Use and Importance of Titles In D/s
AM wanted me to write an essay about this and this was the end result:
Most people in the kink community use titles with their partner, usually the title is decided upon by both parties and may change or alternate over time as their relationship progresses. Some wanna be doms or high and mighty doms assume that all submissives should address them and anyone else who identifies as dominant in such a way but they are usually laughed at and ignored by the majority of experienced BDSM players. There are also the people who believe that submissive's should address people L/like T/this B/but T/that I/is J/just V/very I/irritating to many.
A title is a personal thing and not only that, it is earned. It isn't given away freely by most submissives to anyone who demands it. The majority of experienced submissives reserve a title for their Dominant, although occasionally they may refer to other dominants with a title but have a reserved title only for their own dominant. Using good manners is common sense to any person who is half decent, but using an honorific should be earned repeatedly by the one receiving it. Anyone can call their self a dominant, but a real one will show that. When a dominant earns a submissive's respect then the submissive will engage in kind. It is generally those that invoke a natural dominance around them that means the title is genuinely felt.
Titles can have an intense effect when used in formal settings such as play time as well as in non formal settings. However, overuse of a title can be turned into overkill and turn into being used simply because it is expected, rather than the heightened emotions and feelings it can cause. In this case sometimes it is better to only use a title in a formal setting or when the submissive is aware the situation calls for it.
On the flip side, there are some Dominants who prefer no titles at all. One reason given was because a title infers that he is better than his sub and he doesn't believe he is as they are equals. His sub enjoys the use of "Sir" and it was only after a long time of thinking about it that he reached the conclusion by allowing her to use the title, although he wasn't keen at first, he was actually allowing her to show what she wanted to show-that she respected him. And that is why he came to enjoy it, not because it was expected or considered the normal thing to do.
And then there are those who prefer high protocol at all times and would be disappointed if they couldn't use it in their relationship and couldn't imagine titles not being a large part of their dynamic.
Given the many different views and the fact that all subs are different as well as all doms are different, it is a logical conclusion that titles are only important in relationships where an importance is placed upon them. If a couple has no interest or desire in using titles together then they are not important at all and that doesn't make their relationship less than, just because the majority of other BDSM players incorporate titles in their own dynamics.
If a couple has agreed on titles and honorifics because they both enjoy and want to use them, they then become important. But they don't have to be. Either way is fine, because there is no one "true" way to practice BDSM. A title is JUST a title unless there is meaning, emotion and power behind it. While it may be considered the most basic rule in one relationship, for another it will have no bearing or meaning whatsoever.
And so in light of that, the use and importance of titles in a D/s relationship...is what each person makes it.
Sources:
Google.
BDSM sites
Thoughts from Butterfly and Jaro
My own brain.
Most people in the kink community use titles with their partner, usually the title is decided upon by both parties and may change or alternate over time as their relationship progresses. Some wanna be doms or high and mighty doms assume that all submissives should address them and anyone else who identifies as dominant in such a way but they are usually laughed at and ignored by the majority of experienced BDSM players. There are also the people who believe that submissive's should address people L/like T/this B/but T/that I/is J/just V/very I/irritating to many.
A title is a personal thing and not only that, it is earned. It isn't given away freely by most submissives to anyone who demands it. The majority of experienced submissives reserve a title for their Dominant, although occasionally they may refer to other dominants with a title but have a reserved title only for their own dominant. Using good manners is common sense to any person who is half decent, but using an honorific should be earned repeatedly by the one receiving it. Anyone can call their self a dominant, but a real one will show that. When a dominant earns a submissive's respect then the submissive will engage in kind. It is generally those that invoke a natural dominance around them that means the title is genuinely felt.
Titles can have an intense effect when used in formal settings such as play time as well as in non formal settings. However, overuse of a title can be turned into overkill and turn into being used simply because it is expected, rather than the heightened emotions and feelings it can cause. In this case sometimes it is better to only use a title in a formal setting or when the submissive is aware the situation calls for it.
On the flip side, there are some Dominants who prefer no titles at all. One reason given was because a title infers that he is better than his sub and he doesn't believe he is as they are equals. His sub enjoys the use of "Sir" and it was only after a long time of thinking about it that he reached the conclusion by allowing her to use the title, although he wasn't keen at first, he was actually allowing her to show what she wanted to show-that she respected him. And that is why he came to enjoy it, not because it was expected or considered the normal thing to do.
And then there are those who prefer high protocol at all times and would be disappointed if they couldn't use it in their relationship and couldn't imagine titles not being a large part of their dynamic.
Given the many different views and the fact that all subs are different as well as all doms are different, it is a logical conclusion that titles are only important in relationships where an importance is placed upon them. If a couple has no interest or desire in using titles together then they are not important at all and that doesn't make their relationship less than, just because the majority of other BDSM players incorporate titles in their own dynamics.
If a couple has agreed on titles and honorifics because they both enjoy and want to use them, they then become important. But they don't have to be. Either way is fine, because there is no one "true" way to practice BDSM. A title is JUST a title unless there is meaning, emotion and power behind it. While it may be considered the most basic rule in one relationship, for another it will have no bearing or meaning whatsoever.
And so in light of that, the use and importance of titles in a D/s relationship...is what each person makes it.
Sources:
Google.
BDSM sites
Thoughts from Butterfly and Jaro
My own brain.
Total Comments 0
