God... Jim..."

We kiss for a while, then he lies beside me. I lie on top of him, his now limp sex against my own that is still wet.

"I have to ask you something... about Brad and Brigitte.
"Okay...
"How far are you willing to let me go?
"How far?
"Brigitte wants to include me in her play with Brad, kinky stuff.
"Well, I don't mind you kissing her... but no sex. That's about it, I think.
"And what about Brad? Could he touch me?
"I'm not sure... well, some touch sure, but... nothing too open."

I pause to think about my affairs. Jim is staring intently at me. I finally manage to voice my concerns.

"I don't want a repeat of what happened with Jennifer. We need to know what I can do before I do anything."

Jim agrees with me. An idea pops into my head.

"Tomorrow night, we'll invite only Brad and Brigitte over... that will give time for Tom and Jimmy to hang out... maybe work out something. Hopefully.
"Okay. And Brad and Brigitte?
"I know what they're into. Remember... with Jennifer?
"When she had control?
"Yeah.
"I do... it was... special.
"You're a dominant, Jim, that's why you weren't as comfortable. But Brad's a... well, a slave. And Brigitte and me, we're a bit of both. I have a suggestion for you.
"Go ahead.
"We... make them our slaves. Tomorrow night.
"They'll go for it?
"I know they will. Both of them. Brigitte is practically begging me to dominate her. I'd like you to dominate Brad... if you'd like to try?"

I stare at Jim.

"Depends... what would be involved?"

I smile. He's not entirely reluctant to the idea. We have some time to kill until tomorrow. I think I'm going to educate Jim on bondage and servitude. I'm not going to do it as forcefully as Jennifer did.

"How about I get you ready for it?
"How?
"Well, I've had experiences in bondage. What do you say we talk about it... in the shower?
"Sounds like a plan to me."

We get up and go to the shower. There, I'll be able to brief Jim on my plans for tomorrow night. I need communication; that's something we lacked when we tried stuff with Jennifer. There was too much innuendo. Things need to be in the open for Jim to feel safe and in control. I'm still learning from my mistakes, and this time I'm not going to screw this up.

[interesting]

On Tuesday morning, Jim wakes me up with two surprises. As I stir into consciousness, I feel his fingers gently rubbing against my sex; he has been playing with me for a while because I'm already extremely wet. I moan lightly, and I feel a finger slide inside me.

"Oohhh..."

I open my eyes, but his hand reaches to my face and shuts them. I try to move my hands but I realize they're above my head, and they won't budge. He's tied them up to the headrest. The suddenness of the situation somehow shocks me, and I jerk about, his finger still inside me.

I hear him soothe me down and his voice is enough for me to stop from panicking. He slides another finger into me. I roll my head back, obviously at his mercy.

"You can open your eyes now."

As the light hits my pupils, I see Jim crouched beside me, his fingers still playing inside my tight hole. How he managed to tie me up and I didn't feel it is beyond me. I'm still enjoying it.

He gets up, pulling out of me, and leans over the bed, retrieving something from under it. I'm shocked to see him retrieve a vibrator. It looks exactly like the one I have at my apartment. Did he go and get it for me? Is it a new one?

"You want this?"

I nod in agreement. He glides it over to my pussy but lets it rest there.

"Beg for it, then."
"Please..."

He smirks at me. What is he playing at?

"Please, Jim."
"No... That's not my name."

I'm puzzled now. For a moment, I don't know what to answer. Suddenly, it hits me.

"Please... master. Put it in me."

He obliges. I almost release instantly when it slides into me. He turns it on at high intensity. It hurts, but I don't really mind at this point. I scream in satisfaction as it makes me come. As the tension lowers, I realize he's leaving it in, turned on.

"Please, master... please..."
"Please what?"
"I want to feel you in me..."
"No."

He's enjoying this and I'm enjoying it too. We've done this type of thing before but never at this level.

"Please... turn it down a notch... please."
"What will you do for it?"
"I'll... do anything."

He smiles. He complies with my request and turns it down a notch.

"Suck my dick!"

It is so unusual to hear Jim talk like this; it turns me on even more. The vibrator is still working my sex as he straddles me, gliding his hard shaft between my breasts. He forces himself into my mouth and starts pumping. I'Ve given him blowjobs before but never has he been the done doing the pumping. He's really getting into this whole master/slave notion. The excitement and novelty of the event is stimulating to an extent I have never experienced with Jim.

"Don't you dare come before me..."

His threatening words are only half sincere, but I'm dying to find out what might happen if I did, so I let it. I let my orgasm overtake me, stopping my sucking motion as I do. He pulls away and lets me scream my heart out a second time. He hurriedly pulls the vibrator out of me, turns it off and slides it into my mouth. So many fantasies are coming alive this morning. I lick my own juices hard.

"That's right... taste it..."

He pushes it in a little too far and I choke. Immediately, he pulls it out, and I find my Jim underneath his tough exterior.

"Are you okay?"
"Yeah... no problem... I'm sorry, master... I came before you."

I play apologetic and remorseful, to help him get back into character. He's doing a great job and I don't want him to stop.

"You did... you need to be punished."

He rolls me onto my belly; my hands are tied so they don't cross as he does it. He lifts my behind, putting me on hands and knees and starts slapping my ass hard, not enough to really cause pain but enough for the sound to reverberate in the room. I feel myself getting wet all over. I break out of character for a moment.

"You can hit harder, it doesn't really hurt."

He tries to take my cue and slaps. This time, I feel it. And another. And another. When is he going to stop? I lose count of how many times he slaps me. My cheeks are on fire now, and I'm dripping all over the sheets. I hear a small "Wow" on his part.

"This really turns you on."
"Can't help it, sorry."

He gets behind me and rams into me as hard as he can. I feel his hard presence entering me, swaying back and forth. This is all too much this morning. I hear him panting; he's ready to burst. I'm about to come too. Suddenly, he pulls out of me, and unexpectedly releases on top my back. He's never done this before.

"That's because you came before me..."

I'm frustrated that he didn't shoot into me yet happy that he experienced the allure of the power. He collapses in bed besides me; I move to untie my hands. I could have done so at any time, but it was nice to be at his mercy.

"Wow... Jim, you surprised me this morning."
"I thought you might enjoy it."
"When did you get that toy? Is it mine?"
"No... Bought it a few days ago."
"You're a naughty boy. You weren't shy buying it for me?"
"A little, but I decided I'd do it anyway."
"It was great idea... and a great gift.... can you wipe my back?"

He laughs and proceeds to do so. I look at the time and realize it's already almost eleven AM.

"I've been up for two hours now."
"You let me sleep?"
"You looked so comfortable... I didn't want to wake you at first."
"I'm glad you did."

Jim seems quiet all of a sudden. I try to get him talking, and we play around with words before he actually tells me what's really on his mind.

"I think... I've been unfair."
"Unfair? To whom?"
"To everyone. You, Jenn, myself."
"Is this about Jenn?"
"No... This is about me. I'm scared, Sarah. Scared I might lose you."
"Why?"
"Because I was raised in a good, clean, wholesome family. A mom and a dad, kids, stability... I see you with Jenn, and I always wonder... would she go back to her and leave me?"
"Jim! I'd never do that."
"How can you be sure?"

His question hits me like a semi-trailer. He's right. I can't be sure. I don't think I would, but then again, the future is unwritten, and things can happen.

"My job... my needs as your boyfriend is to answer your needs, as well as mine. That includes sex... but if you can get sex anywhere, anytime... what makes ours special?"
"Jim, I think I know why you're afraid."

I kiss him passionately before continuing.

"You're the one I've chosen. I want to spend my life with you. I know this sounds like a commitment, and it is. From the way I was brought up, I always believed one day I'd meet the man of my dreams. And you're it."
"But how can you say that and have sex with Jennifer?
"Because sex and love... they're two different things. I agree, they get confusing. All the time. And I can't say I don't still love Jennifer. But can you say you don't still love Kim, at all?"

He pauses to consider. Me bringing up his old girlfriend may be the way to make him understand me better.

"Maybe. I haven't seen her in years."
"But if she dropped in, tomorrow, and wanted to rekindle your affair, what would you do?"
"I wouldn't act on it."
"Even if you wanted it badly?"
"No... well, I don't think I'd act on it. Because of you."
"Really? Because of me? You'd hold back because of me?"
"I wouldn't want to hurt you."
"So... it would be my fault if you didn't do anything."
"That's not what I'm saying."
"But that's what you're thinking."

I let my words sink in.

"Jim, think about it. The only reason you're holding back from doing anything with Jenn - or anyone else - is for my sake. But that's not true. You're doing it for your sake."
"If I was doing it for my sake, I might act on it. But you might get hurt."
"But it's still your decision. It always is."

We remain quiet for a moment. The conversation is taking an unexpected turn, but I don't want to let it die out. We need to adress this issue before moving on.

"To me, there's love and there's sex. That's why I can do it."
"I'm not sure it's the same with me."
"Maybe it isn't. But that doesn't mean we're incompatible. You've come a long way in a few shorts months. I've grown too; I'm more mature and more in control. Thanks to you. I'm not saying I want to have sex with other people, because I don't. I'm saying if we don't entertain the possibility, if we take each other for granted, and imagine that the other won't be affected, there will be trouble."
"I don't take you for granted... you keep me on my toes."
"And I apologize for any stress this might cause you."

Jim's next comment takes me by surprise.

"Sometimes, I think we should break up for a while."
"What?"
"Let me finish. You're asking me to be open-minded and to think outside of the box. But I've never done it before I met you. And now, now that we're together, it feels like I can't... experiment. For your sake. Maybe it really is about me, though, come to think of it. I'm the one holding myself back."
"Here's the thing with me, Jim. In all my previous relationships, Jennifer, Brad, the others before them, I've always had an openness about experimenting. Brad enjoyed seeing me with other girls. I swapped partners with Claire and Cassie while I was with Jennifer. I've always done these things. I guess I can understand where you're coming from."
"It feels wrong sometimes, to have these thoughts."
"On that, I have to agree with you. But I've learned that they're just thoughts, and that they're not wrong if you're conscious about them. If everyone's on the up-and-up."
"This is probably going to sound mean, Sarah, but do you think, maybe, your previous relationships didn't work out because of that openness?"

I can sense the anxiety in Jim's voice as he rolls out the question. To be honest, the thought has crossed my mind more than once. But when I look back at those relationships, I realize that it's not likely to be the case, or maybe just once, with my second boyfriend.

"It's not mean. It's a valid question and maybe it influenced things."
"I'm just trying to make sense of it."
"You think that maybe if we weren't together, you might be more open to trying things out with other people?"
"Maybe. I don't really know. I don't want us to be apart. I love you. You make me feel great, alive. But sometimes, questions creep up."

We fall silent for a second time in the conversation. Jim switches topics.

"I've thought about tonight. I think you should be in charge of Brigitte, and I'll handle Brad."
"All right."
"And... if you want to... play with Brigitte, I don't mind."
"Are you sure?"
"No!"

He laughs. I hug him tight.

"I won't do anything either of us might regret, I promise."

He kisses me.

"I'm still trying to understand how I could stand and watch and film you and Jennifer in costume, and why it didn't bother me."
"Maybe because it was fiction."
"Perhaps. It's still a little surreal."
"Think of it like this. It was acting, and that's why I think it was... relatively okay. You were behind the camera and experiencing... the distance."
"The distance?"
"Yeah... you weren't involved, you were just watching. It wasn't me and Jenn, it was our characters. Roleplaying. You're a little voyeur, aren't you?"
"You know I am."
"I think that's why this appealed to you. You weren't involved, so you didn't have to get emotionally involved, you didn't have to ask questions."
"Could be."
"Maybe we can work with that..."
"How?"
"I'm not sure. But let's think about it. We should really get up. We're already late for the beach!"

We hurriedly get up and decide not to take a shower. I put my bikini under my clothes as Jim gathers stuff for lunch. I'm glad we had that chat. It puts things into perspective. I'm not saying I want him to have sex with someone else, but I am thinking that if he did, and if he was honest about it, I'd be fine with it. He hasn't reached the point where he can split sex and love: most people never do. I'm not infallible in that department either. I guess we'll both have to see if we want to work on it.

[interesting]

When we get to the beach, everyone is there. I'm saddened by the fact that Jennifer has not come. Thomas says she's not feeling well today. I'm wondering how much is because she is still avoiding me, but Thomas says he paid her a visit this morning, and she did seem unwell.

"Maybe she caught a bug posing naked?"

Everyone laughs. Jimmy is stunned.

"Ya mean... ya know a real live nude model? Sweet!"
"You may get to meet her soon."
"Off the hook!"

The day's events are somewhat tamer than what I'm hoping for. We build sand castles, take in the sun, go for a swim. I manage to get Jim into the water up to his neck; he remains in a transe for the entire duration, but it counts for something. I congratulate and reward him with a massage on the beach.

The same girls who came to ask us to play volleyball are there, so we repeat the exercise. Their names are Julie and Sandy. We get to know a little more about them, as they tell us they're best friends, both studying in psychology at college. They want to work with the elderly. They're very athletic and Brigitte and I get beaten twice. I decide to up the ante for the final game; whoever wins gets the losers to do something for them. As I expected, they win. They ask us to massage them and apply sunscreen. Brigitte and I are only too happy to oblige, and the guys are only too eager to watch. I get to work on Julie. She is taller than me, very slim and athletic, with relatively short dark hair; I rub my hands over her full form as I apply the sunscreen. I enjoy it a lot. We get to talking about boys.

"See that guy over there... my boyfriend, Jim."
"The guy with the nice ass."
"Yeah."

I laugh.

"You have someone?"
"Nope."
"How about Sandy?"
"She doesn't have anyone either. Your friend, Brigitte... she's quite something."
"She is, but I don't really know her. She's with Brad."
"The scrawny guy?"
"Yeah..."

I turn her around on her back, and start applying the sunscreen to her shoulders. I stare at her perky breasts, almost invisible now that she is lying on her back.

"You have a great body."
"Thanks!"

I just want to massage her chest, but we're in public and I don't know how she'd take it. Lying on top of her, my sex resting against her naked hip through the cloth of my bikini, I get excited. My nipples harden. She notices.

"You... into girls?"

I'm not entirely sure what to answer. I want to say yes.

"I'm into... beauty."

She becomes shy. I apologize.

"Don't. It's flattering."

I bite my lower lip.

"What are you thinking of?" Julie asks.
"You... me... in the water."
"What about your boyfriend?"
"There's that."

I suddenly realize I'm acting in the exact manner that I'm reproaching to Jim. The notion hits me hard.

"Are you all right?"

Julie is very observant.

"I'm just coming to terms with the fact that I love my boyfriend."
"And that's a bad thing?"
"In itself, no."

I lean in on her, letting my chest rest against hers.

"It does have some... impact."

Julie smiles. She seems to understand my predicament. She kisses me on the cheeks, then hugs me close. I notice the guys are staring.

"We've all had that problem, beautiful. If you change your mind, I'll be here all week."

What is it about me that attracts these people? How is it that everyone wants to fuck me? It's always been like this. The only one who's never actually wanted to do it is Tom, and it's because he's gay. And we've still done quite a lot.

Julie lets me go.

"You should go back to your boyfriend."
"I should."

I kiss her back on her cheek, then straighten myself and head straight for Jim. I grab his hand and pull him away from the group, towards the showers.

"What?"
"Damn!"

He doesn't seem to understand.

"Julie just made a pass at me... damn damn!"

Jim does not seem to understand the implications.

"So?"
"So... damn it, Jim! Have you seen her?"
"Yes, I have."
"She's so damn hot! ugh! Why does this always happen to me?
"What do you mean?"
"Yesterday, it was Brigitte... today it's her. And I'm with you, and I'm horny, and I want to do everything in sight!"

I've probably never had such an obvious reaction in the past.

"I think you're right..."
"About what?"
"About us taking a break..."

For a moment, silence creeps up on me. I feel like I've over-talked. But Jim is surprisingly calm about my comment.

"Sarah... Look at me."

I stare into his eyes. I see the smile hidden there, despite his serious face.

"I love you, you know that."
"I do. And I love you too, but..."
"No buts. You don't need to apologize for feeling the way you do. You need to reason with it. I'd love to give you the freedom to do... whatever you want. I mean it."

He smiles for real.

"There's this song, by Sting... If You Love Somebody, Set Them Free. It's been playing in my head the whole afternoon. Do you want to have sex with her?"
"No... Yes... Not really. It just seems that people only want me when they can't have me."
"You're exaggerating."
"And I guess I am stressed that I can't act on it. Even if I don't want to act on it. It's like... the choice has been removed. That sucks."
"It does. I know. It's like me. I don't want to sleep with Jennifer, but the fact that I have the opportunity and can't act on it... that's what's really bothering me."

I kiss him passionately. My next words are hesitant.

"Maybe... we should take a break?"
"What would that accomplish? Let's say we do... let's say, you go your way, I go mine, we have all the fun we want, then get back together."
"Okay... let's say we do."
"You'll end up having fun on your end, I'll do the same... but what does it really change?"
"I'm not sure."
"Nothing. You can have your fun and still be with me. We can share the things we live. I don't want to be apart from you."
"I don't either."
"We just have to keep talking about these things. Work them separately, not as a whole. What do you want to do about Julie? Do you think she's looking for long term?"
"No... She's not. She knows I'm with you. I told her..."
"Do you want to be with her?"
"Maybe... but, I don't want it to affect our relationship."
"It already does. The question is: what do we do about it?"
"But what if... it was a man? I know you're relatively okay with me being with other girls... but what if it was a man?"
"As I said, Sarah. One situation at a time. Don't make a big ball out of something small."

He kisses me gently. With all I'm putting him through, I'm amazed at his level of control and intelligence. I knew he was unique the first time I laid eyes on him: I just didn't know how much until now.

"There's only one thing, Sarah."
"What? Name it."
"I need to be kept in the loop. Whatever you decide, whatever happens, we need to communicate. It has to be both our decisions."
"Well, I'm not going to decide anything today. I'm going to think about it first."

This is something new for me too. Back in the day, I would have jumped on Julie without hesitation, even when I was involved with someone else. That's why my relationship with Jim is so important to me. He's allowed me to become more mature, he's challenged my own limitations and morality in ways I had never imagined. I actually have to consider things before acting on them, and I think that's an improvement.

We return to the group and sit down to soak in the rays before they vanish for the day. I'm feeling much rested. I notice Julie and Sandy are gone. I'm okay with that. We'll probably get to see them tomorrow. If we don't, I'm fine with that too.

I manage to glance over at Jimmy and Thomas. They are playfully brawling in the sand, performing wrestling moves. I am amazed at Jimmy's speed; Thomas' strength is equally impressive. They look good together. It's obvious Jimmy is not turned away by Thomas' homosexuality, but it's still unclear how Jimmy truly feels. We'll need to get to that eventually, but not today, and certainly not tonight.

My gaze wanders to Brigitte, who is being massaged by Brad. She is relaxing on her chest and he is applying himself to kneading her entire form. I wonder at the nights' events. It's already been decided that we'll go to Brigitte's place after supper; we have reservations at a local fancy Italian restaurant placed by Thomas. It's probably better for what we have planned that Brad and Brigitte be in a comfortable environment.

I lean towards Jim and make him look in their direction.

"Are you sure you can go through with this?"
"I am. You've briefed me enough."
"Have you asked Brad about the things I asked?"
"Yes... he was reluctant to answer at first, but I told the questions came from you. Apparently, he had no choice but to answer."

I smile.

"What did he say?"
"He said she doesn't let him come inside her. Also, that she inserts things into his..."
"Okay, I get it."

Anal penetration is something that Jim still feels uneasy about. We've talked about it, but he still hesitates. He won't take me there, not that I really mind. I know Jennifer is really into it, but for my tastes, it's standard penetration all the way. I've tried anal stimulation and it only does so much to me.

"He sleeps beside her bed, on a small cot, cuddled in ball. She often gags him at night."
"I can't believe Brad is so much into this. When we were together, he could barely participate in our games."
"I guess he found something he likes."
"Good for him."
"Brad also told me that a lot of his 'work' has to do with worshipping her... but I'm not sure I understand what that entails. I mean, I get worshipping a God, but how do you worship a person?"
"Same thing really. Their needs go first, you do as they want, you pay them the proper respect and call them by the appropriate names."
"And what about humiliation?"
"That varies. Spanking works, forcing the individual to perform acts they don't want to perform, creating situations that make them feel uneasy."
"And people enjoy that?"
"They usually enjoy the rush that comes from it. It's all willing, people pretend to resist because it's... it's how it works."

I've already had this conversation with Jim, but having it again makes him feel more secure.

"Are you nervous?"
"Utterly. I'll be fine though. I trained on you this morning."

We kiss. The sun is beginning to fade. My mind wanders to thoughts of Jennifer. I really need to set the record straight with her. My conversation with Jim has really opened my eyes to the need of communication. I'll find a way to force Jennifer to talk to me. Ideas are already forming a line in my mind. I tell them to wait. There are other things that I need to focus on right now.