Gorean lifestyle

[Tek]

I have been asked many times what it was to be Gorean and what I had learned by being in this lifestyle for over 18 years. They also wished to know what, in my opinion, were the differences between BDSM and Gorean. I thought about this for awhile and did some web research.

All that follows is obviously my own opinion and not designed to be a flam against anyone or any lifestyle or start any "angry" discussions.

The differences between BDSM and Gorean lifestyles:

There are claims that Gorean is a sub-culture of BDSM. In this, I emphatically disagree! Number One, Gorean is not so much a Culture as it is a LIFESTYLE. Two, The only similarity between Gorean and BDSM is only if there is a slave involved ( you can be Gorean and have no slave, but I do not think you can be into BDSM and have no sub….unless you are masochistic and whip yourself, LOL ) and only then because we both use bondage and punishments to train or control the actions of the sub/slave.

A few words come to mind when I think on this subject, they are:

Ownership

Responsibility

Commitment

Love

Trust

Loyalty.

A Gorean relationship encompasses all of these, the slave is LOYAL and COMMITED to her Master, she believes in him and TRUSTS him to do what is right for her and she typically LOVES her Master with all her heart and soul. A true Gorean relationship is 24/7, 365 days a year and the kajira will usually live with her Master.

The kajira gives over her entire life: body, mind and soul to her Master. He OWNES her and does with her as he wishes, but he is ultimately RESPONSIBLE for her health, care and well-being. He will punish her for transgressions, disobedience or not being pleasing, but rarely is he brutal or sadistic in his punishments.

Not to say that a BDSM relationship could not also encompass these things, but the typical BDSM relationship is a PLAY type relationship of serious/severe bondage, whippings, brutality and/or sadism up to and including scarring and possible mutilation.

It is also where the Dom/Domme and sub come together for “sessions” of play. There are “safe words” a word or phrase that the sub may utter to say “I have had enough, stop!” or “I am done with this session, time to go home”. A Dom/Domme is rarely “responsible” to his/her sub since she/he does not live with them and goes their own way after the session.

In a lot of these relationships there is no love and rarely even any caring of the sub. It is “play” and just a power trip and enjoyment of cruelty to another for the Dom/Domme.


Gorean lifestyle philosophy:

This is what I believe to be the philosophy of the lifestyle and on being a Gorean Master:

Gorean is a lifestyle. It is living by a set of personal “codes”, usually based upon Honor, Truthfulness, Self-discipline, and Integrity, on a daily basis both at home and in the world at large.

You will find many opinions and definitions as to what it is to be "Gorean".

Basically the lifestyle is based upon the fantasy novels called "Gor" that were written by John Norman. You can Google "Gor" or "Gorean" and there are many websites with information. Be cautious, however, for there is as much, if not more, “mis-information” as there is truth. Ultimately you must speak with those who are Gorean to find the truth. Here again, you must be cautious, there are many who claim to be “Gorean” but are in truth wanabee’s, BDSM crossovers, or those who just wish dominance and control over another.

It is usually best to find a responsible, well managed, Gorean board or chat site where the Administrators take their roles seriously and weed out the riff-raff. 


The Gorean kajira (slave girl):

The lifestyle may also contain a relationship between a Man and female in a Master/slave relationship, in which, the female gives total control to the Master.

The Gorean kajira (slave girl) is "owned" property and can be done with as the Master wishes.

She must be aware that she has no rights, not even to her name, and should therefore have no expectations on how she should be treated. She should know, deep within herself that she will be treated in whatever fashion the Master wishes and must accept that fact. She should expect no special considerations or attentions from the Master.

She may at times be lavishly loved both physically and emotionally and at other times be completely ignored or treated as a piece of furniture. These are a few of the realities of the Gorean kajira.

I have been Gorean for almost 20 years, and in my personal view on the lifestyle, a Master treats his slave as a cherished possession and cares for and maintains his kajira in health and well-being. A Master trains his girl and helps her strive to bring forth the true slave that she is deep inside.

This is not to say that the girl is not subject to discipline and punishment, she is! A kajira must be totally obedient and pleasing to the Master otherwise she can be whipped, chained, deprived, etc., at the Master's whim.

My own personal outlook on punishment is to dispense a punishment fitting to the transgression. I can be firm and provide strong punishments if that is needed. Like I said before, I am not into the abuse type punishments such as burning, cutting, cutting off circulation with bondage or anything like that. I can and will give a good beating or use bondage to put the girl in uncomfortable positions as punishment. I may make her sleep on a cold floor and/or make her eat on her hands & knees from a bowl on the floor.

I get no pleasure or thrill out of punishing my kajira, but I do so to help her learn and develop her inner slave self.

I found the following on the web and I fully agree with the tenants it proscribes:

_____________________

I am Master…..

I am Master—not because I shout orders and fight—but because I do not have to shout, and only fight as a last resort.

I am Master—not because my name starts with a capital—but because I know my strength and my weakness.

I am Master---not because someone calls me that—but because I have mastered my inner self.

I am Master—not because I know more than you—but because I will listen to you and share what little I know.

I am Master---not because I demand blind obedience—but because when a slave gives me her self totally I am brought to my knees with the weight of her gift and the responsibility that comes with it.

I am Master---not because I strut and posture—but because I am strong enough to accept a slave’s gift and not run from it in fear.

I am Master—not because I am so wonderful—but because I have been given something that not many ever have—the gift of a slave’s Heart and Soul

--Author unknown
__________________________


My expectations as a Master are obedience and service. As stated before I am not harsh or cruel. I do not even think I am all that demanding.

I expect the home to be kept clean and orderly.

I expect my kajira to care for themselves and for me.

I expect my kajira to be and feel sexy and be sensual.

So here is the first chapter to my novel. If you have any questions, I will be happy to answer them.


-Tek

[Collared_Slave]

This sounds interesting but can only girls be slaves in gorean?

[SubMissChievous]

Tek,

Before I even start commenting on your post I want to assure you that I respect your opinions and that my following comments are also based on personal opinions of mine and, no, I am not “angry” But I have to admit that some of your statements made me raised an eyebrow to say the least…

Originally Posted by Tek

The only similarity between Gorean and BDSM is only if there is a slave involved ( you can be Gorean and have no slave, but I do not think you can be into BDSM and have no sub….unless you are masochistic and whip yourself, LOL )

Well, I must say for starters (as it will make all my other comments clearer) that I don’t see any difference between Gor and BDSM. I see just as much difference between both labels as there is between a car and an automobile. All these nice labels: BDSM, Gorean, Master/slave, WIITWD, etc. are just that to me: labels and I don’t really subscribe to any of these. It all comes down to D/s one way or another. People choose the label they prefer as they choose the color of car they prefer as well. And there’s not one “lifestyle” that is more real or better than another as there’s not one color of car better than another. It’s just a matter of preference.

And speaking of preferences: since to me it’s all D/s anyone can be dominant or submissive without “living the lifestyle”. Being dominant or submissive is, for many, a sexual orientation. I didn’t become submissive the day I found a Master, I was born that way and it is true for most people I’ve talked to. Being dominant or submissive is not about what a person does: it’s about what they are.

Originally Posted by Tek

but the typical BDSM relationship is a PLAY type relationship of serious/severe bondage, whippings, brutality and/or sadism up to and including scarring and possible mutilation.

It is also where the Dom/Domme and sub come together for “sessions” of play. There are “safe words” a word or phrase that the sub may utter to say “I have had enough, stop!” or “I am done with this session, time to go home”. A Dom/Domme is rarely “responsible” to his/her sub since she/he does not live with them and goes their own way after the session.

In a lot of these relationships there is no love and rarely even any caring of the sub. It is “play” and just a power trip and enjoyment of cruelty to another for the Dom/Domme.

This is the part where I raised some eyebrow… well… to be honest I almost fell off my chair The way you describe BDSM as only play where the dominant is usually brutal, rarely responsible, loving and caring… it makes it all sounds as if you’re trying to say that if you’re not Gor then you’re not “real”… And saying that BDSM is all about play sessions with nothing else involved… Much much clichés here…

I appreciate the fact that you love your Gorean life so much and I wholeheartedly agree about responsibility, commitment, love, trust, loyalty and all that jazz. But again you don’t have to label yourself as Gorean to embrace them! All these things… it’s all about common sense. Any type of relationship that does not involve them at least to some degree is bound to fail no matter what catchy label you attach to it. Most people do care and are responsible even if they just play it. Even most youngsters who play TorD here are intelligent and sensible enough about such things. What you describe about a "BDSM dom" being irresponsible and uncaring and brutal and cruel… it sounds more like what we can see in BDSM porn anyway It is so far away from reality. And I don’t know any serious dominant who label themselves as BDSMers who are like what you described.

Originally Posted by Tek

You can Google "Gor" or "Gorean" and there are many websites with information. Be cautious, however, for there is as much, if not more, “mis-information” as there is truth. Ultimately you must speak with those who are Gorean to find the truth. Here again, you must be cautious, there are many who claim to be “Gorean” but are in truth wanabee’s, BDSM crossovers, or those who just wish dominance and control over another.

Yes, I agree with you about being cautious and mis-information when searching the web. Not only concerning Gor but any type of D/s sites. I personally am also cautious about people who believe they know THE TRUTH and who claim to be “real” and label others who are not like them as “wannabes”…

Finally, again, I’m sorry if I come across as cynical in some of my comments. Like I said I agree with the basics of your post but not with the idea that there is one way to live a D/s relationship that is better or truer. But yet I’m just that kind of girl who prefers to follow her own beliefs and ideals and not to pattern them on some fantasy novel. And I am seriously allergic to labels and clichés. To each their own though

[CheshireCat_13]

As Chloe has said, some of your comments have me raising my eyebrows....and no, I don't wish to be rude, and I'm not angry. Everyone has their own opinions.

"A Gorean relationship encompasses all of these, the slave is LOYAL and COMMITED to her Master, she believes in him and TRUSTS him to do what is right for her and she typically LOVES her Master with all her heart and soul. A true Gorean relationship is 24/7, 365 days a year and the kajira will usually live with her Master."
I live with my master, I love my master, and I trust him to do what's right.

"The kajira gives over her entire life: body, mind and soul to her Master. He OWNES her and does with her as he wishes, but he is ultimately RESPONSIBLE for her health, care and well-being. He will punish her for transgressions, disobedience or not being pleasing, but rarely is he brutal or sadistic in his punishments."
Hmm, that sounds nice. Well, I am punished for the same things, and the punishments usually relate to the offence. They're not sadistic....

"Not to say that a BDSM relationship could not also encompass these things, but the typical BDSM relationship is a PLAY type relationship of serious/severe bondage, whippings, brutality and/or sadism up to and including scarring and possible mutilation.
It is also where the Dom/Domme and sub come together for “sessions” of play. There are “safe words” a word or phrase that the sub may utter to say “I have had enough, stop!” or “I am done with this session, time to go home”. A Dom/Domme is rarely “responsible” to his/her sub since she/he does not live with them and goes their own way after the session."
Ahh....I am most definitely not scarred. I have a safe word. I know not to use it lightly. My master also has a safe word. And my master must be responsible because I happen to live with him....But I do agree that a lot of BDSM relationships are simply play.

In a lot of these relationships there is no love and rarely even any caring of the sub. It is “play” and just a power trip and enjoyment of cruelty to another for the Dom/Domme.
Eeep. If my dom was cruel I would be scared. Thankfully, he's loving. I also agree here, a lot of relationships are power plays.


"The Gorean kajira (slave girl):

The lifestyle may also contain a relationship between a Man and female in a Master/slave relationship, in which, the female gives total control to the Master.
The Gorean kajira (slave girl) is "owned" property and can be done with as the Master wishes.
She must be aware that she has no rights, not even to her name, and should therefore have no expectations on how she should be treated. She should know, deep within herself that she will be treated in whatever fashion the Master wishes and must accept that fact. She should expect no special considerations or attentions from the Master.
She may at times be lavishly loved both physically and emotionally and at other times be completely ignored or treated as a piece of furniture. These are a few of the realities of the Gorean kajira.
Hmm. That sounds very similar to my relationship, except for the fact that I am rarely treated like furniture....

"My own personal outlook on punishment is to dispense a punishment fitting to the transgression. I can be firm and provide strong punishments if that is needed. Like I said before, I am not into the abuse type punishments such as burning, cutting, cutting off circulation with bondage or anything like that. I can and will give a good beating or use bondage to put the girl in uncomfortable positions as punishment. I may make her sleep on a cold floor and/or make her eat on her hands & knees from a bowl on the floor."
Thanks for the punishment ideas, my master will make good use of them. He ever cuts off my circulation though, he has never burned me, and he has never cut me.

"My expectations as a Master are obedience and service. As stated before I am not harsh or cruel. I do not even think I am all that demanding.

I expect the home to be kept clean and orderly.

I expect my kajira to care for themselves and for me.

I expect my kajira to be and feel sexy and be sensual."
I clean, I cook, I keep up my appearance. Wonderful. Hmm...Does that mean I live a Gorean lifestyle? It's an interesting though.

[Officelover]

I must agree, this sounds pretty much the same. Correct me if I'm wron,g but as I understand it there are two main 'levels' of S/M.

The lighter level is kind of just a relationship in which there are sessions or plays or scenes in which a kink is 'acted' out through the principles of BDSM (Bondage, Dicipline, Dominance, Submission, Sadism, and Masochism).

The other level is a 24/7 relationship, which sounds curiously exactly like a Gorean lifestyle. In this type of relationship it is accepted that the slave is the master's 'property' and there are constant sets of rules.

This may or may not be accurate, but I am relatively new to the Lifestyle.

Officelover

P.S. I'm sorry this got technical; I love teminology!

[lydiab6]

As it has mostly been said already, I just want to throw my two cents in that having a slave does not determine whether or not you are into BDSM.

First of all, the M part of the BDSM is both masochism and Master. Usually the slave is into BDSM as well.

Secondly, one can be dominant and/or submissive which falls into the category of BDSM and does not necessarily result in a Master/slave relationship.

Or, one can simply be into bondage without power play between the person doing the tying and the one being tied.

And I'm sorry. I not angry with you, or your opinions, but I am annoyed at the use of the word typical. No relationship of any kind is "TYPICAL". Every person is different which means that every relationship is different, and there is nothing that can really be categorized as typical, because to say something is typical defined it as that, and everyone whose relationship doesn't fit that description then becomes atypical, and its not right.

I apologize for the slight rant

[CleverGirl]

I have to agree with Chloe and Chesire. I think they said it all. What really made me, to steal Chloe's line, "raise my eyebrows," was that you implied that, in non-Gorean M/s, all punishments are based on permanent damage, mutilation, and other dangerous stuff "like purposefully cutting off circulation." Not the case. Most Master's would never, ever, multilate their slaves or purposefully put them in serious danger. In fact, there are classes and workshops out there that teach you how to do things like suspension bondage and whipping, without harming your sub. And if you check out the "fun with candles" thread under Punishment Ideas, Merlin goes into extreme detail to inform Masters and slaves which candles are safe to use and which leave scars. Doesn't sound like he, or the people he is informing, want to scar their slaves. They all look like they're responisble Masters who are ensuring that their slaves stay safe. I respect your lifestyle, but I think you have been misinformed when it comes to M/s.

[TensionRoom101]

Gor has no place in my BDSM lifestyle, and I see only a small overlap between the two. Very few of my BDSM community would class their relationship as Gor.

[Night-1991]

The chap above me is too stubborn to even give gor a try.

fact is, the positions can be taken hand and hand into bdsm, aswell as some other parts of it.

but that is for those who practice the two lifestyles to decide.

[TheLittleStrawberry]

No offence to anyone.. But I see Gor as just an added fantasy-aspect to a normal BDSM relationship... unloving Gor-relationships exist too btw.

But whatever makes you happy...

Btw I saw this wedding-video on Youtube were everyone was dressed as Star Wars characters. pretty fun.

[TensionRoom101]

Originally Posted by Night-1991

The chap above me is too stubborn to even give gor a try.

fact is, the positions can be taken hand and hand into bdsm, aswell as some other parts of it.

but that is for those who practice the two lifestyles to decide.

How do you know I haven't given it a try?

My current relationship isn't 24/7, purely because of geography and other domestic hurdles, but we will soon live together with her three children and my youngest one. However, I have had sufficient longterm 24/7 BDSM relationships to know that the dynamic of all were different, and different methods of control, reward and discipline were employed with each. True Gor lifestylers (and those that pretend to be but are actually BDSM fantasists who aren't creative enough to come up with their own scenario) would recognise elements of their credo in each of them, but not the same elements.

Far from being slaves however, my subs are granted more freedom than in any of their former vanilla marriages. I do not expect or demand compliance or obedience. If they have issues they are expected to bring them to me, and if they think I am unreasonable, they are invited to put their case.

I use whips, floggers, spankings and other forms of PLEASURE for my submissives on their request. It is NOT punishment and is done because they like it- in fact they must earn it as a treat because it is NOT something I do to get MY kicks.

I have been a follower of fetish and bdsm for over 20 years, and VERY active on the local and not so local fetish scene for about 8 of those, and I help run 2 fet clubs. I can honestly say that much of what the OP describes as TYPICAL of a BDSM relationship would get the 'players' banned from most of the clubs I attend. There are safewords for some, especially if not playing with a regular partner, and there is always a house safeword at a club, but few use them with their partners in their own private play.

There have been relationships of the kind Goreans espouse for hundreds of years- long before someone decided to take a work of fiction and use it to relabel something that was far from new. It would be akin to JK Rowling relabelling baseball 'thumperstick', and then followers of hers telling us all if we don't call it thundersticks we are stubborn or not doing it right.

The tenets espoused at the end of the OP- beginning I am a Master -- not because.. hold true to any who have stewardship over others, whether Masters, Doms, Teachers, Warriors, Spiritual Teachers. They are for from being exclusive to BDSM, never mind Gor.

Mike

[TheLittleStrawberry]

Originally Posted by TensionRoom101

How do you know I haven't given it a try?

My current relationship isn't 24/7, purely because of geography and other domestic hurdles, but we will soon live together with her three children and my youngest one. However, I have had sufficient longterm 24/7 BDSM relationships to know that the dynamic of all were different, and different methods of control, reward and discipline were employed with each. True Gor lifestylers (and those that pretend to be but are actually BDSM fantasists who aren't creative enough to come up with their own scenario) would recognise elements of their credo in each of them, but not the same elements.

Far from being slaves however, my subs are granted more freedom than in any of their former vanilla marriages. I do not expect or demand compliance or obedience. If they have issues they are expected to bring them to me, and if they think I am unreasonable, they are invited to put their case.

I use whips, floggers, spankings and other forms of PLEASURE for my submissives on their request. It is NOT punishment and is done because they like it- in fact they must earn it as a treat because it is NOT something I do to get MY kicks.

I have been a follower of fetish and bdsm for over 20 years, and VERY active on the local and not so local fetish scene for about 8 of those, and I help run 2 fet clubs. I can honestly say that much of what the OP describes as TYPICAL of a BDSM relationship would get the 'players' banned from most of the clubs I attend. There are safewords for some, especially if not playing with a regular partner, and there is always a house safeword at a club, but few use them with their partners in their own private play.

There have been relationships of the kind Goreans espouse for hundreds of years- long before someone decided to take a work of fiction and use it to relabel something that was far from new. It would be akin to JK Rowling relabelling baseball 'thumperstick', and then followers of hers telling us all if we don't call it thundersticks we are stubborn or not doing it right.

The tenets espoused at the end of the OP- beginning I am a Master -- not because.. hold true to any who have stewardship over others, whether Masters, Doms, Teachers, Warriors, Spiritual Teachers. They are for from being exclusive to BDSM, never mind Gor.

Mike

This whole post made no sense.

[TensionRoom101]

None of it? Ah well.
You're not expected to understand or recognise BDSM in all it's guises at 42 though, let alone 20.

[TheLittleStrawberry]

Originally Posted by TensionRoom101

None of it? Ah well.
You're not expected to understand or recognise BDSM in all it's guises at 42 though, let alone 20.

No... What I meant was... The post was so poorly-written that it just didn't make sense... You never really came with a point. maybe you should discuss one thing at a time instead of 10 where most of it is just babbling on about stuff

[TensionRoom101]

I guess so. I had been out partying in latex all night before, but that's hardly an excuse. The first post covered so many things that I wanted to comment on- I'll revisit it and address my points separately if anyone's interested.

Ta