Becomming slave A and loosing control of my useless little genitals

[slaveboy28]

Dear all,

it has been more than three weeks now since i met an amazing person, a true Sir who is not only looking for some short webcam fun and is not a pseudo master searching for someone to humiliate, jerk off and abandon.

Nor was I, an almost complete beginner, searching for just a quick jack off session. I wanted something else and now i am starting to realise that i not only wanted, but actually needed routine, discipline and control. And this is what He has been offering to me for almost a month now.

At this stage I do not wish to go through a detailed description of my humble beginnings and what we mutually discovered (i say mutually discovered because i believe it is more than just a list of dos and dont’s, more than just an online chat. It is a journey), so this first post is mostly just a tribute to a person who is slowly penetrating my brain, taking control of my everyday life. And for this I would like to thank Him and show my appreciation.

I understand some “spice” is needed and also interesting for the readers so here is a short description of our yesterdays session, which was for a newbie like me really an emotional rollercoaster.

It has been 26 days since i have lost of control of, if and when i cum, how and when i pee, poo and shower, and also since the day i have last felt my pubic and underarm hair. So there I was, chaste for almost a month, aroused, nervous and sweaty, sitting on the floor naked and butt plugged. Not a person I used to be, but a boy, a slave edging upon his Masters instructions: on the edge, hoping not to cum, not to break one of the most important rules. Trying so hard to resist the pleasure only Men deserve. And than in the heat of lust, I have addressed my Master in an improper way. A stupid beginners mistake - thinking not of Him but of my own pleasure, disrespecting Him.

“Go take your toothpaste,” was all He said and i went, humiliated, disappointed in me. “Edge hard, work the toothpaste in, around your delicate knob”. In pain i continued, at the same time fucking myself like a cheap slut on my butt plug - something i have never done before. No cumming, just painfully edging my sad little pasted cock. Degraded, humiliated, dirty. But i had to pay the price - not only feeling the pain, but contemplating on what i have done by writing an apology and 200 lines and also not allowed to wear any underwear today, not even allowed to shower. But the biggest punishment remains in my head - i feel so bad for insulting Him, who has given me so much. I need to improve and work harder, focusing on Him and His pleasure.

I think you have now got the first impression but I will provide more details as this journey continues. At the same time I would like to hear from you dear readers - what would you like to know, what i should focus on etc. I would be glad to answer your questions (upon Sirs permission) and read some comments and advice, perhaps even some beginners dares. For a rookie any help is highly appreciated.

Please bear in mind, English is not my mother tongue so accept my apology for any errors made.

I will try to update this blog every few days.

Thank you for reading and all the best,
boy A.

[slaveboy28]

Dear all,

I hope you enjoyed my first chapter of the blog. The time has come for an update, which i am writing sitting naked and with my nipple clamps on. But this is an easier part, the hardest part is to reflect on my last few days which were once again a complete emotional rollercoaster.

I apologised to my Master, finished the 200 lines and hoped for the best. But at that time I still had a lesson to learn, a hard one.

I think i can now understand that addressing my Master in an improper way is not just a minor offence, it is something deeper. I disrespected Him and put my pleasure, my useless genitals first. And Master decided this needs to be corrected. Not just by a writing assignment, but by a serious punishment. And so I have lost control of my genitals once again.

This time in a way i could not have possibly imagined and that has scared me so much i could not even go to sleep normally. I kept thinking about His punishment: a short morning shower than taking a poo without being able to wipe my bum and off to work. This part I managed although i was alert all the time: who is watching me, why, do they know what a perv i am?

And than the time came, the time i dreaded and for a few moments even tried to run away from. “you are to piss outside on one of your piss slots, not in a toilet. Squat and when you do that do not remove your underwear, piss through them”.

I have never done something like this before and i was so scared, so humiliated even before doing it. But i wanted to do ammends, once again show how much i feel sorry for my offence.

So I headed out a few hours ago and found a secluded spot quite away from home (at that time i was not thinking much that i will have to return home). It was deserted but i still felt everyone is watching me, i could feel strangers eyes, but i took a deep breath, dropped my trousers and squated. At first i thought .. ok just a little, just a few drops but than my pee started to flow, everywhere.. bottom of my undies, on my trousers. Everywhere. I made a complete mess of myself. But i could not stop it. Even when i thought i was finished, pulled up my trousers I still let a few more drops soil my pants and my jeans. I felt ruined, used, humiliated, scared and writing about this just makes me once again wish to disappear, to hide. And the thoughts just keep returning “what a dirty slut you are”.

As the pee started to cool down, I walked (almost ran) home, covered by a coat but stil certain everyone knew what I did, how i soiled my dirty underwear, how i have no control of my useless genitals.

It is something I do not ever want to repeat at the moment, something i feel deeply ashamed about, as i have no inclination to outdoor or public activities. But i understand I needed to learn - the hard way. So once again, feeling small and submissive, I would like to apologise to my Sir for my great disrespect.

I am sorry that I am not able to write more at this stage, as i am still shaking and wishing i could just forget everything. But it will stay with me, just like He, my Master, wanted.

I hope I will do better in the future, I will try even harder not to disrespect Sir, so once again thank you for your potential comments and advice. Please note, they will be forwarded to Sir, as I am not allowed to freely answer them.

Thank you for reading and being part of how i am becoming slave A and loosing control of my useless little genitals.

boy A

[slaveboy28]

Dear readers,

you may have read about my yesterdays experience which ended with an even bigger twist that hit me completely unprepared.

An order by my Master: tomorrow you are to cum. Edge for twenty minutes and drain your balls.

After a month of being chaste my brain went into overdrive….What? How? Why? Will I be able to remain a good boy after letting go of my hornyness? Is this a trick? An act of mercy? A new step deeper into my submission? Should I? And than another confusing message…you can disobey. Can I? Does He want me to disobey and deny myself? Do I want this?

It was an order by Sir - one does not disobey it and it is not me to question His judgement. He knows best and He has the control of my useless little genitals. And the next morning I was once again proven they really are useless.

Edging for twenty minutes, i got extremely excited, horned up and ready to blast. I could imagine shots and shots of cum hitting the glass into which i was to cum. Filling it up with everything i had stored in my balls. Another pull, another thug and i crossed the point of no return. Quivering, in heat. Allowed to cum.

And I did.

It took me a few minutes to recover from mentally one of the strongest orgasms I ever had in my life. And then i looked in the glass….few lousy drops of cum. Pathetic. What will Sir think of me? Is this a good or bad thing? Is this everything my tiny balls can produce? Sir wanted me to cum, I wanted to cum.. so why just a few drops? Me and my useless little genitals.

I stared at the glass for a few seconds, feeling at the same time more relaxed and more humiliated by such a feeble result. Thinking about all this I brought the glass to my mouth and gulped it all down in one tiny go.

I am sorry, dear get dare members, but today there are just questions in my head…

If you can provide any answers to what has happened I would be grateful. But now, looking down at my tiny balls (hidden somewhere in my body like they are also ashamed) perhaps the answer is self evident…

Thank you for reading.

boy A

[b69]

Nice post. Keep letting us know how it's going. It's common after denial to not produce much cum when you are finally allowed to cum and in your current situation I believe questions are common as well. Keep up the good work and being submissive.

[justalex]

you are looking so down to your genital, be motivated...

[slaveboy28]

Dear readers,

yesterday my journey into slavery continued with another twist.

I came home, got naked and reported to my Master. He read my report and found something very displeasing - why was I thinking about disobeying, if even for a second. It is not up to me to think if and when I cum, I am to serve and do as told, no doubts.

I am to cum when Sir says so. And He said it once more. Cum again!

I started fucking myself on a plug, not expecting to be told to cum for a while since my morning release. But i was. And cum I did. Fast and like for the first time just a few feeble droplets.

Again!

Without thinking I continued my shameful self fucking and stroking. It was hard to continue, no time to recover, no time to breathe. Thinking about it now, makes me wonder how I even managed. But I did.

Drink up, boy!

Again!

It took a minute or two for me to be able to go for the third time in a row. 10 minutes left before my time runs out, before my regular pee time. Stroking, wanking like crazy, nervous… and than my useless little genitals failed me. I went flacid. 5 min…semi hard… 3mins…soft…1 min…soft… I failed.
All I could do is just to go pee. Filled the glass to the top and gulped it down, my own warm pee.

Than the feelings of humiliation and shame hit me again. I am a failure, not being able to even cum - something I considered so basic, so simple a month ago. But this time it was torture, nothing more than a physical release, no joy, no pleasure. And again the feeling of failing my Master.

He will of course think of a proper punishment. And all I can do now is just wait and once again go through my yesterdays lessons: never doubt your Master, do as He says and strive to become a better slave, for Him, for his Pleasure, not your own.

Thank you for reading and also thank you very much for your replies. They are very helpful in continuing my journey.

Real life requires me to be away for a few days, but I will continue to write this blog as soon as i get the chance. But do not worry, dear readers, Master will be with me all the time, His voice in my head, His orders and me following my established routine.

boy A

[slaveboy28]

Dear readers,

I spent a few days away from my Master and they were in one word dreadful. I missed Him so much, missed our daily communication, missed His thoughts, remarks and orders. More about the journey you can read in the second part of my blog where I am publishing a letter to Sir - another task set for me by Sir while I was away.

So firstly just a short report of me completing the punishment for not being able to cum on my Masters demand.

It was once again an order to pee outside, to squat and pee through my worn briefs. And I did it, even hoping it would be easier than the first time, but It was not. I completely humiliated myself, hiding outside, peeing like a slave, not being able to stop the pee from flowing, wetting my briefs, my trousers. A complete mess.

The feelings of doing this for the first time also came back. So it was like a double dose of degradation, remembering how it was the first time and repeating my ordeal once again. No free man would do anything like this, not even once. But I …. a complete perv, a slave. If i did it for the second time, thus this mean I secretly enjoy it?

Once again I ran home, stinking of pee, all sweaty, feeling nasty. I put my clothes to dry yesterday and as I am writing this, the briefs have completely dried.

As I was unable to reach Sir, I have not been allowed to shower for the third day in a row, not been allowed to change my underwear… you must think of me now as the dirtiest person possible, but I really need to do as my Master told me. I want to do it for Him. So I will slowly put them on now and go out, hoping no one will notice, no one will smell my fear, my sweat, my pee…

I will inform you of the results, so for now just another big thank you for reading. As always comments are welcomed and now the letter to Sir:

Dear Sir,

Looking back and thinking of the last month spent with you, your rules and commands I can only repeat what I have already said before. It has been an unbelievable journey, a rollercoaster of different feelings and emotions that I never expected to feel. From shame, humiliation, pain to pride, happiness and gratitude that I have been given a chance to serve someone like you, an experienced, demanding but understanding mind controller, a true Master.
I never expected this to be so emotionally intense, so real and a month ago I perhaps did not understand what you said by me needing control and domination. Not just wanting it but really needing it. And this proved to be true. Whenever I was away from my computer, not been able to chat to you, I felt empty, I felt a bit lost. Of course the rules and routine help but they only make sense if I am respecting them for you. Knowing there is someone who will make sure I am doing as told, who will check on me and most of all knowing there is someone who is also excited and interested in having a boy to train.
And I would like this to continue. To experience more (what exactly it is hard to say), to learn and perhaps become a person who will embrace his role as a submissive, as someone who needs control and who looks at other men in a different way – with respect and humility. Just because they are free men, not slaves.
I have experienced so much in such a short time and I am grateful for this, for your rewards, kind words but also for all the punishments, Sir. I understand bad behaviour needs to be reprimanded and corrected. Especially if it shows lack of respect for your superior.
All this really could not have been possible without honesty and open communication. I am glad I could always express my feelings and my fears. And being honest again I also think I need more control and discipline. I could not have written this a month ago, but today I know I really am someone who enjoys and needs being shown his place, being taught (lessons), even humiliated. This still scares me a bit, but I am willing to try even harder and test my limits, Sir.
My limits have so far always been respected and that is why I think I was also able to be honest about my deepest fantasies and wishes. Even admitting that I got excited during some really humiliating tasks – one is still to be completed as I am writing this, but I will do it. It was an order, it is something you want and it was me who messed up. So once again I will be a dirty boy, peeing outside feeling and thinking of what a slut I am. But I can not help it Sir.
I was thinking why do I get excited when being called names, peeing my underwear, humping the toilet (you may think it has become a routine, but it not just a simple and plain routine, something I am not paying attention to or that does not affect me anymore. It has just become something deeper and every time I hump the toilet, stare at the wall, smell my poo – open door allowing the smell to spread even outside the bathroom, pee on selected times I get reminded of who I am and who you are). I still can not find an answer, I think it is just who I am, really someone who craves, needs control, needs to understand and understands there are men around who deserve more respect.
I am at times still nervous, scared of what is yet to come. But I am now more assured you know better than me and that I can trust you. You got so deep in my brain that you are with me every single day, every hour – wearing briefs, not wearing them, being naked alone, or peeing at work sitting down. There is always you, no one else, not even fantasies about others. Yes, I check out someone (men only for the past month, like a complete pervert) but not really thinking about him. It just takes me back to you.
Imagining how you must smell and taste like, how it would be to suck on your moobs, to clean your feet, to feel your body, your hands touching me, perhaps hurting me. And to even see you react in real as i make a mistake - imagining how one of your boys must have felt as he made a grave mistake of trying to facefuck you and than pay for his mistake. Than remembering once again of how you look like, trying to remember the details on the photo. Your underwear, your body hair. What would you think of me in real?
I have to slowly finish now as i am writing on my tablet and it took me much more time than i expected and work is once again calling, so I am sorry Sir that in this essay I was not able to write more about my fantasies, if this is something you expected. I feel like it is so much more important at this stage to once again go through my feelings and emotions. Yes, they were sometimes mixed but they all end in feelings of gratitude and happiness that you were my first choice, that I did not make a mistake and search for someone else. Knowing you better now Sir, makes me realise why you do not deserve to be a second choice. You are First.
I could only repeat myself on and on, so once again thank you for having me, for teaching and moulding me, making me more aware of who I am (a slave, not a free person) and hopefully making me a person that brings you pleasure.
Thank you for reading this and thank you for everything you have done so far.

boy A

[little pet]

Very nice blog and very well written. Keep it up!

[slaveboy28]

Dear readers,

This will be a short report of my recent activities - real life has once again taken its toll. Perhaps it will also be a bit different as I will not go into many details, but I would just like to once again say a big thank you to my Sir, who has given me a chance of a very open conversation on Monday. It had to be earned tho and I was first sent on a short stroll with my nipple clamps on and was then edged as i was fucking myself on my butt plug (yes, it has become a routine now).The nipple clamps could not be seen but I still felt like everyone knows, everyone feels what a boy I have become and how I lost control of my useless little genitals.

Master than allowed me to express my wishes and fears and after a detailed discussion I was given new orders:

• loose weight by 1,5 kg in one week (it will be a big challenge but i will do my best and also try to increase my physical activity according to my real life schedule, so today i am about to do the my first set of wall push ups and other exercise.). Master recently added some more lines to be written as a reminder of my goal.
• reaffirmation of slavery - i am now adding this to my daily routine by standing naked for ten minutes, holding a tennis ball against the wall with my forehead or kneeling in the corner staring at the wall thinking of my journey and my Sir
• eat your next breakfast from a bowl like a dog, no hands, just to steady the bowl.

The last task was completed today - so extremely demeaning, so humiliating. I really felt like a dog as i tried to empty my bowl of yoghurt and cereals. It also made me once again realise what i have become. And this was and still is hard to process.

But I will try to do it today - staring at the wall just like I did yesterday. It may sound simple to you dear readers, but it is another hard test of strength as the feelings just keep returning. Like the wall stared back at me.

As always comments are welcomed.

Thank you.

boy A

[slaveboy28]

Dear readers,

Sir requested me to post another letter to him, so please consider this another chapter of my descent into slavery.

Thank you.

boy A

Dear Sir,

another difficult assignement writing an essay after such in depth conversation. Words still don’t come easy and i keep returning to our Mondays session (this was not written immediately after the session, but it still feels so intense, like we just spoke, Sir). For a brief second I felt like I have already said everything, but then again I know you have given me this task for a reason - to contemplate on what you said and what I told you (just like I am doing this every evening now, staring at the wall).
I was honest as always but perhaps not direct enough because I still find it hard to admit that every single time i see you login on I am awaiting your every word, your every comment and order with great anticipation and a mixture of fear and excitement. But not just that, much more, Sir.

And than came your words: “i came this morning, very hard and messy thinking about you, slave.” … “Another secret, you know I want to fuck you?”

I was mind blown - “he is thinking about me, he wants to fuck me, messy cum shot, hell”.

The biggest confirmation i received from you so far, Sir. (a specific reward, I must add, as the hole journey feels like a giant reward). I was in heaven and felt wanted, but than immediately put in my place - “a hole is a hole” - and I know i need to remind myself as well not to be overexcited or cocky, not to think to highly of me. Stay humble, breath, think.
Yes, Sir. A hole is a hole Sir and it is Masters choice, but Sir, if it only were my hole, Sir. My hole and body for your pleasure. For your manly, strong, hairy body. Me underneath your weight, crushed. Fucked. Yes Sir, fucked. My ass virginity taken, marked permanently and for ever. By you. A final reminder for the rest of my life.
I can not hide this any more Sir, i want to be fucked by you, used by you in real and i will try to do everything to make it happen, to please you. I will try harder, adjust my schedule if only you allowed me to visit you, Sir.

And yes, I would like to be more fuckable for you, so you could enjoy my body just as you want it Sir - hairless, lean, fit, with a peachy bum.
This will be extremely hard and now i feel like i have bitten a bit more than i can chew - i am so afraid to fail now, Sir. Not to loose weight. I can not be an overweight boy for you, who has spent so much time training me, guiding me, listening to me, my words and feelings.

Writing this still makes me feel like a complete slut, begging to be fucked, used and degraded even more. Like a slut in heat. But it comes not from excitement or my hard but useless little penis, but from long contemplation, from the time you have given me to write this. You really have awakened something inside of me, a big need for control and submission.

I do not know if this essay now makes things easier, or it just makes them so much harder? Did I get it of my chest or just embarrassed myself? I do not want you to think of me I am just another boy who just wants to get laid. It is so much more.

I am repeating myself now and no matter how much I try to focus, I am getting lost. It really is so hard to absorb.

This time I am so afraid of your reaction to my writing. Even more than after my first essay. It is perhaps not as long as you wanted, not well structured but it is, I think, the biggest admission I have made so far. And I understand this is something that needs to be discussed, something i am maybe not even completely ready for yet (i am glad there is still time for training), but it is honest. And I am aware of the limitation, of real life, of the work i still need to do… So please, Sir, please be patient with me and open just like you have been so far.

But he said “and yes it is”, so he must want it as well.

Or is it just me?

Thank you for reading, Sir.