Fiction: Captured short stories - Page 2

Matman · 09-29-2012, 10:33 PM

love it! Being a former wrestler I've heard the cocky players from other sports talk like that. Awesome to see them get what they deserve

UniqueID · 09-30-2012, 11:46 AM

I really like your wrestling story and the direction you're taking it, I can't wait to hear more.

I know you're asking for some comments/suggestions so I'd though I'd say one thing about your first captured story that stood out to me. This is something that someone told me about some stories I wrote at one time, and I took it hard at first, but looking back I see what they meant. Even though you first story was written in 1st person point of view, I found it was mostly all the same sentence structure type and all the sentences were almost the same length. If we're reading a persons thoughts they'll be broken, short, long, varying lengths, incomplete sentences, sometimes even one or tow word sentences or thoughts. No one thinks in correct grammar and with long 10-15 word complete sentences all the time. So its not always natural reading a first person point-of-view story written that way.

Your second story and its installments though have all been phenomenal and great. Everything about it is excellent, its a very natural reading and I really feel like I'm there when reading it. Keep it up.

Demonking · 09-30-2012, 08:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by UniqueID

I really like your wrestling story and the direction you're taking it, I can't wait to hear more.

I know you're asking for some comments/suggestions so I'd though I'd say one thing about your first captured story that stood out to me. This is something that someone told me about some stories I wrote at one time, and I took it hard at first, but looking back I see what they meant. Even though you first story was written in 1st person point of view, I found it was mostly all the same sentence structure type and all the sentences were almost the same length. If we're reading a persons thoughts they'll be broken, short, long, varying lengths, incomplete sentences, sometimes even one or tow word sentences or thoughts. No one thinks in correct grammar and with long 10-15 word complete sentences all the time. So its not always natural reading a first person point-of-view story written that way.

Your second story and its installments though have all been phenomenal and great. Everything about it is excellent, its a very natural reading and I really feel like I'm there when reading it. Keep it up.

Thanks I will definitely keep that in kind when I am writing!

09-29-2012, 10:33 PM	#16
Matman getDare Sweetheart Join Date: Nov 2011 Location: US Posts: 404 Blog Entries: 1	love it! Being a former wrestler I've heard the cocky players from other sports talk like that. Awesome to see them get what they deserve __________________ I have a new email, it's [email protected] Like jockstrap,wrestling headgear, duct tape, spandex, sweat, control, Chance/ dice dare Limits: pictures, anal, cum, humiliation, public, messy If its not in my likes/Limits I haven't tried it yet so I might be open to it, Truths http://www.getdare.com/bbs/showthrea...015#post746015 Bondage stories http://www.getdare.com/bbs/showthread.php?p=704146

09-30-2012, 11:46 AM	#17
UniqueID Junior Member Join Date: Sep 2012 Location: USA Posts: 12	Creative Criticism I really like your wrestling story and the direction you're taking it, I can't wait to hear more. I know you're asking for some comments/suggestions so I'd though I'd say one thing about your first captured story that stood out to me. This is something that someone told me about some stories I wrote at one time, and I took it hard at first, but looking back I see what they meant. Even though you first story was written in 1st person point of view, I found it was mostly all the same sentence structure type and all the sentences were almost the same length. If we're reading a persons thoughts they'll be broken, short, long, varying lengths, incomplete sentences, sometimes even one or tow word sentences or thoughts. No one thinks in correct grammar and with long 10-15 word complete sentences all the time. So its not always natural reading a first person point-of-view story written that way. Your second story and its installments though have all been phenomenal and great. Everything about it is excellent, its a very natural reading and I really feel like I'm there when reading it. Keep it up. __________________ Likes, Dislikes, and more can be found on my site. www.sites.google.com/site/preparedtoserve365 Interested in starting a s/m relationship? Head to the site and fill out an application, I'll get in touch with you.