Becomming slave A and loosing control of my useless little genitals

[slaveboy28]

Dear all,

it has been more than three weeks now since i met an amazing person, a true Sir who is not only looking for some short webcam fun and is not a pseudo master searching for someone to humiliate, jerk off and abandon.

Nor was I, an almost complete beginner, searching for just a quick jack off session. I wanted something else and now i am starting to realise that i not only wanted, but actually needed routine, discipline and control. And this is what He has been offering to me for almost a month now.

At this stage I do not wish to go through a detailed description of my humble beginnings and what we mutually discovered (i say mutually discovered because i believe it is more than just a list of dos and dont’s, more than just an online chat. It is a journey), so this first post is mostly just a tribute to a person who is slowly penetrating my brain, taking control of my everyday life. And for this I would like to thank Him and show my appreciation.

I understand some “spice” is needed and also interesting for the readers so here is a short description of our yesterdays session, which was for a newbie like me really an emotional rollercoaster.

It has been 26 days since i have lost of control of, if and when i cum, how and when i pee, poo and shower, and also since the day i have last felt my pubic and underarm hair. So there I was, chaste for almost a month, aroused, nervous and sweaty, sitting on the floor naked and butt plugged. Not a person I used to be, but a boy, a slave edging upon his Masters instructions: on the edge, hoping not to cum, not to break one of the most important rules. Trying so hard to resist the pleasure only Men deserve. And than in the heat of lust, I have addressed my Master in an improper way. A stupid beginners mistake - thinking not of Him but of my own pleasure, disrespecting Him.

“Go take your toothpaste,” was all He said and i went, humiliated, disappointed in me. “Edge hard, work the toothpaste in, around your delicate knob”. In pain i continued, at the same time fucking myself like a cheap slut on my butt plug - something i have never done before. No cumming, just painfully edging my sad little pasted cock. Degraded, humiliated, dirty. But i had to pay the price - not only feeling the pain, but contemplating on what i have done by writing an apology and 200 lines and also not allowed to wear any underwear today, not even allowed to shower. But the biggest punishment remains in my head - i feel so bad for insulting Him, who has given me so much. I need to improve and work harder, focusing on Him and His pleasure.

I think you have now got the first impression but I will provide more details as this journey continues. At the same time I would like to hear from you dear readers - what would you like to know, what i should focus on etc. I would be glad to answer your questions (upon Sirs permission) and read some comments and advice, perhaps even some beginners dares. For a rookie any help is highly appreciated.

Please bear in mind, English is not my mother tongue so accept my apology for any errors made.

I will try to update this blog every few days.

Thank you for reading and all the best,
boy A.

[slaveboy28]

Dear all,

I hope you enjoyed my first chapter of the blog. The time has come for an update, which i am writing sitting naked and with my nipple clamps on. But this is an easier part, the hardest part is to reflect on my last few days which were once again a complete emotional rollercoaster.

I apologised to my Master, finished the 200 lines and hoped for the best. But at that time I still had a lesson to learn, a hard one.

I think i can now understand that addressing my Master in an improper way is not just a minor offence, it is something deeper. I disrespected Him and put my pleasure, my useless genitals first. And Master decided this needs to be corrected. Not just by a writing assignment, but by a serious punishment. And so I have lost control of my genitals once again.

This time in a way i could not have possibly imagined and that has scared me so much i could not even go to sleep normally. I kept thinking about His punishment: a short morning shower than taking a poo without being able to wipe my bum and off to work. This part I managed although i was alert all the time: who is watching me, why, do they know what a perv i am?

And than the time came, the time i dreaded and for a few moments even tried to run away from. “you are to piss outside on one of your piss slots, not in a toilet. Squat and when you do that do not remove your underwear, piss through them”.

I have never done something like this before and i was so scared, so humiliated even before doing it. But i wanted to do ammends, once again show how much i feel sorry for my offence.

So I headed out a few hours ago and found a secluded spot quite away from home (at that time i was not thinking much that i will have to return home). It was deserted but i still felt everyone is watching me, i could feel strangers eyes, but i took a deep breath, dropped my trousers and squated. At first i thought .. ok just a little, just a few drops but than my pee started to flow, everywhere.. bottom of my undies, on my trousers. Everywhere. I made a complete mess of myself. But i could not stop it. Even when i thought i was finished, pulled up my trousers I still let a few more drops soil my pants and my jeans. I felt ruined, used, humiliated, scared and writing about this just makes me once again wish to disappear, to hide. And the thoughts just keep returning “what a dirty slut you are”.

As the pee started to cool down, I walked (almost ran) home, covered by a coat but stil certain everyone knew what I did, how i soiled my dirty underwear, how i have no control of my useless genitals.

It is something I do not ever want to repeat at the moment, something i feel deeply ashamed about, as i have no inclination to outdoor or public activities. But i understand I needed to learn - the hard way. So once again, feeling small and submissive, I would like to apologise to my Sir for my great disrespect.

I am sorry that I am not able to write more at this stage, as i am still shaking and wishing i could just forget everything. But it will stay with me, just like He, my Master, wanted.

I hope I will do better in the future, I will try even harder not to disrespect Sir, so once again thank you for your potential comments and advice. Please note, they will be forwarded to Sir, as I am not allowed to freely answer them.

Thank you for reading and being part of how i am becoming slave A and loosing control of my useless little genitals.

boy A

[slaveboy28]

Dear readers,

you may have read about my yesterdays experience which ended with an even bigger twist that hit me completely unprepared.

An order by my Master: tomorrow you are to cum. Edge for twenty minutes and drain your balls.

After a month of being chaste my brain went into overdrive….What? How? Why? Will I be able to remain a good boy after letting go of my hornyness? Is this a trick? An act of mercy? A new step deeper into my submission? Should I? And than another confusing message…you can disobey. Can I? Does He want me to disobey and deny myself? Do I want this?

It was an order by Sir - one does not disobey it and it is not me to question His judgement. He knows best and He has the control of my useless little genitals. And the next morning I was once again proven they really are useless.

Edging for twenty minutes, i got extremely excited, horned up and ready to blast. I could imagine shots and shots of cum hitting the glass into which i was to cum. Filling it up with everything i had stored in my balls. Another pull, another thug and i crossed the point of no return. Quivering, in heat. Allowed to cum.

And I did.

It took me a few minutes to recover from mentally one of the strongest orgasms I ever had in my life. And then i looked in the glass….few lousy drops of cum. Pathetic. What will Sir think of me? Is this a good or bad thing? Is this everything my tiny balls can produce? Sir wanted me to cum, I wanted to cum.. so why just a few drops? Me and my useless little genitals.

I stared at the glass for a few seconds, feeling at the same time more relaxed and more humiliated by such a feeble result. Thinking about all this I brought the glass to my mouth and gulped it all down in one tiny go.

I am sorry, dear get dare members, but today there are just questions in my head…

If you can provide any answers to what has happened I would be grateful. But now, looking down at my tiny balls (hidden somewhere in my body like they are also ashamed) perhaps the answer is self evident…

Thank you for reading.

boy A

[b69]

Nice post. Keep letting us know how it's going. It's common after denial to not produce much cum when you are finally allowed to cum and in your current situation I believe questions are common as well. Keep up the good work and being submissive.

[justalex]

you are looking so down to your genital, be motivated...

[slaveboy28]

Dear readers,

yesterday my journey into slavery continued with another twist.

I came home, got naked and reported to my Master. He read my report and found something very displeasing - why was I thinking about disobeying, if even for a second. It is not up to me to think if and when I cum, I am to serve and do as told, no doubts.

I am to cum when Sir says so. And He said it once more. Cum again!

I started fucking myself on a plug, not expecting to be told to cum for a while since my morning release. But i was. And cum I did. Fast and like for the first time just a few feeble droplets.

Again!

Without thinking I continued my shameful self fucking and stroking. It was hard to continue, no time to recover, no time to breathe. Thinking about it now, makes me wonder how I even managed. But I did.

Drink up, boy!

Again!

It took a minute or two for me to be able to go for the third time in a row. 10 minutes left before my time runs out, before my regular pee time. Stroking, wanking like crazy, nervous… and than my useless little genitals failed me. I went flacid. 5 min…semi hard… 3mins…soft…1 min…soft… I failed.
All I could do is just to go pee. Filled the glass to the top and gulped it down, my own warm pee.

Than the feelings of humiliation and shame hit me again. I am a failure, not being able to even cum - something I considered so basic, so simple a month ago. But this time it was torture, nothing more than a physical release, no joy, no pleasure. And again the feeling of failing my Master.

He will of course think of a proper punishment. And all I can do now is just wait and once again go through my yesterdays lessons: never doubt your Master, do as He says and strive to become a better slave, for Him, for his Pleasure, not your own.

Thank you for reading and also thank you very much for your replies. They are very helpful in continuing my journey.

Real life requires me to be away for a few days, but I will continue to write this blog as soon as i get the chance. But do not worry, dear readers, Master will be with me all the time, His voice in my head, His orders and me following my established routine.

boy A

[slaveboy28]

Dear readers,

I spent a few days away from my Master and they were in one word dreadful. I missed Him so much, missed our daily communication, missed His thoughts, remarks and orders. More about the journey you can read in the second part of my blog where I am publishing a letter to Sir - another task set for me by Sir while I was away.

So firstly just a short report of me completing the punishment for not being able to cum on my Masters demand.

It was once again an order to pee outside, to squat and pee through my worn briefs. And I did it, even hoping it would be easier than the first time, but It was not. I completely humiliated myself, hiding outside, peeing like a slave, not being able to stop the pee from flowing, wetting my briefs, my trousers. A complete mess.

The feelings of doing this for the first time also came back. So it was like a double dose of degradation, remembering how it was the first time and repeating my ordeal once again. No free man would do anything like this, not even once. But I …. a complete perv, a slave. If i did it for the second time, thus this mean I secretly enjoy it?

Once again I ran home, stinking of pee, all sweaty, feeling nasty. I put my clothes to dry yesterday and as I am writing this, the briefs have completely dried.

As I was unable to reach Sir, I have not been allowed to shower for the third day in a row, not been allowed to change my underwear… you must think of me now as the dirtiest person possible, but I really need to do as my Master told me. I want to do it for Him. So I will slowly put them on now and go out, hoping no one will notice, no one will smell my fear, my sweat, my pee…

I will inform you of the results, so for now just another big thank you for reading. As always comments are welcomed and now the letter to Sir:

Dear Sir,

Looking back and thinking of the last month spent with you, your rules and commands I can only repeat what I have already said before. It has been an unbelievable journey, a rollercoaster of different feelings and emotions that I never expected to feel. From shame, humiliation, pain to pride, happiness and gratitude that I have been given a chance to serve someone like you, an experienced, demanding but understanding mind controller, a true Master.
I never expected this to be so emotionally intense, so real and a month ago I perhaps did not understand what you said by me needing control and domination. Not just wanting it but really needing it. And this proved to be true. Whenever I was away from my computer, not been able to chat to you, I felt empty, I felt a bit lost. Of course the rules and routine help but they only make sense if I am respecting them for you. Knowing there is someone who will make sure I am doing as told, who will check on me and most of all knowing there is someone who is also excited and interested in having a boy to train.
And I would like this to continue. To experience more (what exactly it is hard to say), to learn and perhaps become a person who will embrace his role as a submissive, as someone who needs control and who looks at other men in a different way – with respect and humility. Just because they are free men, not slaves.
I have experienced so much in such a short time and I am grateful for this, for your rewards, kind words but also for all the punishments, Sir. I understand bad behaviour needs to be reprimanded and corrected. Especially if it shows lack of respect for your superior.
All this really could not have been possible without honesty and open communication. I am glad I could always express my feelings and my fears. And being honest again I also think I need more control and discipline. I could not have written this a month ago, but today I know I really am someone who enjoys and needs being shown his place, being taught (lessons), even humiliated. This still scares me a bit, but I am willing to try even harder and test my limits, Sir.
My limits have so far always been respected and that is why I think I was also able to be honest about my deepest fantasies and wishes. Even admitting that I got excited during some really humiliating tasks – one is still to be completed as I am writing this, but I will do it. It was an order, it is something you want and it was me who messed up. So once again I will be a dirty boy, peeing outside feeling and thinking of what a slut I am. But I can not help it Sir.
I was thinking why do I get excited when being called names, peeing my underwear, humping the toilet (you may think it has become a routine, but it not just a simple and plain routine, something I am not paying attention to or that does not affect me anymore. It has just become something deeper and every time I hump the toilet, stare at the wall, smell my poo – open door allowing the smell to spread even outside the bathroom, pee on selected times I get reminded of who I am and who you are). I still can not find an answer, I think it is just who I am, really someone who craves, needs control, needs to understand and understands there are men around who deserve more respect.
I am at times still nervous, scared of what is yet to come. But I am now more assured you know better than me and that I can trust you. You got so deep in my brain that you are with me every single day, every hour – wearing briefs, not wearing them, being naked alone, or peeing at work sitting down. There is always you, no one else, not even fantasies about others. Yes, I check out someone (men only for the past month, like a complete pervert) but not really thinking about him. It just takes me back to you.
Imagining how you must smell and taste like, how it would be to suck on your moobs, to clean your feet, to feel your body, your hands touching me, perhaps hurting me. And to even see you react in real as i make a mistake - imagining how one of your boys must have felt as he made a grave mistake of trying to facefuck you and than pay for his mistake. Than remembering once again of how you look like, trying to remember the details on the photo. Your underwear, your body hair. What would you think of me in real?
I have to slowly finish now as i am writing on my tablet and it took me much more time than i expected and work is once again calling, so I am sorry Sir that in this essay I was not able to write more about my fantasies, if this is something you expected. I feel like it is so much more important at this stage to once again go through my feelings and emotions. Yes, they were sometimes mixed but they all end in feelings of gratitude and happiness that you were my first choice, that I did not make a mistake and search for someone else. Knowing you better now Sir, makes me realise why you do not deserve to be a second choice. You are First.
I could only repeat myself on and on, so once again thank you for having me, for teaching and moulding me, making me more aware of who I am (a slave, not a free person) and hopefully making me a person that brings you pleasure.
Thank you for reading this and thank you for everything you have done so far.

boy A

[little pet]

Very nice blog and very well written. Keep it up!

[slaveboy28]

Dear readers,

This will be a short report of my recent activities - real life has once again taken its toll. Perhaps it will also be a bit different as I will not go into many details, but I would just like to once again say a big thank you to my Sir, who has given me a chance of a very open conversation on Monday. It had to be earned tho and I was first sent on a short stroll with my nipple clamps on and was then edged as i was fucking myself on my butt plug (yes, it has become a routine now).The nipple clamps could not be seen but I still felt like everyone knows, everyone feels what a boy I have become and how I lost control of my useless little genitals.

Master than allowed me to express my wishes and fears and after a detailed discussion I was given new orders:

• loose weight by 1,5 kg in one week (it will be a big challenge but i will do my best and also try to increase my physical activity according to my real life schedule, so today i am about to do the my first set of wall push ups and other exercise.). Master recently added some more lines to be written as a reminder of my goal.
• reaffirmation of slavery - i am now adding this to my daily routine by standing naked for ten minutes, holding a tennis ball against the wall with my forehead or kneeling in the corner staring at the wall thinking of my journey and my Sir
• eat your next breakfast from a bowl like a dog, no hands, just to steady the bowl.

The last task was completed today - so extremely demeaning, so humiliating. I really felt like a dog as i tried to empty my bowl of yoghurt and cereals. It also made me once again realise what i have become. And this was and still is hard to process.

But I will try to do it today - staring at the wall just like I did yesterday. It may sound simple to you dear readers, but it is another hard test of strength as the feelings just keep returning. Like the wall stared back at me.

As always comments are welcomed.

Thank you.

boy A

[slaveboy28]

Dear readers,

Sir requested me to post another letter to him, so please consider this another chapter of my descent into slavery.

Thank you.

boy A

Dear Sir,

another difficult assignement writing an essay after such in depth conversation. Words still don’t come easy and i keep returning to our Mondays session (this was not written immediately after the session, but it still feels so intense, like we just spoke, Sir). For a brief second I felt like I have already said everything, but then again I know you have given me this task for a reason - to contemplate on what you said and what I told you (just like I am doing this every evening now, staring at the wall).
I was honest as always but perhaps not direct enough because I still find it hard to admit that every single time i see you login on I am awaiting your every word, your every comment and order with great anticipation and a mixture of fear and excitement. But not just that, much more, Sir.

And than came your words: “i came this morning, very hard and messy thinking about you, slave.” … “Another secret, you know I want to fuck you?”

I was mind blown - “he is thinking about me, he wants to fuck me, messy cum shot, hell”.

The biggest confirmation i received from you so far, Sir. (a specific reward, I must add, as the hole journey feels like a giant reward). I was in heaven and felt wanted, but than immediately put in my place - “a hole is a hole” - and I know i need to remind myself as well not to be overexcited or cocky, not to think to highly of me. Stay humble, breath, think.
Yes, Sir. A hole is a hole Sir and it is Masters choice, but Sir, if it only were my hole, Sir. My hole and body for your pleasure. For your manly, strong, hairy body. Me underneath your weight, crushed. Fucked. Yes Sir, fucked. My ass virginity taken, marked permanently and for ever. By you. A final reminder for the rest of my life.
I can not hide this any more Sir, i want to be fucked by you, used by you in real and i will try to do everything to make it happen, to please you. I will try harder, adjust my schedule if only you allowed me to visit you, Sir.

And yes, I would like to be more fuckable for you, so you could enjoy my body just as you want it Sir - hairless, lean, fit, with a peachy bum.
This will be extremely hard and now i feel like i have bitten a bit more than i can chew - i am so afraid to fail now, Sir. Not to loose weight. I can not be an overweight boy for you, who has spent so much time training me, guiding me, listening to me, my words and feelings.

Writing this still makes me feel like a complete slut, begging to be fucked, used and degraded even more. Like a slut in heat. But it comes not from excitement or my hard but useless little penis, but from long contemplation, from the time you have given me to write this. You really have awakened something inside of me, a big need for control and submission.

I do not know if this essay now makes things easier, or it just makes them so much harder? Did I get it of my chest or just embarrassed myself? I do not want you to think of me I am just another boy who just wants to get laid. It is so much more.

I am repeating myself now and no matter how much I try to focus, I am getting lost. It really is so hard to absorb.

This time I am so afraid of your reaction to my writing. Even more than after my first essay. It is perhaps not as long as you wanted, not well structured but it is, I think, the biggest admission I have made so far. And I understand this is something that needs to be discussed, something i am maybe not even completely ready for yet (i am glad there is still time for training), but it is honest. And I am aware of the limitation, of real life, of the work i still need to do… So please, Sir, please be patient with me and open just like you have been so far.

But he said “and yes it is”, so he must want it as well.

Or is it just me?

Thank you for reading, Sir.

[slaveboy28]

Dear readers,

my Master requested me to publish another essay I wrote to him about my feelings and recent session. You can find it in the second part of this update. But before that I would like to describe another event that has once again made me realise what I need and want.

I managed to find the courage and go to an adult store. Perhaps for you, experienced readers, this may sound very banal and simple, but for me a novice and a shy boy in general it was another challenge.
Upon kind encouragement from my Sir I stepped into a store where a young shop assistant greeted me and asked if I require any assistance. At first I just blushed and told him I will just take a look. He said “no problem, but do not hesitate to ask for help”. I think he was used to new customers and after taking a walk around the store, breathing heavily and feeling sweaty I approached him and in a really weak voice said the words I have never said before: “Excuse me, but I am a beginner in BDSM and my Master would like me to take a look”. I blushed of course - saying out loud those words, admitting I am a boy for the first to a real person. It was stressful, but the assistant just smiled and said: “of course, no problem, beginners need help and that is why I am here for”.
I think he liked the idea of a new customer and we went through some items and finally stopped at collars. He found it natural for a boy to wear one, so he helped me pick one and excused himself for not having an unpacked one to try it on. I am yet to try it but I hope it will fit me as I really like it, just like I appreciated the assistant being so open and comforting.
We went on and I said Sir would also like me to perhaps try a cock ring. And once again he approached me with more advice - I should get a plastic one: “to get the feeling it would be better as it is adjustable”. But than he added “it looks a bit funny but maybe my Master will like it”. I blushed again and just murmured something back. He did not intend to humiliate me, but that is how I felt, put to my place, reminded of my Sir.
And than the final challenge, something I actually wanted to try myself and I sort of just indicated at the leather flogger. One with a shiny metal handle. The assistant just nodded and said “it is good to have something if you make a mistake”. “Aaa…yes, thank you” was all i could say.
And off we went to the counter, where I paid for my new items. “Enjoy your evening” was the last thing before I left. It sounded honest and caring.
I have not yet tried any of the items, just looked at them, touched them and asked myself whether I did the right thing. My Master approved it and now I am waiting for his orders. He understood my concerns and real life interfering with my schedule so I was just given a set of new orders yesterday. I am once again to pee like a dog, plugged and practicing my aim. As you might imagine I failed again, not being able to pee at first that letting it go and making a mess. And a mess always needs to be cleaned up, so Sir sent me back to lick it all up. Yes, lick it! My dirty pee from the cold floor. I felt disgusted, degraded and dirty. Not even dogs lick their own pee. So extremely humiliating. So demeaning.
But it was what Sir ordered and I did not want to object, I just lapped up the puddle, trying to think of him and hope he will be pleased with my efforts.

I am now thinking how far I have come and what is yet to come. It is a hard question and I do not know if I can answer it now in full. I think I should just keep trying for Sir and let him decide and I will let you know of the progress. I hope there will be progress as tomorrow is weigh day and I am so afraid to see if i managed to achieve the goal Sir has set for me.

Thank you for reading and please be so kind to comment. I am open to criticism and any advice that can help me become a better boy. And I think experienced getdare members can provide advice - this would be very helpful.

boy A

Dear Sir,

our last session was for me another chapter in my journey to slavery, to becoming a boy. And another painful reminder of how much I need this Sir. No matter how low and humiliated I felt I wanted more and I could just not leave our conversation. But like I said before it was also a reminder of who my Master is - a person who now knows me so well that he knew exactly what buttons to push to make me feel even more submissive and degraded. And you really brought me to the verge of crying.
Why?
First being told to publish my previous essay - my first open statement of me wishing, needing to be fucked by you, to feel your cock inside me. And to let this be published, to let the whole getdare community now what I have become. I immediately felt dirty and sluty. But at the same time, deep inside me, I wanted them to know Sir, to know what great pain and pleasure you can bring to a green boy, exploring his deepest fantasies and wishes. Yes Sir, to make the getdare comunnity jealous of what I found: you.
And than you reminded me to “look at my smooth pubic area”. My useless dick was hard at that time, almost jumping with my heart rate. I felt betrayed by my small pathetic genitals, by my hornyness. My cock telling me “you like it, you are a slut, you are a fag”.
Even my ass felt empty, not being able to fill it up with my plug. Like a mind reader you knew this. You knew how much i needed to be plugged. It scared me. But you just kept going .. admit it boy, admit it boy…say it. Again this turmoil - admit what I really want and need, letting you know so directly. But not just admitting to it but asking for it, begging for it. Begging to be fucked.
Please fuck me Sir, I am yours to use as you see fit, Sir.
Please fuck me Sir, I am yours to use as you see fit, Sir.
It sounds easier now Sir to repeat this phrase, but than it felt like I have lost my last reminder of manhood. I gave you your ass Sir. I asked you to fuck me.
And than another slap in my face: “you are such a slutty slave boy, I bet you suck mens cock good too”. Although you knew how inexperienced I am Sir, I could just see myself sucking cocks. I was brought back to all the cubicles where I sat, where my naked sorry ass touched the toilet, the smells of men, shitting, pissing. I bet you sensed that, you could see in my perverted mind: “then you need more practice, maybe send you out to find a random, suck and go, my slutty boy”.
No.. no.. no.. I really am not like that Sir… I am not..
I was so torn apart, am I a slut, would I really do this, have I completely lost my dignity?
And than back to my virgin ass - I could just see you laugh above me, laughing at my body and an ass that no one has ever fucked before. I thought about being overweight, being to ugly to even get fucked by now and at the same time wishing that you would change that. To even.. once again you were right Sir… to cum in my ass.
Owned and fucked.
I was exposed completely, but you pushed further and I had to open my curtains, expose myself even more. To the whole world. Shaking by then, being so ashamed.
And than another final degradation… pee like a dog. Not a person, a dog! I got to the tub, nervous, naked, on all fours. It took some time before I could let it go. But I did.. soiling the tub, peeing like a dog. “Dogs have good aim, did you?” I…I could not even aim, not even pee like a good dog. The feeling of how I failed even at this task hit me as I felt my pee slowly getting cold on my leg. A dirty dog.
A bitch.
Broken.
Used.
I wanted to cry, but my sad little genitals loved it. And you knew that.
The worst part is that after writing this, after your gentle aftercare (a hot shower, nice clean underwear - the ones you chose, being able to poo like a person again), I want more. I need more. This was all I could think as I was staring at the wall, reflecting on everything.
How can this be?
And now here I am once again, once again in my same used underwear, back to pooing humping the toilet, facing the back wall.
Hoping I will not slack behind Sir.
It is an amazingly hard journey, a big emotional roller coaster and I really am lucky to have you. You who understand.
Will this be published? It is my Masters choice, it is your choice, Sir.

Thank you Sir.

[slaveboy28]

Dear readers,

last few days of my journey into slavery were emotionally very intense. There were so many new things for me and the slavery reaffirmation became a vital part of my daily routine. It focuses my mind and helps me process my feelings, fears and doubts. Not all as you will see. But let us go step by the step.
First an update on the gear I bought. “You chose well on your collar and flogger”, said my Master and decided it is time for me to try them both. And I did.
I always considered wearing a collar to be very humiliating, but when I put it on for the first time I felt good. It is hard to describe the feeling; I became even more aware of my nakedness, my submissive status but at the same time protected and closer to Sir. A constant reminder of my role, my duties and responsibilities.
Feeling the flogger for the first time was also quite an experience and I can only be thankful to Sir for his patience and guidance when he ordered me to apply my first swats. A very different kind of pain, stinging pain that gets worse after the stroke lands. A few more strokes and my sorry ass became a pink sorry ass. I hope it amused Sir as I really tried not to go easy. I have not yet felt the true floggers “rath” but I got an impression how much pain can such simple device cause.
The cock ring was a different story; when Sir saw it he immediately described it as a comical cock ring. I got played by the “helpful” assistant. Only when I showed it to my Master could I understand the true meaning of the assistant’s words: it looks a bit funny but maybe my Master will like it”. He did not and I felt like a complete idiot - tricked and imagining an evil grin on the assistant’s face.
But this was not the must humiliating thing that happened to me in the last few days.
I managed to reach my 1,5 kg weight loss goal (lost even a bit more but there is still lots that needs to go) and I was like a young puppy, wiggling his tail. I felt so happy and proud. Doing something good for my body but most of all for my Master, who clearly wants me to loose weight. And I so badly want to become more desirable, more fuckable for my Master. And that his words hit me: “I want you to cum for me on cam” - “what?, wow., huh..”. I got so excited, so happy and full of emotions. It was completely unexpected.
But than the cam failed. I got so nervous, trying to find some sort of a solution. What to do?
Then my cock failed me - in panic it got soft and I once again experienced what it is like to loose control.
I failed.
“OK, missed the chance to cum and orgasm” was all Sir said. I just nodded, feeling angry, ashamed, useless. I was so near to my useless genitals doing a manly function, shooting spunk not just pee but I failed. And this thought still has not left my mind. Such humiliation.
But Sir was understanding and gave me a different kind of reward - warm showers and new underwear for two days. Thank you Sir, thank you so much.
You must wonder, but don’t you want more? The answer is simple, no. What I want is to become better, to bring Sir more pleasure and not constant worries, so this is a huge reward and I really appreciate it.
But will I be able to do that; will I be able to make Sir proud? I want it so much but Sir’s next statement caught me completely off guard: “I have offered you to another Getdare master, for a session/task”. Did he really? Who? Is this just a mind trick? Is this person reading my blog? Why would he want a beginner like me, if only for one task? A boy who can not even cum?
Later that evening I posed a question to Sir: how do you feel about the fact that i have never asked you what your cock looks like? i can not quite explain, but it is something i do not dare to ask...it is not that i have fantasies about size, i don't even have a complete image thinking about it Sir... i think about it but not dare asking anything about it Sir.
And than Sir surprised me again - he sent me a picture of his hard and a little tied up cock. I can not explain my feelings, really not. The only thing I can write now is that I only want Sir, I want to be close to him, to suck his amazing hard cock, to lick his beautifully shaped cock head and his hairy balls, kiss his man feet, even drink his piss. His man piss. But I know it is up to him. It is he who decides.

And he decided I need to make another step forward in becoming a boy. One that will be extremely hard for me. I need to shave off my chest hair, something I was actually proud about my body. I know it must go but still… will I do it?
I hope, dear readers, I will be able to answer this question in my next instalment.

As always, thank you for reading, commenting and being part of my journey.

boy A

[slaveboy28]

Dear readers,

Thank you for reading my blog, commenting and even trying to take a huge step and starting your own journey into slavery. I wish all of you to find what I found in Sir.

Past few days were full of surprises and new experience. And for this I would first of all like to thank to my Master, who has been so supportive and honest. With his help and guidance I managed to learn a lot. But the biggest lesson I learned was the fact that I really have to be grateful I found him. I may be inexperienced but I know there are not many like him.

I was also reminded that becoming a boy is not just about loosing control of my small genitals, it is loosing control of my whole body. And this is not just a phrase. For me it has become a new reality. One that was explored further when Sir decided I need to make another step forward in becoming a boy. I was to shave my chest hair.
Perhaps this sounds simple for experienced subs, used to being hairless and smooth, but for me it was another challenge. But I did it and this is my first update having no chest hair. Feeling even more submissive, reminded of my position every single time I look in the mirror. And the strangest thing is, it feels good. It feels somehow natural. Sure, I may look even less like a man but I guess this is how it is supposed to be (no real man would ever dream of drinking piss and being humiliated and used). And Sir likes it which is a huge compliment and a reward in itself.

You may also be interested in what happened to me after Sir informed me that he offered me to another Getdare Master, for a session/task. It still is a painful experience which I did not want to share publicly at first (but was encouraged to do so by my Sir which, I think, also proves, what a respectable and intelligent person he is). I did this not because I was afraid, but because I try to keep in mind that some things just need time to develop (and a one time session probably very rarely allows anything to develop, apart from a short one time “satisfaction”) and in life sometimes not everything is what it seems at first sight. There are perhaps also moments in life that just do no turn up as they were supposed to.
I was offered to another Master (we will keep him anonymous for obvious reasons) and in my humble opinion I did almost my best. But I felt there was no instant connection and I am dealing more with a task setter than someone interested in my journey so far - for me this journey really is intense and important. There is nothing wrong with setting tasks but I was not prepared for it at that moment. I tried to obey his orders for some time but then just ran back to Sir. I needed him, I needed his words, his assurances and care he has offered me from the beginning.
In a way I let Sir down, I may also let Master to whom I was offered down. For this I am sorry but I also felt obliged to openly share my feelings to my Sir (yes, I really trust him!). Not immediately as I was really a wrack and could just run away to clear my head, but in an open, honest letter to him.
He understood what this session meant for me, understood why I reacted the way I did and why I felt he made a mistake. And like a true and sincere Master and a great person he apologised. This reassured me and reaffirmed my feelings that I found someone very special. And reminded me of how much I need and want him. Thank you for this, Sir.

He also said that no matter what, I should have tried harder. And as a way of reminding me of who I am, a slave, I was (plugged and collared) given a new order.
Edge.
I have edged before, but never so intensely and never on cam, guided by Sir, which made everything easier but at the same time more difficult.
I was plugged and collared when I received his first order: edge hard to 90%, no less, to the start of the "tingles" of cumming, but do not cum. Then count to 10, then edge again.
It felt good at first, but after a few edges it became much more than a simple task, much more than pleasuring myself. It was something deeper.
Doing it on cam, waiting for Sir’s instructions: go, count, go.. I was focusing so hard, afraid I will fail Sir as he was watching me, inspecting my moves. Left hand… right hand..go… 5 more… 4 more.. I was like a bitch in heat. Edging myself, not knowing what may I happen if I stroke too hard or to slow.
Another 10 fast pumps… and another…
3 more..
2 more…
I leaked at that time but felt no release. My useless cock twitching, begging for final release. It wanted to cum.
1 more…
Now cum!!
And cum I did…my ass squeezing the butt plug while my dick released my boy sperm. All over my belly, my smooth chest. I was allowed a mental orgasm as well as the physical release. And not just any kind of orgasm. A mind-blowing one, observed, guided and controlled by Sir.
This was another lesson for me (getting to know for the first time what pain and pleasure of edging really is) but also my reward after Master’s mistake and his sincere apology.
I really hope you understand what a bond this created - not because I was given a reward and an apology but because only strong Men (and Master is one of a few) are capable of doing something like this. Accepting their mistakes and caring for other people. This also presents a great responsibility for me - I need to try hard every single time and do better each day.
I was rewarded with my cum and I licked it with pride (it was a result of my Master’s work), making sure I swallow every single drop. There were just a few tiny droplets left that slowly dried on me and stayed there as a reminder of my session. Per my Master’s orders I did not shower afterwards or the next day, which you may find dirty but I was so happy I could be a dirty boy, reminded of my first edging session.
For me it was so intense I was completely exhausted, but I can only imagine what would have felt like if I were not allowed the final release. Or - and this is a better question - how intense such edging would be if it were Sir’s hand, not mine. His manly, strong hand. Will I ever get a chance of such experience? I crave for it…
And this whole experience is why I am trying to stick to my weight loss plan, of which I am daily reminded by writing lines. I slacked behind and Sir found a way to “motivate” me - no more easy lines. They must be written using my other, non dominate hand. Yes, Getdare users, I even lost control of my dominant hand…

But I want and need more …

Writing that I should be careful, as I already made another grave mistake. I soiled my (my Master’s!) briefs with my dirty boy poo. Not wiping enough. What a shame for a grown up person. And I will soon be shown that perhaps I am not actually a grown up. But more on this in one of the next updates.

Thank you, Sir.

Thank you all for your support and comments.

boy A

[slaveboy28]

Dear readers,

Todays update will perhaps not be “juicy” but I hope you read it and perhaps also comment and offer some advice, encouragement to a boy who is on a difficult but still exciting journey into slavery.

My last post ended with a confession. I soiled my Master’s briefs with my dirty boy poo. I soiled those clean, beautiful white boxer briefs which I cherish, appreciate and love so much. I wear them with pride as they are my Master’s property and my Master’s choice of clothing for me. Yes, they became special. And I soiled them.
I apologised to my Master, sent him a written apology (a copy of which can be found below) and he once again showed claws by appointing what I consider a very strict and harsh punishment. I had to buy adult diapers and I am to wear them for the next 7 days. Complete shock.
I first put them on yesterday while he was online. The feelings of shame, humiliation even degradation reappeared, as well of those of fear and doubt. After a short conversation Master left and I was stuck at home wearing a diaper. A diaper. 28 year old boy with a diaper. I was in turmoil, not knowing what to do. But I left it on and waited for my Master to return. Waited and waited, skipping my first pee window, my second pee window until I finally let it go. I could not hold it any more. I peed in my diaper. It was extremely humiliating and every possible insult rushed through my mind. I was devastated. And my Master still did not come online.
I got terrified, nervous, scared, used, dirty… Why? Why me?
At that point I could have just left but I did not, I did not even change my diaper. I left it on and waited. Waited for my Master to return. Until I had to go again, I just peed in my diaper. Filled it completely, soaked it as the nastiest, dirtiest person. Only than did I change and put on a fresh one.
And than Master came online. “Thats what you get for soiling MY underwear” was his first reaction and I knew I did something very wrong, something I should not do. I sensed there will be no mercy, no easy way out. “Just a simple wipe job, you cant do that! fucking useless”.
Shame. Deep shame. Before him I felt so small and tiny. Like a worm.
And at that time I did not even left the safety of my home.
He than reminded me of lines that I needed to finish and allowed me (for me what I am extremely grateful) to trade up to 2 days of the 7 days diapered, for no underwear, naked, but I get a good ass flogging instead. I excepted this with gratitude, although I am aware that this will be no gentle flogging.
I was still out of words, shocked and behind me is a terrible night full of fear. Even my slave reaffirmation did not calm me down completely. But in the morning when I woke up diapered I somehow knew I had to try and go out wearing it. Thankfully I could poo like a slave and not in a diaper. After my routine I went for a long walk both to experience the feeling of being diapered in public and to keep my weight under control. It was dreadful. I sweated and could feel my diaper becoming moist. Dirty slave boy. Fucking useless.
Each step I made was harder and I was so glad when I could finally come home. I did not pee and as I am writing this I am waiting for my window to once again soil my diaper.
But I did it and I think I learned another valuable lesson. It will be painfully hard to last till the day I am allowed to wear underwear or be naked. I also got the sense what it is like to be seriously punished, doing something that brings you no satisfaction, no excitement, something that completely fucks your brain. Just fear and humiliation.
I never tried something like this before and I would say wearing a diaper in public is what I consider a dislike. Not just a dislike but an extreme dislike. Is this my limit? I don’t think so (which scares and humiliates me even more) but it definitely is something that I would not try myself or ever wish to repeat. Something that completely disgusts me.
So why I am doing this? Because I really did not want to let my Master down. This may be hard to believe but I am really only doing this for him. It is not out of fear, it is out of respect. I would like him to understand what he means to me, how hard I am willing to try and also that I am able to accept his punishment. I do not want to moan and whine. I screwed up, it is my fault and my fault only. And I want, I need to do amends.

Please comment on my update as I would really like to get some feedback. Am i doing right? Have you experienced something like that before?

Thank you all.

Sir,
with this letter I would like to apologise for disrespecting your property - your clean, beautiful white boxer briefs which I cherish, appreciate and love so much. I wear them with pride as they are your property and your choice of clothing for a slave.
But I made a huge and extremely shameful mistake. I soiled them with my dirty slave poo when i did not wipe my sorry ass as needed and instructed. And I understand that this is inadmissible and also hardly believable for an adult. It must repulse you, Sir and I am sorry that you have to deal with a slave who can not even properly wipe his behind.
I was not careful and focused on one of your basic instructions which were repeated to me many times.
Being in a hurry is no excuse. I learned I should always put not only my Master but also his valued possessions first. The rest needs to wait.
In this stupid way, of which i am not proud, I disrespected your property and thus disrespected you. I failed as a slave.
I deeply regret my mistake which I never ever want to repeat again. Not only because I behaved as a filthy and lazy slave boy but because I showed lack of respect for your belongings. For something that brings me great pleasure and is always a source of a reward and your good will.
Please receive this text as a sincere and honest apology for failing once again. I will do my best to show you that I am learning, working hard to accept and pay for my mistakes but mostly to improve as a learning slave boy.
Lessons have to be learned, mistakes paid for. So in the end I would like to once again beg you for your mercy, beg you to please accept my words of apology. I am sorry for my pathetic and dirty failure.
Thank you very much for reading this and for teaching me.
I hope I am still worthy of your time,
boy A

boy A

[m55uk4younger]

Great blog, keep it up. I hope you enjoy your journey.
Only a few comments, shame after all your efforts.