Loren's Revenge <Hell's Sequel>

[Trystaan]

So here it is. The sequel to the story Hell. If you haven't read that I suggest you do as this story won't really make sense if you haven't read it.

The URL is at http://www.getdare.com/bbs/showthrea...9236#post79236

I will start by giving a list of the characters becasue it might get a bit confusing.

All names apart from mine are completely fictional as is this story.

Trystan 15-Me One of the slaves
Loren 15-One of the Mistresses
Claire 15-The other Mistress
Briddie 15-One of the Slaves
Anna 15- A Slave and Trystan's Girlfriend
Tesni 16- A slave and Trystan's Sister


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Part I

‘So Trystan, How does it feel to know that you have not only condemned yourself but these 3 people who I understand are very important in your life’ chuckled Loren. ‘Fuck you bitch’ I spat back at her. She slapped me promptly round the face hard leaving a red mark. ‘I think Mistress is to common I think you should call me Goddess Loren, Now come over here and worship my foot slave’. I refused to move. ‘Well then maybe Claire will have to come and sort you out’. She walked behind me and I suddenly felt a stinging shot through my ass. ‘Move or next time it will be on your worthless balls’. I reluctantly started crawling over to Loren who was now removing her boot and leg warmers. One of the boys pushed my head down into Loren’s feet. ‘Start sucking bitch’ she said coldly. I went down on her foot and started massaging and sucking her toes, the smell was repulsive and was making me gag. ‘You’d better get in between the toes as well otherwise you’ll be cleaning my ass’ I hurried up after that threat and before long I was moving on to the other foot. I finally finished and started crawling back to my chair. ‘Aren’t you forgetting something slave’, ‘Thank you Goddess Loren’ I managed to say.

We were then all bundled into the back of a van and taken to some place. We couldn’t see where because we were blindfolded. Our blindfolds and gags were removed so we could see where we were. We were in a very basic room with only one small window and a small chair in the corner. The room was about the size of an average bedroom yet there were no beds. I had a strange feeling it had been adapted for slaves because of the handcuffs on the walls and the rack of paddles and whips. ‘You will be living here for then next month, you have no heating so I suppose you’ll have to keep each other warm I suppose’. ‘As you can see you will bound to the wall when you sleep, You will sleep naked and every night you will be fed and you will not be permitted to use your hands’. ‘You have no toilet so you will let yourself go where you are, Every weekend you will have a competition and looser will clean up not only your own room but the rest of the house as well using only there own toothbrush’. ‘It is getting late now and you are all going to have a big day tomorrow so you can go to bed I mean wall now’. We were then all stripped naked and chained against the wall. When everyone had left and the door had been locked Anna whispered to me ‘What have you done you twat’ The others soon joined in the argument all taking Anna’s side.

Meanwhile outside of the door Loren listened in and said to herself ‘They may not get along now but they will be getting to know each other a lot better tomorrow.

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Feedback, Ideas and Rep are all greatly apreciated.

Thanks, Trystan

[erick92]

Amazing! Can't wait for more!!

[Trystaan]

Well here is part 2 I hope you enjoy it.

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Part II

The next morning we were awakened by a loud shrill alarm. Loren came in followed by two burly men who then took of our chains and put down a plate of vile looking brown lumpy soup. ‘So it’s breakfast time’ said Loren ‘Hope you enjoy it I won’t tell you where it’s been because that will completely put you off’. With that she walked out of the room and locked the door. We all sat staring at the food wondering whether to eat it or not. We decided against it and waited till Loren came back in. She tutted and walked over to all of us and poured the contents of the plate over our heads. Tesni screamed as she prides herself in her appearance and even though I was her brother I admit I had had a few fantasies about her. She was around 5,6 with long curly blonde hair, deep brown eyes and a good sized perky breasts. Anna was also blonde but it was around shoulder length and straight. Her eyes were a brilliant blue and her breasts were also brilliant, large and very firm. I had also had fantasies about Anna and had luckily carried a few out. It seemed she was into receiving bondage and I was into giving it. We were a perfect match. Briddie on the other hand had been acting strange since we had been brought here. I had a secret desire for her but she would never find out. I had caught her last night looking at me while playing with herself.

We were then dragged out of the room at taken into another room which also contained many toys and torture instruments. In the middle of the room was a round hole in the floor kind of like if a Jacuzzi had once been stored there. It was filled with a golden liquid. ‘So sluts began Loren, Claire the boys and I have been storing our piss in here ever since you released us’. ‘You look dirty and you need baths, In now’. We reluctantly stepped into the pool. I was quite surprised by how deep it was. It came about an inch over my waist. ‘Right now only one of you is going to get a proper shower today, it will be the one who does the longest handstand in our piss, the loser’s consequence is so horrible only they will know what it is after they have failed’. ‘So start hand standing on 3, 2, and 1’. We all plunged into the pee headfirst. The smell was horrible and a lot was entering my mouth. I thought I had a good chance to win but I knew Tesni did a lot of swimming in her spare time. I came up after what seemed like an age, I was shocked to see the other three still headfirst with their legs sticking out of the piss. ‘Oh dear only 17 seconds looks like you won’t be having a very fun time’. They came up one by one. Briddie first and then Anna. Tesni finally emerged with a big smile on her face. ‘Well done Tesni come on we’ll take you to the shower while these three take their bath here’.

Later that day after being bought back to our room and dripping dry I was called out by one of the guys. He marched me up a staircase to what I presumed was Loren’s room. She ushered me in and told me my punishment for failing in the handstand task. ‘That Is a lot of piss and I have no way of getting rid of it so, Starting tomorrow you will start drinking it through the month until it is dry’ ‘Fuck off’ I shouted at her. I started to run away but ran straight into the arms of one of the guys. ‘Hmm swearing I think that deserves a vicious punishment’


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I regret to inform you that as of Today I will be on holdiay for a week so will not be able to carry on with the stroy untill then.

While i'm gone I would greatly appreciate. Comment, Criticism, ratings and rep.


Sorry, xTrYsTaNx

[erick92]

Awesome! I hope you post the next part soon.

[Long_john]

Absolutely Amazing Man good job keep it up

[free_slave]

this story is brilliant keep up the good work

[Trystaan]

Ok i am sorry for the long delay but I have my own personal reasons why I haven't been writing it. The next installments will be more regular. i hope you enjoy this section and will give me feedback and comments.


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Part III

Loren’s henchmen got up and dragged me violently outside. I was kicking and screaming but I could do nothing about it. Loren then came out holding a long black latex suit. ‘Put it on slut’ she said evilly. I had no choice but to. The suit was very tight but left my cock, balls and ass exposed. I was then bundled into a van and driven somewhere into the countryside. When I got out I already knew what I would have to do. And it wasn’t good. Before me was a field of roughly half an acre. It was filled with thistles and stinging nettles up to 1 and a half meters high.

The men pushed me into the field. The plants immediately started injecting there stinging blows to my genitals and ass. Loren said ‘You will have to go over to the other side of the field grab the bucket of water over there then come back. If there is less than three quarters of the water left you will subjected to more punishment in this field, Oh and just to make it interesting you will have two stinging nettles up your ass the whole way and your cock will be covered in icy hot but your balls covered in toothpaste, Have fun’. The balms were applied first which almost immediately started to burn. When the stinging nettles were pushed into place the pain was unimaginable. Not really painful but extremely uncomfortable. I wanted to get this over with so I started to run across the field. I could feel the thistles spiking in to my balls and ass. As I continued my pace however I managed to get to the other side and bring the bucket back. A fair bit spilled out but I still thought there was more than three quarters left. However Loren didn’t think there was enough.

She ripped the suit off and you could immediately see the redness and soreness of my ass and genitals. The men shoved me to the floor and she picked up a long metal studded belt. She started gently whipping my ass which burned in its on right, but when she released an almighty whack I couldn’t stop myself crying. She picked me up and put some clothespins on my cock and balls, 10 in total. She attached them all together with string and held the other end. She then gradually moved her mouth towards my cock. Just as she was about to clamp her mouth around my cock she ripped all the clothespins off and I crumpled to the floor in agony.

I was lifted back up into the van and driven back. I was helped back into my room and I was met with a sight I was not expecting to see…

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xTrYsTaNx

[x.Emma.x]

Hey - This is really good. I really enjoyed that installment. The reason I like this is that a majority of other stories go way too fast and burst into the action straight away. In contrary, you have developed a well thought out atmosphere first, and I can tell you enjoy writing it.

Can't wait till the next part! Please post soon!

[oreo_is_back]

Hey - This is really good. I really enjoyed that installment. The reason I like this is that a majority of other stories go way too fast and burst into the action straight away.

It's a sequal,darling, so of course it will be. Did you read the first one?
And when you posting next,TRYSTAN-BOO!

[Trystaan]

I was thinking of poting the next part today but with a lot happening around me and unexpected seeings (??) I will post the next part tomorrow.

Thanks for your comment Emma.

And Leona whats up with this boo buisness you can't scare me like that anymore. Even if it is in Capitall letters.

xTrYsTaNx

[Trystaan]

Here is the next part as promised. hop you enjoy. All critcism and comments will be warmly appreciated thanks...

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Part IV

There in front of me Claire was standing wearing only a black lacy thong and matching bra. The door was shut behind me. Claire started explaining to me what was going to happen. I was told that all of us had to perform a task. The others had already completed it. ‘If you aren’t last then you won’t have to face the punishment, And if you’re first we won’t make you drink the entire pool either’ she winked at me. The task was to get into five pieces of clothing then unchanged and change into five pieces of the opposite sexes clothing in the quickest time. I was given Jeans, boxers, T-shirt, Hoody and a belt. The girls clothing was. Panties, Bra, Black tight skirt, Black stockings and a Black corset. All of this however while masturbating. My hand was not allowed to leave my cock. The fastest time so far had been set by Anna in two minutes thirty four. I was determined to win this. My sister was in last place and I wanted to see her get punished. More so I could see her really.

The time started and I got off to a good start. I almost took my hand off when taking my pants off but it was fine. I quickly put on the girls stuff and stopped the time. I had done it in two minutes thirty two. I had done it. Soon after the realisation that I was now fully dressed in girls clothing began to hit me. I was deeply embarrassed. I went out and gathered with Anna and Briddie. Tesni was a bout to be punished. Her punishment was to first make Loren orgasm using only her tongue on Loren’s ass then she had to make Claire orgasm using her fingers on Claire’s ass. The final part of the punishment was to first drive naked as a passenger to a phone box on the other side of town. At every traffic light she would have to either put a finger inside her or stand up so other drivers could see her. When there she had to get out of the car and order 3 large pizzas. They then drove back and she had to finger her ass. When the pizza man came she had to expose herself to him and ask him to use her vibrator on her.

Tesni was in shock when she heard this. ‘But you can’t.’ ‘Oh yes we can darling’ Loren replied ‘there will be worse if you don’t’. With these words Tesni reluctantly started walking to the car. She stripped inside the car and they began going. She had to stop at 3 traffic lights and therefore had 2 fingers inside her and had been seen by at least 3 other cars. When they got to the phone box she was given the coins and she ran out. The phone took ages to dial and then she had to wait for the pizza company ‘Bominoes’ to pick up. While she was on the phone ordering a group of guys on a stag do came past. There were wolf whistles and one guy even came over and slapped Tesni’s ass she then proceeded to slap him and they continued on there way after taking several photos. After she ordered she ran quickly back to the car and got in. She started fingering her ass and before the end of the journey she started to come close to the edge. The man said she wasn’t allowed to cum so she had even more denial.

When at home it wasn’t long before the pizza man came she answered the door and the mans eyes almost fell out of his head. When tesni invited him in to help her orgasm he was even more shocked but dutifully agreed. Little did she know however that she had been set up by Loren. Using her vibrator wasn’t all he was going to do…

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xTrYsTaNx

[oreo_is_back]

Well, my dear Trystan-boo, you wanted some input. I'm kinda shit with first person-narratives. I have read only a few novels in first person, and that was all by the same author (Jaqueline Carey). She pulled it off awesomely. And I know for a fact I wouldn't be able to write a story in that narrative. Maybe as a Diary or something, but not a full on story. So thumbs up to you.
Deatail,darling.
Being first person, I understand you might not be able to get alot of detail in there, but try. Background,clothing,colours etc. It will lengthen your story but it will improve it also. But being the narrative you chose, you will not be ale to do alot, considering the story is based around a character in general, and few minor ones, try and consontrate some discription around him. What he can see (in more detail), smell,touch etc.
Hope this helps, my love. <3

[andom4444]

I agree with the above.

Whats around, lighting, mood, feelings, movement and reactions are almost as important as what you are actually trying to get across

[Trystaan]

Thanks to you to. That was what I've never been very good at so expect a vast improvement next installment. I will properly concentrate on making it more descriptive.

xTrYsTaNx

[Trystaan]

Sorry for the double post. Sorry for the long delay. It's just I cam trying to make the parts from now on more decriptive and overall better. I am finding this quite hard. So please bear with me.

Thanks,
xTrYsTaNx