Anonymous Advice

[Butterfly]

Anonymous AMA/Advice

If you have ever wanted to ask a question but were too shy or nervous to ask publicly, this is the thread for you!

Fill in this form, and I will answer it here anonymously. This means that I will post your question here and provide my opinion. This will then allow other getDare users to answer your question and provide their opinions as well.

[little pet]

It might be nice to compose a list here of experienced Doms and subs who are willing to give advice, when asked in a pm. If you also list their area of expertise, members can then ask the person they feel suit their question best.

[Blue Fox]

I think that this could become quite useful! :-)

[Butterfly]

What are some things you can recommend for someone looking to find play partners or a sub or Dom?

I wrote a blog here about ways to get noticed on getDare. I really do feel like the first step to finding a play partner online is to be active. The more you get out there, the more possibility there is of you meeting a play partner. Creating an ad is only one step. Talk in chat, respond to threads, write blogs ... be a contributing member to the community.

You also need to be open to opportunities that may come your way. If you are looking for a sub, maybe start by giving out dares to people in request threads, or talking to subs in chat. If you are looking for a Dom, ask for tasks and write good reports. If somebody has left a good impression or you feel like you may click, talk with them. Ask them if they might also be looking for something more than casual play.

Some things not to do ... don't message random people demanding that they play with you, don't spam chat everyday asking for a play partner without having a conversation, don't post one line ads or responses to other people's ads, don't try to steal people who are already in a relationship ...

Instead ...
*Write a detailed ad and link it in your signature
*Look through the ads and respond to people who you think will be a good fit. Make sure to answer all of the questions they may have asked.
*If you see somebody in the forums who interests you, read their profile and try to learn about them. Send a message and let them know you are interested. Get to know them.
*Respect No's and move on

My last piece of advice when trying to find a partner is to not give up. Just like dating, you may meet 100 people who are not a right match for you before finding somebody who just fits. You will know it when it happens and it is SO worth it!

Does anybody else have some advice??? Please comment below!

[sciencegal]

I know it can be discouraging because sometimes it takes quite a while to find someone that fits with you. In addition to what Butterfly has said, I think that if you can make your profile detailed, maybe write some blog entries, or anything that can help someone get an insight into who you are as a person and as a kinky person will help.

I know when I have looked in the past, the first thing I've done when someone responded to my ad was to check out their profile. Do they post a lot? Do they include useful information about themself? Can I tell anything about who they might be? All of these are things that I look for. I'm not talking about telling intimate details about yourself like identity, or anything like that. If I go to someone's profile and the only information I see if their gender, I usually move right along. My profile is not super detailed or anything, but I do try to include a few details about myself to show that I took the time to get to know the site.

If you have hobbies, mention those, even if it's just that you like reading comics or watching TV. It creates a talking point when someone wants to get to know you as a potential play partner, a way to break the ice.

You may not want to comment of post in a lot of threads, and that's okay. Having some outlet that lets others get a feel for who you may be is very useful. It separates you from the one-liners, and the people looking for a quick one-off session. It shows that you have substance and are worth the effort.

[Butterfly]

Originally Posted by sciencegal

I know it can be discouraging because sometimes it takes quite a while to find someone that fits with you. In addition to what Butterfly has said, I think that if you can make your profile detailed, maybe write some blog entries, or anything that can help someone get an insight into who you are as a person and as a kinky person will help.

I know when I have looked in the past, the first thing I've done when someone responded to my ad was to check out their profile. Do they post a lot? Do they include useful information about themself? Can I tell anything about who they might be? All of these are things that I look for. I'm not talking about telling intimate details about yourself like identity, or anything like that. If I go to someone's profile and the only information I see if their gender, I usually move right along. My profile is not super detailed or anything, but I do try to include a few details about myself to show that I took the time to get to know the site.

If you have hobbies, mention those, even if it's just that you like reading comics or watching TV. It creates a talking point when someone wants to get to know you as a potential play partner, a way to break the ice.

You may not want to comment of post in a lot of threads, and that's okay. Having some outlet that lets others get a feel for who you may be is very useful. It separates you from the one-liners, and the people looking for a quick one-off session. It shows that you have substance and are worth the effort.

This is exactly what I meant by get active and I wrote about it in my blog that I linked above. I think filling out your profile, uploading a photo and avatar, introducing yourself in a blog, or even just commenting on other people's blogs is a great way to get noticed. If you put some information in your signature and post, even in some lounge games, it gets people to start paying attention.

[Butterfly]

I received our first submission to the anonymous advice form today:

Originally Posted by Anonymous Asker #1

How weird and taboo is it to be into adult breastfeeding as a kink?

[Butterfly]

I received the following information in response to the question above:

HI- I saw the anon advice question. I can give some insight but I don't want it coming back to me (for obvious reasons). If you can post it under your name or anon that's great-

So- that being said -
adult breastfeeding/nursing/lactating as a kink falls one of two ways. It can fall under general breast play or it can fall under ANL with a focus of 'adult nursing relationship'. Either way you need to have a willing lactating female who has excess milk or isn't actively nursing her child/ren. The only reason this kink is not as active as some of the others is it can be very difficult to find a lactating partner. Breast play isn't weird or taboo. Nor is nipple play. ANR involves a great deal of trust and communication- just like any other intimate relationship. Some couples find nursing brings them closer together from the interdependency created by the behavior.

Here is an article from Rolling Stone Magazine (2016)
https://www.rollingstone.com/culture...eeding-w436234

[Butterfly]

I received another submission to the anonymous advice form today:

Originally Posted by Anonymous Asker #2

How do get my girlfriend to dom me if she isnt all that easy to convince to try new or "exotic" sexual things?

[poetrylover828]

How do get my girlfriend to dom me if she isnt all that easy to convince to try new or "exotic" sexual things?

Well you need to communicate. Sit down clothes on no sex or play going to happen and talk about what you would like/need in bed. Maybe show her getdare or you can check out fetlife (they have in my opinion a lot more information though you have to look a little harder). If after talking it through a couple of times she still isn't into it then you have a choice to make. Do you need the kink to be fully happy with her or is it something you can live without? If you need it, do you need to talk to her about having a play partner outside the relationship or do you need to tell her you aren't compatible and move on for yourself? I hope that you can get her to talk and work it out, but there is always the chance of you leaving for your longterm happiness.

[AbusiveMaster]

For some reason I posted advice in another thread and it ended up here, so ignore this post entirely.