How to talk to girls on GetDare

[Wedgiebondagebabe]

Hello everyone. I know there is a good diversity of people on this site. I also know that a lot of you guys are frustrated that the women won't answer back your messages. I want to let you inside the mind of a girl to know why.

Firstly, some of you guys sound desperate. Asking us to kik, Skype, role-play, be a mistress or sub, or exchange dares is not something we are looking for all the time. Some of us explain what we want or do not want in our signatures. I will, personally, not respond to people who do not take the time to look over my profile. Also, some of us do not want to be bombarded by these kinds of messages. Sure there are times when we want dares, but just like in real life, some of us girls just want you to talk to us first. Let us see your likes and dislikes and check out what you want for dares first. Finally, if we say we do not want a sub or master/dominant, we mean that we do not want a sub or dominant/master.

Even if you have the nicest message in the world, we are hesitant to talk to you because chances are the next 5 messages you send will include something from the above section. At times we just cannot be bothered to respond or there were 5 messages we responded to before getting yours and quite frankly it can get annoying.

I have not covered it all. I also cannot speak for all women on GetDare.
I just wanted to start this thread so the women can tell you their side of things and maybe increase some of the relationships and friendships that can come out of this site. I invite everyone to post below. Post your intentions. Women post your tips and bad experiences, or good experiences. Men it is also okay for you to post your frustrations. My hope is that we can talk more and that those guys that do want to take the time to talk and not make the conversation all about you can find the women that want to talk as well. I tried to do this well, but I know I have flaws so please add on and help the communication barriers.

[SassyTomato]

Pretty well written, and good explanation.

Originally Posted by Wedgiebondagebabe

Firstly, some of you guys sound desperate. Asking us to kik, Skype, role-play, be a mistress or sub, or exchange dares is not something we are looking for all the time. I will, personally, not respond to people who do not take the time to look over my profile. Also, some of us do not want to be bombarded by these kinds of messages. Let us see your likes and dislikes and check out what you want for dares first. Finally, if we say we do not want a sub or master/dominant, we mean that we do not want a sub or dominant/master.

Yes, all of this is important. The problem I see is that regardless of gender or role (dominant, submissive, switch, w/e) if someone wants to just add on kik/skype very fast...... generally they just want to swap nudes, get you to do stuff for them, roleplay, or get off somehow. They generally are NOT going to stick around for the long term, or be interested in a real relationship (at best, they may be interested in doing whatever you do more than once, but it likely won't be a deep, emotional, and personal connection at all). There are exceptions of course, but usually there would be a reason for them to want to add you on another program fast (like, say your profiles matched, you talked a bit in the chatroom, and had similar likes/dislikes and had fitting roles, and it was clear that BOTH of you were comfortable talking to each other already.... then it may be okay to ASK, but not EXPECT to get the information to use another program).

And, like, by spamming someone or by asking someone who clearly is not interested in having a dominant/submissive/switch, what do they even think they will accomplish? I don't understand at all.

Originally Posted by Wedgiebondagebabe

Even if you have the nicest message in the world, we are hesitant to talk to you because chances are the next 5 messages you send will include something from the above section. At times we just cannot be bothered to respond or there were 5 messages we responded to before getting yours and quite frankly it can get annoying.

To be fair, a lot of that is not always their fault. It can just be the overall situation of having 5x as many men as women here on getdare, and having many more men interested in women than vice versa. However, it just makes it even more important for the person (I would say guy, but this can apply to anyone really) to explain WHY they are interested, tell WHO they are, and show that they mean what they say. If they are really interested, they will try to ask more about you or make the conversation fun/informal. It won't be directly related to bdsm all the time, and it won't be this quick "hey, let me dominate you!" and then they move on if that isn't immediately the case. Basically, if you are ACTUALLY interested, you will read their profile, learn a bit about them, ask questions, become their friend, and see if you have any connection. That's it. You don't just jump into it and go "hey, you seem nice, I think I'd like to dominate you and tie you up", and leave it at that.

Originally Posted by Wedgiebondagebabe

I just wanted to start this thread so the women can tell you their side of things and maybe increase some of the relationships and friendships that can come out of this site. I invite everyone to post below. Post your intentions. Women post your tips and bad experiences, or good experiences. Men it is also okay for you to post your frustrations. My hope is that we can talk more and that those guys that do want to take the time to talk and not make the conversation all about you can find the women that want to talk as well. I tried to do this well, but I know I have flaws so please add on and help the communication barriers.

Very good idea for all sides. I personally agree with a lot of what you said, as I explained earlier. It can be frustrating to wait, and wait, and wait to find someone. True. However..... if you are rushing into a relationship (BDSM or otherwise) it likely will not last. You need to get to know the other person first and have a real connection, and real chemistry. From there you can start a relationship, if both sides are interested. If you think about it, wanting to jump into a relationship fast without REALLY knowing the other person's personality, interests, or real life situation, or even how they look..... you don't want a bdsm relationship, you just want to either dominate a thing (you clearly don't care about their personality or thoughts) or are just intent on submitting yourself to anyone else's whims (you clearly don't care about their personalities or morals or qualifications). Sub, dom, male, female, it doesn't matter. Real relationships that aren't fake or just a quick fantasy that is used to get off, like 80% of the advertisements posted here, will take time to develop. Enjoy the process, and don't try to rush things too much.

[Wedgiebondagebabe]

Originally Posted by SassyTomato

To be fair, a lot of that is not always their fault. It can just be the overall situation of having 5x as many men as women here on getdare, and having many more men interested in women than vice versa. However, it just makes it even more important for the person (I would say guy, but this can apply to anyone really) to explain WHY they are interested, tell WHO they are, and show that they mean what they say. If they are really interested, they will try to ask more about you or make the conversation fun/informal. It won't be directly related to bdsm all the time, and it won't be this quick "hey, let me dominate you!" and then they move on if that isn't immediately the case. Basically, if you are ACTUALLY interested, you will read their profile, learn a bit about them, ask questions, become their friend, and see if you have any connection. That's it. You don't just jump into it and go "hey, you seem nice, I think I'd like to dominate you and tie you up", and leave it at that.

Thank you for adding. I feel like you touched on some of the things I missed. I want to make it clear that I am not saying all guys are the same. Of course there are women who probably do this too or guys that have to put up with it as well. Thank you for your in-depth thoughts. I also agree with you that it is important to let people know who you are before saying heres my kik. I am more likely to talk to you if you send me a small short bio about you. If you do not take the time to send me a thought out message, I will not take the time to respond to you.

Thank you again!!

[LitDarkness]

Beware, I am a sarcastic and blunt person so this may have came through. This is a offensive post if you don't like honesty. I also curse in this post. If you are offended, you were warned so I don't give a shit.

Seriously though, me being nice as possible, I am really trying to give you insight on the why, so you may want to read up.

Originally Posted by Wedgiebondagebabe

Hello everyone. I know there is a good diversity of people on this site. I also know that a lot of you guys are frustrated that the women won't answer back your messages. I want to let you inside the mind of a girl to know why.

I'll be honest, I try to at least look at every message. But if it's God damn obvious you didn't look at my profile or you sound oh so perfect for me, (no one is perfect for each other, that's impossible.) I won't respond.

Firstly, some of you guys sound desperate. Asking us to kik, Skype, role-play, be a mistress or sub, or exchange dares is not something we are looking for all the time. Some of us explain what we want or do not want in our signatures. I will, personally, not respond to people who do not take the time to look over my profile. Also, some of us do not want to be bombarded by these kinds of messages. Sure there are times when we want dares, but just like in real life, some of us girls just want you to talk to us first. Let us see your likes and dislikes and check out what you want for dares first. Finally, if we say we do not want a sub or master/dominant, we mean that we do not want a sub or dominant/master.

I USED to be open to accepting dares from anyone but the desperate guys ruined it and make genuine people I don't know earn it. Why? Because 80% of the time they violated my limits. If I'm going to complete your dare, write a report, at least write one in limits. I'm putting in a lot of effort on your dare. Don't be stupid.

And sometimes I don't feel like daring someone.

Then these people get mad and quite frankly it's annoying and makes me want to enroll them in a strict anger management class with a get smarter class and maybe kindergarten again.

I don't give my kik away easily. Half the people on here that I actually have no issues against and want to bear hug, don't know it.

I hate people who continue on and on and ask but why when you explain it so now unless it's a clear response to my ad, titled and with the correct information, it's on my ignore list.

One guy was honest and told me he just wanted my kik. I have more respect for him then the none honest guys who are eager to get something out of it.


Even if you have the nicest message in the world, we are hesitant to talk to you because chances are the next 5 messages you send will include something from the above section. At times we just cannot be bothered to respond or there were 5 messages we responded to before getting yours and quite frankly it can get annoying.

This is true. Again I try to respond to every one but sometimes I need a break. I'm not miracle women.

I have not covered it all. I also cannot speak for all women on GetDare.
I just wanted to start this thread so the women can tell you their side of things and maybe increase some of the relationships and friendships that can come out of this site. I invite everyone to post below. Post your intentions. Women post your tips and bad experiences, or good experiences. Men it is also okay for you to post your frustrations. My hope is that we can talk more and that those guys that do want to take the time to talk and not make the conversation all about you can find the women that want to talk as well. I tried to do this well, but I know I have flaws so please add on and help the communication barriers.

My good experiences, too many to count. There are a bunch of good people here, they just are hesitant to show their presence because the bad ones make them leave.

I enjoy these people. They're people I can talk to about personal issues, or maybe get/give a date to at times. And I get advice from them and I listen to their issues and give advice and we sometimes talk about life.

The bad experiences are people who obviously don't read my profile and/or start demanding shit off the bat or tell me I'm wrong about myself or I shouldn't have any limits etc. I don't give a shit what these people think.

Oh and a naked photo a while back. I'll never unsee that.....

My tips:Be polite.
Be honest.
Don't tell me who I should be.
Read my profile and limits.
Realize I don't give a shit if I'm the perfect sub/Mistress/slave/Domee for you unless I'm looking.
Don't be someone your not just to please me. (I can see through it, and it's creepy.)
Don't be a jackass.

TLDR; Then obviously you don't care enough to put effort into interacting to people so no wonder you're trying to get responses and wondering how. You won't get one line answers. So read this if you actually give a shit or I'll assume you don't.

[SassyTomato]

Originally Posted by TheKidWithSkills

My good experiences, too many to count. There are a bunch of good people here, they just are hesitant to show their presence because the bad ones make them leave.

I enjoy these people. They're people I can talk to about personal issues, or maybe get/give a date to at times. And I get advice from them and I listen to their issues and give advice and we sometimes talk about life.


My tips:Be polite.
Be honest.
Don't tell me who I should be.
Read my profile and limits.
Realize I don't give a shit if I'm the perfect sub/Mistress/slave/Domee for you unless I'm looking.
Don't be someone your not just to please me. (I can see through it, and it's creepy.)
Don't be a jackass.

I agree with you, and your post was funny .

I'd add on two tips:

Make sure you have thought out the long term situation for having a relationship with someone on here, before applying or talking things out. Sometimes, people will change their minds or it may not work out, or something comes up. That's fine, but at least try to give it some thought, don't just jump into it. Consider your current employment, living situation, financial situation, morals, goals, and plan for the future as a whole. If you can't commit or don't expect things to last for months, that may be fine, but be clear about that.


Make sure you like the other person, for who they are personality wise.... and make sure that your long term plan that I mentioned above matches up with their long term plan. There is no point in applying to an advertisement, or getting involved with someone, if you want monogamy and they are poly, for example. If you want a real relationship, including dating and the potential for something serious beyond BDSM, but they are strictly looking for a bdsm partner only, then you will be disappointed. This is why it is important to get to know people before you just up and apply for advertisements, or make your own without thinking it through.

[LitDarkness]

Originally Posted by SassyTomato

I agree with you, and your post was funny .

I'd add on two tips:

Make sure you have thought out the long term situation for having a relationship with someone on here, before applying or talking things out. Sometimes, people will change their minds or it may not work out, or something comes up. That's fine, but at least try to give it some thought, don't just jump into it. Consider your current employment, living situation, financial situation, morals, goals, and plan for the future as a whole. If you can't commit or don't expect things to last for months, that may be fine, but be clear about that.


Make sure you like the other person, for who they are personality wise.... and make sure that your long term plan that I mentioned above matches up with their long term plan. There is no point in applying to an advertisement, or getting involved with someone, if you want monogamy and they are poly, for example. If you want a real relationship, including dating and the potential for something serious beyond BDSM, but they are strictly looking for a bdsm partner only, then you will be disappointed. This is why it is important to get to know people before you just up and apply for advertisements, or make your own without thinking it through.

I needed those two tips. So thank you. I learned something from you today.

[Wedgiebondagebabe]

Even if you are not looking for a relationship it is important to be on the same page with the person you are talking with. I personally feel like more girls would answer messages back from guys if they did not have to worry about a guy asking for their pictures all the time. I know it is a truth or dare website, but not all of us are on here for the dares. We are on here for the community and the freedom to express things we can't in our everyday life.

[DarkSoul11]

Great read.

Also this could be extended too chat rooms as well. We have all seen a guy going "I'm 18/M/usa and need a woman to do such and such with me." I normally in there just shaking my head going does that ever work. Odd are you flat out ignore 15 seconds after flooding a chat room with that nonsense.

For the weird pm's everyone gets. I sort of see it like going out into a mall or somewhere public and saying that stuff to the first woman you see. If someone did that out in a mall I think I would see the male smack across the face into next week. Maybe everyone needs to remember that these messages are being sent to flesh and blood people with real feelings and emotions. Just my 2 cents and not saying everyone is guilty of doing this stuff.

[sir stefan]

Girls (and males),
What a great thread!
Yes i'm male and dom. Reading your thoughts is great.
As for me, i normally never 'just' go for a pm. I would find it rather strange.
I sometimes throwin a pm-dare, especially when i find someone having a not so common one. That actually often gives lead to further conversation.
I pm as followup on a thread, also when saying something that makes sense (i hope) but could be bit offensive publicly in the thread.
Oh, i ask pictures too much. Bit sad, your saying it right, just should stop doing it.
It's actually even stupid, there is millions of free nude on internet, why would a single, likely very tame pic make a difference.
I always try to read as much as possible about a person before pm. Checking likes/limits and profile is the minimum. Normally i also browse all previous posts. It helps a lot to get an impression (this maybe a surprise, your actually very exposed when your a frequent poster). And blogs. And pm-dares.

Just to let you know,
As dom i sometimes get unsolicited punishment requests. Than i return one. And no reply forever.
I actually dont really see the fun of it. Appearantly just testing. See how cruel he can be. Nah nah.
Well,.... Not complaining, sometimes it turns out fine.

Just my 2cts. Hope you like it on this girl-thread

[Wedgiebondagebabe]

Originally Posted by sir stefan

Girls (and males),
What a great thread!
Yes i'm male and dom. Reading your thoughts is great.
As for me, i normally never 'just' go for a pm. I would find it rather strange.
I sometimes throwin a pm-dare, especially when i find someone having a not so common one. That actually often gives lead to further conversation.
I pm as followup on a thread, also when saying something that makes sense (i hope) but could be bit offensive publicly in the thread.
Oh, i ask pictures too much. Bit sad, your saying it right, just should stop doing it.
It's actually even stupid, there is millions of free nude on internet, why would a single, likely very tame pic make a difference.
I always try to read as much as possible about a person before pm. Checking likes/limits and profile is the minimum. Normally i also browse all previous posts. It helps a lot to get an impression (this maybe a surprise, your actually very exposed when your a frequent poster). And blogs. And pm-dares.

Just to let you know,
As dom i sometimes get unsolicited punishment requests. Than i return one. And no reply forever.
I actually dont really see the fun of it. Appearantly just testing. See how cruel he can be. Nah nah.
Well,.... Not complaining, sometimes it turns out fine.

Just my 2cts. Hope you like it on this girl-thread

I was thinking that we could make this a kind of serious written from a variety of different opinions. I am sure a lot of different types of people get a lot of messages they do not want or are looking for certain types of relationships and a how to guide could be very useful.

[sir stefan]

Originally Posted by Wedgiebondagebabe

I was thinking that we could make this a kind of serious written from a variety of different opinions. I am sure a lot of different types of people get a lot of messages they do not want or are looking for certain types of relationships and a how to guide could be very useful.

True. Was my honest and serious contribution. And i really like you initiated it!

[Wedgiebondagebabe]

Originally Posted by sir stefan

True. Was my honest and serious contribution. And i really like you initiated it!

Oh I meant that we should have more variety of people making posts like this. There are so many different view points. I not only wanted to give guys advice on how to talk to girls on get dare, but also to let women know the guys side of things.

[Alligator365]

I really like Getdare because it brings together people from across the world who all are accepting of each other's kinks and interests. I think that is what makes it such a good place.

However, I am not going to lie, there have been times I have gotten messages that were rather rude or pushy about certain things that made me irritated.

I think the best tip that I could give is that if you want to message someone, talk about your particular interests that you have in common. (example: oh i see you like bondage as well, someday when you are free would you maybe want to swap bondage dares?). Specifically, I hate when I get messages not asking but demanding that I give them a masturbation/edging/cumming dare. If you look at my profile you would know that is not an interest of mine, and getting very sexual and demanding like that is rude.

[Wedgiebondagebabe]

A message to everyone. If someone has the same kik as their username, it does not give you free will to add it. If it is not given to you or posted on a thread or in someone's signature. I don't know about anyone else, but I absolutely hate getting messaged that way. If I chat with you on here and I like you enough to give it to you I will talk to you over kik. Until then if you want to chat with me here send me a bit about yourself and actually start a conversation.

I can't say this is how all women react, but I can say that this is highly annoying and I feel like I cannot be the only one. If you must message someone on kik, message them on here as well and don't just send a message saying hi. Send them something related to GetDare so that they do not think you are a creeper.

Thank you to everyone who has added to my above post. I know I am not the only one with opinions so I hope everyone can add their.

[LitDarkness]

Originally Posted by Wedgiebondagebabe

A message to everyone. If someone has the same kik as their username, it does not give you free will to add it. If it is not given to you or posted on a thread or in someone's signature. I don't know about anyone else, but I absolutely hate getting messaged that way. If I chat with you on here and I like you enough to give it to you I will talk to you over kik. Until then if you want to chat with me here send me a bit about yourself and actually start a conversation.

I can't say this is how all women react, but I can say that this is highly annoying and I feel like I cannot be the only one. If you must message someone on kik, message them on here as well and don't just send a message saying hi. Send them something related to GetDare so that they do not think you are a creeper.

Thank you to everyone who has added to my above post. I know I am not the only one with opinions so I hope everyone can add their.

As for kik, same goes for if it was on a post not directed to you.

That also makes me think you're a creepier. (And if you're digging that far, pm me.)