[Fiction] A 'special' relationship.

[sydneyyy93]

Warning: This story is going to be in detail 100% it will talk about what happens in their relationship and what happens to girls at her age. And girls you know what im talking about.

Characters:
Crystal- (An 11 year old orphan. She is very shy, Jasons adopted daughter.)
Jason- (A 20 year old man. He is Crystals adopted father.)

Chapter 1

Jason was in his almost adopted daughters bedroom. He was fixing it up for her. He made her bed and put all the furniture in her room. He was just finishing up and was getting ready to go get her. He stepped out of the house, locking the door. He walked to his car and got in. He drove up to the adoption Agency. He looked over at Crystal and waved to her. She was excited to see him and ran to him and hugged him. He has been coming in and seeing her for her anger problems and more. She somehow convinced him to adopt her. She looked up at ahim she was about 5'0. He knelt down and hugged her. "Ill be done in about an hour ok Sweetie." She smiled at him a tear coming down her cheek. "Ok Jason." He wiped her tear away and kissed her on her forehead. "Ill be back soon ok dear you just wait im not leaving here without you!" She smiled up at him and ran off to play with her friends. He walked into the office.

[25rob1985]

a short first chapter but sounds like its going to be good do write more

[sydneyyy93]

Originally Posted by sydneyyy93

Warning: This story is going to be in detail 100% it will talk about what happens in their relationship and what happens to girls at her age. And girls you know what im talking about.

Characters:
Crystal- (An 11 year old orphan. She is very shy, Jasons adopted daughter.)
Jason- (A 20 year old man. He is Crystals adopted father.)

Chapter 1

Jason was in his almost adopted daughters bedroom. He was fixing it up for her. He made her bed and put all the furniture in her room. He was just finishing up and was getting ready to go get her. He stepped out of the house, locking the door. He walked to his car and got in. He drove up to the adoption Agency. He looked over at Crystal and waved to her. She was excited to see him and ran to him and hugged him. He has been coming in and seeing her for her anger problems and more. She somehow convinced him to adopt her. She looked up at ahim she was about 5'0. He knelt down and hugged her. "Ill be done in about an hour ok Sweetie." She smiled at him a tear coming down her cheek. "Ok Jason." He wiped her tear away and kissed her on her forehead. "Ill be back soon ok dear you just wait im not leaving here without you!" She smiled up at him and ran off to play with her friends. He walked into the office.

Chapter 2

After being in the office for about 30 minutes. He had white papers in his hand and motioned for Crystal to come to him. He knelt down as Crystal came running to him her long blonde hair flowing behind her she had a huge smile on her face. He picked her up hugging her. Crystal wrapped her legs around him tightly aswell as her arms around his neck. "So Jason???" She smiled at him. "Your mine..." He smiled back at her and kissed her on her forehead. He carried her out to the car and put her in the passanger side. He went around and got into the drivers side and drove off to the house. About 20 minutes later they arrived at the house. Crystal got out of the car amazed. "Do you like it dear?" He said smiling as he looked around. "I love it daddy." She blushed as she said 'daddy'. She went up to the door and pushed the door open. She was amazed at what she seen.

[rdcottman]

keep up the great work, your storys are very interesting. but, do you think you could make the chapters a bit longer?

[sydneyyy93]

Originally Posted by sydneyyy93

Warning: This story is going to be in detail 100% it will talk about what happens in their relationship and what happens to girls at her age. And girls you know what im talking about.

Characters:
Crystal- (An 11 year old orphan. She is very shy, Jasons adopted daughter.)
Jason- (A 20 year old man. He is Crystals adopted father.)

Chapter 1

Jason was in his almost adopted daughters bedroom. He was fixing it up for her. He made her bed and put all the furniture in her room. He was just finishing up and was getting ready to go get her. He stepped out of the house, locking the door. He walked to his car and got in. He drove up to the adoption Agency. He looked over at Crystal and waved to her. She was excited to see him and ran to him and hugged him. He has been coming in and seeing her for her anger problems and more. She somehow convinced him to adopt her. She looked up at ahim she was about 5'0. He knelt down and hugged her. "Ill be done in about an hour ok Sweetie." She smiled at him a tear coming down her cheek. "Ok Jason." He wiped her tear away and kissed her on her forehead. "Ill be back soon ok dear you just wait im not leaving here without you!" She smiled up at him and ran off to play with her friends. He walked into the office.

Originally Posted by sydneyyy93

Chapter 2

After being in the office for about 30 minutes. He had white papers in his hand and motioned for Crystal to come to him. He knelt down as Crystal came running to him her long blonde hair flowing behind her she had a huge smile on her face. He picked her up hugging her. Crystal wrapped her legs around him tightly aswell as her arms around his neck. "So Jason???" She smiled at him. "Your mine..." He smiled back at her and kissed her on her forehead. He carried her out to the car and put her in the passanger side. He went around and got into the drivers side and drove off to the house. About 20 minutes later they arrived at the house. Crystal got out of the car amazed. "Do you like it dear?" He said smiling as he looked around. "I love it daddy." She blushed as she said 'daddy'. She went up to the door and pushed the door open. She was amazed at what she seen.

Chapter 3

To Crystals surprise the house was as beautiful on the inside as it was on the outside. The walls were white with a forest light green border. She couldnt believe her eyes. She walked into the kitchen it was so beautiful and white and CLEAN!!!. She then walked back into the livingroom and stood him standing there. "Your house is so beautiful." He smiled at her and took her hand. "You have yet to see your bedroom." He walked her up to her room and went to the right. "My room is down the left ok so if you need anything during the nite you can come and ask me." She smiled up at him as they stood infront of her door. Her name was already carved into the door. She opened the door. Her walls where painted a lime green, the borders where a dark purple. Her two favorite colors. She turned to face her bed, it was huge with white sheets she looked above her bed to see her name. She climbed on her bed and wrapped her arms tightly around his neck. "Thank you so much!" She laid her head on his shoulder almost crying. "Thats not all Sweetie." He held her as he walked over to her closet and stood infront of it. "Remember when i measured you to see what size clothes youd wear?" She nodded looking at him. He pushed her closet door open it was completely full of clothes. "Oh my goodness...." She put her hands over her mouth. "You didnt have to....." She started to cry and burried her face into him. He laid her down on her bed and sat next to her. "This is your house now im your daddy.." She smiled at him as he kissed her forehead. "I love you daddy." She said with a smile. "I love you 2 sweetheart."

[the doc]

haha as i guess you want replys here to ur gettin it from me haha
its a nice story i just miss some excitement but i understand that this story needs some building but still

[sydneyyy93]

Originally Posted by the doc

haha as i guess you want replys here to ur gettin it from me haha
its a nice story i just miss some excitement but i understand that this story needs some building but still

Yes...
I always try to wait to get replies before i post another part to the story.

[Memories for Life]

Originally Posted by sydneyyy93

...He has been coming in and seeing her for her anger problems and more. She somehow convinced him to adopt her. ...

I know you stated that this will be "fiction" but could you still make it a logical story with imaginary characters. There isn't a orphanage in our known universe which would allow a single 20 year old male to adopt a 11 year old female child!

Beside that fact, in the (3) chapters, there isn't any indication there is anything remotely related to "dares" which these forums are based upon!

Structured as is, your story excels above others posted here because it uses proper grammar and punctuation! It's comfortable to read and, even in its short structure, shows you have a talent in prose.

[sydneyyy93]

Originally Posted by Memories for Life

I know you stated that this will be "fiction" but could you still make it a logical story with imaginary characters. There isn't a orphanage in our known universe which would allow a single 20 year old male to adopt a 11 year old female child!

Beside that fact, in the (3) chapters, there isn't any indication there is anything remotely related to "dares" which these forums are based upon!

Structured as is, your story excels above others posted here because it uses proper grammar and punctuation! It's comfortable to read and, even in its short structure, shows you have a talent in prose.

Ummm I'm just getting into the story ok... So dont criticize anyone until they actually get into the story or until it is finished ok? its kinda stupid and im just getting into it ok so i would appreciate if you would be nicer.
Also if you didnt know

Fiction:the class of literature comprising works of imaginative narration

[Memories for Life]

Originally Posted by sydneyyy93

Ummm I'm just getting into the story ok... So dont criticize anyone until they actually get into the story or until it is finished ok? its kinda stupid and im just getting into it ok so i would appreciate if you would be nicer.
Also if you didnt know

Fiction:the class of literature comprising works of imaginative narration

It isn't criticism, it's subjective observation!

If you were to go to a bookstore or library, went to the "Fiction" section and pulled a book with an interesting title, would you acquire it immediately just because it was in the "fiction" section? Normally, you would read a few lines or pages to see if it piqued your interest to continue to read the entire book. What would you think, upon reaching home, if the book actually wasn't "fiction" but actually "fantasy"!

Also if you didn't know:

Fiction is any story that is not based on real people or real events. The story could seem very plausible like something that COULD happen to you.

Fantasy, is a fictional story - usually something fantastic that would NEVER happen in the real world.

I reiterate, there isn't any orphanage which allows single young people (male or female) which allow the adoption of a minor child (male or female)! Additionally, the child has zero influence in the adoption process!

[the doc]

Originally Posted by Memories for Life

It isn't criticism, it's subjective observation!

If you were to go to a bookstore or library, went to the "Fiction" section and pulled a book with an interesting title, would you acquire it immediately just because it was in the "fiction" section? Normally, you would read a few lines or pages to see if it piqued your interest to continue to read the entire book. What would you think, upon reaching home, if the book actually wasn't "fiction" but actually "fantasy"!

Also if you didn't know:

Fiction is any story that is not based on real people or real events. The story could seem very plausible like something that COULD happen to you.

Fantasy, is a fictional story - usually something fantastic that would NEVER happen in the real world.

I reiterate, there isn't any orphanage which allows single young people (male or female) which allow the adoption of a minor child (male or female)! Additionally, the child has zero influence in the adoption process!

so if ur sayint that this story is Fantasy, and that is what you are doing. Is ur fucking ur own ass because Fantasy is always fiction.
Now the famous cow example. A cow is an animal but a animal isn't always a cow :P
well i hope if you dont like the story ur just gonna leave and not demotivate the writer and ruin it for the rest of the people who do like it (people like me)

[ChazzTuck]

I think the story is engrossing and has an incredible amount of potential. I look forward to future updates and seriously hope that the criticisms haven't disuaded you from continuing on...

[The Judge]

i'm getting the feel for this story and imunderstanding all the backround information. please continue sydney

[The Judge]

i'm getting the feel for this story and imunderstanding all the backround information. please continue sydney

[sydneyyy93]

Originally Posted by sydneyyy93

Warning: This story is going to be in detail 100% it will talk about what happens in their relationship and what happens to girls at her age. And girls you know what im talking about.

Characters:
Crystal- (An 11 year old orphan. She is very shy, Jasons adopted daughter.)
Jason- (A 20 year old man. He is Crystals adopted father.)

Chapter 1

Jason was in his almost adopted daughters bedroom. He was fixing it up for her. He made her bed and put all the furniture in her room. He was just finishing up and was getting ready to go get her. He stepped out of the house, locking the door. He walked to his car and got in. He drove up to the adoption Agency. He looked over at Crystal and waved to her. She was excited to see him and ran to him and hugged him. He has been coming in and seeing her for her anger problems and more. She somehow convinced him to adopt her. She looked up at ahim she was about 5'0. He knelt down and hugged her. "Ill be done in about an hour ok Sweetie." She smiled at him a tear coming down her cheek. "Ok Jason." He wiped her tear away and kissed her on her forehead. "Ill be back soon ok dear you just wait im not leaving here without you!" She smiled up at him and ran off to play with her friends. He walked into the office.

Originally Posted by sydneyyy93

Chapter 2

After being in the office for about 30 minutes. He had white papers in his hand and motioned for Crystal to come to him. He knelt down as Crystal came running to him her long blonde hair flowing behind her she had a huge smile on her face. He picked her up hugging her. Crystal wrapped her legs around him tightly aswell as her arms around his neck. "So Jason???" She smiled at him. "Your mine..." He smiled back at her and kissed her on her forehead. He carried her out to the car and put her in the passanger side. He went around and got into the drivers side and drove off to the house. About 20 minutes later they arrived at the house. Crystal got out of the car amazed. "Do you like it dear?" He said smiling as he looked around. "I love it daddy." She blushed as she said 'daddy'. She went up to the door and pushed the door open. She was amazed at what she seen.

Originally Posted by sydneyyy93

Chapter 3

To Crystals surprise the house was as beautiful on the inside as it was on the outside. The walls were white with a forest light green border. She couldnt believe her eyes. She walked into the kitchen it was so beautiful and white and CLEAN!!!. She then walked back into the livingroom and stood him standing there. "Your house is so beautiful." He smiled at her and took her hand. "You have yet to see your bedroom." He walked her up to her room and went to the right. "My room is down the left ok so if you need anything during the nite you can come and ask me." She smiled up at him as they stood infront of her door. Her name was already carved into the door. She opened the door. Her walls where painted a lime green, the borders where a dark purple. Her two favorite colors. She turned to face her bed, it was huge with white sheets she looked above her bed to see her name. She climbed on her bed and wrapped her arms tightly around his neck. "Thank you so much!" She laid her head on his shoulder almost crying. "Thats not all Sweetie." He held her as he walked over to her closet and stood infront of it. "Remember when i measured you to see what size clothes youd wear?" She nodded looking at him. He pushed her closet door open it was completely full of clothes. "Oh my goodness...." She put her hands over her mouth. "You didnt have to....." She started to cry and burried her face into him. He laid her down on her bed and sat next to her. "This is your house now im your daddy.." She smiled at him as he kissed her forehead. "I love you daddy." She said with a smile. "I love you 2 sweetheart."

Chapter 4

The next morning Crystal woke up very early. Her mouth was so dry, she went down stairs and to the fridge. She took a yoohoo that her new daddy had bought for her and went up to her room drinking it. She laid back in bed after putting the yoohoo box on her nitestand. She smiled. "I love it here." She fell back to sleep. The next thing she knew her daddy was sitting next to her on the bed shaking her to wake her up. "Sweetie wake up." He smiled at her as she refused. "I dont wanna daddy." She turned over pulling the covers over her head. He stood up and crossed his arms smirking at her. "Ok... I guess we dont have to go shopping." Her eyes opened as she jumped out of bed grabbing her robe she ran into the bathroom turning on the water. She ran back and hugged him. "Good morning daddy." She giggled and walked back into the bathroom. She undressed, stepping into teh shower. She began to wash herself. She stepped out about a few minutes later drying herself off. She put her robe on and brushed her teeth, and blow dry her hair. She walked into her room grabbing a blue jean ruffle skirt, pants and bra, and a white,pink, and blue zebra patterned tanktop that faded. She grabbed some sandals from teh many her daddy bought her. She walked down stairs and sat on teh couch. "Do i look good daddy?" She asked as she put her sandals on. "You already bought me many things i dont think i need anymore." He grabbed his keys waiting at the door. "C'mon sweetie..." She grabbed her bag and jacket and headed out to the car. She sat in teh passangers side and waited. A few minutes he came and got in the car and drove to the mall. As she walked into the mall holding his hand her mouth dropped.