12-31-2010, 04:03 PM | #31 |
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nice keep it going
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12-31-2010, 07:26 PM | #32 | |
getDare Sweetheart
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Noob. P.S to everyone, happy new year.
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12-31-2010, 08:37 PM | #33 |
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Don't let it get to you. I got told that I was going to rot in hell for writing my story, so there you go.
I personally really like your story, and the grammar is great, I don't really get what they're saying about that. If a story bothers you that much, there is a simple solution: DON'T READ IT! @kinky: I love the story, and keep writing!!!
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12-31-2010, 11:34 PM | #34 |
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Hey! Great story so far. I appreciate the definitions though sometimes I think they impede the flow of the story a little bit. To be totally honest it is not perfect grammatically. The errors were generally comma issues. They don't significantly hurt the story though so it's not a big deal. Any way I truly hope you continue the story and I look forward to reading more!
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01-01-2011, 12:13 AM | #35 | |
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Just forget it, your grammar ain't that bad. THATS RIGHT, IM TEXAN!
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01-01-2011, 01:54 AM | #36 |
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well in spots it is hard to read, it doesnt flow smoothly. and seriously he doesnt need to tell us he is speaking in third person, we know. im just saying though, no need to get mad. im from texas too, i dont know what that has to do with anything though...
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01-01-2011, 02:03 AM | #37 |
getDare Sweetheart
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and i wasnt flaming over a sofa, i was flaming over the disruptions of the story for definitions. but it doesnt really matter
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01-01-2011, 05:07 AM | #38 |
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Very hott - and to that guy that was flaming over nothing - go fuck yourself
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01-02-2011, 03:42 PM | #39 | |
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Kinky dont let the fool get in your way!!! to the fool: stop posting your diggin your own grave XP
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01-04-2011, 06:50 AM | #40 |
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Ok sorry guys, I've been kind of busy or I've not had the chance to write it, being Christmas and New Years and all. I hope everyone enjoyed their holidays.
I cannot write currently as I'm on my mobile but I'll write as soon as possible. I agree, my grammar isn't the best but no need to flame, I was just giving definitions because others don't actually know what they mean. Just because you know it, doesn't mean that others do. Also everyone mentions the prospective, does that matter to you also? gtfo.
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01-04-2011, 08:14 PM | #41 | |
getDare Sweetheart
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Quote:
i was just trying to say is that putting definitions directly in the story takes away from what you are trying to portray because i have to stop reading the story and read a definition. i had only intended to critisize you once by repeating the same thing others had said before me, please notitce I'm not the only one who complained about definitions and none of them were told to fuck off, but i got ganged up on and felt i needed to explain myself. i was trying to be helpful... dont listen to me but it would be better to place an asteric (*) next to a word you want to explain and place the definition at the bottom of your chapter. im sorry i came off as an asshole...
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01-04-2011, 08:29 PM | #42 |
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I'm glad that you apologized, and maybe everyone (myself included) did overreact.
But you might consider taking some of what you give as well, and check your own grammar before railing on someone else's. Just a thought. Keep up the good work kinky!
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01-05-2011, 04:17 PM | #43 |
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I was going to write up the last chapter before I left but my parents came in just as I was writing it. I've also removed the definitions.
Previous: Kieran wanted to speed the game up so decided that Nick should give him a blowjob, Nick wasn't actually pleased yet he was exited to give out his first blowjob. Kieran went and sat down on the chair, relaxed himself then pulled down his trousers, while Nick pulled up his trousers, bent down and shuffled next to Kieran's penis. He took a big deep breath then put Kieran's whole penis into his mouth, and started bobbing, Kieran couldn't even believe the feeling he was getting off of Nick and just moaned slightly under his breathe. Nick didn't like the taste at all but still carried on. Once the minute was up, Kieran was humping Nickk's face but he had to stop, as they always stop dares after one minute. They both enjoyed it and Nick didn't actually get up to 'wash his mouth out'.. *I probably won't be able to write much but I am just trying to keep you guys attracted. Spelling or grammar may be bad in this paragraph as I'm sneaking online to write this for you* Now - Third person It's Nicks turn and as Nick was planning a great dare, Kieran decided to ruin it by picking truth. Nick was slightly annoyed but still showed a smiley face. "arrgh. Ok well.. Urrm.. - Do you enjoy these days?", without hesitation Kieran replied "Yeah!, they're fun ". Perfect. Nick was in for a suprise as Kieran had planned this dare but was holding it for a good time to use. Kieran had instructed Nick and himself to go to his parents bathroom suite and to sit down on the toilet, Kieran then opened the shower door and searched through some bottles. After about a minute of waiting and Nick getting a good view of Kieran's ass, Kieran finally turned around and waved a shower gel bottle in the air. "I'm going to smeare this shower gel all over your ass" Kieran sniggered. As Nick grabbed the bottle, thinking that this would be easy, he read the title that labelled, "XXX Mint" - Oh shit! Nick then bent down, ass in the air with his trousers down, then used both of his hands to spreade his cheeks open as the clicking sound of the XXX Mint bottle cap opened for the first time to be used. Kieran then squirted the dark green liquid over his hands and rubbed them together. Kieran then got closer and start to massuage Nick's ass all around, making sure that his ass was covered in this mint, he then edged around the crack and rubbed some extra around the thighs, upon standing back up again and telling Nick to get back up. Nick actually enjoyed it the sensations Kieran was giving him until 3 minutes after he finished, felt his ass and thighs feel really cold. Now who was laughing.. Ok guys, that's all I can write right now, I hope you liked it :P
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01-08-2011, 08:08 AM | #44 |
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Kinky, im goin to be honest with you,
this story is amazing and its so adorable!!!! this was fiction right :s because i hope it can become reality <3
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01-08-2011, 07:04 PM | #45 |
getDare Sweetheart
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Haha thanks.. And yeah, unfortunately it's fiction.
I was with him today, he just seems too anti-gay so I doubt I'd ever be able to get to play TorD with him. Oh well. I'll write more once I get some attention. I don't want to be writing if no one is interested!
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16 / Male / UK PM me as many truths as you like, I'll answer them no matter what Edit: (22/05/2016) - Last activity was in 2013. I've grown up now :O Edit edit: 23/01/2018 - Wow, happy to see the forum still alive. Amazing nostalgia and how young I was. |
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