A random assortment of reports, thoughts, ramblings and information. Pretty much a view inside my wonderfully complicated, sometimes broken, and entertaining mind.
Poly Love
Posted 02-18-2023 at 12:50 PM by Butterfly
I am poly and have multiple partners. I currently have four poly relationships.
Although we have separate relationships/dynamics, we all use a group Discord server to do things together and communicate openly as a poly family. We have a hierarchy of control which dictates who can give tasks to other group members.
I love all of my partners, even if it is in different ways. Also, even though I consider Mr. Devious my primary relationship, it doesn't mean that he always gets my top priority. I like to give priority to the person who needs it at that time. For example, Mr. Devious and I were having a movie night and Jaro text to let us know that his grandma had passed away, I took time away from Mr. Devious to be there to support Jaro. Everybody is equally important to me and I do what I can to support all of my partners when it is needed. There is also an advantage to having a group Discord and that is that we can all be there for each other.
I get asked a lot by those who know that I am poly, if there is ever jealousy. Jealousy happens! It is a normal human emotion. However, I think a lot of vanilla or monogamous people feel like they can only love one person at a time. My personal view is that if I love a second (or third or fourth) person, I don't have to take away love from the first person. Instead, my love just grows to include another person.
With my established relationships, it is easy to feel secure in that fact. I know that Mr. Devious loves and adores me and would do anything for me, even if he loves somebody else. I openly encourage Jaro to look for a romantic relationship to explore, even if that means we may need to end our power exchange dynamic. I know that even if he falls in love, he would always be my very good friend.
That being said, it isn't always easy to get to that place, especially as you are starting a relationship. I have insecurities and negative narratives that have been ingrained in me. Sometimes I need extra reassurance and love. But when I do, I openly ask for that.
Communication is the most important part of any relationship, and that is even more true when you have multiple relationships at the same time. Allowing myself to be vulnerable and open and communicating those things is scary and hard, but it is necessary for the relationship to be successful.
As much work as it may be, as hard as it may be at times, I am so lucky to be loved by four different people. To have such an amazing support system. I love all my people so much. I can't imagine not being poly. This just feels right to me.
- Mr. Devious: I would consider this my primary relationship. We are married. We met here on getDare about 9 years ago. He began as my Dom and we fell in love. I moved across the country to live with him. Once we settled in to live together, we realized that a power exchange dynamic just didn't work between us. However, we are still kinky together in the bedroom.
- Jaro: Jaro and I have been together for 6 years. We have a power exchange dynamic - he is the sub, and I am his Domme. We do not have romantic feelings for each other, but we love each other deeply.
- Sleepysloth: We have been together for 6 months. We are in a power exchange dynamic - he is my Dom and I am his subby. We are also in a romantic relationship together.
- TheBrat: Brat and I have been friends for 8 or 9 years. We have always sort of played casually but at the end of last year we made things official. I am her "Big"/Caregiver and she is my little. I love her dearly and she is one of my best friends.
Although we have separate relationships/dynamics, we all use a group Discord server to do things together and communicate openly as a poly family. We have a hierarchy of control which dictates who can give tasks to other group members.
I love all of my partners, even if it is in different ways. Also, even though I consider Mr. Devious my primary relationship, it doesn't mean that he always gets my top priority. I like to give priority to the person who needs it at that time. For example, Mr. Devious and I were having a movie night and Jaro text to let us know that his grandma had passed away, I took time away from Mr. Devious to be there to support Jaro. Everybody is equally important to me and I do what I can to support all of my partners when it is needed. There is also an advantage to having a group Discord and that is that we can all be there for each other.
I get asked a lot by those who know that I am poly, if there is ever jealousy. Jealousy happens! It is a normal human emotion. However, I think a lot of vanilla or monogamous people feel like they can only love one person at a time. My personal view is that if I love a second (or third or fourth) person, I don't have to take away love from the first person. Instead, my love just grows to include another person.
With my established relationships, it is easy to feel secure in that fact. I know that Mr. Devious loves and adores me and would do anything for me, even if he loves somebody else. I openly encourage Jaro to look for a romantic relationship to explore, even if that means we may need to end our power exchange dynamic. I know that even if he falls in love, he would always be my very good friend.
That being said, it isn't always easy to get to that place, especially as you are starting a relationship. I have insecurities and negative narratives that have been ingrained in me. Sometimes I need extra reassurance and love. But when I do, I openly ask for that.
Communication is the most important part of any relationship, and that is even more true when you have multiple relationships at the same time. Allowing myself to be vulnerable and open and communicating those things is scary and hard, but it is necessary for the relationship to be successful.
As much work as it may be, as hard as it may be at times, I am so lucky to be loved by four different people. To have such an amazing support system. I love all my people so much. I can't imagine not being poly. This just feels right to me.
Total Comments 3
Comments
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Thanks for posting this. It's always valuable and appreciated to gain insight into how others make the incredible variety of kink relationships work.Posted 02-18-2023 at 05:16 PM by Azyliux 
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Butterfly thank you!!!
I really value learning about others experiences/outlooks especially on subjects I have little/no experience in.
As a naturally monogamous person, I have always struggled with the thought of a close primary partner having an intimate relationships outside our dynamic. It hasn't come up much but I'm sure it may do at some point.
I guess it stems from insecurity that I may not be giving them what they need. However I did touch on the subject with a friend recently and although they didn't go into great detail, I think we both agreed that communication was imperative.
Communication shines brightly in your example. Everyone knowing each others relationship to you and how you all fit in to the "family" is a lovely way to look at it.
My experience has been with a sub wanting to Domme/Top someone else, which to me is a different type of dynamic so I can more easily not feel so worried/jealous if that makes sense?
I think my biggest concern would be if my sub needed alternative dominance. Like a kink that they felt I was not able to administer at or an emotional connection they were not able to get from me as their Dom. I think would really struggle with that aspect.
But as I say, any type of poly relationship would be fairly new to me. As with anything new I would need time and lots of communication to feel secure. I really appreciate your post and opening my eyes a little to a more complex yet seemingly more love filled experience
<3Posted 02-18-2023 at 07:01 PM by DeepInnerFreak
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I definetly think that 90% of any jealousy that I might feel stems from my own insecurities. However, it is my personal belief that one person isn't and *can't* be responsible for filling all of my needs.Quote:Originally Posted by Champion4Ever
I guess it stems from insecurity that I may not be giving them what they need. However I did touch on the subject with a friend recently and although they didn't go into great detail, I think we both agreed that communication was imperative.
I think this makes a lot of sense. I personally can only have one Dom (or at least one dynamic that I submit to - there can be multiple people who work together). It is just too messy for me to try and deal with different sets of rules and expectations from different people. However, if there ever was a kink that I wanted to try and my Dom wasn't into it, or not experienced, then I would talk to him and hope he would be happy with me exploring it as a bottom, outside of any dynamic.Quote:My experience has been with a sub wanting to Domme/Top someone else, which to me is a different type of dynamic so I can more easily not feel so worried/jealous if that makes sense?
I think my biggest concern would be if my sub needed alternative dominance. Like a kink that they felt I was not able to administer at or an emotional connection they were not able to get from me as their Dom. I think would really struggle with that aspect.
I have actually done that exactly with needle play. I have also done one-off scenes with other tops and bottoms at play parties etc. when I didn't have an in person Dom.
I am always more than happy to answer questions or guide you if you ever want to talk about it more.Quote:But as I say, any type of poly relationship would be fairly new to me. As with anything new I would need time and lots of communication to feel secure. I really appreciate your post and opening my eyes a little to a more complex yet seemingly more love filled experience <3
Posted 02-18-2023 at 10:32 PM by Butterfly
