Hell [FICTION]

Trystaan · 01-12-2008, 09:41 AM

This is based on a true story but I have jazzed it up a lot.
If any one has any Ideas they would like to see in the story i would be happy to try and involve them in

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Part 1

I read the invitation Claire had given me, it was your straight forward party invitation my house, sleep over that sort of stuff. While at home my Mum said it was ok and on that night I set off to Claire’s. My first mistake. When we arrived I was greeted normally and entered the house to see Claire looking beautiful and my two friends Jack and Marcus. Within half an hour or so all the guests had arrived. There were 3 girls Lauren, Claire and Bridie. The guys were Jack, Ben, Marcus and I. Lauren was a stunning girl who had a model contract. She was 5, 6 with long flowing blonde hair and curves in all the right places. Claire was quite a bit shorter with brunette hair wasn’t so well endowed as Lauren but still looked very nice. Bridie was about 5, 4 and had the biggest breasts of them all; I would love to get a bit of action on them.

So here we are. Claire’s back garden. No parents home getting drunk out of our heads when Claire decides we should probably go to the room where we would be sleeping that night.

The rest of the night became a blur. I vaguely remember Truth or Dare and quite a few more drinks but as we grew drunker and drunker we got more tired and eventually we went to sleep. Mistake Number 2.

When I woke up everything around me was dark and it was hard to see anything in detail, as I focused though I could see more and I appeared to be in some dimly lit basement with strange objects and shapes surrounding me. Suddenly to my right I heard a cruel laugh, a laugh full of hatred and evil. The lights turned on and burned my eyes when I opened them I saw something I had only read about on the cruellest of sites and I thought to myself.

OH SHIT

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Part 2 coming soon if people want to read more.

ManicD · 01-12-2008, 09:53 AM

1234567890123456

Trystaan · 01-12-2008, 09:55 AM

That was to try and leave it on a cliffhanger so people would want to read more but whatever any one else says goes so thanks Lucifer

Kitty this was written by me and it is based on MY real life experience except it will be jazzed up alot.

Isabell · 01-12-2008, 11:44 AM

Interesting, this has quite a bit of potential. Keep it up. I look forward to reading more.

Trystaan · 01-12-2008, 11:46 AM

Yay someone part from Lucifer kinda likes it

Part 2 should either come tonight or tomorrow morning

Trystaan · 01-27-2008, 03:21 PM

Sorry just had no insparation.

There was a vast room before me, very dark and dusty. Racks on the walls holding evil looking objects. Then i saw them: Claire Briddie and Loren standing about 10 feet to the side of me boy they looked stunning. Claire from head to toe in black latex, Briddie with a crop and riding boots. The loren with a short sexy black skirt and a matching tank top. The sight of her gave me a raging hard on. I looked over so had Marcus and Jack. I could't see Ben anywhere. I turned back and asked them 'Wheres ben?' Immeadiatly briddie walked up to me and slapped me in the face. 'Who the fuck do you think you are you dirty fucking slave' ' Ben's gone' she added 'He's Lucky'. 'What the hell are you doing' Briddie had started to walk away she turned back sharply and walked towards Marcus unlocked him then the same with jack. They were given back there clothes and Claire escorted them out of the room.

'From now on you will call us Miss' she spat at me 'Do you understand'. 'What the hell' I reapeated in a stunned voice.

'Rite that's it Loren punish him and make it hurt!'

Loren walked up to me with a cat'o' nine tails in her hand. She whipped me viciously for what seemed like an age. When she drew blood 'STOP!' i screamed. 'Stop what Slave' Stop Please.... miss' I added with a tinge of humiliation in my voice'

'Good' Briddie said 'Stage 1 complete'

What do you guys think. PLease give me positive criticism and any ideas you would like incorporated in the story

Lucifer87 · 01-12-2008, 09:54 AM

good start, it has potential, the only thing i dont like is the end "I saw something I had only read about on the cruellest of sites" whereas it seems like yoru either skipping to the end of teh story to fast or over dramatising whats gonna happen next.

also you might concider adding some information about the character, m/f age? description? etc

Kitty · 01-12-2008, 09:55 AM

did you copy this story or it written by you

Ciandon · 01-27-2008, 03:48 PM

This is a pretty good story. I'm no author myself, but this looks like it has some potential.

Trystaan · 01-27-2008, 03:49 PM

Thanks man ( anything I cuould do to improve)

tissue13 · 01-27-2008, 09:09 PM

pretty good-has potentail for an amazing story

Pikachu · 01-28-2008, 02:01 AM

great potential great story if you need any help jsut ask....please keep it up

molten man · 01-28-2008, 09:59 PM

Keep it going!!!!!

Trystaan · 01-31-2008, 02:57 PM

Part 4 I think you'll enjoy this one.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
They dragged me down to the dungeon where Briddie put on a 4 inch dildo. She introduced this into my virgin ass, using no lube, I screamed in agony. Briddie laughed ‘were only just starting’.

Over the next hour she and the others introduced many objects into my ass. They included a large variety of dildo’s covered with different condiments then the worst a fist.
I cried like a baby, the mixture of chilli and toothpaste burning in my ass and my asshole had been stretched like a common slut.

They left for a bit and I thought of the mess I was in. I wondered whether I would leave this place. Throughout the remainder of the day I was forced to clean and model their slutty outfits many more pictures were taken and I was humiliated further. They left me in the dungeon until I slowly drifted off filled with kinky nightmares ringing through my head.

During the night I was aware of someone moving towards me. I awoke when a gentle hand touched my shoulder. ‘Claire’ I said in astonishment. ‘Shhhh you’ll wake them’ .I understood. She slowly undid the rope. ‘Claire’ ‘I told you to be quiet’
‘But Claire I think you should know’

‘Yes Claire you should have Listened to Trystan here’

Briddie stepped through the shadow followed by Lauren wearing just a lacy black thong and matching Bra.

‘Who has been a naughty girl then’

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Please offer me ideas and positive criticsm as always

xTrYsTaNx

Pikachu · 01-31-2008, 08:28 PM

great story keep it up

01-12-2008, 09:41 AM	#1
Trystaan getDare Succubus Join Date: Jan 2008 Posts: 1,536 Blog Entries: 17	Hell [FICTION] This is based on a true story but I have jazzed it up a lot. If any one has any Ideas they would like to see in the story i would be happy to try and involve them in +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Part 1 I read the invitation Claire had given me, it was your straight forward party invitation my house, sleep over that sort of stuff. While at home my Mum said it was ok and on that night I set off to Claire’s. My first mistake. When we arrived I was greeted normally and entered the house to see Claire looking beautiful and my two friends Jack and Marcus. Within half an hour or so all the guests had arrived. There were 3 girls Lauren, Claire and Bridie. The guys were Jack, Ben, Marcus and I. Lauren was a stunning girl who had a model contract. She was 5, 6 with long flowing blonde hair and curves in all the right places. Claire was quite a bit shorter with brunette hair wasn’t so well endowed as Lauren but still looked very nice. Bridie was about 5, 4 and had the biggest breasts of them all; I would love to get a bit of action on them. So here we are. Claire’s back garden. No parents home getting drunk out of our heads when Claire decides we should probably go to the room where we would be sleeping that night. The rest of the night became a blur. I vaguely remember Truth or Dare and quite a few more drinks but as we grew drunker and drunker we got more tired and eventually we went to sleep. Mistake Number 2. When I woke up everything around me was dark and it was hard to see anything in detail, as I focused though I could see more and I appeared to be in some dimly lit basement with strange objects and shapes surrounding me. Suddenly to my right I heard a cruel laugh, a laugh full of hatred and evil. The lights turned on and burned my eyes when I opened them I saw something I had only read about on the cruellest of sites and I thought to myself. OH SHIT ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Part 2 coming soon if people want to read more.

01-12-2008, 11:44 AM	#4
Isabell Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: on the road Posts: 86 Blog Entries: 4	Interesting, this has quite a bit of potential. Keep it up. I look forward to reading more. __________________ What makes me squirm? Wouldn't you like to know.

01-27-2008, 03:21 PM	#6
Trystaan getDare Succubus Join Date: Jan 2008 Posts: 1,536 Blog Entries: 17	Sorry just had no insparation. There was a vast room before me, very dark and dusty. Racks on the walls holding evil looking objects. Then i saw them: Claire Briddie and Loren standing about 10 feet to the side of me boy they looked stunning. Claire from head to toe in black latex, Briddie with a crop and riding boots. The loren with a short sexy black skirt and a matching tank top. The sight of her gave me a raging hard on. I looked over so had Marcus and Jack. I could't see Ben anywhere. I turned back and asked them 'Wheres ben?' Immeadiatly briddie walked up to me and slapped me in the face. 'Who the fuck do you think you are you dirty fucking slave' ' Ben's gone' she added 'He's Lucky'. 'What the hell are you doing' Briddie had started to walk away she turned back sharply and walked towards Marcus unlocked him then the same with jack. They were given back there clothes and Claire escorted them out of the room. 'From now on you will call us Miss' she spat at me 'Do you understand'. 'What the hell' I reapeated in a stunned voice. 'Rite that's it Loren punish him and make it hurt!' Loren walked up to me with a cat'o' nine tails in her hand. She whipped me viciously for what seemed like an age. When she drew blood 'STOP!' i screamed. 'Stop what Slave' Stop Please.... miss' I added with a tinge of humiliation in my voice' 'Good' Briddie said 'Stage 1 complete' What do you guys think. PLease give me positive criticism and any ideas you would like incorporated in the story __________________

01-27-2008, 03:48 PM	#9
Ciandon Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Texas Posts: 169 Blog Entries: 3	This is a pretty good story. I'm no author myself, but this looks like it has some potential. __________________ I used to be here a lot when I was younger. Now I'm here less so, but I've missed the community.

01-27-2008, 03:49 PM	#10
Trystaan getDare Succubus Join Date: Jan 2008 Posts: 1,536 Blog Entries: 17	Thanks man ( anything I cuould do to improve) __________________

01-12-2008, 09:53 AM	#2
ManicD Member Join Date: Apr 2007 Posts: 97	1234567890123456

01-12-2008, 09:55 AM	#3
Trystaan getDare Succubus Join Date: Jan 2008 Posts: 1,536 Blog Entries: 17	That was to try and leave it on a cliffhanger so people would want to read more but whatever any one else says goes so thanks Lucifer Kitty this was written by me and it is based on MY real life experience except it will be jazzed up alot.

01-12-2008, 11:46 AM	#5
Trystaan getDare Succubus Join Date: Jan 2008 Posts: 1,536 Blog Entries: 17	Yay someone part from Lucifer kinda likes it Part 2 should either come tonight or tomorrow morning

01-12-2008, 09:54 AM	#7
Lucifer87 Junior Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Posts: 15	good start, it has potential, the only thing i dont like is the end "I saw something I had only read about on the cruellest of sites" whereas it seems like yoru either skipping to the end of teh story to fast or over dramatising whats gonna happen next. also you might concider adding some information about the character, m/f age? description? etc

01-12-2008, 09:55 AM	#8
Kitty getDare Sweetheart Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: singapore Posts: 282	did you copy this story or it written by you

01-27-2008, 09:09 PM	#11
tissue13 Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: cali Posts: 233	pretty good-has potentail for an amazing story

01-28-2008, 02:01 AM	#12
Pikachu Distinguished Member Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Australia Posts: 897 Blog Entries: 4	great potential great story if you need any help jsut ask....please keep it up __________________

01-28-2008, 09:59 PM	#13
molten man Distinguished Member Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Mumbai, India Posts: 946	Keep it going!!!!! __________________ MMan 26/m/straight Skype: molten_man007 Kik: molten_man

01-31-2008, 02:57 PM	#14
Trystaan getDare Succubus Join Date: Jan 2008 Posts: 1,536 Blog Entries: 17	Part 4 I think you'll enjoy this one. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- They dragged me down to the dungeon where Briddie put on a 4 inch dildo. She introduced this into my virgin ass, using no lube, I screamed in agony. Briddie laughed ‘were only just starting’. Over the next hour she and the others introduced many objects into my ass. They included a large variety of dildo’s covered with different condiments then the worst a fist. I cried like a baby, the mixture of chilli and toothpaste burning in my ass and my asshole had been stretched like a common slut. They left for a bit and I thought of the mess I was in. I wondered whether I would leave this place. Throughout the remainder of the day I was forced to clean and model their slutty outfits many more pictures were taken and I was humiliated further. They left me in the dungeon until I slowly drifted off filled with kinky nightmares ringing through my head. During the night I was aware of someone moving towards me. I awoke when a gentle hand touched my shoulder. ‘Claire’ I said in astonishment. ‘Shhhh you’ll wake them’ .I understood. She slowly undid the rope. ‘Claire’ ‘I told you to be quiet’ ‘But Claire I think you should know’ ‘Yes Claire you should have Listened to Trystan here’ Briddie stepped through the shadow followed by Lauren wearing just a lacy black thong and matching Bra. ‘Who has been a naughty girl then’ --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Please offer me ideas and positive criticsm as always xTrYsTaNx __________________

01-31-2008, 08:28 PM	#15
Pikachu Distinguished Member Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Australia Posts: 897 Blog Entries: 4	great story keep it up __________________