Deny me ... (or, preferably, not)

[knorke]

So... I might have decided to take on the full duration; no safeties, no nothing; how bad can it possibly be? Very?

I was offered one guaranteed orgasm for every 10 edges I complete before my denial is up, but only counting from today on... and I'm at exactly 3 so far, so there's a chance I might not even get a single one. I'm not exactly sure this was the best idea, but it sounded like a fun way to challenge me & at least now I'll get a few edges done - which I mostly held off on, and/or did irregularly...

In the same breath, I was offered a full 24 hour reduction - if I wear my metal collar for the entire weekend: Starting after work on friday & ending on monday morning. Public's still very much a limit of mine, so I do take it off for leaving my apartment - I might leave it on when I go visit her tomorrow, but aside from that you'll not see me wear it. I had my hair cut today, and I'd probably have died from embarassment if I still had to wear the collar. I'll probably count that on monday, if I manage to stick with it. Since the collar's locked on with a screw, it's not like I'd lose it accidentally though

• Sleeping [-8 hours]
• Rolled a two [-2 hours]
• It's past 6 PM, and I've been up for over 12 hours at this point; of which I'll count 8 towards no touching, I was out shopping for a little while... [-2 hours]
• I wore my gag for a total of 40 minutes... [-8 hours]
• 10 of those were during corner time, which I did while also wearing clamps [-4 hours]
• Stumbling about on my heels wasn't particularly easy today. I sat down pretty early, with legs trembling, and took a bit to convince myself to actually just not sit in my kitchen all day. It feels like I'm stumbling more than actually properly walking about, but that's probably not very true. While at home, I spend the majority of time wearing the heels by now, and I'm used to them to a certain extent, but still struggling as well... I did 2x 3 hours, with a break of an hour. [-2x 6 hours]; and while I'm wearing them again as I'm writing this post, I can't count that towards any reduction yet...

27 days, 12 hours, 30 minutes.
3 edges.

Just five and a half days longer than I would have had to do... and I'm hoping to narrow it down, although 22 seems a tad on the impossible side... and I'm not allowed to reduce to less than that either way - so there's not much gained even if I did.

[Jaro]

I really appreciate you keeping us updated so well. Thank you!

I wish you all the best of luck in the rest of your ordeal. I'm sure you can do it!

[CSasha]

You are doing very well, knorke. Many thanks for all the reports. Just wanted to drop: they are read, ejoyed, and appreciated.

[knorke]

Originally Posted by Jaro

I really appreciate you keeping us updated so well. Thank you!

I wish you all the best of luck in the rest of your ordeal. I'm sure you can do it!

Thank you, I can only hope so. I hope you're not too disappointed I basically sleep every night nude?

Originally Posted by Cassandra

You are doing very well, knorke. Many thanks for all the reports. Just wanted to drop: they are read, ejoyed, and appreciated.

Thanks. I was a bit worried they would go unnoticed, there's not been many people posting aside from me, and I wouldn't want to drop dead from boredom or not being great at writing reports (sometimes).

[Jaro]

Originally Posted by knorke

Thank you, I can only hope so. I hope you're not too disappointed I basically sleep every night nude?

Disappointed that you sleep nude? Why? Nude is the best way if you ask me.

[knorke]

So it's been my second night (ever) of sleeping with the collar on - which is quite heavy, mind you, at about half a pound I'm always reminded of wearing it. I've occasionally been wearing it during play, but that's rarely been more than two or three hours at once. And right now, I'm at ~43ish hours past when I first put it on!

And I can definitively see why some claim that wearing collars makes them feel claustrophobic - I can always feel its presence. And since I had looked it up a little beforehand and saw a few pictures of collars that literally fit around the neck with no space inbetween.... I initially thought that the collar fits a little loosely - I can fit 2-3 fingers inbetween my neck and the collar... I've later found some posts that recommend not too tight of a fit, as they in particular had trouble sleeping depending on their neck position - hasn't been an issue for me, so I suppose it's fine enough...

It did wake me up in the middle of the night though - the o-ring is a removeable piece, and has no fixed place on the collar itself. Instead, I could just slide it around the length of the collar without turning it... and when sleeping, I don't particularly have control over where it ends up. I woke up around 5:50ish, hardly even able to focus on much, tired as fuck, merely because when I slept on my side I presumed I flipped over by 180 degrees, and had the ring slide down my collar and hit my neck - very gently, to be fair, but it was somehow also enough to stop me from sleeping. I managed to squeeze another three and a half hours of sleep

I'll count reductions later today.

[wewhoare]

The collar development and the edging deal;
new stuff, interesting, quite detailed reports,
including thoughts on their subjects, that go
past "often report minimums" - great! I join
the thanks above. ^^
And good luck, especially since you're going
to accept the "no safeties" upgrade, maybe.

[knorke]

Thanks for the kind words.

I'm not entirely sure how as to my final feelings about the collar yet - I've worn it since Friday, around 3 PM -- and it's 10 PM on Sunday now, and minus the 3 hours I had it off yesterday that means I'm at 48- no, 52 hours I've worn it this weekend. Wearing it for the last 29 hours without a single break... And while writing this, I'm in fact laying in bed, aroused, about to do an edge or two maybe; and I'm tugging on my collar every now and then, and cherish it a little, too, and definitively feel subby. It's a nice feeling, I'll admit - and yet, somehow it does feel heavier than yesterday, which's of course nonsense, but when I look back a few hours I barely even recall wearing it, or having much of an effect - and yet I feel what I wrote earlier is a similar. Its grasp isn't a presence I could ever really forget or ignore - not that I want to - and it does have a feeling of permanence to it...

It does get into my mind, just a little; maybe because wearing a collar as long isn't something I ever experienced before. Just which day of the weekend it is escaped my thoughts for a while, and when I looked at the clock just past 3 PM - I was confused, because somehow I still thought it was Saturday. It's blending together just a little, and I'm not entirely sure if I wore the gag today at all, for example...

For the purpose of the thread, I'll only count things I'm certain on, though;

• Sleeping [-8 hours]
• Rolled a three on a random die [-2 hours]
• Wore my heels for 9 hours today, and 4ish after yesterday's reduction post; only taking them off to sleep and eventually for cooking dinner today. [-4x 6 hours]
• I've essentially received a task to create PM dares, which I reckon y'all have seen by now - not that they're entirely trivial to send, but a little nuance helps to set them apart from the rest. I'm looking for suggestions, but make no promises whether or not I'll accept (m)any. [-3 hours]

And I think that's it. I remember wewhoare posted an edging dare a while back which I'll still want to attempt, I do actually need to get more edges done, eh.

25 days, 23 hours and 30 minutes.
3 edges.

[knorke]

So, just a very short update - apparently my internet decided that today's not the day, so I'm writing this on my phone.

Apparently the weather decided that, yeah, 5°C is good enough, and sleeping with an open window doesn't always help. 4:30 AM. Great. I grabbed a second blanket from my couch, cuddled up, and went to sleep for another hour, at which point I was feeling too warm... Awake probably isn't the term I'd currently use to describe myself, but at least I can pretend to for work's sake.

I did spend the better part of the last hour edging - taking my time with it, just a little, as I knew how much time I had left before work threatened to be more important... And got 9 edges done, which does nothing to take my mind off my denial. I really, really am looking forward to the end of my denial now, so much so that the mere thought makes me shiver with anticipation.

I have tken the collar off a few minutes past 7 AM, after having worn it for 38 hours without a break - or 61 hours total... And I was quite surprised by how warm it was, it certainly felt warmer than my neck, and while I did take a bath whilst wearing it, even that didn't seem just as warm - but I've also been buried under blankets, so maybe that's why.

And after so long - for me, anyway - just scratching my neck without a certain piece of rigid, unbending jewelry is... Well, what is it? I was going to say liberating, but really, it is no such thing.!I enjoyed wearing the collar, so it's simply "different", without any kind of judgment whether that's positive or negative. That's unlike cuffs for me in that respect, or gags, or my heels - where taking them off certainly freed me... But the collar by itself wasn't physically restrictive just for wearing it by itself (while it is often used with a leash or to tie me in actual sessions).

Minus 8 hours for spending the same amount of time naked, although not entirely asleep -and as mentioned a few posts back, 24 hours for a weekend's worth of time wearing a particular steel collar.

24 days, 15 hours and 30 minutes.
12 edges.

So. Damn. Close.

Alas, I actually need to get to work, since closing my eyes half way during this wasn't the best idea I ever had - I started writing this 40 minutes ago.

[CSasha]

Sorry you had a bad sleep or better kack of it.

Strange thing with the collar.

[wewhoare]

Originally Posted by knorke

I really, really am looking forward to the end of my denial now, so much so that the mere thought makes me shiver with anticipation.


But the collar by itself wasn't physically restrictive just for wearing it by itself.


24 days, 15 hours and 30 minutes.
12 edges.
So. Damn. Close.

That's great, it's cool to see you get to enjoy the denial the
right way! ^^ I hope sleep will get adjusted eventually and
won't be hindering your fun so much.

That's what's especially interesting about this your affair: it
had the strict function of being there to be felt non-stop. &:
now I shall ask how its absense is felt after some time now?

Tick-tock. Tick-tock. Can you feel the seconds
moving you towards freedom not so very fast?
Happy further edging (and I hope to hear how
my edging task you referred to recently goes,
eventually).

[knorke]

Off-Topic: I hate how getDare has this weird 'you need to press quick reply' thing, and you can't write a message up otherwise. I accidentally clicked a link, went back - and unlike on every other website, it was blank, obviously - I just spent half an hour writing something that nobody will ever read. Ugh. Excuse me being a little more brief than I would normally be; especially in the task report side of things.

I'll be honest - nothing about the denial really hinders my sleep much, neither does me wearing the collar at least for where today's concerned (and I did sleep another three and a half hours yesterday after the collar woke me up) - ; it's just a terrible idea to sleep with an open window when it's getting close to freezing outside - during the summer no less. Entirely my fault.

Speaking of the collar - I was contemplating its absence for about half an hour at work, and was curious if my colleagues would really mind, more so if I would not have the ring of o attached to it. I'm not sure if they really even know what it means to begin with, but there's a conversation I'm not willing to have. And even if, somehow, it came to be -- I do eat lunch in a public place with at least a few dozen people around at any time, and I do take a walk on my break, just to have more people see me. It's that part which, really, holds no appeal to me and just scares me.

It is bizarre to me that, while yesterday I was feeling the collar to weigh heavily and to be restrictive around my neck, today - wearing it exactly the same way, I think of no such thing, but rather marvel at how light it is (in comparison to... yesterday?), just proving once again that my head is a weird place where the laws of physics bend just for my imagination.

There's a limited amount of things I can even do to reduce my time of denial, actually - with Jessica's non-reducible day kept in mind, the bare minimum is 23 days - but I'm very much looking forward to the end of it all, to finally achieve that which some people here are even prohibited from mentioning, and... Meanwhile, there's edges to be done - a few at least, getting to 20 or 30 would be great. Kind as my domme is, she has offered me the option of extending my time (without the ability to reduce) by a minimum of two days, if I need longer to finish however many edges I need. Am I thus in a hurry to see my denial to its end yet? Not... quite? But not a single edge past the 'official' end of my time counts...

____________________

So I finished this edging task, as I had wanted. Putting the clamps on really made me want to reconsider my decision, with an audible 'oh fuck' for the first one I put on. They were a tad more painful to put on than I remembered, but I also hadn't touched them since.. two days? Yeah, not long ago, I'm not sure that even qualifies as an excuse -- but it wasn't too bad. And while it took a decent chunk of time to even get in the right mood, it took me 8 minutes and 13 seconds - minus the time to ensure my lack of vision, that would presumably be a little less than 8 minutes total.

What did I roll? A six - oh, fuck's sake. Either I'm awfully lucky or really really unlucky, and the second roll got me a two. Even... so I would have needed 12 minutes or more for an reduction, and got another four hours instead... Thanks, I guess? I'm not sure if I should be grateful or not - for the addition. The task was very much welcome.

____________________

While I'm about to remove my heels (for another -6 hours) and most likely my collar too, since I did count past reductions as of this morning already, here's where I'm at:

24 days, 13 hours and 30 minutes.
13 edges.

[CSasha]

You are getting forward to the end of the denial very well.

[knorke]

Originally Posted by Cassandra

You are getting forward to the end of the denial very well.

It's weird, I guess, but part of how my mind works (I can't explain why my mind works the way it does, I suspect it'll remain one of the unsolved mysteries for at least another ten minutes). I was feeling pretty needy right up until Saturday - which was June, and felt like it would be forever until my denial ends - and ever since, I've mostly considered it to be over soon - just a few days left vs. "ends next month". I'm looking forward to it, but it's a huge weight that's been lifted off my shoulders (unless you count the collar, in which case, nope, that's not gone anywhere).

[wewhoare]

That's an interesting insight, thanks
for sharing. & "a huge weight that's
been lifted" sounds good - I'm glad
it's so instead of being too harsh ...
^^
I enjoyed your report on my task.