[Fiction] Onioni (MxM)

[Kewai]

Originally Posted by alex987

SEE I TOLD YOU THE STORY WAS GONNA BE POPULAR ;D I win!
I really like the suspenseful questions at the end of each chapter, length is great too!
I'm really looking forward to reading more ;3

LOL, you were just dying to say that wern't you?

Next Chapter within 48 hours, I love writing, but I have soooo much homework. A new chapter will be up in 48 hours though

[alex987]

Originally Posted by Kewai

LOL, you were just dying to say that wern't you?

Yeah! I was ;D all that hard work paid off, huh?
Talk to you tonight ;3

[WowwieGoesWoof]

Hehe I told you I'd read it today! Even if it did take a reminder. x.x; But yeah! GOOD STUFF! Keep it up!

[Kewai]

Okay guys, I am really sorry that I havent got a chapter up. I lost some of my corsework sheets that HAVE to be handed in on Friday and WILL be assesed and will be a determining factor for my final grade :/

I am however (after 5 hours of working on the stuff that I stupidly lost) writing a quick update. I cant promise the best quality as I am quite stressed and in a hurry. It wont be too long but I will try my best.

Check back in a couple of hours

[Kewai]

Hey Guys, I deeply apologize for the wait and the quality of the next chapter. I have been really stressed with these worksheets and havnt had the time to think about the story :/
I hope this chapter isn't too short or boring.... Here it is!!!!


Please note there is a changed/updated version of this chapter further down

Onioni
Chapter Four
(Sunday 1PM)

Originally Posted by Last Chapter

As he was almost on the floor of the food court, he spotted Corey sitting at a table with the scraps of food pushed to the side. His head was in his folded arms and he looked as if he could be asleep. Tommy walked up to him and gently pushed his arm, Corey looked up at him sleepily.

"Hey" Tommy Said Gently

Corey slowly lifted up his head and looked at Tommy.

"Hey" he said, his eyes instantly brightening up

"Sorry I was late" Tommy apologised sitting down on the seat opposite Corey "There was a crash and the traffic was going slowly"

"Its fine" Corey replied, his eyes instantly brightening up "What would you like to do?"

"I don't know eh?"

"Oh, Okay, how about we catch a movie?"

"Sure, which one?" Tommy asked

"How about that one?" Corey asked motioning to a sign behind Tommy's shoulder

Tommy turned around to see a poster advertising the movie 'Crazy Stupid Love'

"Erm...Okay" Tommy replied

"You sure?" Corey asked sounding a little surprised

"Sure, why not"

"Okay, let's go and get the tickets"

The boys got up and headed towards the stairs.
__________________________________________________ ___________________________
__________________________________________________ ___________________________
Meanwhile...........


Phillip jumped into his golf cart and headed back towards the clubhouse. It was a sunny afternoon and he had just finished a round of golf. He pulled up outside the clubhouse and headed in, there were some changing rooms and storage rooms on the first floor and a function room and office/conference room on the second floor. He headed up to the second floor as it was where there bar was. He reached the top of the stairs and looked around, it was deserted and most of the curtains were closed making the room seem sad and gloomy. There was an entrance to a bar like area on the opposite side of the room that also had a kitchen in it. Phillip headed over to the entrance to retrieve a coke. He walked into the room, headed over to a mini fridge, and opened it. He put his hand inside and immediately felt the cold; he quickly grabbed a coke and closed the door. He opened the can to hear a fizz and headed back into the main room. Phillip sipped the coke and wondered around the room slowly peeping out the windows that overlooked the golf course.

Phillip slowly made his way around the room slowly looking out every window. Suddenly he stopped; in the distance, he could see the faint outline of a mansion, it was the mansion of the boy who was the son of his fthers aquantince. He had seen him a few times before but really wanted to see him again; he seemed nice and Phillip hoped that he could meet up again.

Phillip went to take another drink of his coke but realised he had finished it all. Realising this, he headed back downstairs throwing his coke can in the bin in the process. He headed out the front door to see his golf cart in the sunlight. Walking towards it, he made a mental note to himself, he would meet up with that boy from the mansion these holidays.
__________________________________________________ ___________________________
__________________________________________________ ___________________________

What will happen when Phillip contacts Tommy?

Will anything happen between Tommy and Corey at the movie theatre?

What is Coreys backstory?

All will be revealed soon.......

Sorry again for the lack of quality. I am REEEAAALLLYYY stressed over this work and cant think properly. Please, please, please comment if you want more, I really apprecite your support and please give a five star rating if you think I deserve it (pplleeaasseee!!! )

Thanks Guys, I should have a better quality chapter out soon

[Rachie]

A little short, however nice set up.

Like the way you condense a lot into 1 post - well done

Hope the stuff your busy doing clears soon.

Keep up the good work

Love Rachie
x x x

[Saphir]

Cool that you also involve Philips "view". The update was a bit short tho. :P
And the 2nd part, first paragraph, lacks of connections between the sentences and such. You start most of the sentences with he or Phillip. You should either use adverbial phrases or conjunctions to start off your sentences, or participles. Every of them works to make it sound better.

However, I love your story <3 Looking forward to the next update.

Love

[Abmp]

Awesome update and an interesting dual views.
Good luck with the work but thanks for taking the time to write this chapter -it's really good.

[Kewai]

Okay guys, after reading over my last chapter I realized something: it was absolutely s#!t. So I will try to give you a slightly improved chapter. HOWEVER, I will not be writing another chapter untlill Nateey (Immaeatu) leave me a comment. I just felt like doing that because I did . An updated chapter will be out in…2 hours

[Kewai]

Hey guys,

I am sorry for the quality of the last update, after re-reading it I realised that it was infact crap. I have written a slightly longer and revised version that I hope will be a little better. Please comment and tell me what you think!!!!

Here it is......!!!!

Onioni
Chapter Four V2
(Sunday 1PM)

Originally Posted by Previously in Chapter three

As he was almost on the floor of the food court, he spotted Corey sitting at a table with the scraps of food pushed to the side. His head was in his folded arms and he looked as if he could be asleep. Tommy walked up to him and gently pushed his arm, Corey looked up at him sleepily.

"Hey" Tommy Said Gently

Corey slowly lifted up his head and looked at Tommy.

"Hey" he said, his eyes instantly brightening up

"Sorry I was late" Tommy apologised sitting down on the seat opposite Corey "There was a crash and the traffic was terrible"

"Its fine" Corey replied, his eyes instantly brightening up "What would you like to do?"

"I don't know eh?"

"Oh, Okay, how about we catch a movie?"

"Sure, which one?" Tommy asked

"How about that one?" Corey asked motioning to a sign behind Tommy's shoulder

Tommy turned around to see a poster advertising the movie 'Crazy Stupid Love'

"Erm...Okay" Tommy replied unsure of Corey's approach

"You sure?" Corey asked sounding a little surprised

"Sure, why not" Tommy replied deciding just to go for it

"Okay, let's go and get the tickets" Corey exclaimed happily surprised

The boys got up and headed towards the stairs.
__________________________________________________ ___________________________
__________________________________________________ ___________________________
Meanwhile...........


Phillip jumped into his golf cart and headed back towards the clubhouse. It was a sunny afternoon and he had just finished a round of golf. Pulling up to the clubhouse he jumped out of his golf cart and jogged towards the clubhouse. It was a small but modern clubhouse that is two stories high, it has changing rooms and storage area on the first floor and a lounge and kitchen/bar on the second floor. As he reached the door to the clubhouse he slowed down and looked at the glass door for a second before heading in. Opening the door he looked around to see the familiar foyer that was tiled and had a contemporary, wooden staircase on the opposite side. Slowly he made his way through the un-illuminated foyer towards the staircase.
__________________________________________________ __
Having reached the cinema Corey and Tommy stood in line waiting to buy tickets. The boys stood in the line awkwardly looking around the large room. The lights of the candy bar and ticket counter were flickering creating a lively atmosphere. Occasionally the boys would make eye contact for a split second before breaking it and looking away awkwardly.

"I have an idea" Tommy said breaking the silence

"Sure, what is it?" Corey replied happy to have broken the silence

"How about we…..."

__________________________

Phillip reached into the minifridge and pulled out a diet coke. He was in the bar that was adjacent to the lounge in the clubhouse. Opening the door he looked around the gloomier than usual lounge. He had been there many times before however he did not really know what to do. Walking around the room, he opened the curtains in an attempt to liven up the place. After opening the final curtain, he looked around to see the room looking more lively. He walked back over to a seat and jumped down to relax. Beep beep. Pulling his phone out of his pocket, he saw a text from his best friend Isaac.

"Hey man, I have something that I need to tell you. Can we meet up?"

"Sure, where and when?

Phillip had known Isaac for many years and he was a great friend. He had last seen him about a week before when he had been over for a sleep over. It had been a little awkward after the sleepover and the boys had not spoken since.
Realising he had finished his drink Phillip headed back down to the ground level. He strode out the main door and jumped onto his golf cart. He had to put the golf cart away before getting into his car and heading home. After pulling his golf cart into the storage garage, he jumped into his coupe, a BMW 6 series. He pulled out his phone before starting the car and saw another text from Isaac.

"Down at the waterfront, 11:30 Tuesday? We can have lunch?"

"Sure" Phillip replied

He sighed and looked up, in the distance he could make out the faint outline of a mansion. It was the mansion of that boy who was his fathers, business partner's son. He had only met him a few times before and he seemed nice. He really wanted to meet him again. Starting the car, he made a mental note: he would meet up with that boy again. Without another thought, he drove home.
______________

What Does Isaac need to tell Phillip?
What is Tommy's suggestion?
What will happen between Phillip and Tommy?

All will be revealed soon........

Thanks for reading. Please, please, please comment and tell me what you think. I will get more out soon. (48 hours after Nateey comments) Thanks

[Saphir]

This is way better :3

I noticed a little mistake (tenses)

"It was a small but modern clubhouse that is two stories high, it has changing rooms and storage area on the first floor and a lounge and kitchen/bar on the second floor."

Hope you read before it's too late to edit.

[AMGWallHax]

Love both, cannot wait for chapter 5<33

[immaeatu]

XDD hun u crazy <3

nice update tho D

[Kewai]

Okay Guys.....I would like to thank everyone who has commented on this story so far. It means allot to me Now that the cutest and most amazing guy in the world has commented (Thanks Nateey ) I will have a chapter up in 48 hours.

I'm sorry for the lack of chapter updates, School is really getting on top of me. However, in just over a month I will have Holidays and will be able to update allot more

I have one question to ask you guys: Do you want to see things get sexual sooner or later? I didnt want to jump straight into sexual scenes but I also dont want people getting bored. Please give me your opinion.

Thanks Again everyone for the support and please keep it coming

Love you all
Kewai <3

[Saphir]

Even tho in my experience "being realistic" doesn't mean that it will take long until it gets sexually, I still prefer it that way, in stories. :P