For the slaves and subs out there

[Fiendish]

Here's a thread I hope will become companion to Merlin's Being a Dom thread.

It's a slightly less-angry post than my last couple of rants, so it should be a nicer read.

This is for the slaves/subs.("slave" shall be used herein to refer to both slaves and subs)

Let's start at the most basic level. You've realized you're a slave. Good for you! Slaves tend to be in high demand, while Masters tend to be overabundant.("Master" shall be used herein to refer to both Masters and Doms)

Whether you're a fully committed slave(looking for that one Master to own you forever and ever) or a "thrill slave" as I call them(frequently changing Masters to see what's out there, to have different things thrown your way all the time), you should understand a few basic things about finding a Master you're compatible with.

The Search:

You've decided it's time to go looking, and decided an online relationship might be good to start. So you start looking on the Net, and you have lots of choices, but only a few offer a real chance for a good online relationship. This site is one that holds that potential, but only if you put the right effort into it.

You're putting up your ad, wanting to let everyone know you're a slave and available. But you don't know how to best get a good Master that you can be compatible with.

Avoid the common mistakes.

Mistake 1: Lack of overall information. Many slaves provide only age, sex, and maybe one or two other things about themselves(i.e., "live with family", "live in big city with lots to do", "have small woods near", etc.), then ask for Masters to contact them. Add details! What you like, what you don't like, what your limits(hard and soft) are, things that you're not sure if they are limits or not... the more information of this type, the better.

Mistake 2: Spelling and grammar. Most of the people spelling horribly are the ones supposedly born in an English speaking country, raised speaking English, and gone through a school taught in English. Most non-native speakers, as I have found, write better than many natives to the English language. I'd smack those people, but I can't afford gas or tickets to do so. Don't throw proper writing out the window just because you're in a hurry.

Mistake 3: The last common mistake I tend to hear about(as opposed to seeing with my own eyes) is going with the very first Master that contacts you. Sometimes that works, mostly it doesn't.

The Contact:

Let's be clear here... you're not yet owned in any way, shape, or form. Just because someone claiming to be a Master sent you a message like, "im ur mazter now, bich!", doesn't mean that person is your Master yet, and don't feel like you have to give that kind of person a chance because they claim to be a Master.

So, you've set up a time to meet on MSN("MSN" shall herein be used to refer to any sort of IM service), and the potential Master you've set up to meet just logged on and sent you the "Hello" message(whatever they use to greet you as they see you're on). If the first thing they say is "nakid one cam n0w!", that's a good indication that they should be immediately blocked.

Assuming the first thing they say is a bit more intelligent("How are you today?", "so you're XXXXXX from getDare, right?", "what exactly are you looking for in this kind of relationship?", etc.), your response(still not owned at this point, remember) should be freely told, but still respectful at the same time(adding "sir", "ma'am", whatever is appropriate for the situation is a good way to do this), showing you know your place in relation to them, even though they don't own you(yet).

This is where you should see if this potential Master has any questions for you, and where you should ask any questions you have about the way this Master does things, anything you find yourself curious about.

Assuming all that goes well, I recommend setting a "trial period", where you and your new potential Master see if things will work- treat this period as if the Master owns you, but realize you are not yet fully owned. The trial period can end abruptly, without hurt feelings, in many ways, including, but not limited to:

-Uneasy feelings between the two of you;
-Incompetence on the part of either party;
-Loss of interest by either party;
-"cheating" on the part of the slave(having more than one Master at a time during this trial period); AND
-Other

Let us assume all this has gone well, and you and your Master have decided to make it "official", in as official a sense as can be, that is. Great!

Being a Slave:

CONGRATULATIONS! You're now the proud property of your Master! It's like the first time you beat the original Mario, but better. You've established hard limits, soft limits, what you like, dislike, things you're unsure of, what rules you're to follow, etc. etc..

You trust your Master not to make you do anything that would harm you, your reputation, job, or anyone else. So you may feel like you can't or shouldn't speak up if something your Master wants you to do makes you uncomfortable. The most important thing is to COMMUNICATE. Let your Master know! Do it respectfully, of course, but let your Master know, talk it out- why does it make you uncomfortable? Can something be changed to make it more doable, and work up to what your Master wants? Try to discuss these things.

As you build trust, naturally, you'll be more willing to do things for your Master, and you may see some of your soft limits disappearing, and some of your hard limits at the beginning of the relationship may become soft limits. But above all, you'll be more content with the relationship, knowing you'll do anything your Master asks, because you know your Master won't make you do anything outside your limits.

You're probably asking, "where is it appropriate for my Master to ask for pics?" That answer is somewhere within the trial period to ownership period. The first thing they ask for shouldn't be pics, but if you offer, don't expect them to say no, and you set in their mind that you like sending them pics, so they'll ask more than normal, most likely.

If everything works out for awhile, and you want to move to the next step, feel free to do so... but offline relationships are a whole 'nother ball game, and not contained within the scope of this article.

As always, if you don't like what I wrote, tough. If you have a real problem with it, PM me so this thread doesn't get clogged, in the unlikely event this thread bears useful discussions.

©2008 Fiendish

[slave456]

fell asleep after fist few paragraphs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[TheLittleStrawberry]

Originally Posted by slave456

fell asleep after fist few paragraphs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Shut up. This is helpful information that would do people like you good. Learn.

[Sum]

Originally Posted by slave456

fell asleep after fist few paragraphs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What's a fist few? You need to read mistake number 2.


Super article. I can just add in some ways a sub/slave should see their dominant as a friend, i feel a dominants role should be someone that the slave can tell anything to, things close to their heart that they probably wouldn't tell anyone else.

When you reach this level of COMMUNICATION in a D/s relationship you know you have a good level of TRUST between each other.

(oh btw Fiendish, harsh punishment on your slave in her blog there, I've only ever threatened to do that with mine and that fear was enough to bring her into line. Think even the treat of it was a turning point in our relationship in both of us realising how much power i had. In conversation after she said that it had scared her really badly. Didn't mean it to be a fear thing, was prepared to go though with it. Damn I've gone right off topic. Getting into a thing on doms there that you don't actually need to punish all the time...etc)

[Fiendish]

Originally Posted by sum1(2)

What's a fist few? You need to read mistake number 2.


Super article. I can just add in some ways a sub/slave should see their dominant as a friend, i feel a dominants role should be someone that the slave can tell anything to, things close to their heart that they probably wouldn't tell anyone else.

When you reach this level of COMMUNICATION in a D/s relationship you know you have a good level of TRUST between each other.

(oh btw Fiendish, harsh punishment on your slave in her blog there, I've only ever threatened to do that with mine and that fear was enough to bring her into line. Think even the treat of it was a turning point in our relationship in both of us realising how much power i had. In conversation after she said that it had scared her really badly. Didn't mean it to be a fear thing, was prepared to go though with it. Damn I've gone right off topic. Getting into a thing on doms there that you don't actually need to punish all the time...etc)

Feel free to add anything you feel I missed

And yeah, it was pretty bad, but I had to ease her mind- she felt she deserved it, I figured less would have been sufficient.

But anyway, as I said, I hope this thread becomes a companion thread to Merlin's thread, so let the useful discussions begin!

[urlilslave080]

Thats a very good post, I enjoyed reading it alot and it also taught me a few things. It has a good humerous side to it aswell, I like it.

[Fiendish]

I try, ya know? I feel everything needs a little humor thrown in, makes it a bit easier to read IMO.

Thanks for the input

[SubMissChievous]

First of all, thank you Fiendish for putting up this thread. I’m hopeful that this one will come in handy for anyone searching a Master here.

And I think that, as a slave myself, can add some tips (note that most of the tips below could also apply to a Master seeking slave)

First thing if you find yourself looking for a Master: Don’t rush it! Like it’s been mentioned above you don’t have to hook up with the 1st person contacting you. Just because one is dominant & the other submissive does not equal a match. You’ll need to find someone compatible with you.

Why not make a little list of things you’d like to find in a potential Master or in a future relationship… Things like: fetishes/likes/interests, frequency of meetings, casual or strict type of relationship, etc.

Now if you decide to search a Master for yourself in the s/m section instead of posting:

Look at the high-rated ads (3+ stars) first. Those are the ones containing sufficient information for you to make a choice. Not that the users who have less can’t be good Masters but the highest rated one not only show that the person is serious but knows exactly what they look for as well in general. The most descriptive ads will help you find someone who share common interests too.

Once you find an ad that’s sound appealing to you… why not look at some past postings from that person? This also helps a lot in knowing their interests & even a bit on their personality sometimes. (It might even be useful information in a future relationship too…)

You’ve found someone who has “Intrigued You?” Great!!! Now it’s time to send a PM! Introduce yourself, give some information about your limits, likes, dislikes,past experience (not necessarily an extended list, of course…), what attracted you in their ad & posts…

Oh and finally one last thing… I’ve mentioned above to read your potential future Master’s posts… Hint: Many Masters do the same while seeking slave(s) so if you’re a regular poster yourself avoid posting crap like this:

Originally Posted by slave456

fell asleep after fist few paragraphs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Serious Masters like intelligent slaves who are polite & can follow some rules... Posting such junk only proves you can't even follow the simplest forums & messages boards rules! Not very good!!!

[Fiendish]

Thanks for adding that useful information, chloe! I thought I'd missed something or another, I forgot about the slave searching instead of putting out an ad.

Keep the information flowing, if information needs to flow...

[urlilslave080]

well said naughty_chloe, you and fiendish are both very smart people, thank tou both for the tips, i also think this could help masters aswell.
once again thanks

[Fiendish]

Originally Posted by urlilslave080

well said naughty_chloe, you and fiendish are both very smart people, thank tou both for the tips, i also think this could help masters aswell.
once again thanks

I try, and it's what Depp pays chloe to do.

So basically, no need to thank us... it's her job and my personal mini-crusade in an attempt to smarten up the forums a bit

[SubMissChievous]

Those little tips above are things I've used when I searched for myself... Hopefully they can help someone else too.

Originally Posted by Fiendish

I try, and it's what Depp pays chloe to do.

What??!! I'm supposed to be paid?! Haven't received my check yet!

[Fiendish]

Take that up with Depp, not me

[urlilslave080]

Haha so chloe how long have you been waiting for it.
Yea I agree alot of people on this site dont consider the decency of the site
everyone needs to chip in and just take the time its worth when posting and replying and read the post through to make sure its all sensible.
I declare i will help you on your crusade, if thats ok with you.
Have a good day/night

[Fiendish]

The more, the merrier, I always say... unless those more are really annoying.

Anyway, I think both me and chloe are happy we could be a good resource for you, and hopefully we will be for other people too.