Fiction: Lockers, Lust, Love, and Rejection [MxM]

standard muffin · 11-04-2011, 04:52 AM

Lockers, Lust, Love, and Rejection

I. Chapter 1

?: Have I ever told you how much I love you?
?: No, Matthew, you haven't.
?: Come here, beautiful.

Flipping through the TV, nothing really caught his attention. It was a cool crisp Friday afternoon, and all Matthew could do was mindlessly explore the stupid mushy-gushy soap operas that only come on in the afternoons after a marathon of "The Price Is Right".

"Why can't that happen to me, he thought, I just don't get it!" Matthew shouted in his head. "I'm nice, faithful, and most of all, SINGLE!" Why can't my life be like a movie? Then, everything would be perfect.

Just as he was getting ready to doze off, his phone highlighted and vibrated.

It was him.

Saphir · 11-04-2011, 05:40 AM

Cool, your announced story :3

First of all I like that it's MxM

The beginning is quite good, I like your writing ("unnecessary" details are the ones who actually make a story, like the things about the TV shows)

Looking forward to a long next chapter!

:P

And I'm eager to know who him is.

Love

standard muffin · 11-04-2011, 07:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Saphir

Cool, your announced story :3

First of all I like that it's MxM

The beginning is quite good, I like your writing ("unnecessary" details are the ones who actually make a story, like the things about the TV shows)

Looking forward to a long next chapter!

:P

And I'm eager to know who him is.

Love

Thank you! Yeah, I will try and go slow on this one, because I hate stories who are so brief and undescriptive. Turns me off!

I can't decide when I should get to the sexual stuff, but hopefully it will come soon.

II. Chapter 2
I smile soon crept upon his face as he noticed who it was.

"Hey man, it's me. Are you doing anything tomorrow night?

Matthew quickly grabbed his phone, and texted back, his hands slipping off the keypad, "No man, what do you want, whore?"

It was a practical joke that they often played. They always called each other dirty names, even though Matthew was a virgin.

He had met Luke this year in his choral class. He hadn't really noticed him, until one day when mutual friends of ours muttered something at lunch.

"I don't really know about him. I mean, he strikes me as a gay type, but I don't really know," Matthew's friend Sara said.

I guess that was a good thing for Matthew, because if he wanted to come out to somebody, he needed to come out fast!

Shelli<3 · 11-05-2011, 09:34 PM

please make the chapters longer!!!

standard muffin · 11-05-2011, 10:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shelli<3

please make the chapters longer!!!

I will try, but myself (and maybe some others?) might not like reading long chapters.

I will try and write more to satisfy your cravings :P

III. Chapter 3
[Continuing from the texts]

Luke: "I was wondering if you wanted to spend the night tomorrow?",

Matthew: "Sure! What time?"

Luke: "Around 6 sound good?"

Matthew: "Sure, sluttttttttt

"

Luke: "Alright, whore, see you there!

"

"God, he is so cute when he does that!" Matthew thought to himself, "It's already 11 o'clock, so I guess I should head to bed."

Matthew raced up to stairs, and cranked up his iPod.

"I kissed a [boy]…….." he started to sing, but he gave up, defeated, and succumbed to rests, awaiting his revival for the busy day to come!

Saphir · 11-06-2011, 06:09 AM

In my opinion an update should have at least 300-400 words. I try make my updates around a thousand words long, and if you want to read chapters to jerk off to that's the minimum length. Lot's of people write shorter updates and prefer reading shorter updates tho... I think the average is like 700-500? ^^
Better take time for the chapter than posting only some sentences.

And different to the first chapter you post only single sentences :3 Why not making a text with paragraphs?^^

Quote:

Originally Posted by standard muffin

"I don't really know about him. I mean, he strikes me as a gay type, but I don't really know," Matthew's friend Sara said.

I guess that was a good thing for Matthew, because if he wanted to come out to somebody, he needed to come out fast![/CENTER]

To me it sounds a bit like you're confusing the times.. isn't it had said? Well English is not my mother tongue, but to me it sounds confused ^^

I think I'd put that different anyway... something like: He had talked with his friend Sara about him. She had said that she wasn't sure but he striked her as a gay type. Having the need for someone to talk to about his own sexuality Matthew tried to get in touch with him and they started talking... blablabla

randomly written thing - keep mistakes if you find them ^^

Besides, I don't see any major mistakes and the story sounds interesting

Keep it coming! :P

edit: Only my small response + rating has more words than your last two chapters together... that's when your chapters are too short :P

daremaster 1 · 11-06-2011, 07:42 AM

Shelli is right, longer chapters would be nice. "What about the people that don't want to read a big long chapter" you say? Well I am sure it won't kill them, anyways you only put about a couple lines witch anyone could read. People are always asking for bigger chapters, not smaller.

standard muffin · 11-10-2011, 09:50 PM

IV. Chapter 4
Matthew's eyes shot open. His mind was racing about the one thing that was on his mind: Luke.
Matthew slowly trudged out of bed, and his eyes glanced over at his alarm clock. The light from outside burned his eyes, and while he squinted, he saw the time: 4 o'clock.

Matthew: "Holy shit! I barely have any time!"

He texted his mom and told his about his situation with Luke, and she was okay with it. He started by taking a shower, and that alone made his body even more ready for the night ahead. Matthew spent ridiculous amount of time styling his hair to be just right. He knew that the sleepover wasn't formal, but who doesn't like looking hot? By the time he was dressed, it was already 5:30. He quickly popped a mint into his mouth, put on gargantuan amounts of deodorant on(well, we should really call it cologne, since the smell was basically perforating off of him), and swiftly texted Luke and told him he was on his way.

After the seemingly never-ending drive, Matthew finally located Luke's house. Now, Luke didn't live in a high class neighborhood, but his house was considerably high class, compared to the other houses around him. The yard was nicely trimmed, as noted when Matthew walked up the cobblestone pathway up to the stained glass door. He rang the doorbell and the sound echoed through the house.

"I'll get it!", a seemingly female voice was heard from inside the mansion.

Matthew was fidgeting with anything, his hands, feet, legs, hell, even his heart. Sure, he had had sleepovers in the past, but none like this. None where things were at stake.

"Oh, why hello there!" Luke's mother said to the young man.

"Hi." said Matthew, obviously nervous about superior figures.

"You must be Matthew, correct?"

"Yes ma'am. That's me!" Matthew chuckled to mask his unwavering nervousness.

"Well, I'm so glad to finally meet you! Luke has been talking about you all day! Come on in!" Luke's mother said as she gestured her hands inside, "Luke is upstairs by the way, you can go up if you like."

"Thank you. It was great meeting you!" Matthew raced up the stairs.

"One down, and one to go" Matthew thought to himself.

Matthew wasn't familiar with the house, so he wasn't sure where Luke's room was exactly. He ventured into the nearest room available, and saw pink, pink, and more pink!

Matthew: "Must not be his room." he thought to himself.

Matthew continued around the house, before stopping in front of a door with a giant poster. It appeared to be Dom, from the Cogs of War Series. NO LOSERS ALLOWED, the sign read. Figuring that he wasn't a loser, Matthew slowly opened the door, and his heart stopped. There he was.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Is this long enough?

Eagle eye · 11-11-2011, 04:43 PM

Good update

Definetly longer then the last.

Saphir · 11-12-2011, 04:45 AM

yep, I totally agree

The length is way better this time.

I like it, nothing really to complain about this time :3

Looking forward to their conversation and whatever else comes next. :3

I hope he doesn't sit on the bed naked... (because you stopped right at that point where he sees him) xD
That'd be kinda... I don't know why so many people have that in their story... it seems kind of unreal to me... but maybe that's just me and people in the states are way more open about being naked... ... .. . not!

Love :3

11-04-2011, 04:52 AM	#1
standard muffin Junior Member Join Date: Sep 2011 Posts: 16	Lockers, Lust, Love, and Rejection [MxM] Lockers, Lust, Love, and Rejection I. Chapter 1 ?: Have I ever told you how much I love you? ?: No, Matthew, you haven't. ?: Come here, beautiful. Flipping through the TV, nothing really caught his attention. It was a cool crisp Friday afternoon, and all Matthew could do was mindlessly explore the stupid mushy-gushy soap operas that only come on in the afternoons after a marathon of "The Price Is Right". "Why can't that happen to me, he thought, I just don't get it!" Matthew shouted in his head. "I'm nice, faithful, and most of all, SINGLE!" Why can't my life be like a movie? Then, everything would be perfect. Just as he was getting ready to doze off, his phone highlighted and vibrated. It was him. Last edited by standard muffin; 11-05-2011 at 10:47 PM.

11-11-2011, 04:43 PM	#9
Eagle eye Member Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: Outside exploring Posts: 58	Good update Definetly longer then the last. __________________ Come Check out my Story! Around the Fire "There is only one way to happiness and that is to cease worrying about things which are beyond the power of our will." -Epictetus

11-04-2011, 05:40 AM	#2
Saphir getDare Sweetheart Join Date: Dec 2010 Posts: 425	Cool, your announced story :3 First of all I like that it's MxM The beginning is quite good, I like your writing ("unnecessary" details are the ones who actually make a story, like the things about the TV shows) Looking forward to a long next chapter! :P And I'm eager to know who him is. Love

11-05-2011, 09:34 PM	#4
Shelli<3 Junior Member Join Date: Sep 2011 Posts: 7	please make the chapters longer!!!

11-06-2011, 07:42 AM	#7
daremaster 1 getDare God Join Date: Apr 2011 Location: <3 Posts: 3,032	Shelli is right, longer chapters would be nice. "What about the people that don't want to read a big long chapter" you say? Well I am sure it won't kill them, anyways you only put about a couple lines witch anyone could read. People are always asking for bigger chapters, not smaller.

11-10-2011, 09:50 PM	#8
standard muffin Junior Member Join Date: Sep 2011 Posts: 16	IV. Chapter 4 Matthew's eyes shot open. His mind was racing about the one thing that was on his mind: Luke. Matthew slowly trudged out of bed, and his eyes glanced over at his alarm clock. The light from outside burned his eyes, and while he squinted, he saw the time: 4 o'clock. Matthew: "Holy shit! I barely have any time!" He texted his mom and told his about his situation with Luke, and she was okay with it. He started by taking a shower, and that alone made his body even more ready for the night ahead. Matthew spent ridiculous amount of time styling his hair to be just right. He knew that the sleepover wasn't formal, but who doesn't like looking hot? By the time he was dressed, it was already 5:30. He quickly popped a mint into his mouth, put on gargantuan amounts of deodorant on(well, we should really call it cologne, since the smell was basically perforating off of him), and swiftly texted Luke and told him he was on his way. After the seemingly never-ending drive, Matthew finally located Luke's house. Now, Luke didn't live in a high class neighborhood, but his house was considerably high class, compared to the other houses around him. The yard was nicely trimmed, as noted when Matthew walked up the cobblestone pathway up to the stained glass door. He rang the doorbell and the sound echoed through the house. "I'll get it!", a seemingly female voice was heard from inside the mansion. Matthew was fidgeting with anything, his hands, feet, legs, hell, even his heart. Sure, he had had sleepovers in the past, but none like this. None where things were at stake. "Oh, why hello there!" Luke's mother said to the young man. "Hi." said Matthew, obviously nervous about superior figures. "You must be Matthew, correct?" "Yes ma'am. That's me!" Matthew chuckled to mask his unwavering nervousness. "Well, I'm so glad to finally meet you! Luke has been talking about you all day! Come on in!" Luke's mother said as she gestured her hands inside, "Luke is upstairs by the way, you can go up if you like." "Thank you. It was great meeting you!" Matthew raced up the stairs. "One down, and one to go" Matthew thought to himself. Matthew wasn't familiar with the house, so he wasn't sure where Luke's room was exactly. He ventured into the nearest room available, and saw pink, pink, and more pink! Matthew: "Must not be his room." he thought to himself. Matthew continued around the house, before stopping in front of a door with a giant poster. It appeared to be Dom, from the Cogs of War Series. NO LOSERS ALLOWED, the sign read. Figuring that he wasn't a loser, Matthew slowly opened the door, and his heart stopped. There he was. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Is this long enough?

11-12-2011, 04:45 AM	#10
Saphir getDare Sweetheart Join Date: Dec 2010 Posts: 425	yep, I totally agree The length is way better this time. I like it, nothing really to complain about this time :3 Looking forward to their conversation and whatever else comes next. :3 I hope he doesn't sit on the bed naked... (because you stopped right at that point where he sees him) xD That'd be kinda... I don't know why so many people have that in their story... it seems kind of unreal to me... but maybe that's just me and people in the states are way more open about being naked... ... .. . not! Love :3