I have a lot of things I should talk about and it is easier for me to do that on a random website to a bunch of strangers. You can comment on my stuff or not, but the majority of my blog posts will be personal things that are difficult for me to talk about out loud.
Let Down
This is literally a rant about things I wish I knew how to say.
I feel like shit. I feel like you're doing so much for me and I just fuck up everything, which makes me wonder why the fuck you'd ever want to stay with me. I forgot to ask if you're mad. You'd probably say you aren't, weren't, whatever. But I know a part of you is annoyed at how much time you wasted.
I had fucking one job and I couldn't do that. Shit, I always ask if you're mad. Why did I forget this time? Oh yeah, because I just wanted to stop talking.
It's not that I wanted you to leave, but I didn't think you wanted to be around me. I thought you wanted to leave me, so I told you to go. I'm a disappointment and I am so incredibly sorry.
I shouldn't have initiated anything so late at night, especially when I'm still dealing with yesterday. I'm a wreck and I should have known better. I shouldn't have strung you along only to disappoint you. I literally cannot express how terrible I feel for disappointing you. And I know you'll say it wasn't my fault, that I can't control it, but I should have known better. I shouldn't have tried. This is my fault.
I logged off. After my last 'I'm sorry' I logged off. I knew you were going to say something, and maybe you assumed my internet went down, but I just couldn't keep talking to you when I know I fucked up. I shouldn't have left and maybe you didn't notice. Maybe you assumed I wasn't a selfish prick. I'm sorry that I am. I'm sorry that I left and that I made you wait only for me to fail.
I'm sorry I couldn't just say this then but I needed you to leave because I fucked everything up and saying all of this would have made you stay and I didn't deserve for you to stay. I'm sorry for constantly crashing like this and I wish I could make it stop or at least understand why, but I have no fucking clue.
I know you'll say you love me and that it wasn't my fault. You might try to take on some of the blame yourself, but please don't. Because none of this is on you and I don't want you to have to keep dealing with me. I don't want to keep acting like this and I feel terrible that you are dealing with me because I'm just going to continue to disappoint you and it's not fair to you and you didn't sign on for this. I can't even be a good submissive.
Don't lie to me and say it's not my fault because it is. And yeah, I guess this is a subdrop, or an aftereffect of my subdrop from yesterday, or just me being an emotional dumbass. And it's not your fault that I didn't talk to you or that you're not here.
I guess, to some extent, I want you here, but I'm also terrified that you won't want to deal with me when I'm like this. I'm afraid that you'll just be more disappointed in your choice to dominate me.
I feel like shit. I feel like you're doing so much for me and I just fuck up everything, which makes me wonder why the fuck you'd ever want to stay with me. I forgot to ask if you're mad. You'd probably say you aren't, weren't, whatever. But I know a part of you is annoyed at how much time you wasted.
I had fucking one job and I couldn't do that. Shit, I always ask if you're mad. Why did I forget this time? Oh yeah, because I just wanted to stop talking.
It's not that I wanted you to leave, but I didn't think you wanted to be around me. I thought you wanted to leave me, so I told you to go. I'm a disappointment and I am so incredibly sorry.
I shouldn't have initiated anything so late at night, especially when I'm still dealing with yesterday. I'm a wreck and I should have known better. I shouldn't have strung you along only to disappoint you. I literally cannot express how terrible I feel for disappointing you. And I know you'll say it wasn't my fault, that I can't control it, but I should have known better. I shouldn't have tried. This is my fault.
I logged off. After my last 'I'm sorry' I logged off. I knew you were going to say something, and maybe you assumed my internet went down, but I just couldn't keep talking to you when I know I fucked up. I shouldn't have left and maybe you didn't notice. Maybe you assumed I wasn't a selfish prick. I'm sorry that I am. I'm sorry that I left and that I made you wait only for me to fail.
I'm sorry I couldn't just say this then but I needed you to leave because I fucked everything up and saying all of this would have made you stay and I didn't deserve for you to stay. I'm sorry for constantly crashing like this and I wish I could make it stop or at least understand why, but I have no fucking clue.
I know you'll say you love me and that it wasn't my fault. You might try to take on some of the blame yourself, but please don't. Because none of this is on you and I don't want you to have to keep dealing with me. I don't want to keep acting like this and I feel terrible that you are dealing with me because I'm just going to continue to disappoint you and it's not fair to you and you didn't sign on for this. I can't even be a good submissive.
Don't lie to me and say it's not my fault because it is. And yeah, I guess this is a subdrop, or an aftereffect of my subdrop from yesterday, or just me being an emotional dumbass. And it's not your fault that I didn't talk to you or that you're not here.
I guess, to some extent, I want you here, but I'm also terrified that you won't want to deal with me when I'm like this. I'm afraid that you'll just be more disappointed in your choice to dominate me.
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