A random assortment of reports, thoughts, ramblings and information. Pretty much a view inside my wonderfully complicated, sometimes broken, and entertaining mind.
Transformation
*I promise this is the last of my blogs for a little while … I feel like I am spamming the blog section, and I will be slowing down after this one*
6 months ago today, Asslvr, my wonderful Sir, asked me to be his. It feels like a lot longer than 6 months because so much has happened. This blog is going to be about my personal transformation.
As you know from reading Asslvr’s blog, our relationship is in the process of transforming. A few months ago we realized that we had genuine romantic feelings for each other, and after we met in person, he asked me to be his girlfriend. Our romantic relationship, friendship and d/s dynamic were all tightly intertwined. After our last visit together, we realized that there wasn’t as much chemistry in person as we first thought, and so we have decided to focus on the friendship and d/s side of our relationship. Although we have been struggling to make this transformation, I still love Asslvr very much as a friend. And we are going to be making some changes to our d/s relationship to support our transformation.
Now, the real transformation that I wanted to focus on is within myself. Asslvr has been very supportive of me. When we first started out, I was broken. I had no self confidence and low self esteem. I was scared of a lot things, I blushed a lot, I couldn’t say certain words out loud, I was very anxious to let anybody hear my voice, never mind playing with myself while somebody listened. On top of these things, I was also very intimidated with getDare. I was scared to approach people, I was scared of posting comments, or blogs or stories.
I don’t know how it happened really … I don’t even remember when I started noticing the changes, but it did happen. Not overnight, it took a lot of work. The biggest hurdle for me was to believe in Asslvr. Believe that the things he was telling me were true. I still sometimes doubt him when it comes to certain things, but it is a LOT less now than it was before.
One of the biggest things that has changed is my confidence, and this affects a lot of things.
I have been less intimidated with private messaging people, approaching people in chat, and sending friend requests on getDare. There were certain people who always seemed above me; the “elite”. People who I didn’t think would want anything to do with a new little butterfly (for the record, they did nothing to give me this impression, it is just how I felt about myself). But as soon as Asslvr pushed me to start messaging people, and to go into chat, I found that I was completely wrong. I am now good friends with a lot of the people who I idolized when I first started lurking around getDare. I am so glad he convinced me to reach out because my experiences over the past 6 months could not have been anywhere near as enriching as they have, without all of you.
When Sir and I first started, he started a Sunday tradition. He would give me one word, and I would have to say it out loud in a sentence before the end of the day. Some of these words were things like “erection”, “ejacualtion”, “anal”, “Asslvr”, “enema”, “blowjob” etc. I now say a lot of these words without hesitation (although they probably still make me blush). Two of the hardest words for me to use were cock and p**** (the girl part). Just recently, I recorded a story I had written for Asslvr, and I said cock out loud. It was sooo difficult, and I still have only said it out loud maybe 5 times total, and only written it a few, but I did it. Something I never thought would happen. I still have a long way to go before I am able to say the other word, but its still a huge deal for me.
Another word I had trouble with is the word “pee” and asking to go to the washroom. One of my rules is to ask permission before going to the washroom. When the rule was first implemented, I would do everything I could to avoid having to ask out loud to avoid dying from blushiness, Now, not only can I ask out loud, but I can use the word “pee” and usually without blushing. In the last few weeks, I have even been able to ask in writing when we are in a group chat, without dying.
When Sir and I first started, I was terrified to show him even a picture of my face, never mind pictures of my body, naked. I still have a hard time believing that he could find me attractive, cute, pretty, or even beautiful. Now, I have sent him countless photos of different parts of my body. Things that I have never taken photos of for anybody, and that I never thought I would be able to. But I have done it for him, and I (think - see … still some self doubt) he loved them. Not to mention wearing lingerie, or getting naked for him in person.
Along with the photos, I have also become a lot more comfortable with him hearing me. We talk on the phone a lot, so he hears every little blushy noise, hiccup, moan, etc. I also am a singer. I am not good at it, but I love to sing all the time. Since we spend so much time on the phone together, I have had to get over him listening to me sing. I have also got a bit better at talking dirty for him (which goes a lot better now that I can say certain words). I have created many recordings of me playing with myself just for him, as well as a few that we have shared with some very close friends. That was a huge hurdle for me, and even though it does make my stomach all anxious, I think I enjoy the excitement of others listening to me.
Another huge step for me, was switching with Asslvr. I never felt like I could be confident enough in myself to Domme somebody. I needed a bit of encouragement from Asslvr, but I was able to do it, and did a decent job. We have since worked on it more, and I just recently captured Colosubguy as my own. It is going extremely well, and I feel so much confidence when it comes to being his Domme. I never could have done this 6 months ago.
Of course I have also grown in my submission to Asslvr. There are things that I have done for him that I have never thought I would be able to do for somebody else. Things that were fears or limits previously, that we have slowly worked on. Some examples of this are: shaving myself bare (down there *blush*), wearing a rope harness to the grocery store, using a plug and ice in the hot tub, wearing my benwa balls at work, edging and cumming in my car, etc.
But, the biggest transformation, and the most important for me, is the courage and strength that I have gained from the growth in my confidence. I have realized that I deserve to be happy. I want to be happy. And I am now prepared to do what I have to do in order to make that happen. I have made a lot of decisions based on obtaining happiness these past 6 months, and none of them have been easy. One of the toughest things by far was telling Asslvr how I felt soon after our trip together. The old me would have hid those feelings, and just went along with things because I knew it would hurt too much. But I was able to be strong, and brave and I did it. I did it for me, and my happiness, and because I knew in the long run it would be better for him as well.
I have changed so much over the past 6 months. Sometimes I look in the mirror and I don’t recognize myself. I have a long way to go on the journey to be the best me, but this is a great start, and it feels amazing already.
I cannot wait to see the growth I have accomplished in another 6 months time.
Thank you everybody, but thank you the most to my amazing friend and Sir, Asslvr. I could never have done this without you. You are the one who has made me brave, and strong and believe in myself. It took a lot for me to start believing in you, but once I did, your belief in me was contagious. I know I am still all blushy (I don’t think this will ever change), and I have times that I get shy and scared and anxious, but I believe in myself a lot more and I believe that I have the strength and courage to push through those times of weakness.
Our relationship may be transforming, but you are still my best friend and I love you.
6 months ago today, Asslvr, my wonderful Sir, asked me to be his. It feels like a lot longer than 6 months because so much has happened. This blog is going to be about my personal transformation.
As you know from reading Asslvr’s blog, our relationship is in the process of transforming. A few months ago we realized that we had genuine romantic feelings for each other, and after we met in person, he asked me to be his girlfriend. Our romantic relationship, friendship and d/s dynamic were all tightly intertwined. After our last visit together, we realized that there wasn’t as much chemistry in person as we first thought, and so we have decided to focus on the friendship and d/s side of our relationship. Although we have been struggling to make this transformation, I still love Asslvr very much as a friend. And we are going to be making some changes to our d/s relationship to support our transformation.
Now, the real transformation that I wanted to focus on is within myself. Asslvr has been very supportive of me. When we first started out, I was broken. I had no self confidence and low self esteem. I was scared of a lot things, I blushed a lot, I couldn’t say certain words out loud, I was very anxious to let anybody hear my voice, never mind playing with myself while somebody listened. On top of these things, I was also very intimidated with getDare. I was scared to approach people, I was scared of posting comments, or blogs or stories.
I don’t know how it happened really … I don’t even remember when I started noticing the changes, but it did happen. Not overnight, it took a lot of work. The biggest hurdle for me was to believe in Asslvr. Believe that the things he was telling me were true. I still sometimes doubt him when it comes to certain things, but it is a LOT less now than it was before.
One of the biggest things that has changed is my confidence, and this affects a lot of things.
I have been less intimidated with private messaging people, approaching people in chat, and sending friend requests on getDare. There were certain people who always seemed above me; the “elite”. People who I didn’t think would want anything to do with a new little butterfly (for the record, they did nothing to give me this impression, it is just how I felt about myself). But as soon as Asslvr pushed me to start messaging people, and to go into chat, I found that I was completely wrong. I am now good friends with a lot of the people who I idolized when I first started lurking around getDare. I am so glad he convinced me to reach out because my experiences over the past 6 months could not have been anywhere near as enriching as they have, without all of you.
When Sir and I first started, he started a Sunday tradition. He would give me one word, and I would have to say it out loud in a sentence before the end of the day. Some of these words were things like “erection”, “ejacualtion”, “anal”, “Asslvr”, “enema”, “blowjob” etc. I now say a lot of these words without hesitation (although they probably still make me blush). Two of the hardest words for me to use were cock and p**** (the girl part). Just recently, I recorded a story I had written for Asslvr, and I said cock out loud. It was sooo difficult, and I still have only said it out loud maybe 5 times total, and only written it a few, but I did it. Something I never thought would happen. I still have a long way to go before I am able to say the other word, but its still a huge deal for me.
Another word I had trouble with is the word “pee” and asking to go to the washroom. One of my rules is to ask permission before going to the washroom. When the rule was first implemented, I would do everything I could to avoid having to ask out loud to avoid dying from blushiness, Now, not only can I ask out loud, but I can use the word “pee” and usually without blushing. In the last few weeks, I have even been able to ask in writing when we are in a group chat, without dying.
When Sir and I first started, I was terrified to show him even a picture of my face, never mind pictures of my body, naked. I still have a hard time believing that he could find me attractive, cute, pretty, or even beautiful. Now, I have sent him countless photos of different parts of my body. Things that I have never taken photos of for anybody, and that I never thought I would be able to. But I have done it for him, and I (think - see … still some self doubt) he loved them. Not to mention wearing lingerie, or getting naked for him in person.
Along with the photos, I have also become a lot more comfortable with him hearing me. We talk on the phone a lot, so he hears every little blushy noise, hiccup, moan, etc. I also am a singer. I am not good at it, but I love to sing all the time. Since we spend so much time on the phone together, I have had to get over him listening to me sing. I have also got a bit better at talking dirty for him (which goes a lot better now that I can say certain words). I have created many recordings of me playing with myself just for him, as well as a few that we have shared with some very close friends. That was a huge hurdle for me, and even though it does make my stomach all anxious, I think I enjoy the excitement of others listening to me.
Another huge step for me, was switching with Asslvr. I never felt like I could be confident enough in myself to Domme somebody. I needed a bit of encouragement from Asslvr, but I was able to do it, and did a decent job. We have since worked on it more, and I just recently captured Colosubguy as my own. It is going extremely well, and I feel so much confidence when it comes to being his Domme. I never could have done this 6 months ago.
Of course I have also grown in my submission to Asslvr. There are things that I have done for him that I have never thought I would be able to do for somebody else. Things that were fears or limits previously, that we have slowly worked on. Some examples of this are: shaving myself bare (down there *blush*), wearing a rope harness to the grocery store, using a plug and ice in the hot tub, wearing my benwa balls at work, edging and cumming in my car, etc.
But, the biggest transformation, and the most important for me, is the courage and strength that I have gained from the growth in my confidence. I have realized that I deserve to be happy. I want to be happy. And I am now prepared to do what I have to do in order to make that happen. I have made a lot of decisions based on obtaining happiness these past 6 months, and none of them have been easy. One of the toughest things by far was telling Asslvr how I felt soon after our trip together. The old me would have hid those feelings, and just went along with things because I knew it would hurt too much. But I was able to be strong, and brave and I did it. I did it for me, and my happiness, and because I knew in the long run it would be better for him as well.
I have changed so much over the past 6 months. Sometimes I look in the mirror and I don’t recognize myself. I have a long way to go on the journey to be the best me, but this is a great start, and it feels amazing already.
I cannot wait to see the growth I have accomplished in another 6 months time.
Thank you everybody, but thank you the most to my amazing friend and Sir, Asslvr. I could never have done this without you. You are the one who has made me brave, and strong and believe in myself. It took a lot for me to start believing in you, but once I did, your belief in me was contagious. I know I am still all blushy (I don’t think this will ever change), and I have times that I get shy and scared and anxious, but I believe in myself a lot more and I believe that I have the strength and courage to push through those times of weakness.
Our relationship may be transforming, but you are still my best friend and I love you.
Total Comments 6
Comments
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Sweetie, I am so unbelievably proud of you for this blog post. You have been the most important part of my life for the past 6 months. I am so so happy I have been able to help you grow as a person and help you believe in youself. I want you to know that you have helped me more than you can imagine. I have never had a relationship where I can be 100% honest and open. Doing so has been incredibly hard for me and you have always been there to support and reassure me. I have learned so much about love and myself. We are both so lucky to have found each other. I know how difficult the last couple weeks have been and I know it is going to be difficult moving forward. Just know I will always be there for you... your best friend, your rock, your confidant, your shoulder to cry on.... what ever you need, I will be there. I will always love you♡Posted 12-26-2014 at 12:43 PM by Mr. Devious 
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I just wanted to say how very impressed I am with you, Butterfly - you have grown in so many ways, and it has been an absolute joy to hear about your experiences and discoveries. You are such an encouragement, have helped me to think through a number of things with better perspective and sometimes even more excitement, and I could never think you were spamming the blog section because your posts make me so happy. gD is very lucky to have you, and we are lucky to have and be given such wonderful glimpses into your mind and your life, so thank you. The very best of luck in this new season
Posted 12-26-2014 at 11:38 PM by naughtylittlegirl
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It is a great blog, from how your feelings are shared. It can help those that might be facing the same issues. It is very hard at times for a master/Dom, in that feeling as you have expressed. That connection, and then stepping back to take that serious look at the picture. Because, what must be done has to be best for both.Posted 12-27-2014 at 11:52 AM by MasterDaddy02
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@Asslvr - Thank you. I love making you proud and it is for this reason that I have been able to make myself proud over these past 6 months. I have never been with somebody who I can share absolutely everything with either, and it is has been incredible. Things have been hard, but you are so worth it.
Ps. I can't read anything more from you because you always make me cry.
@NLG - Thank you. And I am really glad you have enjoyed my blog posts these past 6 months.
@Masterdaddy- Thank you.Posted 12-29-2014 at 09:05 PM by Butterfly
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Don't you dare stop blogging! I have read them all and love following everything! I'll start a petition or something if I have to! Who wants to sign? More, more, more!
You are an amazing woman and an amazing Domme and I feel extremely lucky to have been captured in your net!Posted 12-30-2014 at 10:34 PM by pet monkey
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Aaah! I love this blog! Don't you apologize for spamming the blog section with such loveliness!
Hm, when you say transformation, I actually think more of pushing yourself. It seems Asslvr has made you push your limits and went even beyond that, making you feel better about yourself and feeling easier about certain things. Very impressive work, that goes for both you and for Asslvr. There's obviously a lot of trust between the two of you. I'm sure he's very proud of you!Posted 01-03-2015 at 08:48 AM by drwarschauu
