First submissive experience

[dragonheart]

Hi!
I’m really interested in the master/sub section of this website but I’m also nervous. I thought I would put some questions to those who have used the section.

When/how did you discover that you are submissive?
What did you do to develop that?
What was it like have your first master/mistress or even sub?
What do you look for in a master/mistress?
What do they look for in a sub?
How do you know if/when you are ready to enter into a sub/master relationship?
How do you find out your limits/likes/interests/expectations?

Any advice or suggestions would really help me. I’m new to all of this and want to prepare as best as I can.

[little pet]

Hi, welcome to getDare :-)

I knew I was submissive at a very early age (not that I knew the word). I always drew pictures of women being kidnapped and tied up. I tied my Barbies up and later, myself.

When I was around 15, we got internet at home, and I explored every inch of bdsm I could find.
I watched movies and read a great deal. That’s when I learned the word “submissive”, and that’s what I am.
Throughout relationships I have tried to explore my submissive side, but I’ve never really found a partner who was really into it...

Until... I joined getDare, almost 2 years ago. (I didn’t find out about the site until then.)
I started to play in a few threads, and made myself some pm dares. One of them was cornertime. Within 2 days, I got a message from Sir Sam, giving me a creative corner time dare and to this day, he is still my owner.
He sounded so masterly and strict, and it turned me on very much. During our first chats, he started to humiliate me a little, make me do painful tasks, make me feel really small.
But he was also respectful and very considerate of my real life. I wasn’t used to being treated that way, but at that instant, I knew that that was what I longed for.

So, that is basically what I want in a bdsm relationship. Mutual respect. But also a very clear hierarchy during play.
I think I can speak for my owner if I say that that is also what he looks for in his sub.

I wouldn’t worry too much about being ready. Just start to participate in some threads, interact with people, make some pm dares for yourself.
If someone comes along, start at the beginning. Test if things work for you.
You’ll develop your likes and limits as you are playing. They will keep evolving over time.

Have fun!

[dragonheart]

Thanks for the advice little pet! I really appreciate it. So far it seems like this is a really great community with helpful people. I guess I’ll stop worrying so much about being ready and focused more on getting involved.

[SlaveLeia147]

When/how did you discover that you are submissive? I didn't know there was a term for it. I didn't really know about this "world" until long after I had the desires. But, in terms of "official," it's been about 4-5 years.
What did you do to develop that? I started online, I plugged, I experimented, I read, I studied, I learned what works best for me.
What was it like have your first master/mistress or even sub? I was so enthralled by him, but he was an asshole. He didn't care about me, but he taught me much.
What do you look for in a master/mistress? I want someone firm but playful. I want to submit but I still want the freedom to be me.
What do they look for in a sub? So far, it hasn't been me.
How do you know if/when you are ready to enter into a sub/master relationship? It takes more than just the naive consent I gave my first Master.
How do you find out your limits/likes/interests/expectations? I experimented and learned as I went along.

[Vailas]

When/how did you discover that you are submissive?
What did you do to develop that?

I'll answer these two together. I started out just knowing I liked to be tied up. Even younger teens I was fantasizing about being kidnapped or being a damsel I saw on tv.
Then I got the internet and found irc channels and erotica. Reading a lot of bondage stories and eventually stumbling on mature irc channels got me started.

What was it like have your first master/mistress or even sub?
It was amazing for me. My first real Master was my first ex, he was a great guy though he knew about as much as me when it came to being a master.

What do you look for in a master/mistress?
What do they look for in a sub?
This is the same question to me I think. For me and someone I look for the master/sub dynamic is a switch. I'm looking for someone who can reconginze that when we're playing it's all about doing what we enjoy most. And then when we aren't playing we can be friends and lovers. The 100% up time relationships just don't work for me.

How do you know if/when you are ready to enter into a sub/master relationship?
The same way as any relationship for me I guess. The idea of master/sub is so intertwined with just a romantic relationship I don't think I could do vanilla.

How do you find out your limits/likes/interests/expectations?
This! I'm taking dares and exploring truths on here and reading more stories to experiment. If I don't like it it's safe as I can make it anyway.

Any advice or suggestions would really help me. I’m new to all of this and want to prepare as best as I can.
More than anything keep yourself safe! It's easy to get into toxic, abusive, or just bad relationships when you're involving bdsm and consent to do kinkier things.

[hererain]

When/how did you discover that you are submissive?
I discovered that I enjoyed dreams in which I was forced to be naked and assume humiliating position, I was around twelve I think. I also figured out that I liked to daydream about being a slave being told what to do and given humiliating tasks. I didn't know any better and I tried to suppress them (I thought those fantasies were wrong for some reason). It took me maybe 4-5 years (and internet access) to understand that it was a need I could fulfill happily with other people and there was nothing to be ashamed of.

What did you do to develop that?
You mean like acting on it? Online interactions at the moment, I have toys, rules I need to follow, sometimes I roleplay when doing chores. It's difficult for me to purse relationship in IRL at the moment.

How do you find out your limits/likes/interests/expectations?
I like to experiment: I look for things to try online, I give them a try and take notes about what I liked about them, what I didn't, how I could have enjoyed them more. Sometimes it turns out great, sometimes it doesn't but I always learn something about myself.

[kurious kat]

Like the others, I was probably always submissive (all those innocent childhood moments!) But I really discovered it as a relationship component just before college, when someone pinned me down in a tickle fight. The strength of my reaction to that surprised me, and made me want to explore further.

Articles and conversations online helped me figure out my limits & interests, as well as experiment with different forms of submission. At first, I was strictly interested in bondage, or maybe a little light hand-spanking. Over time, I felt more curiosity about certain things, and so my interests shifted as I explored gradually.

Finally finding someone in person who shared those interests felt like dating for the first time again. With my first D/s partner, we met at school, and subbing felt so good that I often had trouble snapping out of it (even though my inability to transition back to daily life at the end of the scene was a problem, and I knew it was unfair to him). We both wanted to play all the time (a phenomenon commonly known as "sub frenzy"), and even though we didn't, we often wished we could casually discuss our M/s relationship the way other people talked about their bfs & gfs. We became a couple fast; we had a lot of kink overlap, and a great D/s dynamic that got us through a couple years despite some problems and distance. Unfortunately, we didn't have as much personality or conflict-resolution overlap -- which is an important reminder that the kink connection can be incredibly good, but the relationship may still be bad for you overall.

When choosing a new partner, I tend to look for a devious mind, someone who likes dominance for its own sake (ie: not just as a route to sex), who has kinks that sync up well with mine (this can be surprisingly hard to find, but is worth waiting for), and who is generally a compassionate, respectful, and intelligent person. While I don't know for sure, I always assume my partners seek the same: someone intelligent, playful, who's able to laugh, have fun, and run their own life, while being willing to trust, try new things, and cede control as desired. As I've grown more experienced, I've realized that my partners also appreciate a sub who speaks up for themselves -- not to question their dominance, per se, but rather to inform the dominant of things they may not be aware of (potential trouble spots, etc.), as well as to bring new ideas/inspiration into the dynamic. As much as people fantasize about training a sub to "perfect obedience," the fun for both parties is rarely in in arbitrary, effortless concession, but rather the challenge of moving forward together, watching the sub respond to new and difficult things.

I'd like to say that I have some secret for making sure I'm ready to enter a sub/master relationship, but I'm not convinced that I actually do. As in vanilla dating, each of my lasting relationships has been established fairly quickly once I met the right person. I definitely met each of them on a casual level beforehand (chatting or flirting several times, seeing them interact with others, etc.), but when we started actually playing, I'd find myself drawn to that person in particular, even if other flirting partners were around. Regardless of whether it became official or not, I think I've always known if I could sub to someone on a deeper level within just a couple weeks of our first play interaction.

[sir sam]

Let me answer this as a dom. My pet already answered And i agree with all she said. Let me add a bit on it.

When/how did you discover that you are submissive?
I discovered my dom preference around 12...13. I just noticed I liked the thought of girls suffering for me.

What did you do to develop that?
I did not really develop it. It just kept returning.

What was it like have your first master/mistress or even sub?
I have my pet. She described how I found her. I had few other online subs before that. Most for about 2 weeks. I have my pet for almost 2 years now. In all cases the split was friendly, patches did just separate.
I would advice to take pm-dares if your looking. I used pm-dares a lot, not only for my pet, and not only for subs that became my sub. The good is that it provides a low threshold way of approaching. As a dom one can be sure to approach appropriate. It allows to play when not in a relationship. It also shows clearly your interpretation and level of the likes you claim.

What do you look for in a master/mistress?
Not looking

What do they look for in a sub?
I thought about this question. Strangely.. “not much”.
Really the one and only requirement is honesty and trust ability.
In addition,... one must have a “click”. That is just like in a vanilla relationship.
The point...
There are no good or bad subs.
Sub is not a profession you can be “good at”.
You have “some level” of submissive feeling. A good dom would like to explore that.
Personally I,like to be challenged. I like a bratty sub, my pet is bratty. Bratty subs simply give more to dom at. But doms are humans. Every dom is different.


How do you know if/when you are ready to enter into a sub/master relationship?
The answer is probably in the above. You are ready if you are ready for a relationship. You are probably not ready for a 24/7 extremely restricted relationship. But if you have some level of submissive feelings and are ready for a relationship, you are ready to explore THAT level of your submissiveness.
You may not be ready for anything beyond and a dom that demands that is not a good dom. It is probably a troll.

How do you find out your limits/likes/interests/expectations?
Try... but try slowly.
Talk.
Talk a lot with your dom (if you have), or just with people on this site.
Try if you dare, don’t if you don’t.
I talk a lot with my pet. Not only about kink. I think we talk 50% about kink and 50% about rl fun stuff.
We always talk about session we did or will do.
I like to keep my pet in the dark about what is to come, but I always make sure that what I have in mind will fit her.
Sometimes it is something we discussed weeks before. Sometimes I slip questions in a conversation without her knowing I have something in mind (she will be shocked reading this )

Any advice or suggestions would really help me. I’m new to all of this and want to prepare as best as I can.
Advices.... yes..
1/ go slow. Don’t rush. You have a life in front of you. A too intense session can seriously hurt you (especially psychological!!). A too weak session is likely enjoyable and makes you long for more. That’s definitely better.
Although I push my pet, I always go in steps. A first implement is always tested with just a few strokes for example.
2/ do nothing you don’t want. Don’t let any “self acclaimed” dom trick you into something you don’t want. Submissiveness shall be a pleasure. If it isn’t you are abused. The sad thing is that the desire for submissiveness makes you vulnerable for abuse. You will not have to worry for that if you found a good dom, but you will,know that only after a while. Be careful! Psychological damage can be easily done. Go slow.
3/ be careful with pictures. This is the internet. Don’t believe that your a bad sub if you don’t share.

[tarheel52]

When/how did you discover that you are submissive?
I started playing online cam strip games with forfeits. I enjoyed losing and performing the forfeits on cam more than I enjoyed winning and watching. But the time I realized I am fully submissive, I had been playing cam forfeit games with the same guy for about 30 minutes. We played a final game and the loser was the winners cam slave for one hour. I lost (kinda on purpose). I was already naked and was on cam. He made me kneel in front of the camera and made me edge about 20 times at his demand over that hour. At the end of the hour he instructed me to cum, but when I started cumming I had to put my hands behind my head. I was 25 and didn’t know what a ruined orgasm was until this time. But the rush that I got kneeling and edging for the winner, getting the release of cumming, but no pleasure with my ruined orgasm, I knew I was 100% submissive.

What did you do to develop that?
I continued playing games, often losing. Until I met Doms that I could naturally be submissive for

What was it like have your first master/mistress or even sub?
It was amazing having my first Master. Being at his control (online) and pleasing him regularly was everything I hoped for as a sub.

What do you look for in a master/mistress?
Someone who knows what they want and provides clear instruction

What do they look for in a sub?
A sub who knows how to please

How do you know if/when you are ready to enter into a sub/master relationship?
As a sub, you must have the time and willingness to meet with your Master. Your Master will be looking for pleasure and you must provide that when instructed

How do you find out your limits/likes/interests/expectations?
Talk about them. If your Master requests something that may push your limits, talk about it. Maybe adjust the task and as a sub be willing to work with your Master too. I developed a liking for piss and cum thanks to a previous Master.

Any advice or suggestions would really help me. I’m new to all of this and want to prepare as best as I can.
be open. And as a sub, remember that your Master’s pleasure is number one. Your pleasure should come from pleasing your Master. And if you perform as a good sub, your Master should reward you

[alex_af1996]

When/how did you discover that you are submissive?
When reading stuff online you realise that you either like the idea of doing it to someone or it happening to you
What did you do to develop that?
Online play and reading about it all
What was it like have your first master/mistress or even sub?
My first mistress was fun. She would play with me online. I enjoyed doing stuff for her
What do you look for in a master/mistress?
Someone to cater needs and wants but also will help with soft limits to see if it’s a hard limit or you may consider it
What do they look for in a sub?
Loyalty, respectfulness, communication, and willingness
How do you know if/when you are ready to enter into a sub/master relationship?
You either enjoy doing it for them or you don’t
How do you find out your limits/likes/interests/expectations?
Trial and error. Nothing is a hard limit until you truly think about it or go to do it and realise it’s not for you, building up steps for limits also helps. Small goals and if it’s not for you it’s not for you
It’s all about you and what you do and don’t like

[Total Sub Girl]

Hey there, not sure how much I can add with all the well reasoned and insightful answers that have already been given but I will add to the rest because if it does help all the better.

When/how did you discover that you are submissive?
What did you do to develop that?
Like the others I am sure I always was, the awkward difficulty I faced in coming to terms with who I am is that I had a lot to face. What I mean is that I did not have a stable childhood and faced neglect and other issues with my mother and my father had been absent from around the time I was 7. By the time I was turning 9 I was already struggling with multiple mental health issues due in large part to the conditions at home, the lack of my father (I also felt it was my fault he had left) and being bullied at school and on top of all of that I was also beginning to struggle with my gender identity as by that point I had known I had dysphoria around that for a few years but knew my mother would not be accepting which I was right about. My first attempted social transition was when I was 9 and a half and could not ignore it any longer, my mother was the driving force behind me detransitioning again.

I say all this because it was between all of this that I first started exploring my submissive side. The obvious problem being that is a lot for a 9 year old to face when a 9 year old is supposed to be learning how to manage emotions so unsurprisingly the feelings and thoughts all got mixed into each other. The result was me being confused into my late teen years (about 17) what exactly was going on. I would become confused when my mother would spank me for bad behaviour because I would enjoy it dispute the pain leading to me taunting her every time she did to extend it (she stopped using that method by the time I was 10 clearly seeing it wasn't working) Other punishments would give me similar feelings. It was also around this time of 9 I was binding myself with string or whatever else I could get. The problem was that with all the issues I faced I thought it was just because I was broken, just another mental health thing and I didn't have anyone i could talk with about it.

It wasn't till I was about 17 I started separating all of those issues when I finally left the house and lived alone and so felt I could finally just be, even then I didn't truly accept it till I was about 20 by then I had started dealing with the trauma of my childhood and had once again started to face my gender dysphoria again and so had a better handle on what was causing what. As a result I wouldn't say I truly developed my submissive side not really, it was more that I accepted that it was part of me and that it is OK good even.

What was it like have your first master/mistress or even sub?
I have never really had a Dom of any gender, my ex and I did explore together while we were together but there were 2 problems the first was that she was technically vanilla and so was not really interested in that type of relationship, the second was that the relationship turned toxic and abusive. So this is an experience I still have yet to experience.

What do you look for in a master/mistress?
I guess the same as any relationships, respect, trust and a true bond. The only real difference being that I am also looking for someone who has a similar interest in kinks. Someone who understands my behaviours and enjoys exploring them with me as I explore theirs with them, someone who understands that there are times i am a bit bratty and will refuse Commands and dousent get upset about it or see it as disrespect and so will adjust the punishment accordingly. But most importantly for me someone who understands and accepts the trauma and struggles of my past that have left scars on me to this day and can work around that giving me the care I need when that is what is needed.

What do they look for in a sub?
N/A to me

How do you know if/when you are ready to enter into a sub/master relationship?
How do you find out your limits/likes/interests/expectations?
Both of these have similar answers, you feel it out, start small, always keep safety in mind, if something feels right or good explore it, if something feels off or bad take a step back its never a bad thing to step back and think things through with a clear head. Just take your time and you will find your way

Any advice or suggestions would really help me. I’m new to all of this and want to prepare as best as I can.
Best advice i can give is this (I have already said some but never hurts to repeat) safety should always come first, try not to decide to do something new when aroused (wait till you have calmed down and see if you still want to try it then)
it's easy to get in over your head when aroused, and finally always trust your feelings if you don't feel safe stop there is no shame in being safe

[Sub_Liv]

So many interesting responses on here already...I will add some of my own thoughts...

When/how did you discover that you are submissive? As others have said, not sure I really discovered it as such. It just sort or came to me. Privately in my early teens I'd always enjoyed thoughts of being tied up and having people do what they want to me. However I had pretty much dismissed it as being all fantasy. When I got into my first relationship he very playfully (and lightly) spanked my bum as a joke and it was such a rush. I was turned on instantly. That was the first time I took it seriously as something to explore
What did you do to develop that? Lots of reading online and then I accidentally (this is the truth I swear!!!) stumbled across 50 Shaded of Grey. I'm sure we all have lots of opinions about that book but it did open my thoughts (and lots of conversations)
What was it like have your first master/mistress or even sub? At first not good. It's quite hard to think of yourself as a sub but also respecting your own limits. That used to make me panic a lot. Then I started to view it more as I would "real life" sex in that of course you can withdraw consent at any time and set hard limits and have safewords. Ignore anyone who thinks that doesn't apply just because your subbing.
What do you look for in a master/mistress?Master / Mistress - someone who respects boundaries, respects that I have a job and a social life to attend to. Someone I can be honest with. Someone I click with. Similar interests in kink of course does help too.
What do they look for in a sub? Not sure but I think most want a good connection and honesty but people have different preferences over whether they like subs to be bratty etc
How do you know if/when you are ready to enter into a sub/master relationship? For me it gets to the point where I miss that in my life. I crave the feeling of pleasing someone and wanting them to control my pleasure.
How do you find out your limits/likes/interests/expectations? Trying things out. Lots of reading and small play sessions online. Brinkng new things up in a real life relationship, if you have one. There is probably some stuff that you have a visceral "no" to - ie illegal so you can rule those out but otherwise keeping an open mind

[rhl]

My first experience? I was sitting in front of a friend's computer, trying to get the printer working. He stands next to me, undoes his pants, drops his underwear, holds his dick in front of my face, and says, you know you want to. I opened my mouth, worked his rod, and swallowed his cream. Of course I wanted it. I didn't have the guys to asked.

[tarheel52]

When/how did you discover that you are submissive?
I was 25 and played a lot of games with loser forfeits online. After playing a few games with the same guy, a forfeit was to be the winner’s cam slave for an hour. My opponent won the game. I got on cam and was instructed to get naked and on my knees. A position I remained in for the whole hour. I was to edge at his command. Over the hour I edged over 20 times.

When the hour was almost over and he instructed me to cum, I was to put my hands behind my head as soon as I started cumming. I wasn’t familiar with ruined orgasms until then. I started cumming, put my hands behind my head and my cock twitched as I got the release of cumming but got no pleasure from the orgasm. He came at the same time and my pleasure was received from obeying rules and helping him reach orgasm. I learned that I preferred to give others pleasure over having my own (unless I’m rewarded of course).

What did you do to develop that?
I continued playing games with forfeits so I sometimes was giving the tasks. But I have since moved away from games and accept tasks from Doms directly.

What was it like have your first master/mistress or even sub?
It was a great experience overall. I learned a lot about myself. I opened to more kinks, learning slowly with the help of my Master.

What do you look for in a master/mistress?
Understanding. I have limits and dislikes. But if there is something you’re into, I may try it if we work into it slowly. I’m also not available 24/7, but am all yours when I am.

What do they look for in a sub?
Openness. Not ignoring limits, but being pushed a little. The openness to learn more about yourself while obeying.

How do you know if/when you are ready to enter into a sub/master relationship?
Availability and willing to be pushed a little. Like I said I’m not available all the time now, but as a sub, you should be available for your Master’s pleasure. Agree on a schedule and and be open.

How do you find out your limits/likes/interests/expectations?

Likes: What do you do on your own that you get pleasure and enjoyment out of? What really turns you on?
Dislikes: What are you uncomfortable with but might be willing to try if the situation is right?
Limits: What are you not willing to try? What makes you so uncomfortable you have no interest in it?

These don’t have to be set in stone and can move! I was in a long term online D/s relationship that my Master liked cum eating and pee drinking. Over time working with that Master, those moved from my dislikes and are now likes.


Any advice or suggestions would really help me. I’m new to all of this and want to prepare as best as I can.
Give it a try! If you get uncomfortable say something to the Dom you are chatting with. They should be open to backing off and moving slowly to help you find your sub self