Limits?

[IceMaiden]

Soft limits: (Only my Dom can have me do these.)

AtM:

I find this disgusting. It makes me feel sick and I am just completely repulsed by it. I also don't think it is healthy/safe if there is ...you know, visible mess.

Begging:

This is a trigger for traumatic childhood memories. Think begging not to be hurt anymore as a young child. I can do this with my dom with extreme care, guidance, support and aftercare but it never gets less difficult.

Corner time:
Nope. Even 5 minutes has me wondering why I am there, why did I do x thing which put me here, why do I suck so much, I am a terrible person and I am here because no one can be bothered with me and I have been abandoned.

Pee drinking:
Something else I find disgusting and makes me feel nauseous for hours after.

Pet play:
I like degradation play when it's done in a way to turn me on. Pet play has the opposite effect and degrades me in a negative way and makes me feel silly and stupid and ashamed.

Confined spaces, extreme restrictive bondage, hoods etc over my face:
I am claustrophobic.


Hard limits: First I want to note that I am one of those people who have no limits with my Dom. So even though I class these as hard limits, if AM wanted me to do one of them then I would, provided I was sure it wouldn't harm me in the long term. If I was absolutely certain it would harm me then no I wouldn't and if he insisted...we'd be parting ways due to his very own order of "If I ever harm you, leave." I will never do any of these for anyone else though. Not ever. AM once said "She doesn't have limits, but there ARE limits." And I think that sums it up perfectly. If he were to have me do any of these then he would be 500% sure I could manage it and that I was safe.

Alcohol/intoxication:
A history of alcohol abuse to the point I was addicted for a long time.

Food control/Forced exercise:
I have struggled with anorexia, bulimia, binge eating and purging for at least 15 years of my life. I almost killed myself several times with this. I don't want to ever be back in that cycle.

Watching myself naked (Mirrors, cam etc):
This stems into the above, I can not look at myself without being negative and picking out every flaw whether real or imagined. The times I did try immediately had me restricting food, upping exercise and so on. It is a slippery slope and one I have to be careful with every single day.

Permanent/dangerous:
I am not going to seriously hurt or injure myself. I like being alive!

Scat/Vomit/Blood/Period play:

I just find these ewww. I can handle vomit from deepthroating but that is all. Scat, I have lightly played with by pooping in a nappy but I was so grossed out and ashamed and hated how it felt I cried so hard for the 45 minutes it took me to clean myself up. I enjoy feeling ashamed in a kinky arousing way but not that way. I was just disgusted and broken and needed serious aftercare. Blood...this is something I have a slight interest in such as knife play but due to a history of self harm I don't think it is wise to engage. And period play I just find sooooo gross!

Family/friends:
While the majority of people in my life know about my kinky side and don't judge me for it, I am not going to involve them when they haven't consented to it.

Pics/Cam:
This ties into my limits of food and exercise and mirrors - I don't like people seeing and judging me. I don't like the feeling of sending a picture and then thinking "they will be disgusted and aren't going to talk to me ever again." I found it SO HARD to follow through on my promise from one of my recent threads of posting pictures from a play session. I still want to delete them all even though it would mean breaking my promise. Now with that said, if I know 100% that I wont be judged AND trust someone 100% I am okayish sharing pictures. Not really 100% comfortable or something I actively seek out unless you are AM, but something I can bring myself to do sometimes. With AM, I know without a doubt he likes every single part of me so I have no problem sending him stuff and even like to on occasion. But I still wont look back at the pictures I send him or I start insulting myself. They are immediately deleted.

Anal:
This is more AM's limit than mine. I like anal most of the time, but he wants something just for him so it is offlimits unless he allows it.

Visible marks/bruises:
I have a child and he isn't seeing this stuff.

Degradation:
With AM, I love this play. It has taken us a long time to get me to a place where I know everything he says is for the benefit of the scene and he doesn't actually mean the cruel things he says. But I love and trust AM with my life and he is the only person I will ever allow to treat me this way.

[lilith_]

poop/drinking pee: terribly gross, it's the biggest no.

covering my face/caging: I am claustrophobic so I cannot handle these. I think I might be okay with collars but I have never had one so I can't tell.

electro play: I'm terrified of electricity.

ice or toothpaste inside vagina/ass/figging/hot sauce: terribly painful for me.... Pain on those two places can bring horrible flashbacks and panic attacks, it will forever be a hard limit. However, running an ice cube over these parts is okay. But holding it there for more than a few seconds it gets painful.

Vomit: I absolutely HATE it. It can bring so much anxiety and it makes me feel absolutely terrible and depressed. It feels like I am puking all of my energy and soul and then I am completely exhausted and depressed. Huge limit. Also it can bring flashbacks.

Intoxication: I cannot drink because of medication but I would NEVER do a scene while being intoxicated (alcohol or drugs). Never. It can bring back many bad memories of my abuse and also apart from that I think BDSM should only happen when strictly all the participants are SOBER. Especially if you are a Dom you have to be fully present. I would NEVER play with someone who is drunk or drugged. Never.

Punching/yelling: because of past abuse. I cannot handle yelling at all. When I hear someone yelling, even on tv, I either panic or I dissociate (I lose touch with reality and it feels like I am just observing a fake reality, either the world feels fake or myself feels like a stranger. Hard to explain). Also these things can trigger regression, but not the kinky kind at all, it makes me feel very small, unprotected, unsafe and I have to run and hide immedietly.

Pain as punishment: In general I have a good relationship with pain. It is surprising considering my childhood abuse... But it is a GREAT thing that it can now be a turn on in a safe environment. In general I have perverted a lot of insecurities and fears that I have. However pain comes a limit when it comes to punishments. It would be traumatic if someone used pain on me when I am being punished.

Needles: they terrify me.