Fiction: Around the Fire [MxM]

Eagle eye · 05-23-2012, 09:15 PM

I've read several of the stories on here and decided I'd give it a shot. Let me know what you think. Constructive and positive criticism is always appreciated!

So here goes nothing!

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A Night Around the Fire
Chapter 1

I lay in the grass looking up at the stars, my finger intertwined with his, just lying there, staring out into space. I turned over and locked eyes with him. I lost myself staring into his beautiful blue eyes, as if staring into the ocean waiting to catch a glimpse of some majestic beast. He reached out and ran his fingers through my rugged dirty blonde hair. He slid his hand down the back of my head then pulled me in. Our lips met and the feeling of ecstasy shot through my body. We lay there in the grass our tongues wrestling the others, under the dark night sky the stars shining down on us. As we broke apart he leaned in to my ear and whispered, “Matthew you know I lo….”

All of a sudden I was shaken from my daydream, Mr. Higgins was standing next to me saying, “If you don’t get up now your going to be late for fourth block.”

“Sorry Mr. Higgins, I didn’t realize I fell asleep again.” I said sluggishly pulling myself up from my desk and shoving my books into my bag.

“If you keep falling asleep like this you’ll never be able to pass my class, or Ms. Dale’s at this rate, get going before you’re late to her class too.” Mr. Higgins retorted.

Mr. Higgins was a nice teacher and always sarcastic about me sleeping through his class. He knew even though I slept through his class I had the highest grade in math, and always would.

I rushed out into the hallway fighting through the mobs of people just standing around as if they had eternity to get to class. I couldn’t help my mind wonder off to the daydream I had just had.

I had always considered myself straight but I kept having these dreams about my friends. I would never consider doing anything like that in real life, or never thought I would. But why would I keep having these dreams then? Did this mean I was gay or at least bi-curious?

I managed to squeeze through the traffic and was about to make it into Ms. Dale’s class. As I walked through the door the late bell rang and I slipped into my seat before Ms. Dale noticed. She was a pretty laid back teacher but took the rules way too serious, even for a German teacher. She walked up into the front of the class and looked straight at me. She then looked back down at her roll and seemed to be changing something as she snorted, “Good to see you finally decided to join us on time Mr. Taylor.”

“Sorry Ms. Dale, I had to stay after in Mr. Higgins class, he needed to talk to me.” I responded in vein, as if it would change anything.

“You beat your record from last week at least.” She spat back slightly amused at her satiric comment. “Now everyone, machen Sie Ihre Bücher auf und wenden Sie sich Seite ein hundert zweiundneunzig.”

I hated it when she gave us directions in German. Even though I understood what she said she’d say it way to fast to understand what she was saying.

I looked over at my friend Daniel who leaned over and whispered to me. “Cut that a bit close today did we? Hey what page did she say to turn to?”

“Sorry man I keep falling asleep in math and having the weirdest dreams, and I don’t have a freakin’ clue.” I whispered back, hoping Ms. Dale wouldn’t hear us.

“She said one ninety two.” Katy spat out from behind us.

“Thanks!” Both Daniel and I said back, half sarcastically while we franticly flipped the pages in our books there before she started teaching.

Ms. Dale began teaching her lesson about properly conjugating verbs in weak and strong past tense. Why does German have to have so many different forms of the same words?

“Hey man are you doing anything this weekend?” Daniel looked over at me while Ms. Dale had her back to the board.

“Nah, you guys doing something?” I asked back right before Ms. Dale turned back around and looked at us.

“Yeah, the guys are all getting together and going camping. You want to go?” He muttered under his breath so Ms. Dale hopefully wouldn’t hear him.

“Sounds like fun! Text me the info after school so I can ask my mom.” I hurriedly said back before Ms. Dale got onto us.

“Daniel, Matthew, Do you two have something to tell us?” she hissed.

“Sorry Ms. Dale, I was just asking him how to properly conjugate to leave in past tense.” I replied sarcastically hoping she wouldn’t catch on.

“You say it like, Schließen Sie und erhalten Sie zurück, Herrn Taylor zu bearbeiten.” She retorted clearly catching on to my sarcasm and responding with her own muse.

The rest of class went uneventful except for the speaking test half the class forgot about, but luckily it was easy enough. As the bell rang we all shot out the door. It was the weekend and nobody was going to hang around in German on their weekend.

As we rushed out the door Daniel hit me on the arm and said, “I’ll send you the text as soon as I get home, and we’re going to leave some time around five. That good with you?”

“Yeah man, I’m pumped!” I said while hurdling some freshman that dropped his books in the hallway. “See you then man.”

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Let me know what you think. Hope to have chapter two up soon!

ExtremeMaster33 · 05-23-2012, 09:28 PM

This is great and the beginning really got me and I can't wait for chapter 2 so

Demon Thief · 05-24-2012, 08:49 AM

I'm interested to see where this goes...

Demonking · 05-24-2012, 01:45 PM

Sehr gut ich liebe Deutsche Ich bin nach Deutschland gehen vom ersten August bis zum neunzehnten

Eagle eye · 05-24-2012, 05:02 PM

Ich liebe, auf Deutsch zu sprechen, da die meisten Leute es nicht verstehen.

Saphir · 05-24-2012, 06:31 PM

Heey :3

First of all I avoid writing critique on a 3+ Beer state, but this first chapter kinda got me to still comment. Hoping it's not too bad.

I do like your writing and would like to read more from it.

Vocabulary is good (for me personally very good), description is appropriate, the first paragraph is kinda cheesy but very fitting. :3

So far I don't see a problem with monotony of sentence beginnings (which is a very common problem), very good for a first try!

The content builts up slowly... is it rather going to be romantic or "porno"? Either way is good, also I really like when the first chapter does NOT start like "she walked along the street" and ends with "she was tied up for 24 days now and 23728357 men had peed on her!" ^^

You definitely should continue this!

Feel free to send me a message and as me for feedback when you update. _)

Some details:

Quote:

Ms. Dale began teacher her lesson about properly conjugating verbs in weak and strong past tense.

teaching?

Quote:

about properly conjugating verbs in weak and strong past tense.

You really call it that? ^^ Isn't it strong and weak verbs in the past tense? (the verbs are called weak and strong because they change their basic form... or am I mistaken in this case/do you just call that differently in English?) - no prob if you can't reply to that... it's just grammatical blabla... just being interested... :3

Quote:

“Now everyone, machen Sie Ihre Bücher aus und wenden Sie sich an Seite ein hundert zweiundneunzig.”

“Now everyone, machen Sie Ihre Bücher auf und wenden Sie sich Seite einhundertzweiundneunzig zu.”

Numbers are written as one word, Bücher macht man auf. Feuer, Kerzen den Computer und das Auto macht man aus. (open/off)

idk how to put that with books better but wenden would be used with zu (as it derives from (sich) etw. zuwenden

Rather minor mistakes tho, very good with the capitalization... are you learning German at school? Looks very good so far!

Quote:

“You say it like, Schließen Sie und erhalten Sie zurück, Herrn Taylor zu bearbeiten.”

I didn't quite catch this one, was it meant to be just random or actually to mean something?

Btw, if you want to include any German sentences in your Story, feel free to shoot me a message for reading/correcting them. :3

Quote:

It was the weekend and nobody was going to hang around in German on their weekend.

What's wrong with you man

never been to Germany?

Never drank German beer? Eat German Wurst? Partied with German teens who look like children to you and drink you totally under the table? ;D
What's wrong with a German weekend, besides the hangover maybe :P

jk ;D

Looking forward to your next chapter and your respond about your German and where you learnt it

Love

Demonking · 05-24-2012, 07:09 PM

Ich auch... haben Sie nach Deutschland gegangen?

05-23-2012, 09:15 PM	#1
Eagle eye Member Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: Outside exploring Posts: 58	Around the Fire [MxM] I've read several of the stories on here and decided I'd give it a shot. Let me know what you think. Constructive and positive criticism is always appreciated! So here goes nothing! --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A Night Around the Fire Chapter 1 I lay in the grass looking up at the stars, my finger intertwined with his, just lying there, staring out into space. I turned over and locked eyes with him. I lost myself staring into his beautiful blue eyes, as if staring into the ocean waiting to catch a glimpse of some majestic beast. He reached out and ran his fingers through my rugged dirty blonde hair. He slid his hand down the back of my head then pulled me in. Our lips met and the feeling of ecstasy shot through my body. We lay there in the grass our tongues wrestling the others, under the dark night sky the stars shining down on us. As we broke apart he leaned in to my ear and whispered, “Matthew you know I lo….” All of a sudden I was shaken from my daydream, Mr. Higgins was standing next to me saying, “If you don’t get up now your going to be late for fourth block.” “Sorry Mr. Higgins, I didn’t realize I fell asleep again.” I said sluggishly pulling myself up from my desk and shoving my books into my bag. “If you keep falling asleep like this you’ll never be able to pass my class, or Ms. Dale’s at this rate, get going before you’re late to her class too.” Mr. Higgins retorted. Mr. Higgins was a nice teacher and always sarcastic about me sleeping through his class. He knew even though I slept through his class I had the highest grade in math, and always would. I rushed out into the hallway fighting through the mobs of people just standing around as if they had eternity to get to class. I couldn’t help my mind wonder off to the daydream I had just had. I had always considered myself straight but I kept having these dreams about my friends. I would never consider doing anything like that in real life, or never thought I would. But why would I keep having these dreams then? Did this mean I was gay or at least bi-curious? I managed to squeeze through the traffic and was about to make it into Ms. Dale’s class. As I walked through the door the late bell rang and I slipped into my seat before Ms. Dale noticed. She was a pretty laid back teacher but took the rules way too serious, even for a German teacher. She walked up into the front of the class and looked straight at me. She then looked back down at her roll and seemed to be changing something as she snorted, “Good to see you finally decided to join us on time Mr. Taylor.” “Sorry Ms. Dale, I had to stay after in Mr. Higgins class, he needed to talk to me.” I responded in vein, as if it would change anything. “You beat your record from last week at least.” She spat back slightly amused at her satiric comment. “Now everyone, machen Sie Ihre Bücher auf und wenden Sie sich Seite ein hundert zweiundneunzig.” I hated it when she gave us directions in German. Even though I understood what she said she’d say it way to fast to understand what she was saying. I looked over at my friend Daniel who leaned over and whispered to me. “Cut that a bit close today did we? Hey what page did she say to turn to?” “Sorry man I keep falling asleep in math and having the weirdest dreams, and I don’t have a freakin’ clue.” I whispered back, hoping Ms. Dale wouldn’t hear us. “She said one ninety two.” Katy spat out from behind us. “Thanks!” Both Daniel and I said back, half sarcastically while we franticly flipped the pages in our books there before she started teaching. Ms. Dale began teaching her lesson about properly conjugating verbs in weak and strong past tense. Why does German have to have so many different forms of the same words? “Hey man are you doing anything this weekend?” Daniel looked over at me while Ms. Dale had her back to the board. “Nah, you guys doing something?” I asked back right before Ms. Dale turned back around and looked at us. “Yeah, the guys are all getting together and going camping. You want to go?” He muttered under his breath so Ms. Dale hopefully wouldn’t hear him. “Sounds like fun! Text me the info after school so I can ask my mom.” I hurriedly said back before Ms. Dale got onto us. “Daniel, Matthew, Do you two have something to tell us?” she hissed. “Sorry Ms. Dale, I was just asking him how to properly conjugate to leave in past tense.” I replied sarcastically hoping she wouldn’t catch on. “You say it like, Schließen Sie und erhalten Sie zurück, Herrn Taylor zu bearbeiten.” She retorted clearly catching on to my sarcasm and responding with her own muse. The rest of class went uneventful except for the speaking test half the class forgot about, but luckily it was easy enough. As the bell rang we all shot out the door. It was the weekend and nobody was going to hang around in German on their weekend. As we rushed out the door Daniel hit me on the arm and said, “I’ll send you the text as soon as I get home, and we’re going to leave some time around five. That good with you?” “Yeah man, I’m pumped!” I said while hurdling some freshman that dropped his books in the hallway. “See you then man.” --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Let me know what you think. Hope to have chapter two up soon! __________________ Come Check out my Story! Around the Fire "There is only one way to happiness and that is to cease worrying about things which are beyond the power of our will." -Epictetus Last edited by Eagle eye; 05-24-2012 at 06:49 PM.

05-23-2012, 09:28 PM	#2
ExtremeMaster33 Member Join Date: Jun 2011 Posts: 95	Awesome This is great and the beginning really got me and I can't wait for chapter 2 so __________________ *Likes* Masturbating, Body writing, Semi public, pain and denial *Dislike* Anal, Family and friends, piss and scat ill be anyones dare slave, just pm me Teased by girls edges completed 10/350

05-24-2012, 08:49 AM	#3
Demon Thief getDare Devil Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: In the US Posts: 1,012	I'm interested to see where this goes... __________________ "How many seconds in eternity?" And the shepherd's boy says, "this is a mountain of pure diamond. It takes an hour to climb it and an hour to go around it. Every hundred years a little bird comes and sharpens its beak on the diamond mountain. And when the entire mountain is chiseled away then the first second of eternity will have passed." You must think that's a hell of a long time. Personally, I think that's a hell of a bird. 14 years on GetDare!

05-24-2012, 05:02 PM	#5
Eagle eye Member Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: Outside exploring Posts: 58	Ich liebe, auf Deutsch zu sprechen, da die meisten Leute es nicht verstehen. __________________ Come Check out my Story! Around the Fire "There is only one way to happiness and that is to cease worrying about things which are beyond the power of our will." -Epictetus

05-24-2012, 01:45 PM	#4
Demonking getDare Sweetheart Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: United States Posts: 259 Blog Entries: 1	Sehr gut ich liebe Deutsche Ich bin nach Deutschland gehen vom ersten August bis zum neunzehnten

05-24-2012, 07:09 PM	#7
Demonking getDare Sweetheart Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: United States Posts: 259 Blog Entries: 1	Ich auch... haben Sie nach Deutschland gegangen?