Although it was dark, if anyone came close they would have seen my shirt covered in mayo and ketchup and plastered to my chest. Mayo was also seeping through the material of my trousers making it lool like they were foaming.

I found a secluded spot to open the bottle of oil but before I could do that, a great white dog suddenly came out of nowhere and started sniffing at my crotch very determinedly. Maybe it wanted some honey or mayo and perhaps it liked eggs but it was very interested...