[Fiction] It's time to run!(mxm)

[xdrew]

So i have been lurking on GetDare for almost a year and a half without posting, and now, after reading stories of all kind (Especially Dylan and Connor you guys are like my idols) I have finally decided to (attempt) to write my own story so don't hate if I began to fail, and so it begins!


characters:

Me(Drew)
Age:14
builderfect tan muscular everywhere besides his chest(because of a secret)
orientation:bi-gay
other: has had experiences before with Mason, Dennis and other girls

Mason:
Age:14
Build: skinny but muscular
orientation:bi-curious(not as much as Drew or Dennis but close)
other:has had experiences with Drew and Dennis

Dennis:
Age:14
Build: fairly muscular and the best lacrosse player in town
orientation:bi-gay

Chapter 1

It was a typical summer day as I rolled over to look at my alarm clock which read 3:12, Damn, I thought, once again I had missed the time I was supposed to run on the treadmill, I slowly began to crawl out of bed and began mumbling about my room, then I remembered about the calendar on the wall, I walked over and grabbed the red marker from the dresser to the right of it and placed the last x on today's date, just 1 more day until Mason and Dennis would arrive, I couldn't wait. I glanced over at my computer to see that I had left Facebook open once again without remembering to shut down my computer, I sat down and began my daily boring summer routine of being a Maplestory addict, it wasn't that I was anti-social I just didn't like any of the kids in my neighborhood, they were always trying to have the best things or the nicest bike or the coolest shoes and basically trying to outspend each other, I thought it was extremely stupid how one could spend so much money on the same thing like having 5 pairs of shoes, two was good for me. After Maple had become boring once again that day i went downstairs and hit the treadmill for about 30 minutes trying to blast the little amount of fat i had on my chest, that caused me to be so self conscious of my body i was afraid to go swimming in my own backyard, into oblivion. by now it was almost five and my dad was almost home with dinner so I quickly went up stairs to get my usual daily dose of GetDare while I could(I mean checking to see if any of my stories where updated NOT something else ) Dinner went like every other dinner that week before I went back to my moms right until the end when my dad told me he was having to immediately go back to San Diego for another conference with the head of the company he worked for, and as much as I love my dad I was SUPER excited to hear this because this meant Dennis, Mason, and I would have the house to ourselves the whole day and night, my head was spinning because of all the possibilities that could happen! I went up stairs and got on Facebook to tell Dennis and Mason the news. They were just as pumped as I was, because they both knew of all the things that we could do that day, and more importantly, that night.

[Memories for Life]

I know I'll catch heat for it but ...

I actually went back over it a second time just to see if you used any punctuation other than "commas". There was 3 "periods", 1 "exclamation point" and 4,000,000 "commas"!

A "comma" is used as a pause. It's like when you're talking to someone and you need to take a breath. Too many breathes and you might pass out from hyperventilating! Try breaking your sentences into more clear, concise thoughts.

[J.M.N]

A year and a half lurking ! WOW ! why didnt you join before now? its not like you dont have to show you face if you dont want to

Yeah kind of bad punctuation and maybe put paragraphs to make it easier to read? Sorry they are kind of negative but its constructive criticizm

But yeah on a positive note i really like the background to the character giving him depth and i like where this is going

[nuditydudity]

I agree with what the others have written, too.
It's a pretty good start, but paragraphs, proper punctuation, and a quick proofread before posting will go a long way!
Another idea is to write your story in Microsoft Word, and then copying and pasting into the thread (that's what I did for my stories).
Thank you for starting a story, and I want to read more!

[Dylan xX]

Well I gotta say your little intro made me smile . However, as stated before, your punctuation is really hard to follow.

Memories hit it right on the dot, there's like 987525983745897953 commas in there. Also, try splitting up paragraphs so it's not one huge blob.

Either way, I'm glad to see another MxM author out there.


Dylsterr <3

[xdrew]

soooo yea it has been QUITE a long time since i have written on here, but with school and sports and it not being summer(and maybe Skyrim) I haven't done anything. I was thinking of continuing this story(this time with less coma's) what do you guys think?

[Luke.m]

Please do it has great potential

[daremaster 1]

Oh please do! Really starts off good!

[xdrew]

Finally wrote and edited chapter 2, 3, and 4. so here goes nothing. Hope you guys enjoy
CHAPTER 2
I watched as my dad pulled away in the Escalade that morning, it was so hard to contain my excitement and not let him see it. As soon as I got the call that he was about to go wheels up in from the tarmac I called Mason and Dennis. I called Dennis first because he was the person who was closest to the top of my contact list, and I’m lazy. Dennis answered the phone and said he would be over in about an hour. Perfect. I called mason and he said that he actually had a soccer game, but he could be there in an hour and a half to two hours. Well, I thought to myself, I now have an hour with the guy that I had been experimenting with since 6th grade and a house to myself, couldn’t think of a better way to start the day. I began preparing the house, muttering around cleaning up random things trying to let my undiagnosed OCD have its way. Before I knew it an hour had gone by and Dennis was due any minute. I checked through the glass of the front door for his bike, and right as I did there he was! I stepped outside to greet him. After a quick high five we went inside and did exactly what every guy sleepover starts with, played COD. After about 10 minutes Dennis asked where Mason was, I told him he would be here around 3 and that it was 2:14 now. After I said that Dennis looked right at me and asked When does the real fun begin? And with the biggest grin ever on my face I said right now and……