Hell [FICTION]

[Trystaan]

This is based on a true story but I have jazzed it up a lot.
If any one has any Ideas they would like to see in the story i would be happy to try and involve them in


+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Part 1




I read the invitation Claire had given me, it was your straight forward party invitation my house, sleep over that sort of stuff. While at home my Mum said it was ok and on that night I set off to Claire’s. My first mistake. When we arrived I was greeted normally and entered the house to see Claire looking beautiful and my two friends Jack and Marcus. Within half an hour or so all the guests had arrived. There were 3 girls Lauren, Claire and Bridie. The guys were Jack, Ben, Marcus and I. Lauren was a stunning girl who had a model contract. She was 5, 6 with long flowing blonde hair and curves in all the right places. Claire was quite a bit shorter with brunette hair wasn’t so well endowed as Lauren but still looked very nice. Bridie was about 5, 4 and had the biggest breasts of them all; I would love to get a bit of action on them.

So here we are. Claire’s back garden. No parents home getting drunk out of our heads when Claire decides we should probably go to the room where we would be sleeping that night.

The rest of the night became a blur. I vaguely remember Truth or Dare and quite a few more drinks but as we grew drunker and drunker we got more tired and eventually we went to sleep. Mistake Number 2.


When I woke up everything around me was dark and it was hard to see anything in detail, as I focused though I could see more and I appeared to be in some dimly lit basement with strange objects and shapes surrounding me. Suddenly to my right I heard a cruel laugh, a laugh full of hatred and evil. The lights turned on and burned my eyes when I opened them I saw something I had only read about on the cruellest of sites and I thought to myself.


OH SHIT

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++


Part 2 coming soon if people want to read more.

[ManicD]

1234567890123456

[Lucifer87]

good start, it has potential, the only thing i dont like is the end "I saw something I had only read about on the cruellest of sites" whereas it seems like yoru either skipping to the end of teh story to fast or over dramatising whats gonna happen next.

also you might concider adding some information about the character, m/f age? description? etc

[Kitty]

did you copy this story or it written by you

[Trystaan]

That was to try and leave it on a cliffhanger so people would want to read more but whatever any one else says goes so thanks Lucifer


Kitty this was written by me and it is based on MY real life experience except it will be jazzed up alot.

[Isabell]

Interesting, this has quite a bit of potential. Keep it up. I look forward to reading more.

[Trystaan]

Yay someone part from Lucifer kinda likes it

Part 2 should either come tonight or tomorrow morning

[Trystaan]

Sorry just had no insparation.

There was a vast room before me, very dark and dusty. Racks on the walls holding evil looking objects. Then i saw them: Claire Briddie and Loren standing about 10 feet to the side of me boy they looked stunning. Claire from head to toe in black latex, Briddie with a crop and riding boots. The loren with a short sexy black skirt and a matching tank top. The sight of her gave me a raging hard on. I looked over so had Marcus and Jack. I could't see Ben anywhere. I turned back and asked them 'Wheres ben?' Immeadiatly briddie walked up to me and slapped me in the face. 'Who the fuck do you think you are you dirty fucking slave' ' Ben's gone' she added 'He's Lucky'. 'What the hell are you doing' Briddie had started to walk away she turned back sharply and walked towards Marcus unlocked him then the same with jack. They were given back there clothes and Claire escorted them out of the room.

'From now on you will call us Miss' she spat at me 'Do you understand'. 'What the hell' I reapeated in a stunned voice.

'Rite that's it Loren punish him and make it hurt!'


Loren walked up to me with a cat'o' nine tails in her hand. She whipped me viciously for what seemed like an age. When she drew blood 'STOP!' i screamed. 'Stop what Slave' Stop Please.... miss' I added with a tinge of humiliation in my voice'

'Good' Briddie said 'Stage 1 complete'





What do you guys think. PLease give me positive criticism and any ideas you would like incorporated in the story

[Ciandon]

This is a pretty good story. I'm no author myself, but this looks like it has some potential.

[Trystaan]

Thanks man ( anything I cuould do to improve)

[tissue13]

pretty good-has potentail for an amazing story

[Pikachu]

great potential great story if you need any help jsut ask....please keep it up

[molten man]

Keep it going!!!!!

[Trystaan]

Rite part 3

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
The 3 girls left turning the lights off. I was left alone in a dark musty ‘dungeon’. How I wished I wasn’t in this mess. I thought about escape but how would I. I was tied up and nude I wouldn’t make 10 feet without being spotted. As I carried on thinking into the night I fell into a deep sleep and curled up on the cold stone floor.

‘GET UP SLAVE NOW’ a shrill voice screamed above me. There was Lauren standing above me with a riding crop and cowgirl spurs. She prodded me a couple of times to make sure I got the idea. She threw some clothes at me and said ‘ I want you in the front room in 5 minutes, Late and you’ll be punished again’

I quickly scrambled to reach the clothes, to my embarrassment they consisted of a thong and French maid outfit. I hurried over to the front room where Briddie and Claire were standing looking as evil and sexy as usual. Then I heard some snaps behind me Lauren was their and she had taken photos of me. ‘You do anything rash and these go everywhere Your parents your friends and over the internet’ ‘Do you understand slave’’Y..yes miss’ I replied stuttering

‘Now you are going to clean the house using only this toothbrush’ she held up a strangely familiar toothbrush’ ‘ Wait that’s mi.. Yes miss Claire’.

Throughout my torment of cleaning the house they took more pictures of me bending over and standing high. I’m going to get them for this I said to myself under my breath.

‘WHAT WAS THAT SLAVE’
‘nothing miss’

‘Rite then lying we don’t take that easily, time for punishment’


---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Please as ever any ideas or ways to improve are greatly appreciated

Btw twist in the next part...

[Davros]

Delicious story