Help and advice please

RandomNaughtyNinja · 07-21-2018, 04:55 AM

Hey,

I am looking for some advice from you guys and hopefully people will both understand my situation and give me some advice.

So im 27, I have been involved with some dom/sub relations in the past, however nothing anything meaningful some years, not because I had gone off it but because the sub i was seeing moved to the states for uni. During this time, i attended some clubs but not as regular as I would have liked. Anyway, I met a girl and we started talking, but ultimately she ended up pregnant.

So, it was an unplanned pregnancy, tried to make it work, i supported her fully, financially, emotionally, but we were not meant to be together, I broke it off as it was becoming very toxic and violent.

So we had (key part here) a kid. I was having to juggle full time employment and looking after my kid. My head was all over the place, I was not interested in sex or even any sort of light flirty behaviour or even checking people out I was up my own arse. So, fast forward nearly a year and all of a sudden i felt the urge and desire come back so I put up a "looking for" ad.

Ultimately, started talking to this awesome chick, talked for around a year, tried to meet up a few times but unfortunately due to my work and caring commitments and her studies that didnt happen until a year after we started to talk.

She has been in many dom/sub relationships, and is very experienced in both d/s in the bedroom and most recently her entire life.

We met obviously on the basis of the advert, so there was obviously some expecation for her from the get go. Anyways, we met and had an amazing day, didn't do anything sexual, we just chilled, hung out, chatted and smoked a joint. My confusiion as this was the first time I had felt such a strong bond and desire to be with someone. I think this shook me further.

So we met up in August, continued to meet up when we could and ended up having the best sex I had had in years and years, it was nothing kinky, very vanilla.

For whatever reason, at that time, i did not feel comfortable just jumping in again. I honestly cannot explain why i was feeling that way towards her, why I was doubting myself, I had found something perfect, ideal parter/long term prospect and we are both into kinky stuff! AWESOME! But for some reason I had a block on.

I tried to explain the reasons but to no avail, she then got jealous of pictures of my previous subs, asking my why i was able to do it when them and not with her, she started to blame her self, doubt her self, not what i wanted to do, but I could not explain where my head was.

We continued to meet, hooked up but sex was vanilla and entirely my fault, she was pressing and interested, as was I, but when it came down to it i bottled it.

We started dating, in around September/October time, so only a few months after we met. I just put it down to us being new together and my lack of confidence at the time.

Fast forward to Jan 2018. My child passed away in hospital. I was in over christmas and new year. I cannot even begin to tell you where my mind was at that time. I was a complete and utter mess, lost a lot of weight, stopped eating, stopped sleeping, started smoking, just a total cluster fuck. I had even considered taking my own life.

My partner was back home over this time and only got back after he had passed. We were talking daily for hours and hours, but It was about the situation, how we were feeling etc.

I was very much alone at the hospital apart from my kids mom. The only time I was not alone was when at his bedside.

He passed, i needed comforting, i needed to be with the person i loved. When she got back we met up. During the time at the hospital i obviously was not interested in anything else apart from my son, no desires nothing, so I was surprised when we met, i wanted to fuck her, we did, but again it was vanilla.

The next few months Jan - mid July my mind was all over the place, i was doubting myself in every single thing i did, i blamed myself for my kid, i blamed myself for "leading this perfect girl on" (in her eyes anyway), i was questionning every single stupid thing i have ever done.

It was, tough, even writing this now, bringing it all back up is difficult, im shaking and sweating a little and im naked in bed!

It was only 1/2 weeks ago that I had an epiphany. I sorted out my mind. My kink came back and now it is all im thinking about.

I have had a big talk with my partner / sub and she feels she is at the last chance saloon, she feels tricked and confused. I have tried to let her know where i'm coming from but in her eyes and she is perfectly correct, if we are having sex, but not kinky sex then maybe he isnt into it.

All i am thinking about now is what i want to do with her and i have told her this but in her eyes, it means nothing until I do anything, which i get, completely.

She is not with me just now but will see her next week, and I said we would do something.

Basically what i'm worried about is that this has gone too far and is ireparable.

I love her, I see myself with her in my life and in my kink play but I majorly fucked up and now i'm in a very procarious situation.

I started this off with a question and a goal in mind but i have lost my track...

Just read and comment ok guys, I am needing some help.

07-21-2018, 04:55 AM	#1
RandomNaughtyNinja Junior Member Join Date: Jul 2018 Posts: 2	Help and advice please Hey, I am looking for some advice from you guys and hopefully people will both understand my situation and give me some advice. So im 27, I have been involved with some dom/sub relations in the past, however nothing anything meaningful some years, not because I had gone off it but because the sub i was seeing moved to the states for uni. During this time, i attended some clubs but not as regular as I would have liked. Anyway, I met a girl and we started talking, but ultimately she ended up pregnant. So, it was an unplanned pregnancy, tried to make it work, i supported her fully, financially, emotionally, but we were not meant to be together, I broke it off as it was becoming very toxic and violent. So we had (key part here) a kid. I was having to juggle full time employment and looking after my kid. My head was all over the place, I was not interested in sex or even any sort of light flirty behaviour or even checking people out I was up my own arse. So, fast forward nearly a year and all of a sudden i felt the urge and desire come back so I put up a "looking for" ad. Ultimately, started talking to this awesome chick, talked for around a year, tried to meet up a few times but unfortunately due to my work and caring commitments and her studies that didnt happen until a year after we started to talk. She has been in many dom/sub relationships, and is very experienced in both d/s in the bedroom and most recently her entire life. We met obviously on the basis of the advert, so there was obviously some expecation for her from the get go. Anyways, we met and had an amazing day, didn't do anything sexual, we just chilled, hung out, chatted and smoked a joint. My confusiion as this was the first time I had felt such a strong bond and desire to be with someone. I think this shook me further. So we met up in August, continued to meet up when we could and ended up having the best sex I had had in years and years, it was nothing kinky, very vanilla. For whatever reason, at that time, i did not feel comfortable just jumping in again. I honestly cannot explain why i was feeling that way towards her, why I was doubting myself, I had found something perfect, ideal parter/long term prospect and we are both into kinky stuff! AWESOME! But for some reason I had a block on. I tried to explain the reasons but to no avail, she then got jealous of pictures of my previous subs, asking my why i was able to do it when them and not with her, she started to blame her self, doubt her self, not what i wanted to do, but I could not explain where my head was. We continued to meet, hooked up but sex was vanilla and entirely my fault, she was pressing and interested, as was I, but when it came down to it i bottled it. We started dating, in around September/October time, so only a few months after we met. I just put it down to us being new together and my lack of confidence at the time. Fast forward to Jan 2018. My child passed away in hospital. I was in over christmas and new year. I cannot even begin to tell you where my mind was at that time. I was a complete and utter mess, lost a lot of weight, stopped eating, stopped sleeping, started smoking, just a total cluster fuck. I had even considered taking my own life. My partner was back home over this time and only got back after he had passed. We were talking daily for hours and hours, but It was about the situation, how we were feeling etc. I was very much alone at the hospital apart from my kids mom. The only time I was not alone was when at his bedside. He passed, i needed comforting, i needed to be with the person i loved. When she got back we met up. During the time at the hospital i obviously was not interested in anything else apart from my son, no desires nothing, so I was surprised when we met, i wanted to fuck her, we did, but again it was vanilla. The next few months Jan - mid July my mind was all over the place, i was doubting myself in every single thing i did, i blamed myself for my kid, i blamed myself for "leading this perfect girl on" (in her eyes anyway), i was questionning every single stupid thing i have ever done. It was, tough, even writing this now, bringing it all back up is difficult, im shaking and sweating a little and im naked in bed! It was only 1/2 weeks ago that I had an epiphany. I sorted out my mind. My kink came back and now it is all im thinking about. I have had a big talk with my partner / sub and she feels she is at the last chance saloon, she feels tricked and confused. I have tried to let her know where i'm coming from but in her eyes and she is perfectly correct, if we are having sex, but not kinky sex then maybe he isnt into it. All i am thinking about now is what i want to do with her and i have told her this but in her eyes, it means nothing until I do anything, which i get, completely. She is not with me just now but will see her next week, and I said we would do something. Basically what i'm worried about is that this has gone too far and is ireparable. I love her, I see myself with her in my life and in my kink play but I majorly fucked up and now i'm in a very procarious situation. I started this off with a question and a goal in mind but i have lost my track... Just read and comment ok guys, I am needing some help.