This morning I woke up instantly thinking of the punishments I had to execute this morning, in fact due to multiple mistakes I ended up with 3 different ones, one is a sort of mantra I've been saying every morning, the other one is a few lines I have been writing every morning (see above) and just for today, I have to whip my pussy 10 times with a charging chord.

Right off the bed, I started saying my mantra cause I was afraid to forget it, and instead of saying "I" in it, me being half asleep, I said "Sir's toy" and finished my mantra in third person without having to, I found it funny when I noticed that my mind just went to that in this sort of autopilot zombie state of being half asleep.

I also said the wrong mantra first, and my mind came up with a completely different one out of nowhere that went something along the lines of "Sir's toy does everything Sir says", when the actual mantra is about not forgetting to show Sir (in videos and pics) if I do something for him (such as tasks or punishments).

When I started waking up a bit more I sat up and saw my O ring necklace that I wear as a symbol of my submission somewhat regularly, all while thinking about the rest of my punishments, instantly I felt a sub drop at that moment, it's like suddenly my submission felt heavy and made me feel miserable, a kind of why am I doing this to myself feeling, this is not how I feel about my submission, it's one of the best things in my life usually.

I think I'm not loving having the punishments to do in the morning, I feel like waking up to that negativity might be too much for me, especially maybe 3 and not just 1, and the daily things making me feel stuck, like it never ends. Punishments have too much a negative connotation in my mind. It's not that they are hard or long punishments, they aren't much. I don't know.

I am always self aware of these kinds of factors (food sleep water) having been a gym addict in my past it's like second nature, so if it was any of those I would have naturally noticed, besides that, I resist much better to those things and stay focused even when starving but nothing messes me up like my period does, it's a type of clumsiness where I don't even feel it until I see what I did, or I'm like an elephant in a china shop, very similar to what I had last time when I suspected it was something to do with hormones. And yes to be honest, 24 h before this there was some edging and orgasm and a lot of other things that we're not used to involve since I started working.

I have to write my safe words with the meaning 5 times every morning for forgetting them / not being sure about the meaning. I hate this, I think this is my worst punishment so far.

I should have taken the complete test to see how that's going too, but my lazy self always takes the condensed version as well as Sub side only.

In the last few weeks Sir has been somewhat quite forgiving with his toy when it comes to a lot of her rule breaking. He sometimes downright let it slide or didn't punish her very harshly. Sir was trying to help his toy because of her current life challenges that are affecting her.

Sir recently noticed his toy started breaking rules while fully aware as a result to him being so nice, it's like she dropped her guard, Sir didn't feel very good about this.

Sir's toy had to choose between taking a break from her rules if she is struggling to follow them, or taking normal punishment when she breaks them. Sir's toy chose to keep being held accountable and do her best to not break rules on purpose again.

Sir's toy faced a very painful punishment yesterday. It was for forgetting to say "Sir" in a sentence, but it felt to her like she was being punished for the few things she didn't get a punishment for this week because she was sick.

Sir's toy had to wear 8 clothespins on her right boob for 8 minutes. Sir knows that his toy dislikes to have pain on only one side so he uses this dislike of asymmetry against her in punishments.

Sometimes Sir's toy ends up having to apply he same treatment on her side of her own accord just to counter this effect, because Sir won't let her split the treatment evenly. She ends up getting double punishment.

But this time it was too painful and Sir's toy didn't want even more of this pain, so symmetry was no longer a priority. Sir's toy has pretty firm skin so it was hard enough for her to manage placing all the clothespins on her boob, her skin kept sliding out of it and that was torturing before the 8 minutes even started.

The 8 minutes might have been the easiest part of Sir's punishment because when his toy was done, she had to slap off the clothespins, taking them off was not an option. She was supposed to slap them off in 8 slaps but she failed, she pleaded really hard to be able to take them off normally but wasn't allowed so she went back to slapping them really hard until they all came off.

It was one of the worse pains Sir's toy's boobs had ever felt, even tho they've been through a lot. The clothespins were pinching her skin in their way coming off, leaving bites all over the place, and there was one dot of blood coming out of one of her pores around the nipple at the end.

Sir's toy wasn't totally healed from her flu, so to make matters worse she was also coughing more due to being topless all this time. Sir's toy felt really punished in every way, and she felt she deserved it so it felt right, she thanked Sir for her punishment.

As she lied down on her side to cool down from her punishment, Sir's toy noticed a tear was tracing a line from her eye to her hair, she wasn't really crying but the painful experience produced tears from her eyes mechanically.

Sir's toy needed to calm down but an intense conversation sparked up and Sir's toy ended up crying a lot over it, a lot of it due to her misunderstanding, Sir's toy ability to communicate is altered after a session or a punishment but she was trying her best.

Sir's toy cried a lot from all the emotions she was feeling, it was probably a mix of the punishment and the conversation, and it intensified her experience of feeling truly punished, she fell asleep feeling beat up and woke up not feeling very good, her PMS probably made her more sensitive, but she will be ok.

Right after waking up, Sir's toy felt comfort in talking in third person again like she did for a week, even tho this rule was only for a week and the week was over. This report had a soothing effect on Sir's toy.

Public tasks are a limit for Sir's toy.

Thanks for the comments, it makes Sir's toy want to keep writing them.


Sir's toy nearly sent her message in first person by mistake here.

Sir's toy was really afraid to lose the ginger root inside one of her holes, especially her vagina because it's wider and could swallow it (it has been stretched not long ago), so she kept holding on it without letting it go when she used it in her pussy at first.

Sir's toy has gotten corner time after a few hairbrush swats on her ass for accidentally breaking Sir's temporary rule about referring to herself in third person pronouns.

Sir's toy has been allowed to show pictures of her necklaces and of her wearing them for GD, she will probably upload them to her GD album soon and hope they get moderated quickly. Sir's toy also embedded some in her original blog entry.

It can be hard not to interpret someone's feelings as a pressure, but I think there is a distinction to make between what someone may feel, and are allowed to feel, and then how they should choose to handle it and what they tell you.

For me my Dom was supportive and didn't make me feel pressured, him feeling a certain way about it didn't change that fact.