Question for the subs!

[Nightfurry]

Hi!
Just from browsing around the site, I’ve noticed a lot of subs and people requesting dares, tasks, punishments, etc. It made me curious. It seems like the subs do most of the work (forgive me if I am ignorant) I wanted to ask the subs why do you want to do those things? How did you discover that you are submissive? And what is the appeal for you personally? I know that I am submissive, but just wanted to hear some thoughts.

[Butterfly]

So first of all, I did want to address your statement that subs "do most of the work". Yes, on the surface it can appear that Dom's do very little, however it takes a lot of work to create interesting and fun tasks for your sub. And it's even harder to do that for a random person who wants a task. You have to take into account limits, physical abilities, timing, safety, etc.

Plus if you are in a relationship then you have other responsibilities .... Caring for your sub, keeping them safe and happy and healthy, giving aftercare, fulfilling their needs etc.

So yes, subs do a LOT for their Dom's but Dom's do a lot for their subs as well. In online relationships I feel as though subs do more physically, but Dom's do more mentally.

Now to your other questions ...

I discovered I was submissive when I was 18. Up to that point I had been interested in submitting. I had fantasized about it. But at 18 I got to try it. And I was hooked.

It appeals to me in a few different ways ...

First, it makes me happy to please somebody. I am naturally a people pleaser. So submitting to somebody, giving them everything I have to make them happy, makes me happy.

Second, submission allows me to let go. I am a planner. I take charge of a lot of things in my personal life. I am always in control. So it is a massive break for me to be able to let go and allow somebody else to make the decisions and be in control of me.

Lastly, it is fun! It is fun to do tasks that are challenging or that push all the right buttons. I love being teased and todtured, using toys, edging and cumming and spanking and a bit of delicious pain! I am not being forced to do all the things I hate, I legitimately love doing a lot of these things. It turns me on!

I hope that helps.

[Nightfurry]

Thank you for your response Butterfly! That makes sense. From the outside it seems like the subs are doing a lot of the work, but I see what you’re saying that it really challenges the dom mentally. Interesting. Thanks again and sorry if I am ignorant, I am pretty new to this world.

[Butterfly]

No problem. If things arent talked about openly, it can be easy to assume or get the wrong idea. Asking questions is good.

Let me ask you this though, how do you know you are submissive? What do you get out of it?

[Blue Fox]

Originally Posted by Nightfurry

Hi!
Just from browsing around the site, I’ve noticed a lot of subs and people requesting dares, tasks, punishments, etc. It made me curious. It seems like the subs do most of the work (forgive me if I am ignorant) I wanted to ask the subs why do you want to do those things? How did you discover that you are submissive? And what is the appeal for you personally? I know that I am submissive, but just wanted to hear some thoughts.

Butterfly did address most of the items already. Yes, it takes a lot from the Dom(me)s. Giving out tasks tailored to individuals is tiring, time consuming, and especially when trying to keep them inventive / creative. There is the research (learning the subs limits, likes, dislikes, preferences, checking for safety and legality, make sure what is requested is sane, etc), often times in an actual D/s relationship there is discussion & planning (covers consensual), and there is the aftercare. A good Dom(me) will try things out first so they KNOW what it is they are asking of their sub, if possible and, if not possible, at least research it.

Now, like she said, I also get pleasure out of knowing I've been able to please the other person. Pain for pain sake is not a turn on for me. I don't generally hurt myself just because. However, there are things I do because I know it pleases the other person. That person, drawing pleasure from me doing things that are uncomfortable or painful to myself, is what pleases me. Example: Wearing tacks in a pad in my panties. VERY uncomfortable. If left to my own devices, I don't do it. But if ordered to do so, I happily comply because I know the other person is drawing satisfaction from my discomfort. But, it needs to stay within limits. I've also discovered that I'm more apt to do something for a Mistress than I am for a random dare. This is because I yearn for that connection. I do not expect the Mistress to have just one sub. She has the rights to have as many as she likes / can handle. I will remain loyal to her.

It isn't about sexual gratification for me, though there is a sexual element to it. Does it turn me on? Yes. Do I need something to be erotic to please me? No.

I knew for years before I turned 18 that I was a submissive. I had (against the laws, I know) partaken in online play when I was 16-ish. I've been a submissive for as far back as I can remember. But that doesn't mean blindly just doing what everyone says. For me, it is a much more emotional bond. Trying to please one person. At work (and when I was at school), I do stand up and assert myself. I'm not a leader, but I don't blindly follow and will argue when I know I'm right. But, in a D/s relationship, it's different. Hard to describe. Best way I can phrase it is, for me, I enjoy being "used". There are many types of subs. I don't describe myself as a servant type. I'm not a little. I have a *bit* of pet in me. I'm not extreme into pain, but a little is a turn on. I want to be (privately) debased and (lightly) hurt for the pleasure of the Mistress. Her pleasure at my expense.

But, everyone's interest in submission is different.