[Non-Fiction] My denial diary

[Pet Ra]

Originally Posted by bee9

It's a speculum.

Thank you.
Yes, now I recognize it.

But for what should we use it? To strech me?

My cone has a max. diameter of 9cm and I guess I won't be able to get stretched this far, because of my thin physique

[Pet Ra]

Hi

Honestly, it feels a bit strange, yet familiar, writing here again.
I had a quite tough time and haven't been around in gD for more than a year and for the last 6 months I just took a look every now and then.

So I think I have a bit to catch up, even it's not the happiest entry here.

The year I haven't been here was been the toughest in my entire life because my mother caught me in my belt
I don't know if she knew what a chastity belt is before, but I think that pieces of metal that have been locked to your genitals simply scream "kinky".

You know that I wrote once that I "fantasize" of revealing myself (okay, I was more like having "what if..." thoughts than a fantasy) and that my mother would be angry? That was clearly an understatement.
Well, first she was concerned that I got forced to wear it and that I got repressed. She wanted to call somebody to cut me out of it and wanted to call the police to report my friends for sexualized violence.
That was the moment I told her (almost) everything, that I did it on my own, that I can remove the belt whenever I want - I even showed her the emergency key.

She became furious. She yelled at me that she had left here home, her friends and family so we could have a better live, not for me to become a sextoy for some perverted. She asked with how many men I had slept already and as I replied that I'm still a virgin she hit me and called me a slut and a liar.

I fleeded, crying and completely desperated. Not only because my deep, darkest secret got revealed, but also because I saw how disappointed of me my mother was.

Mistress was home and as she saw me she immediately called Master to "Come home NOW!". The rest of the day is blurry but I know that Master came home real fast. At some time in the evening he told me that he will remove the belt now and all commitments were gone. I think I managed to nod because he gently spread my legs and opend the locks.
Master let in a nice bath and we were cuddling (but not in a sexual way) in it till the water got cold. I felt (and still feel) so save with him.

The next morning when I woke up I was disoriented. Also I was wondering why I'm in Masters bed and why my chastity belt was gone.
Honestly, the first days wearing panties were strange - I felt like something was missing and also I felt extremely vunerable.

In the afternoon we tried to call my mother, but she refused to talk to us. It made me sad but I guess that maybe she needed some time. Also Master (my boyfriend) and Mistress (my girlfriend) did everything to distract me. We were baking, and in the evening we went to the cinema. On sunday we went swimming and in a nice restaurant - all as friends, not as owners and their pet. I mean, outside we always have been firends, but yet it was different.

Also it was the sunday that, when I see my friends in the wet and tight swimwear, some part of my body remembered that it haven't been touched in quite a while. But I contained that feeling, enjoying it.

When we were in bed I stroked his cock and as he slipped his and in my drenched panties he asked me if I wanted to do "it". I almost jumped him.
It hurt like hell, both of us. He told me that it feeled like somebody would try to cut his cock in half with a guitare string - stupid fucking septate hymen.

That's when I had a complete breakdown. I felt absolut useless and ashamed.
My boyfreind was holding me all the time. Later he gently touched and kissed me again, wandering slowly deeper till he was nose deep in my so long ungroomed hair. Normaly licking my pussy would make me cum almost immediately, but not this time.

I don't know if it was because of the stress, I pushed myself too hard or because I suppressed my orgasm for so long but it took ages till I finally came.
I was thinking my first orgasm after such a long time would be strong and feel magical like the ones I had when I got denied for two weeks, but this one felt more like I came "by mistake"

I haven't been in chastity since then and my orgasms got better too (maybe because my boyfriend insinsted on some "orgasm training" ), yet I still have to work on the relationship with my mother. I haven't set a foot in her house since then, but we have spoken several times. I guess she still think that I'm a slut, but as my friends told me: I don't have to prove the opposite to her.

The chastity belt and my toys are laying in the cabinet, except for the belt we use it quite often and I'm still the "most naked" in the flat. Also I asked my boyfriend how he would like my pubes and he said that it's up to me, but he likes it when a woman have a patch of fur down there and don't mind if I stay hairy. So I will keep it.

Well, yesterday I put on the belt for fun (over my panties and without closing the locks) and it felt exciting. So I won't throw it out yet - but then I will it use to have my orgasms restricted, not taken away at all.

And last but not least I want to say "Thank you":
First to my friends who were fantastic owners.
And to "CuckqueenFan" who seem to register here just to write me an PM *kisses*

I think I have wrecked my reputation, not only for my mother, but also here because I just disappeared and I have to work for it again. But I hope you may understand. Thank you.

[Mousey123]

Thanks for sharing your journey. Hope things continue to keep improving with you mum. Be true to your self girl, and have fun.

[Pet Ra]

Originally Posted by Mousey123

Thanks for sharing your journey. Hope things continue to keep improving with you mum. Be true to your self girl, and have fun.

Thank you very much

[Pet Ra]

Last sunday we [Master, Mistress and me] invited my mother for brunch and a talk.

I was wearing my collar, a shirt with no bra (I haven't worn one for more than a year, so I donated them two weeks ago), panties and jeans. If it had been up to Mistress I would have gone naked, except for the collar. Master didn't want that for obvious reason, but insisted that I wear the collar. It was the first my mother noticed, of course. But we had some regular talk before we get to the kinky stuff.

I was really embarrassed but it went surprisingly well.
My mother asked why Mistress was there and that it's none of her business.
Well, she now knows that I'm bisexual and at first I thought she would just leave.Then I told her about my collar and that I wear it as a sign of my submission to Master and Mistress (I even called them that) and that I'm more a pet than a human. She was really surprised and wanted to know why they are doing that to me, because real friends should't do this to each other. So we made clear that I enjoy the live that offers me here and that I do it because I want and not because I'm forced. And that I don't suffer from a kind of "Stockholm syndrome"

Of course we didn't tell her everything, yet. She still don't know that I spend most of the days naked in here or how much I'm turned on by getting humilated.
But she realized that I'm happy, even she didn't understand why I'm doing this or why I'm liking it and that she hoped that I would have a better live that this she told me that she will accept it. But I should be take care that I won't bring shame to the family

Today she just called me and we had a nice talk, the best we had in months.

So even I was really nervous (and think that my mother will never see me with the same eyes she did before she found out about my kinks) I'm very happy at the moment that it seem to get better now

[dasa]

I just stumbled upon your story and I am shocked by how your mother reacted. On the other hand, it was probably a shock for her as well.

Originally Posted by Pet Ra

Today she just called me and we had a nice talk, the best we had in months.

So even I was really nervous (and think that my mother will never see me with the same eyes she did before she found out about my kinks) I'm very happy at the moment that it seem to get better now

I hope it is still getting better.