Denial really can be tricky, particularly if you're anything like me in that it turns you on (a particularly cruel trick for your mind to play I think lol). All you can do is try to learn from it; I know from my experience edging when tired & excessive edging when horny were repeating themes with any accidental ruin. Keeping busy as a distraction, trying to be strong with yourself when there's a really good chance of a ruin to stop instead and touching a lot less helped me.

Glad you didn't give up or lie, I know how silly you feel especially when it's so early so well done for admitting your mistake and jumping back on the denial train. Good luck

Adding my two cents to the discussion.. Hope I am not digressing..

I feel shyness in talking to new people may come from being less confident (my personal view only.. may not apply to all in general) and people get more confident with experience and as they grow older, learn more about themselves and the world in general and have more things to talk about. And it is easier to talk to people who have similar interests so while it maybe hard to approach certain people, every now and then we meet one whom we just naturally get along with and are more at ease with than others.

Personally as an introvertish person myself I have never been able to do the small talk or felt any interest in asking or answering questions like say, "So what have you been doing lately" or "what are your weekend plans" in random social scenarios but have always preferred to stay "to the point" at the expense of being thought of as "arrogant". While as a kid who had an older sister who was an extrovert, I often felt pressured to be more outgoing and make more friends like her. But growing up I found my own strengths and identity rather than trying to imitate a trait she had, I became more confident in myself and my choices.

I accepted my asocialness as a part of my personality type and a personal preference to be a more private person and only connect to very few who know me at a personal level. I realised it was not a shortcoming as my communication skills and the ability to express myself wasn't the problem and on few occasions that I felt like getting involved, I was easily able to integrate. While at 30, I have become more comfortable in social situations than I was in my 20's, I still need sizeable amounts of 'me' time where I prefer to keep to myself.

Also talking less has its own perks in my opinion, it has made me more aware and perceptive as a person and enhanced my knowledge and understanding of things. I talk very less and just like Matt: said I too can go on for days without talking to anyone.

Finally I feel shyness or social awkwardness is becoming more common and less of a noticeable anomaly nowadays than it was say a decade or two ago, and it is getting more and more acceptable to stay glued to your smartphones and other gizmos rather than socialise.

okay ended up writing a longer comment than I thought I would

I really know how you feel. I am painfully shy. I have done some personality tests and been told they have never seen anyone so high up the introverted scale! Then combine this with having aspergers syndrome and it really is not a good combination!

I find ANY social interaction extremely difficult and uncomfortable. Online, I can fake it a bit, but in person, I really am hopeless. Making conversation is so unnatural to me, even with family I find it hard. Sam is the only person I talk to daily (and even than, I'm hardly talkative) (excluding essential work related talking when I'm at work, incidentally, I feel really sorry for the guy I work with. We just work in silence most of the time....) I can go days without talking to anyone else verbally. I absolutely dread any party's or social gatherings and avoid them if at all possible. If I do go out with anyone, it's usually to the cinema or something, so there's not reason to talk.....

So you are not alone in this. Sorry, this probably didn't help much..

First of all, thank you for liking my blog and I'm happy it inspired you to write this one. Because now I can give you some of my insights which I hope will help you at least a bit.

I am very much like you and some ways. I am a major introvert, generally don't like talking (in real life) and certainly don't like talking about myself.
Thus, meeting new people is very hard for me because I simply don't know what to say. I could ask a direct question like 'where are you from' or 'what do you do' and they will respond and I will be like 'okay'... and then silence.
Sometimes I do try, but it usually ends in awkward silences where the person I am talking to moves along to someone else who is more interesting.

Talking to a girl I am attracted to is naturally harder and like you, I never really asked a girl out because if it. So also like you I am a virgin, but a 38 year old one at that.

So I am 38 but you are only 21. When I was your age I wasn't even seeing the problem, let alone thinking about ways to deal with it. You already are! So that's great!

I also really think a munch - or the kink community in general - is a great way for us shy/socially awkward/introverted people to meet new people. Yes it will still be hard for us to talk to people, but the great thing about kinky people is that I really think most of them are very open minded, non-judgemental and accepting of people who are 'strange' or 'different'. And I think the same definitely cannot be said for vanilla people I think.

So this is why I said 'thank you kink'. Because I think kink will help me into meeting new people and... possibly... also a girlfriends some day. And I believe you can too!

I may come across as a social butterfly and pretty confidence around here, but in real life I struggle with meeting new people, and starting conversations.

I get very anxious and shy when going into new situations and I too need to be pushed. It is something that I am really working on. I consider myself an introverted extrovert.

I love being around MY people, but new people scare me. It takes every ounce of courage for me to put myself in a situation where there are a lot of people, or where there is even a small group of people that I am meeting and need to interact with for the first time.

I wish you luck and I hope that being here and meeting people who share your interest give you the confidence and encouragement to push you out of your comfort zone.

Yes, don't feel bad. Just try again.

I am introvert as well (and a bit geeky, dungeons and dragons anyone XD ), and it is pretty hard to talk to some people. But when you have the same interests it really helps with talking. Just like a barrier goes down.

I only have been to 3 munched and am planning to go to even more. And from what I have experienced, there have been very friendly people. And there will be talks apart from kink.

I hope you will meet some great people at your first munch. A great place to find munches is on fetlife.

Good luck and have fun on your first munch.

I completely understand the insecurity portion. I really don't have any advice when it comes to committing to something, I think basically that is something you will have to will yourself to do. Maybe start with something that you know you are good at or enjoy to try and build your confidence? You could also try counselling or therapy to help with some further insight.

yay! I love exploring and totally understand wanting an account that allows you not to be judged immediately.

Yayyyyyyy to new beginnings! And learning and growing! *hugs*