★ Ask Betty and Stix - Anonymous Advice.

[BettyBoop]

❝I don't like Vaginas. I think they are gross. Is that wrong even though I prefer a GF over a BF? PS: I am a male.❞

Betty:

I'm assuming you mean you find their appearance a little gross, and to be honest that's fine. Not everyone finds genitalia incredibly attractive. If you find them gross to the point where you can't go near them, that could be a problem if you want a girlfriend.

Stix:

It's ok to think that a body part is gross. Even if it is a sexual organ. Many people have fetishes for body parts which other's may not feel any attraction to. Of course, it is still possible to love a girl for who they are without being attracted to their sexual parts.
There is nothing "wrong" with you, there is nothing "wrong" with the fact you find vaginas gross. It's perfectly natural, and I'm sure if you asked around (though I wouldn't recommend it) there would be other people who share the same feelings.

[BettyBoop]

❝Dear Betty and Stix.
You may not be able to help with this, but maybe you can point me in the right direction. Right. Thing is, my boyfriend can only come during sex and when I touch him. He has never been able to do it alone and, neither of us knows why.❞

Betty:

I'm not sure I'm going to be any help here but maybe you could try masturbating together (mutual masturbation?). That way he'll be doing it himself, but you'll be doing it together, hopefully that will be at least a step in the right direction. I hope that makes sense.

Stix:

Perhaps that he finds it hard to become aroused on his own? I'm not entirely sure what the best solution is, or what to suggest, but perhaps you could experiment by doing things over the phone, over webcam, and see if that makes a difference from when he's actually "on his own".

Sorry if that's not much help

[BettyBoop]

❝I worry, a lot, especially on here, that people don't actually like me.... they say they do, but it's hard to tell if they're being genuine. In real life I know they don't and I can deal with it.... but here.... I'm not sure.❞

Betty:

If you can deal with people in real life who you aren't friendly with than you should care even less about those online, though I understand how annoying fake people can be. You should stick to talking to those who you like and who seem genuine to you. If you doubt someone's honesty and you think it's better for you to stop talking to them then you shouldn't hesitate to. I think it becomes tiring to worry about whether or not people on the internet like you or not, just be yourself and I'm sure you'll make plenty of friends.

Stix:

I've learnt not to care what people think of me, whether they're being genuine or not. I used to question whether people enjoyed spending time with me, and my life was miserable. Once I started taking life at face value, and really looking at the bigger picture, I became much more content with myself.

Without trying to sound harsh, if you stop questioning what people think of you, and start being yourself regardless of what people think of you, you'll be so much happier.

[BettyBoop]

❝I have many sad things going on in my life. It's too long for me to type here but should I keep pretending to be happy? Then no one will know and it'll all be good when everything is over. But something feels not quite right...❞

Betty:

I don't think pretending to be happy is going to help you at all because you aren't. You should probably try deal with the things that are making you unhappy. If you are feeling really down try to talking to someone close to you like a best friend or family member. Hiding the way you feel won't make you feel it any less.

Stix:

I think you should just be honest, and be yourself. If you are sad, don't make a big song and dance about it, but if someone asks you if you want tot talk about it, and you really do, then don't hesitate to let it all out.

You shouldn't pretend to be happy if you're not. Nor should you be so unhappy that you're depressed and can't control your emotions.

Find the balance, and let your emotions happen. Trying to stop yourself from feeling true emotions is never a good idea

[BettyBoop]

❝Dear Betty and Stix

I have always thought of my best friend as just that, but recently he has been making a move on me. I don't know what to do :S
I am a guy btw.❞

Betty:

Well, it depends on whether you'd want to be more than friends or you don't want to cross that line. This is a bit difficult to answer without really knowing how you feel about the situation. I'd say if you're not okay with it, wait until you are really sure he's "making a move" and then simply tell him you're not interested. You need to be sure about what signals he's sending though as you might offend him if you call him out on it and it was all just a bit of confusion.

Stix:

I think you should talk to him. If you're feeling uncomfortable, you should let him know. If you're best friends, then there is no doubt he'll understand whatever you're feeling.

If you just be honest with him, I'm sure you can work things out.

[BettyBoop]

❝I have a friend I can not stand. She's rude and annoying. I don't want her as a friend anymore, but I don't want it to turn nasty. We share the same friends, what do I do?❞

Betty:

Sharing the same friendship group with a person you can't stand can be really difficult and you may unfortunately have to be around that person occasionally. I have a girl who's friends with friends of mine who I don't particularly care for but if we are out in a group I find it quite easy to simply ignore her. Though that's just me and the situation may be different for you. I would recommend that, if you are comfortable enough with it, you should tell her the way she's behaving is annoying and you think she's being rude. If you don't want to confront her then just avoid her as much as you can.
If you find it a bit scary to say it to her face to face, you could always send a message online if that's easier.
It shouldn't turn nasty if it's handled maturely on both sides (:

Stix:

I think the best thing to do is to just avoid her. Do your best to stay away from them, but don't make a big deal out of it. If she does end up annoying you, or being rude to you, just walk away. Don't let it bother you. By the sounds she's not worth your time or effort. If she confronts you about it, then just be honest with her. Tell her you find her annoying, and at times rude, but you didn't want things to turn nasty.

Hopefully she'll understand and be reasonable about it. I hope that helped

[BettyBoop]

❝I'm recording music at the moment... would you say auto-tuning is an abomination?❞

Betty:

I've never had a big problem with auto-tuning when it's not completely robot-sounding and very obvious. I've never had much experience with it when recording music to be honest , but if it's necessary then I don't see why not (:

Stix:

Well, I've never used auto tune, but that's because I know some people who are incredible singers. I think if it sounds good with an auto tune, then you might as well go for it!

My rule is, if it sounds good, do it. I've sometimes used random bits of metal on my drum kit, I've made a cymbal that is nearly cut in half, but it sounds good...so I use it!

Just do what you want I guess

[BettyBoop]

❝I'm really scared of guys. I go to an all girls school but there is an all guys school right near and they are idiots. I'm so scared of them and they always tease me because I'm an loner or something? And I'm too scared to do anything about it as I'm so shy and i dont want to make a big deal out of it... What to do? Help!❞

Betty:

A lot of boys act really stupid, but it's highly unlikely they are ever going to do anything that you need to be afraid about. They are probably picking on you because you seem shy and are an easy target, if you act confident and ignore their immaturity they may get bored with targeting you specifically. Don't let them make you afraid of all guys, they just sound like bad eggs to me.

Stix:

Ok...so I'll be the first one to admit that a lot of guys are idiots. It's just how we are, and we annoy girls, and we wind you up, and we tease you, and I can't apologise for the whole gender, but if I could, I would.

Most guys don't know when to stop. I often tease my friends (who are girls), and they tease me back, but I know when to stop. I know when not to even think about teasing them. Perhaps they're simply just not mature enough to realise that it is really getting to you. I know you said you're shy, but the best thing to do in a situation would be to confront them. Tell them that it's upsetting you, let them know that they're making you feel this way.

But...alas, we're not all like that. There are a fair few really nice, decent guys. And when you find us, you'll love us to bits! It just takes time. Be patient, you'll find a guy who you can love and respect.

[BettyBoop]

❝This is similar to my post in your thread about secrets. My brother is taking sleeping pills because his nights are haunted by his best friend who took his life last year, my 'friends' hate me, I dissapoint my parents, I cry myself to sleep. I fell like I have no one to turn to.❞

Betty:

You seem really down so I think firstly, you should stop trying to worry about other people so much when so many other things are getting you down. You are going to overload yourself with stress. If you think your friends hate you then I'm sure you could do with some better friends, try and make some new ones if the ones you are with make you unhappy. I'm pretty sure every teenagers has disappointed their parents at some point in their lives, if you are really worried about it, talk to them. Your parents love you and maybe they don't realise all the stuff that's affecting you, try dealing with the things that are making you upset and hopefully you'll stop having to cry yourself to sleep.
If you want, you can send me a private message and we can talk anytime

Stix:

Well, I know this is anonymous, but if you ever need someone to talk to, I'd be more than happy to listen.

It's sad to hear that you're going through tough times, but things will always get better. No matter how hard things get, there's always a way out, and it usually comes when you're least expecting it. No matter how much you think they don't, there is always someone who cares about you, and it's sometimes the person you least expect.

Life is like a long road, sometimes you accidentally go the wrong way, but the first thing you do when that happens is either turn around, or find a different route to get where you're going. You'll always find your way back, no matter how long it takes. Sometimes you have to ask for directions, sometimes you go completely the wrong way before you realise where you went wrong.

I know it's a cheesy metaphor, but it's certainly helped me when I've been feeling down.

[BettyBoop]

❝What do you do when you think you've gone off of sex? When doing anything other than kissing and cuddling makes you feel so damn nervous and makes you want to run away? I used to be fine with sex and touching and whatever and now I think I've regressed...❞

Betty:

If it making you nervous then maybe you should talk to your partner about it and he/she can help you feel more comfortable. But you don't have to have sex if you don't want to, you can wait until you feel comfortable with it again or take it slowly and try other things. If it really is making you want to run away try and figure out why that is and solve it. (:

Stix:

I think that perhaps you need to sit your partner down and talk to him/her. I'm not exactly an expert on this subject, but I could suggest making a big thing out of having sex, just for one night, and maybe see if it brings the spark back? Have a meal for two, make it incredibly romantic?

Perhaps you should maybe just steer clear of "sex and touching". Give it time until you're comfortable again.

Just a few suggestions, but either way, I think it's important to talk to your partner.

[BettyBoop]

❝I've been good friends with this guy (let's call him Jake) for a long time now, and we get on really well. Jake's really funny, but one of the things he likes to joke about is that we're gay together.. (I'm a guy). Nothing too serious, he'll just put on an act and laugh about it as he makes really dirty innuendos and touch my thigh and stuff...

Lately, though, I've started to think about him more and more *that* way... And now it's like I can't get Jake out of my head, and I can't stop noticing just how good he looks. And I can't help it, but now every time he does the 'gay act' around me I start to blush like crazy or go really stiff or (what must look inexplicably) just get infuriatingly annoyed at him. I'm sure he must have noticed the change, but I don't know what to tell him... Do I ask him to stop with the goofing around? Do I confess my feelings for him? Is there a chance *gulp* that he gives me so much attention like that.. because he likes me back?

I don't know what to do, and it's driving me crazy here. Please help =(❞

Betty:

It depends on whether or not you are willing to take the risk and confess your feeling. I know a lot of teenage boys who act that way and are really just joking, so if you are unsure to how he'd react just be sure that he likes you that way and he really isn't just messing about. Though it's possible he may be subtly flirting with you, I obviously don't know him well enough to make that judgement. You also don't mention if Jake is gay or not? Though if it is making you uncomfortable and you don't really want to bring it up, you could use your body language to express that you're uncomfortable with it or tell him in a jokey kind of way. Just move his hands if he's touching you and lean away ect.


Stix:

I think that because you're best friends, you should be able to talk to him about anything. I know that I can tell my best friend anything without being judged or mocked.

If you sit him down, and talk to him about it, I'm sure he'll be very understanding.

Although think carefully before you do, because sometimes what you think is more than friendship can actually turn out to be just friendship of the 3rd kind! Take your time, be patient, and I'm sure you'll know what to do.

[BettyBoop]

❝I want to wax my pubic hair but how much will it hurt?❞

Betty:

From my personal experience, it's definitely worth it to wax anywhere on your body rather than shave. I won't lie and say it doesn't hurt, it does, but it won't hurt for ever and I'd definitely recommend it, it last longer because it removed the hair follicle from the root (not as painful as it sounds) and is quicker to do.
It does seem a bit scary though, and if you are okay with it, you could get it done professionally. Or if you have a very close friend?

Stix:

I can honestly say I've never done it....so maybe I'm not the best person to ask.

Sorry.

[BettyBoop]

I like a girl very much, but I'm quite shy.

We've been naked in bed together, but we haven't really taken it as far as sex. I want to though, how can I best approach this?

Betty:

I would say you should talk to her about it, just make sure that she's ready. It's easier to know for sure and it'll relieve you of the worry and hopefully make you less nervous. And when you say you've been naked in bed together, I'm still not really getting if you've done stuff before, if you haven't try to go step by step. Slow and steady wins the race.
Good luck.

Stix:

I think you should be confident, but not daunting or overwhelming. You should let her know how you feel, but slowly. You should talk to her, and if you know that she feels the same way, you should make a move.

If, however, she sees you as just friends, it might be hard for her to feel "that way" towards you. Just talk to her, and be confident.

[BettyBoop]

I'm 5'7(almost 5'8) and 121 pounds...
How much weight do you think I could lose and it still be technically "healthy?"

Betty:

To be honest I don't think you need to lose any weight you seem to be quite close to being underweight. If you feel you want to improve your body you could try toning up? I wouldn't recommend losing any weight looking at your stats.

Stix:

It depends if you're male or female, I don't think you should be losing any weight at all. For someone who is 5'8" (female) with a small frame, you're looking to be about 126-139lbs, a medium frame is 136-150lbs, and a large frame is 146-167lbs. You shouldn't be losing any weight.

Perhaps you just need to tone your muscles? But you certainly don't need to lose any weight

[BettyBoop]

❝I can't shake the feeling that I won't ever get married because I've had sex before. It's not exactly something I entirely regret, I know sometimes it was a mistake and misjudged, but with my last boyfriend, it was out of love. Anyways, Obviously I'm not a virgin.. I feel like guys can see right through me and think "She's already been used, it's like used trash", "sloppy seconds".

I hate that feeling... But obviously it's not something I can ever change. Does it make me a bad person that I'm not a virgin?❞

Betty:

No, no, no, no, NO! It does not in any way make you a bad person. So many people in this day and age are getting married who aren't virgins, that in no way makes you "trash". A person isn't how many people they've slept with, you're more than that. If that's all someone cares about in you then you can do better. I'm sure you are a lovely person with a great personality, not being a virgin doesn't make you any less awesome.

Stix:

I don't think that not being a virgin makes you a bad person at all. Having sex, or not having sex does not change who you are at all.
I think you're extremely self concious, and you worry a lot about what people think of you. Trust me what I say this...People don't care as much as you think they do.

You seem like a lovely girl, and eventually you will meet the right man who will love you whether you've had sex or not. I certainly don't care whether a girl has had sex or not, it doesn't even cross my mind.

Maybe you get attention from the "wrong" sort of crowd. You don't want to be hanging around the boys that see you as "used trash".

I hope that helps