It Started After Church

americaninwales · 01-18-2010, 06:15 PM

Hi there, new to the forum but thought I'd try my hand at the story. Pleas P.M. With your thoughts and if people like it I should be able to post once or twice a day. As i'd ont know all the characters yet as I introduce them I'll put a description in brackets

phill - 15 male. Plays soccer and is fairly attractive
grace - 16 female into maths blond hair size 40 with 30a breasts

"hey Phill" Grace shouted as they start to leave the sanctury.
"hey" Phil replied
"I can't believe my parents still drag me along. I've told them I don't want to be here but every week it's the same thing, get up ealry, dress up and come to church." Grace said as they walked down the hall towards the car park.
"well all your hard work in the morning makes it worth it for me" Phil said with a cheaky grin on his face. Phil had noticed how grace was wearing asunnery draha that stoped just above her knee and a beautiful light yellow top.
"Shut up," grace said with a smile on her face as she had liked Phil for years but nothing had ever come of it. "Hey why don't you come of to our place thisafternoon, I'm sure my parents wouldn't mind intact I'd bet they'd love the fact I was spending time with someone from church, and we have the pool."
"I'll have to check with my mom but that sounds fun, besides I'm not doing anything better today, and it might just get me out of having to wash the car" phil answered.
"come on Phil we have to get going!" Phils dad called from the front doors.
"look I'll call you in a little bit as I'd have to get my swimming stuff," Phill said as he walked towards the door. "hope to see you later"
"bye" Grace called out. Shit, she thought to herself, my rooms a tip and Phill might be comming over. Grace saw her parents talking to the pastor and as she walks over to them she puts her arm around her dad and says "dad can we go as I really want to get home and tidy my room".
"Wow" grace's mum explained "I think that's the first time I've heard you say that, well Pastor we better go while Grace is offering, see you next week."
Grace and her family head out the door and to their car....

To be continued

daremenow · 01-18-2010, 07:23 PM

good start. Keep it up

Lizard · 01-18-2010, 07:32 PM

Nice start, but may I say that punctuation, capitalisation, and spelling to a long way on this forum especially when creating stories. I like the title -- something different and inviting.

As for specific introductions of characters, I think they are best worked into the story rather than specifically listing them as an aside. As the story unfolds, the reader then learns what traits each character has, often times making the inferences on their own; allowing the user to 'connect the dots' in places helps to bind them to the story better than does feeding them every last bit of information.

Have fun and keep writing!

bobs ur uncle · 01-19-2010, 12:07 PM

it a gud start but keep it coming long posts would be better

01-18-2010, 06:15 PM	#1
americaninwales Baby Member Join Date: Jan 2010 Posts: 1	It Started After Church Hi there, new to the forum but thought I'd try my hand at the story. Pleas P.M. With your thoughts and if people like it I should be able to post once or twice a day. As i'd ont know all the characters yet as I introduce them I'll put a description in brackets phill - 15 male. Plays soccer and is fairly attractive grace - 16 female into maths blond hair size 40 with 30a breasts "hey Phill" Grace shouted as they start to leave the sanctury. "hey" Phil replied "I can't believe my parents still drag me along. I've told them I don't want to be here but every week it's the same thing, get up ealry, dress up and come to church." Grace said as they walked down the hall towards the car park. "well all your hard work in the morning makes it worth it for me" Phil said with a cheaky grin on his face. Phil had noticed how grace was wearing asunnery draha that stoped just above her knee and a beautiful light yellow top. "Shut up," grace said with a smile on her face as she had liked Phil for years but nothing had ever come of it. "Hey why don't you come of to our place thisafternoon, I'm sure my parents wouldn't mind intact I'd bet they'd love the fact I was spending time with someone from church, and we have the pool." "I'll have to check with my mom but that sounds fun, besides I'm not doing anything better today, and it might just get me out of having to wash the car" phil answered. "come on Phil we have to get going!" Phils dad called from the front doors. "look I'll call you in a little bit as I'd have to get my swimming stuff," Phill said as he walked towards the door. "hope to see you later" "bye" Grace called out. Shit, she thought to herself, my rooms a tip and Phill might be comming over. Grace saw her parents talking to the pastor and as she walks over to them she puts her arm around her dad and says "dad can we go as I really want to get home and tidy my room". "Wow" grace's mum explained "I think that's the first time I've heard you say that, well Pastor we better go while Grace is offering, see you next week." Grace and her family head out the door and to their car.... To be continued

01-18-2010, 07:23 PM	#2
daremenow getDare Succubus Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: europe Posts: 1,541 Blog Entries: 1	good start. Keep it up __________________ 25/m Likes: Picture(no face), some anal, cum, Limits: public, blood, permanent.

01-18-2010, 07:32 PM	#3
Lizard getDare Sweetheart Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: earth>us>midwest Posts: 255	Nice start, but may I say that punctuation, capitalisation, and spelling to a long way on this forum especially when creating stories. I like the title -- something different and inviting. As for specific introductions of characters, I think they are best worked into the story rather than specifically listing them as an aside. As the story unfolds, the reader then learns what traits each character has, often times making the inferences on their own; allowing the user to 'connect the dots' in places helps to bind them to the story better than does feeding them every last bit of information. Have fun and keep writing! __________________ Lizard ! Likes: Humilliation, CD, marginally risky dares, outdoor/public, self bondage, pee/diapers HARD Limits: dangerous, perminant, feces, directly involving people/family, long dares, cutting/blood, food play/messy, nudity, pics, animals Boring, so don't bother: wedgies, edging

01-19-2010, 12:07 PM	#4
bobs ur uncle Junior Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Posts: 22	it a gud start but keep it coming long posts would be better