Fiction: The Church Retreat

tordman · 09-06-2011, 08:07 PM

Hello GetDare Members,
This is my first attempt at writing a story. I've been reading them for a few years now and I think it's time I tried it for myself. So here it is...

"...in Jesus' name, amen."
Finally, morning service is over. I thought it would never end.*
"We will meet back here for lunch at noon. You are free to explore the grounds until then."
This is going to be an awesome retreat. No parents and hardly any supervision all weekend.
"Hey Ben! Wanna go walk around with us?"
It's Kailee, the cutest girl in the whole church. I've had a crush on her for a few months now.
"Yeah, sure."
Her friend, Beth, is with her she's nice but not nearly as attractive as Kailee.*
"Oh, and Beth was wondering if you could invite Chris too."
"Okay, I'll go ask him."
Chris has been one of my best friends for a few years now and I'm rooming with him all weekend.
"Hey Chris, Kailee and Beth wanna go walk around with us and see what there is to do on the campgrounds."
"I don't know, Ben. I was gonna go unpack."
"Come on! You can do that later. Just do me this favor. You know I'd do the same for you."
"Alright, fine. But you owe me."
We found the girls waiting right be the door.
"Where do you guys want to check out first?" I said.
"How about the lake?" Kailee replied.
We all agreed and set off towards the lake...

Sorry it's kind of short but I want to see if people like the way I write or if there's anything I need to change. All comments and constructive criticism are appreciated.

09-06-2011, 08:07 PM	#1
tordman Member Join Date: Apr 2007 Posts: 44	The Church Retreat Hello GetDare Members, This is my first attempt at writing a story. I've been reading them for a few years now and I think it's time I tried it for myself. So here it is... "...in Jesus' name, amen." Finally, morning service is over. I thought it would never end.* "We will meet back here for lunch at noon. You are free to explore the grounds until then." This is going to be an awesome retreat. No parents and hardly any supervision all weekend. "Hey Ben! Wanna go walk around with us?" It's Kailee, the cutest girl in the whole church. I've had a crush on her for a few months now. "Yeah, sure." Her friend, Beth, is with her she's nice but not nearly as attractive as Kailee.* "Oh, and Beth was wondering if you could invite Chris too." "Okay, I'll go ask him." Chris has been one of my best friends for a few years now and I'm rooming with him all weekend. "Hey Chris, Kailee and Beth wanna go walk around with us and see what there is to do on the campgrounds." "I don't know, Ben. I was gonna go unpack." "Come on! You can do that later. Just do me this favor. You know I'd do the same for you." "Alright, fine. But you owe me." We found the girls waiting right be the door. "Where do you guys want to check out first?" I said. "How about the lake?" Kailee replied. We all agreed and set off towards the lake... Sorry it's kind of short but I want to see if people like the way I write or if there's anything I need to change. All comments and constructive criticism are appreciated.