A random assortment of reports, thoughts, ramblings and information. Pretty much a view inside my wonderfully complicated, sometimes broken, and entertaining mind.
How submissive are you?
Posted 02-18-2020 at 09:05 PM by Butterfly
This is one question that I absolutely hate. How am I supposed to answer this? Other than posting my BDSM test results, how do I quantify my submissiveness.
Are they looking for a percentage? A number between 1 and 10? Is there some scale of subbyness that I was never introduced too? Should I look in Cosmo for a 8 question quiz that will tell me the answer?
What's the right answer?
Do I share with you examples about how much I love to please? or maybe it is my desire to be tortured and suffer? Does it count that I want nothing more than to be edged until I am begging for release?
But then does me being a switch deduct points? or am I less submissive because I don't do denial? Does having limits count against me?
What is the criteria for answering this question? Please, for the love of all that is kinky, tell me! Because if not, I CANNOT ANSWER YOU ....
ps. I am grumpy, so this may have turned into more of a rant than intended
Are they looking for a percentage? A number between 1 and 10? Is there some scale of subbyness that I was never introduced too? Should I look in Cosmo for a 8 question quiz that will tell me the answer?
What's the right answer?
Do I share with you examples about how much I love to please? or maybe it is my desire to be tortured and suffer? Does it count that I want nothing more than to be edged until I am begging for release?
But then does me being a switch deduct points? or am I less submissive because I don't do denial? Does having limits count against me?
What is the criteria for answering this question? Please, for the love of all that is kinky, tell me! Because if not, I CANNOT ANSWER YOU ....
ps. I am grumpy, so this may have turned into more of a rant than intended
Total Comments 10
Comments
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I completely agree with this sentiment!
"On a scale of fish to dragons, I'm usually a treetop iguana."
Some things aren't really quantifiable.
Better questions might be:
"How much of your life would you like to spend feeling submissive?"
"What are your favorite ways to express your submissive side?"
"As a submissive, what are the things you offer your dominant - and what do you hope a dominant will offer for you?"Posted 02-18-2020 at 10:31 PM by kurious kat 
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Pff, even if you could quantify submissiveness with scientific accuracy, that's still just how you're feeling at that specific moment.
A literal microsecond later, I might be feeling suuuuper dommy and sadistic and stuffs and not subby at all.
That question is so invalid in so many ways, as people aren't monolithic and unchanging. You're gaining no valuable information for your dynamic.
At best you'd ask this to a stranger you're not interested in getting to know well, so you can throw them into a convenient box.
As a top, you'd want to learn what lets your bottom find a headspace that allows for mutually enjoyable play and how you can guide them there. Such general questions are just meh if you're actually interested in engaging with a specific individual^^
.. This is definitely an appealing topic to rant and ramble about x)Posted 02-19-2020 at 03:16 AM by Moehrchenprinz
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I think everyone has facets to who they are. We could be super submissive at one point and not feel like it at all at some other point. Just like you can't quantify abstract feelings like love or happiness, submission is abstract too. Someone could be a complete dominant boss during the day but ends up being a complete and total TPE sub during the nights.
I believe the best thing and easiest is just knowing you are submissive enough, or dominant enough, that your partner's needs and your own are met.Posted 02-19-2020 at 03:46 AM by SilvertongueLyra
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I usually say: "try me" when I am the sub. When I am a master a use a few simple dares that answer this question for me. The dares/tasks also give me a good understanding of a sub's mentality. If someone wants to know "how submissive are you?" They are somewhat inexperienced if not greatly so. I mean if you said "a lot" what would that reveal? "Would you get naked in a secluded park in daytime" that gives me much more informatiin.Posted 02-19-2020 at 11:16 AM by zephyrnem
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I think people are often put off by bratty subs, they think we will be hard work or disobedient. Which is not usually the case, but i think it can make people unsure and make them ask stupid questions lol
Posted 02-19-2020 at 12:49 PM by LittleMissSass
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I would be a snapping turtle! Do I win?Quote:Originally Posted by kurious kat
I completely agree with this sentiment!
"On a scale of fish to dragons, I'm usually a treetop iguana."
Some things aren't really quantifiable.
Better questions might be:
"How much of your life would you like to spend feeling submissive?"
"What are your favorite ways to express your submissive side?"
"As a submissive, what are the things you offer your dominant - and what do you hope a dominant will offer for you?"
Those are all great questions and would be much better at answering the questions that the person truly wants answered.Posted 02-19-2020 at 01:40 PM by Butterfly
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I have taken the BDSM every day for a week and each day it was slightly to moderately different. I am a submissive but at this very moment, I am teasing my sub about torturing him. No, if my Dom were to snap his fingers, I probably won't drop to my knees at this very moment without at least a bit of hesitation, but that doesn't make me less of a submissive .... *eye roll*Quote:Originally Posted by Moehrchenprinz
Pff, even if you could quantify submissiveness with scientific accuracy, that's still just how you're feeling at that specific moment.
A literal microsecond later, I might be feeling suuuuper dommy and sadistic and stuffs and not subby at all.
That question is so invalid in so many ways, as people aren't monolithic and unchanging. You're gaining no valuable information for your dynamic.
At best you'd ask this to a stranger you're not interested in getting to know well, so you can throw them into a convenient box.
As a top, you'd want to learn what lets your bottom find a headspace that allows for mutually enjoyable play and how you can guide them there. Such general questions are just meh if you're actually interested in engaging with a specific individual^^
.. This is definitely an appealing topic to rant and ramble about x)Posted 02-19-2020 at 01:42 PM by Butterfly
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I agree with this. I also agree that the way that I submit might not be compatible with how any particular Dom likes to dominate. It isn't about a quantifiable number of submissiveness, but more a compatibility.Quote:Originally Posted by SilvertongueLyra
I think everyone has facets to who they are. We could be super submissive at one point and not feel like it at all at some other point. Just like you can't quantify abstract feelings like love or happiness, submission is abstract too. Someone could be a complete dominant boss during the day but ends up being a complete and total TPE sub during the nights.
I believe the best thing and easiest is just knowing you are submissive enough, or dominant enough, that your partner's needs and your own are met.Posted 02-19-2020 at 01:44 PM by Butterfly
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I agree that there are questions that will give better information, however, I wanted to clarify that your example question also doesn't quantify how submissive a person is. Rather, it will provide you with information about whether they would be willing to try that specific kink.Quote:Originally Posted by zephyrnem
I usually say: "try me" when I am the sub. When I am a master a use a few simple dares that answer this question for me. The dares/tasks also give me a good understanding of a sub's mentality. If someone wants to know "how submissive are you?" They are somewhat inexperienced if not greatly so. I mean if you said "a lot" what would that reveal? "Would you get naked in a secluded park in daytime" that gives me much more informatiin.
I would say that my sub, Jaro, is very submissive (whatever that means), and yet, he would never ever do a task that is public like that.
But asking specific questions are certainly helpful in determining compatibility. Like you noted though, I think a lot of people who default to this question might not have the experience or knowledge to know which questions to ask to get the answers they are looking for.Posted 02-19-2020 at 01:48 PM by Butterfly
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I actually just wrote a blog about being bratty and misunderstood so I get this completely! People need to realize that being bratty doesn't mean disobedient.Quote:Originally Posted by LittleMissSass
I think people are often put off by bratty subs, they think we will be hard work or disobedient. Which is not usually the case, but i think it can make people unsure and make them ask stupid questions lol
Posted 02-19-2020 at 01:50 PM by Butterfly
