I have a lot of things I should talk about and it is easier for me to do that on a random website to a bunch of strangers. You can comment on my stuff or not, but the majority of my blog posts will be personal things that are difficult for me to talk about out loud.
The Necessity of Suffering
We can endure a tremendous amount of pain if we believe it's purposeful. The pain from a paddle cracking against your skin. The ache in your muscles after a long run. The fresh sting of a cane on your flesh or of new tears forming in your eyes. Agony and strength live side by side. The hurt from the loss of a loved one. The despair of losing your home. A scream from a broken bone or the disappointment of a being rejected. Different degrees of suffering, of course, but humans can survive so much of the same coin.
A woman I know is dealing with a great deal at the moment. Her world is collapsing. Her significant other has expressed how strong she is and how well she is handling everything. How can she continue to function with these horrendous cosmic acts trying to drown her? Because she has a purpose. Because she has to. She's felt the shock, allowed the pain to sink in, and she continued fighting.
It's like impact. The pain hits, you process it, take a breath, then continue.
Prolonged pain, such as wearing clamps for long periods of time, isn't able to be handled like impact. It's a weight you must constantly struggle against. You can't simply take a breath, calm down, then keep going.
My depression is prolonged pain. It's not a shock to my system, it doesn't cause my brain to reboot. It's something I wake up to and something I say goodnight to. It's a smaller fight than the world crashing down, but it's drawn out. It's a pain you have to live with and accept.
I can take impact pain. I can be struck and continue. It brings out the fighter in me. It's the agony of a slow burn that will destroy me.
I'm almost grateful for the giant shocks to my system when they come, because it is a distraction from the suffering I endure without any purpose. Depression masks that purpose and so I just have to hope it's there.
Of course, no one wants pain. No one wants their life to be destroyed and no one should have to endure that, but catastrophes define who we are. It's the world ending pain that shows our defining moments. If pain is a monster, I don't wish to kill it. If you destroy all the dragons, you destroy the heroes. Instead, we must continue on. Pain defines who we are as people. I am not me without my depression, just like the woman I know is not herself unless she has fought through her demons.
If you have never felt agony, then you can't truly understand joy. Darkness is the absence of light, you cannot see darkness, but you cannot appreciate light without the shadows.
A woman I know is dealing with a great deal at the moment. Her world is collapsing. Her significant other has expressed how strong she is and how well she is handling everything. How can she continue to function with these horrendous cosmic acts trying to drown her? Because she has a purpose. Because she has to. She's felt the shock, allowed the pain to sink in, and she continued fighting.
It's like impact. The pain hits, you process it, take a breath, then continue.
Prolonged pain, such as wearing clamps for long periods of time, isn't able to be handled like impact. It's a weight you must constantly struggle against. You can't simply take a breath, calm down, then keep going.
My depression is prolonged pain. It's not a shock to my system, it doesn't cause my brain to reboot. It's something I wake up to and something I say goodnight to. It's a smaller fight than the world crashing down, but it's drawn out. It's a pain you have to live with and accept.
I can take impact pain. I can be struck and continue. It brings out the fighter in me. It's the agony of a slow burn that will destroy me.
I'm almost grateful for the giant shocks to my system when they come, because it is a distraction from the suffering I endure without any purpose. Depression masks that purpose and so I just have to hope it's there.
Of course, no one wants pain. No one wants their life to be destroyed and no one should have to endure that, but catastrophes define who we are. It's the world ending pain that shows our defining moments. If pain is a monster, I don't wish to kill it. If you destroy all the dragons, you destroy the heroes. Instead, we must continue on. Pain defines who we are as people. I am not me without my depression, just like the woman I know is not herself unless she has fought through her demons.
If you have never felt agony, then you can't truly understand joy. Darkness is the absence of light, you cannot see darkness, but you cannot appreciate light without the shadows.
Total Comments 0
