The logistics of my D/s

I want to preface this to say that this is how I do things as a Domme. It may not work for you and that is fine, but maybe it can help somebody just starting to figure out a way that works for them. A lot of this was learned through trial and error but for the most part, I have found a system that works for me and so I wanted to share it.

Being in a D/s relationship is more than just assigning or completing tasks. There is a lot of information that is involved and keeping it organized can be difficult. But this is how I deal with the logistics ....

Google Docs

Over the years I have found that Google docs works the best for me. I like to be organized and it makes it so easy. I also find it is important to have certain information available for me. Emails can work, but then you can't change then once they are sent. Google Docs gives you the opportunity to create documents and share them and collaborate with your partner.

Safeword

I have shared my feelings regarding safewords in the past but to summarize, I feel it is important to set a safeword or two early in the relationship. I also feel it is important for both the sub and dom to have a safeword. But the most important part is to communicate what the safeword means to each partners. We have also created a document with our safewords and what they mean. That way we can look back and remind ourselves whenever we need to.

Loves/likes/dislikes/limits

Discussing each of these categories is so important. It is a great place to start for rules, punishments, and tasks. I also find it is helpful to have a Google doc with this information so that you can ammend these as you go.

Rules

If rules are your thing, it is important to write them down and negotiate together. I really do feel as though creating rules is something that both partners need to be involved in. Once the rules are set, they are non negotiable. They can of course be changed over time, but both parties are committing to the rules and they are to be obeyed. Being detailed is also important. If there are exceptions or amendments, make sure they are written into the rules so that both parties are on the same page.

Punishments

If a rule is broken, there should be a punishment to fit the crime. I find it helpful to come up with some examples of punishments together and rank them according to mild, moderate and severe. Keeping this in a document is a great way to keep track. If a rule is broken accidently or it is a small rule, the punishment should be mild at first. If it continues to be broken, the punishment can increase over time. If it is a basic or fundamental rule, the punishment should be moderate to severe. If a rule is broken on purpose, it should be a severe punishment.

I also find it useful to have a Google doc with a chart that outlines what punishments have been earned. We have the date, the infraction, what punishment is assigned and whether it was completed. It makes it easier to track the frequency of punishments and why.

Goals and curiosities

After a bit of time, once trust is built and the basics of the relationship are underway, it is great to discuss things such as goals and new things that both partners want to try. A commited relationship is a safe place to explore new things and push limits.

Daily Reports

Having a place for your sub to express their feelings and thoughts on a regular basis is very important. Especially since part of the dynamic is commonly complaining about certain tasks etc. It can be hard to tell whether they are just complaining in jest or whether they are truly unhappy. I always create a folder for my sub to write daily or weekly their thoughts and feelings about any tasks I have assigned, things they have liked or dislikes or suggestions on anything new we should try. It also gives me the opportunity to comment and provide feedback as well which is very helpful.

Charts, tables, lists

It can also be helpful to other charts and tables and lists. I use our Google docs folder to put lists of toys we want to buy, ideas for tasks we want to complete someday, results for tracking goals, instructions for tasks, rating systems, etc.

Communication

The single most important part of a D/s relationship is communication. All of the above, are my way to make it easier to communicate with my sub. But no matter how you do it, as long as you communicate, you should be able to find a way to make things work for you.

I am always open to new suggestions and I would love to see how you do things!