The Invisible Boy [FICTION]

[SubMissChievous]

@ManicD: If you don't like a story, could you please in the future explain why and/or even make suggestions on how writers could make it better? Just saying stuff like what you wrote above isn't constructive at all. Everyone who writes stories here make a lot of effort in their work & they deserve better.

@Tessdog: Don't be discouraged with one bad critic, please! Personally, I was enjoying this story so far. I hope you come back on your decision to close it...

[grab_my_underware]

Priety good story...i like the way you write and all, but...you might wanna make the chapters a little longer,

[admireu4ever]

Everyone,

Thanks for all of the support, I really don't know why I let that get to me. I have a great idea, how about I make a new story same plot and same idea. I'll just add more detail. Once again, thanks for the support. It's the people like you that make getDare such a great place.

-Tessdog

[Pikachu]

Originally Posted by admireu4ever

Everyone,

Thanks for all of the support, I really don't know why I let that get to me. I have a great idea, how about I make a new story same plot and same idea. I'll just add more detail. Once again, thanks for the support. It's the people like you that make getDare such a great place.

-Tessdog

tessdog love seriously its a good story you are by far one of the beter writers on this site continue the story the way it is don't let your critics get to you!!!

in fact prove them wrong continue the story and keep it up personally i like this story....

[admireu4ever]

Thanks, I'm enjoying your story aswell. It has become a quick favorite of mine. I'm going to remake this in a bit...

-Tessdog

[molten man]

Come on. do not be disheartended and continue writitng!!

[ManicD]

Originally Posted by sum1(2)

http://www.getdare.com/bbs/showthread.php?t=5879 <-- read this

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It's also not the worst story i've read on here, just a little lacking on detail. I think some bits on how the characters reacted more would be good, what they thought was going on etc.
Also ManicD you complain about my story because it's too detailed, you complain about this i assume because it's not detailed enough.
So you clearly thing you can write so i here by challenge you to post your own story, if you're this critical of others it's going to be perfect isn't it.

how many book of film critics write their own books of make their own films??

just because i can give a frank and honest opinion on something does not mean i would want to write my own. I can actually write very well when i want to, but i actually tend to hate writing, it bores me.

Still without honest opinions how can people improve. Your story was not only too detailed but it got confusing, there was no continuing structure to it.

this story is simple, "oh i'm invisible, i visit girls locker room, get off, visit guys locker room, get off, visit grandmas shower, get off..." It lacked anything that makes a good story, the characters dont have personalities, the events dont seem real, I've read better emo poetry, Its shit

[Sum]

Originally Posted by ManicD

Still without honest opinions how can people improve. Your story was not only too detailed but it got confusing, there was no continuing structure to it.

this story is simple, "oh i'm invisible, i visit girls locker room, get off, visit guys locker room, get off, visit grandmas shower, get off..." It lacked anything that makes a good story, the characters dont have personalities, the events dont seem real, I've read better emo poetry, Its shit

See the problem i had with the post you gave was it just basically said, in more words, dude this suxxx. I was going to leave just the link, but then gota bit narked at your attitude.
If you think you give frank and honest opinions please continue to do so, just make sure you give reasons in other words keep things constructive. As an honest opinion alone isn't enough to help someone improve, you need to point out where they're going wrong, otherwise it's just you're purely subjective view with no backing on the item in question.
The review you gave just above, i would to be honest agree with (apart from the last sentence which could almost be a personal attack on admireu4ever.) Would have been nice if you'd said that first off though.
I would argue on the structure on mine but that's your opinion (and the first post was by a different author) The level of detail was to try to create a psychological justification to the characters actions.

[molten man]

Originally Posted by sum1(2)

See the problem i had with the post you gave was it just basically said, in more words, dude this suxxx. I was going to leave just the link, but then gota bit narked at your attitude.
If you think you give frank and honest opinions please continue to do so, just make sure you give reasons in other words keep things constructive. As an honest opinion alone isn't enough to help someone improve, you need to point out where they're going wrong, otherwise it's just you're purely subjective view with no backing on the item in question.
The review you gave just above, i would to be honest agree with (apart from the last sentence which could almost be a personal attack on admireu4ever.) Would have been nice if you'd said that first off though.
I would argue on the structure on mine but that's your opinion (and the first post was by a different author) The level of detail was to try to create a psychological justification to the characters actions.

I would second that!! Criticism should be constructive

[Submissive_Master]

I have critiques for Admireu and ManicD...

ManicD, this is how you critique a story... Grab a pen and pencil, you might want to take notes... Admireu, I think you have a great idea here. Theres alot you can do with it, but i have to partially agree with Manic. Dont take his the wrong way, because I want you to continue writing your story. after all how else will you get better? As far as the invisibility idea goes, like i said before its a good one, but its been done before. As a writer its your job to give this idea a certain twist, spice it up a little! Maybe his new found powers fade every now and then, revealing himself to a select few, who could have taken pictures. Suddenly these new characters have leverage, causing the invisible boy to do thier bidding... My point is, that every good story as a twist, something to hook the reader. Feel free to explore new ideas and try writing things you normally wouldnt write about. Hehe I'll bet you'll find new things out about yourself. And as for your characters, I also agree with manic that they need more depth. When I'm first starting a new story, I like to take my characters for a walk in the park. Its just a fun little exercise to help figure out how character thinks and acts. What would he see on this walk? What would he do? Lets say he comes across a crying child, how would the invisible boy react to this situation? After you think about all this, you suddenly have something more to work with. It makes writing good scenes so much easier. Any ways I'll end my senseless rant with this... The art of story telling is not easy, and the fact that you had the guts to post one of your stories on a public forum, well only makes me... Admireu more. keep up the good work man, and good luck with future stories

[molten man]

Originally Posted by Submissive_Master

I have critiques for Admireu and ManicD...

ManicD, this is how you critique a story... Grab a pen and pencil, you might want to take notes... Admireu, I think you have a great idea here. Theres alot you can do with it, but i have to partially agree with Manic. Dont take his the wrong way, because I want you to continue writing your story. after all how else will you get better? As far as the invisibility idea goes, like i said before its a good one, but its been done before. As a writer its your job to give this idea a certain twist, spice it up a little! Maybe his new found powers fade every now and then, revealing himself to a select few, who could have taken pictures. Suddenly these new characters have leverage, causing the invisible boy to do thier bidding... My point is, that every good story as a twist, something to hook the reader. Feel free to explore new ideas and try writing things you normally wouldnt write about. Hehe I'll bet you'll find new things out about yourself. And as for your characters, I also agree with manic that they need more depth. When I'm first starting a new story, I like to take my characters for a walk in the park. Its just a fun little exercise to help figure out how character thinks and acts. What would he see on this walk? What would he do? Lets say he comes across a crying child, how would the invisible boy react to this situation? After you think about all this, you suddenly have something more to work with. It makes writing good scenes so much easier. Any ways I'll end my senseless rant with this... The art of story telling is not easy, and the fact that you had the guts to post one of your stories on a public forum, well only makes me... Admireu more. keep up the good work man, and good luck with future stories

I think what he says is right!! The story needs some spice!!

[admireu4ever]

Well,

I'm going to be really busy the next few weeks...so if someone would like to take over the story...I'd be very happy.

-Tessdog

[molten man]

Naa Tess. U are the best 1 for the job!!

[abgroups]

what would i go if i was invisible?

it boggles the mind