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Use your words (DFTBA).
Posted 01-10-2015 at 06:01 PM by An_Jon
I'll preface this by saying hi to any fellow Nerdfighters out there. You probably recognised the phrase. In all honestly, I live my life by a lot of Vlogbrothers advice - 'The truth resists simplicity'; Don't Forget To Be Awesome; and the subject of this blog: use your words.
People often ask for the best way to tell someone they love someone else. The best way to ask someone out. The best way to break up. The answer to me, ever since I heard this advice, has been simple: use your words.
That is surely the most elegant way to communicate any feeling or emotion in any context. If you feel sad, tell the person who's making you sad, or who can help you not feel sad anymore. If you feel happy, tell the person who makes you happy; then they'll feel happy too! Words are powerful. Taking away your own power by not using your words is the easiest way to damage yourself and your relationships.
Sure, words can be difficult. Saying the right thing at the right time is always a must. However, saying nothing is always worse. Saying nothing leaves the person you're not communicating to having to use their own words for you. You lose the power in this scenario, and it's a power you need. Saying the difficult word, but saying it correctly regardless of the context or implications is always the right thing to do.
This brings me to the point of this blog. In my opinion, no relationship can function without good communication, even if the words are difficult to say. If something is bad and you don't say then there's no way the other person will know it's bad; likewise for good things. If you have a problem it won't just go away, as many people seem to think it will: it needs to be dealt with, and that starts with words.
A relationship for me just ended because of a lack of communication. Everything was going well, but the words stopped. How can something continue when the words stop? There was no working it out, because we couldn't. There were no alternatives, no solutions, no problems which needed solutions even. There was just nothing. A void. A void where the words had been.
Words bring power, and being able to speak them openly brings freedom. This isn't power in the sense of 'being able to control someone' necessarily, although that does come into it, this is power in the sense that you have the power to improve your life; and even someone else's life.
It all starts with words. Use your words.
People often ask for the best way to tell someone they love someone else. The best way to ask someone out. The best way to break up. The answer to me, ever since I heard this advice, has been simple: use your words.
That is surely the most elegant way to communicate any feeling or emotion in any context. If you feel sad, tell the person who's making you sad, or who can help you not feel sad anymore. If you feel happy, tell the person who makes you happy; then they'll feel happy too! Words are powerful. Taking away your own power by not using your words is the easiest way to damage yourself and your relationships.
Sure, words can be difficult. Saying the right thing at the right time is always a must. However, saying nothing is always worse. Saying nothing leaves the person you're not communicating to having to use their own words for you. You lose the power in this scenario, and it's a power you need. Saying the difficult word, but saying it correctly regardless of the context or implications is always the right thing to do.
This brings me to the point of this blog. In my opinion, no relationship can function without good communication, even if the words are difficult to say. If something is bad and you don't say then there's no way the other person will know it's bad; likewise for good things. If you have a problem it won't just go away, as many people seem to think it will: it needs to be dealt with, and that starts with words.
A relationship for me just ended because of a lack of communication. Everything was going well, but the words stopped. How can something continue when the words stop? There was no working it out, because we couldn't. There were no alternatives, no solutions, no problems which needed solutions even. There was just nothing. A void. A void where the words had been.
Words bring power, and being able to speak them openly brings freedom. This isn't power in the sense of 'being able to control someone' necessarily, although that does come into it, this is power in the sense that you have the power to improve your life; and even someone else's life.
It all starts with words. Use your words.
Total Comments 5
Comments
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"Use your words" is also something that parents tell their toddlers... They don't always have words! But that's a different point, entirely.
*coughs*
Thank you for writing this! It's SO important to communicate how you're feeling. Good and bad. Like you said, how can they know otherwise? While it's always what I plan to do and advise others to do, I sometimes fail at this. I withdraw from those I care about instead of saying I was bothered.
Great blog post, An Jon! Quite sound advice!
The only thing I would add, is that sometimes it is necessary to sit on things before communicating them. And sometimes... because words are so powerful--- it's necessary to swallow them. They can render irreparable damage.
I agree that we need to use our words... but we should also think before we speak.
I'm so sorry to hear about your relationship
ending!Posted 01-10-2015 at 07:25 PM by eivins 
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Hey Jon, just wanted to say that I am sorry to hear that your relation ended. And that I totally agree with what you wrote and with what eivins added.
And Eivins' todler comment made me laugh.Posted 01-11-2015 at 02:50 AM by Jah Brother
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Communication is paramount. It is the only way to maintain a relationship, form one, and grow within one.
With that said, I have a terrible time with words. I can't tell my Dominant how I feel about Him or how I feel during sessions (but He is trying to teach me). I have to write a short story or a poem in order to show Him. Words can be difficult.
I'm sorry to hear of your relationship ending. I hope you heal quickly.Posted 01-11-2015 at 03:49 PM by Punishmyclit
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Thanks for your concern folks. Truth is it never went on long enough for be to feel bad about it. I'm more annoyed than anything else.
Anyway, these things are only bad experiences if you don't learn from them. I plan to learn.Posted 01-11-2015 at 04:10 PM by An_Jon
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Sorry to hear about your bad experience, Jon. It happened to me a couple of times and it's very sucky. Especially not knowing what happened in the end. No communication whatsoever.
Nothing else to do than to wait for more replies to your ad. Which is still one of the best around! Wishing you lots of luck!Posted 01-13-2015 at 05:58 AM by drwarschauu
